Work Text:
His pedes were stuck.
Spark in his vocal chamber, he stood frozen. Fighting and straining against an invisible force in the endlessly dark void, he couldn’t yell or scream to her.
Blood ran down her face like a faucet, the splatter echoing in his audials as she stood just a mere few inches away barely illuminated by his glowing optics making her blood have an almost purple tint to it. He was pulling in harsh vents in panic as her screams rattled his helm and processor, echoing into the black void.
The agony radiated and poisoned her shrill shrieks, she was begging and pleading with high pitched incoherent babbles, even though she not once even twitched. Her hands covered her downturned face as the thickening deep reddish purple liquid dripped and pooled from her face through her broken and bleeding twisted fingers. She was covered in bruises, lacerations, holes from shrapnel and bullets alike. Her hair a mess and sticky with the cursed red lifeforce and her clothes ripped to shreds with parts seared from flames that had melted into the burns littering her, the smell of burnt skin and iron choking him.
His denta ground and jaw pulled to open and scream back at her, to yell at her to find safety no matter where it would be. Only for his intake to refuse and remain immovable just like the rest of his frame. He begins praying that Ratchet and June could save her, whispering to Primus to help him move.
He wanted to purge his energon as she wailed in shrieking terror that trailed off into a wet gurgle of blood and moan of pain. Choking on it as she begged for him to put her out of misery, to make it all end.
His optics were wide when a wet crunch sounded as her head snapped up with soulless eyes he once cherished pinning him in place farther, their absence of light in them making him stop venting. The blood covered face of Y/n stared back at him in a an open mouthed wail leaving her that rang with finality as she screamed,
“IT’S YOUR FAULT.”
-
Optimus jolted and rocketed up from his berth, his internal hud flashing warnings of high temperature and impending restart due to system overload if he didn’t calm down soon. Hot air pushed out of his vents loudly echoing around his berthroom as he gripped his chassis just above his spark chamber that felt as if it was to self detonate, the Matrix’s force spinning in agitation. He forced a pull of cool air to filter through him, proving futile to cool as the energon in his fuel lines continued to race hotly.
With a groan he stood up from his berth, grabbing the side of the desk as he stumbled when her blood splattered face flashed in his processor again. The wail she had let out seemed to ring in his processor as if she was currently standing beside him right at this moment, threatening to put him under the suffocating terror again. Ripping open a drawer in his desk, he snatched the small packet of coolant out and tore open the top before dumping its contents down his intake.
He dropped the packet on the floor and braced himself against his desk with a hanging helm as it quickly cycled through his system, cooling his internal temperature at a safe pace. Releasing a held vent, he looked at the time on his internal hud.
[3:46AM]
He sighed roughly at the measly 2 hours of recharge he had managed to get. Standing straight on now steady pedes he strided out of his berthroom, feeling his processor and frame strain sorely at the now two weeks of little to no recharge.
Shoving the dream of another close to death Y/n out of his mind, he pushed the lingering feeling of guilt away with it.
-
“Piece of-!” Cade hissing a groan as he strained to loosen a bolt of another broken down humvee parked in the repair shop of the AAB, this one smaller than the usual behemothes we were sometimes called to work on by Lennox.
I smirked wider at the poorly contained snickering from the three apprentices behind me, Charlie leaning against me as she watched over my shoulder. Noah standing on my other side with his arms crossed as an amused smile. Cade jolted as it finally came loose and he spun the bolt off the rest of the way with his hand, he let out a victorious cheer as he dropped the bolt in my dirt and grime covered hand.
“My hero,” I teased, Sam joined in as he walked to the side of the humvee and settled his forearms on the lip of the opened hood as he peered in,
“About threw your back out there old man,” Cade smacked him gently on the top of the head with the wrench as he backed away. Groaning at the crack of his knees, prompting a chuckle from the other two and a winning grin from Sam as he rubbed the top of his head to fix his hair.
“Alright, let’s take a break. Come on peanut gallery,” I rolled my eyes with a fond smile, herding Noah, Sam, and Charlie to the break room of the repair station as Cade followed. Sitting down at the table I pulled out my lunch as we all conversed amongst ourselves, taking a bite of my food I nodded along absentmindedly at Sam’s story. At the moment, something else was occupying my mind.
A certain mech had been acting odd the past two weeks, and I had started to become concerned as it seemed to be stagnant. I had finally had enough this morning as I had stared at the two day unanswered text to Optimus, deciding that during my lunch break I would interrogate his medic.
Pulling my phone from my mechanic jumpsuit, I opened my messaging app and hit the contact displaying the name Ratch. Typing a quick short message,
[Hey, mind if we talk for a minute?]
A few seconds passed before my phone began to play Hollaback Girl as it rang with a picture of a pissed off Ratchet mid throw of a wrench at a poor running away Bulkhead. Quickly hitting the green button, I got up and slipped outside the repair shop and leaned against the wall letting the hot sun warm my ac cooled skin.
“Speak, I am busy,” I snorted in amusement. Classic Ratchet.
“This is actually important for once, Optimus has been acting strange,” I cut to the chase. I could sense the slight pause as Ratchet was silent for a moment, the clicking of his digits on the base console stopping.
“So it seems,” I froze at his response.
“You already know what’s up don’t you?” Ratchet’s only response was a sigh before continuing as he started typing again,
“Considering the amount of cooling packet’s he’s been going through I have a pretty good guess. However, I will not be discussing it you,”
“And why is that?” I fired back in warning before he could continue,
“Because there is something called doctor patient confidentiality. He is my patient, I am his doctor,” My hackles lowered as I simmered the heat of my previously rising anger.
“Right, forgot about that. Sorry Ratch, I just…” I trailed off.
“You are worried, and you have a right to be as his…confidant. However, I can not help you with this. I… apologize,” Ratchet finished in what almost seemed like sympathy. If Ratchet was willing to dish that out, then this was a lot more dire than I thought. Pushing off the wall, I let out a sound of defeat.
“It’s fine, I’ll see what I can do. Talk to you later Doc,” I hung up before he could protest the nickname. Inhaling a soothing breath, I turned back to go inside wanting to at least finish my lunch and think of some kind of game plan to get the now radio silent leader to speak once again.
-
Pushing the gear shift into park, I unbuckled and hopped out. Stretching in satisfaction from a long but productive work day, a warm shower, and finally wearing comfy clothes with a full stomach of dinner. The last task weighing on my mind as I walked towards the platform, giving greetings to all of the bots, idly looking for the mech set on ignoring me.
“He is out on his round of patrol, it will be a few hours before he returns,” Ratchet informed me, not even looking at me and I frowned in disappointment. At least I had a few more hours to mentally rehearse before facing the mech. Jogging up the platform, I joined the kids and June as they occupied the platform by Ratchet’s computer.
“Hey kiddo’s, and June,” I smiled as Jack muttered under his breath about not being a kid. June smiled politely,
“Hi, dear. How are you?” She asked as I sat in one of the arm chairs facing her as she put down her book in her lap, she was also in cozy clothes and her hair was down for once as she was curled up comfortably in the other arm chair.
We both idly listened to the kids as we conversed hoping they didn't get too rowdy as they continued their board game that sat between the three of them at the far table, the other two had called out their greetings and who was cheating before June and I had continued our conversation making me chuckle.
An hour or two had passed with conversations with June, the bots, and the kids on occasion before they got bored and pulled a bored Bee into their shenanigans in the rec room. June and I still sat in the armchairs as Arcee had mass displaced and sat on the couch across from us, joining in our discussions.
“Speaking of maintenance, I hate to ask since you just got off work. But could you look at something on my car for me please?” June asked sheepishly. Standing up, I was joined by Arcee and June as we walked to where her car and mine were parked.
“I don’t mind, what’s going on?” She opened her car door and popped the hood, grabbing it I released the latch before placing the prop rod up to hold the hood.
“I think I had a fuse blow or something. My interior lights won't come on anymore,” I let out a hum in curiosity as I opened the fuse box,
“It could be, can’t hurt to take a look,” I commented looking through a few of the fuses, nabbing one I clicked my tongue at the black grime and melted residue on the fuse before pushing it back in and closing the fuse box.
“You’re probably right, I would stop by the autoshop and get one. I can put it in if you want when you get it, just in case it doesn’t fix the problem and we can go from there,” She nodded as we heard a hearty engine coming through the ground entrance. Turning we watched as the red and blue mech of the hour entered steadily before slowing to a stop, slowly transforming in his bi-petal mode and giving a greeting nod to Ratchet.
“Welcome back,” Arcee greeted, transforming into her original height as she approached. Following behind her, June and I joined the three mechs as Optimus gave a greeting before his report. Besides some street racing it was overall quiet tonight,
“Hopefully it will stay that way, for a few hours at least,” I chimed and Optimus seemed to stiffen at the sound of my voice. Looking down, he hesitated before giving a silent nod. I frown at the lack of response, of anything really. He seemed to be coiled with tension, like the smallest thing was a threat to be overanalysed and then destroyed. Thick waves of exhaustion seemed to seep out of his frame in droves, his optics a little dimmer than usual.
“Knowing the Decepticon’s, the longer they’re quiet the more trouble they cause to make up for it,” June cut in the tense silence between Optimus and I. Nodding in agreement and then looking back up at Optimus, I opened my mouth to ask for a moment of privacy before Raf’s warning called out frantically.
“Y/n! Miko is messing with Sparky again!” I jolted, snapping my head in his direction as he and Jack sprinted out from the hallway in panicked yells, Miko’s maniacal cackle echoing as small stomps rapidly came to us. Jogging forward I stumbled slightly as the two boys grabbed me to hide behind me, letting Jack hold my shoulders and Raf my leg as I groaned annoyed at the interruption.
The 4 foot high mechanical 8 legged spider like eldritch horror with red boxing gloves on the front two limbs came all but scuttling to me, spinning its front limbs wildly with a laughing Miko right behind it holding the controller and pulling it to stop as its front limbs still spun with tremendous force that rattle the whole thing.
Sparky was a special device used to train with the bots, making them practice fighting something smaller and more chaotic than them and usually with Miko piloting the thing joyously. It was another one of my late night inventions that kept Cade and I busy during a dust storm a month ago, that had unfortunately been released on an unsuspecting Tessa. A Tessa who was petrified of spiders, and thus making the Autobot Base Sparky’s new home sweet home. As such it had little to no testing, only being used a handful of times.
So naturally I wasn’t surprised that with the lack of maintenance on the damn thing, a glove filled with heavy sand would come flying off. The part I wasn’t prepared for was the burst of pain as the sand filled glove was all but shot into my face, snapping my head back from the force with a burst of stars behind my eyelids.
Jack steadied me with a gasp when I stumbled backwards from the force as the whole room seemed to freeze. I could feel the burst of blood that came from my nose just a half of a second later from the impact and the audible splat against the floor.
“Owwww,” I moaned immediately with tears pricking my eyes, covering my face with my hands and wincing as blood steadily poured from my nose and I worked on reorienting myself from the sucker punch.
“Oh my god! Are you okay?!” June yelled running over to me with several more pairs of pedes and feet following behind her and crowding around me as Jack’s hand continued to steady me. She lightly cupped my face and tilted it up to her, I removed my hands and she hissed air through her teeth in sympathy.
“It got you good, but your nose doesn’t look broken,” She said turning to a pale Miko, “Go get some napkins please. Y/n you need to pinch it and tilt your head back,” June commanded, prompting Miko to take off, movement caught my attention as I groaned again at the pulsating pain in my nose and forehead. Mass displaced forms of Arcee and Ratchet hovered around me, a blurry red and blue mech stood behind them in tense silence.
Looking behind them at Optimus and blinking tears out of my eyes to let them roll down my cheeks, my eyes widened as I stopped breathing when they connected with Optimus’s optics.
His optics were blown wide, his frame rigid and face in eerie blankness zeroed in on the blood on my face. I froze, stunned by the petrified look in his optics as if he was seeing an old and dangerous enemy about to kill him with no way out. He had never had that look on his faceplate before, I couldn't even hear him venting. Sending a shiver of dread down my spine and cold fear at his sudden state of terror, as if he moved someone would die.
“Ratchet,” I croaked darting my gaze to his and then motioning with my eyes to the paralyzed mech behind him. Taking the hint, he snapped his helm to the leader and settled his servo on Optimus’s chassis with a gentle whisper of his name in question just as startled at his paralysis.
I didn’t get a chance to make sure Optimus moved, spoke, or even took a breath as June all but ushered me to the platform making me take a seat on one of the armchairs.
“I am so sorry!” Miko squeaked, handing napkins to me that I quickly pressed to my face.
“Wasn’t your fault, I hadn’t done maintenance on it yet when I should have,” I soothed and she looked down at her feet, my reassurance not helping in the slightest. I felt bad that I couldn’t comfort her farther, Optimus’s expression haunting my pulsing brain. What on earth had sparked that kind of reaction? Especially to that degree? June piped up after several minutes that seemed like hours.
“It looks like it’s stopping, you should be good but expect a nasty bruise for a bit and a good size goose egg,” June stated taking the bloody napkins and putting them in the bin, it was too bad we didn’t have ice here I would kill for some. June grabbed her purse and rifled through it before handing me a pill bottle of pain relievers that I popped and swallowed dry.
“I need to do something, Miko can you get Sparky back to his dock? Jack, Raf, can you help her too?” The three of them looked at each other before nodding and walking off silently at my request.
“June, I’m gonna be here for a while. Thanks for the help, sorry I’m just running off,” I apologized as I walked past. Optimus’s face one again flashing in my mind and setting off alarm bells I could no longer ignore.
“You’re okay. Give him a good talking too,” I paused looking back at her and she smiled slightly, “I saw that look he had on his face, word of advice? Stay with him tonight.”
Confused, I thought of her statement and gave a slow nod before running off down the platform stairs and farther into the base, ignoring the increase of blood flow linking to an increase of the pounding in my face.
Reaching the berthroom hall, I stopped at Optimus’s berthroom and brought my hand up to knock on the massive door. Right as my fist was about to make contact, it slid open with Ratchet on the other side. Backing up I scanned his faceplate, it was pinched in sympathetic agony.
“Ratch?” I whispered in concern. He looked down at me before kneeling, bringing his faceplate just above me. “What’s wrong?” I asked looking at his dimmed optics,
“I suggest changing your shirt before you go inside. It…is not appropriate at this moment,” Blinking I nodded before hesitantly speaking again, “I’ll get one out of the back office, is he…”
“Okay?” He finished before looking away from me, muttering, “Not by a long shot,” Anxiety crawled up my spine and buried itself in my chest with a threatening squeeze. Backing up without a word, I sprinted to the office, ripping the door open and snagging the first oversized t-shirt I could find. Not bothering to go to the restroom to change, I ripped my blood stained shirt over my head and replaced it with the new plain black one, leaving the blood splattered shirt on the floor.
I didn’t waste a second in my racing back to Optimus’s now barren berthroom hall and closed door. Breathing in a soothing breath to help ease the painful pounding of my heart, I raised my hand to knock. The rap of my fist on the metal rattled my skull as it echoed around the empty hall.
“Optimus…It’s me,” I called gently. Not hearing a response, I eyed the human level door sensor, “I’m coming in,” I finalized setting my hand on the sensor and watching as it blinked green.
The door slid away and I peered inside the pitch black room, all the hair stood on the back of my neck and arms as I slowly walked in. Optimus sat hunched in his desk chair, helm in his hands. A large ripped open package lay on the floor with a slight green tint barely visible by the still open door.
Finally coming all the way into the room, I suppressed a jolt as the door shifted closed and encased both of us in silence and darkness. Letting my eyes adjust, I could barely make out his bi-petal form that sat still as a statue as if he hadn’t heard me. Licking my chapped lips, I spoke into the quiet in a whisper that seemed to shatter the silence.
“Optimus?” He jumped, snapping his helm to me at an abnormal speed and I fought the urge to back away in alarm at the frantic glowing optics in the dark, “What’s the matter?” I whispered again, a gentle call to him as I stayed in place. Not approaching nor backing away.
“Y/n?” A shaky whisper of fear sounded out and I tilted my head in question, mustering courage as I slowly approached.
“I’m here,” I coaxed gently into the dark. It seemed to break the eerie atmosphere as he almost violently shifted to his mass displacement mode as he stood up so hard it knocked his chair to the ground with an earth shattering clang and faced me. Bringing my hands up as if to placate him, he ignored it as he rapidly approached.
“Hey wha-” I squeaked as he snatched me into an almost bone crushing hug, a vent of relief leaving him harshly before he pulled a vent in as he buried his faceplate into my neck and shoulder, intaking my scent. Shuffling in his grip, I wrapped my arms around him and leaned my head into him.
“Optimus, what’s wrong?” He shuttered another vent, his grip tightening at the sound of my voice. I tightened my grip as he picked me up, opting not to answer my question again. Climbing the small staircase by his berth he had built for me, he deposited the both of us into the mass of giant pillows and plush blankets on his berth. Shifting his servos and arms he brought me into another tight hug. Laying in the dark, I gently ran my fingers over one of his audial antennas.
It was obvious he wouldn’t be speaking anytime soon, as if he couldn’t. Swallowing roughly I fought tears at the small shutters as he invented and the shaky exvents, self soothing himself with a painful furrow of eyebrows and down turn of his intake.
Moving to prompt him to let me go I rolled onto my back as he reluctantly let go, watching me with dim expressionless optics that made my heart break. Patting my chest with one hand and then opening my arms invitingly he hesitated before moving to crawl over me, hovering with arms and legs caging me for just a moment before I wrapped my arms around his neck and gently brought his helm to rest on my chest and the rest of him to gently lay on top of me.
Letting go of him, I pulled the blanket to cover us and then gently rested one hand on his back and the other on the back of his helm as his faceplate nuzzled into my chest where my heart rested and listened to it beat.
Idly I gently ran my fingers and nails along his back plates, matching my breathing to pace evenly with his. For a moment he seemed to just stare into space before I saw the light from his optics shutter as he closed them and opened them, the periods of them being open shortening. With a sigh of relief I listened to the gentle blow of his vents that came out even in the dark, fast asleep with the tension finally leaving him.
It wasn’t long before I joined him in the void of sleep, hoping he would at least speak to me tomorrow.
-
It was getting warm, and furrowed my eyebrows at the odd mumbling I could feel vibrating into my chest. Opening my bleary eyes, I looked around in the dark. A weight on my chest and body twitched periodically, looking down and my drowsiness evaporated. Optimus’s faceplate was contorted into a grimace, uneven venting pushing from his vents, his mouth moving in low panicked mumbles and pleas.
Nightmares.
He was having nightmares.
Bringing a hand up I gently cupped his face, whispering into the dark.
“Optimus,” I called out, as he shuffled with a jerk, “Wake up love, you’re dreaming,” I coaxed hoping to bring him out of the nightmare taunting him. He mumbled louder and louder before jolting awake with a roar, “STOP!” He pushed himself up, his arms and legs caging me as bright blue eyes stared in wide terror. My breath caught in my throat as he harshly vented and stared into my soul, slowly bringing my hand up. I ignored the borderline scalding temperature coming from him.
“Optimus, It’s okay,” He froze as my hand connected with him, “I’m right here, love,” the nickname seemed to snap him out of it and he all but collapsed against me with a breathless call of my name.
Cradling his helm I whispered reassurances and praise as his venting evened back out, his temperature cooling against my sweaty skin. After a few minutes he went to move away from me and tightened my hold on him.
“No way,” He came to a stop, hesitantly settling back against my chest.
“I apologize for waking you,” I felt a pulse of anger. Looking down at him with a slight glare I scoffed.
“Do you really think I give a shit about that right now? After the night terror you just had?” A closed off expression took over as he looked away.
“I am fine, there is no need to worry,” This bastard. If he wasn’t metal and war experienced a thousand times over I would kick his ass.
“Fine? So is it okay if I don’t sleep for two weeks,” He snapped his optics to me with a frown of disapproval, “Oh wait I went two days without sleep and look how that turned out,” I raised an eyebrow, he looked away again without a word. I sighed looking at the ceiling and murmuring,
“You protect everyone else, even from themselves. Let me do it for once…please,”
The statement and plea sat dead in the air. Optimus seemed to mull over it for a while, tension once again coiled in his shoulders.
“It’s you,” he muttered, breaking the silence, “ Everytime. Every single one,” The nightmares were me? Confused, I began to pet the back of his helm in silent encouragement.
“Every night I am too late, you’re covered in your own blood. Dying from the bullets and flames that have broken your bones and ripped you apart, all of it being my fault. My failure to protect you,” I froze, breathily I asked,
“How long has this been going on?” He didn’t say anything for a few seconds before murmuring into my skin,
“Weeks,” I bit my lip as I resumed my petting. He had been dealing with this for weeks and I only just now noticed.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered in guilt. He jolted looking up at me in confusion, “You’ve been dealing with it for so long,”
“Y/n…It's not your doing, please don’t apologize,” He gently chided and I looked away from him at the sharp twist in my chest.
“You can tell something is wrong with me in seconds, yet it takes me weeks to know something is off,” He pushed up to hover over me, resting his forehelm against my forehead.
“Y/n,” I closed my eyes, cutting him off with another apology, “I’m so sorry,” He gently pressed into my forehead a little harder not knowing what to do with my apology.
“Please,” I pleaded, “Tell me, please don’t ever just stop talking to me,” He paused before moving his helm down, pressing a kiss to cheek just centimeters away from my lips.
“I’m sorry, that was not fair to you,”
Wrapping my arms back around his neck, I pulled him closer as a vent of content seemed to leave him. He nuzzled and settled his faceplate into the junction of my neck and shoulder, wrapping his arms around me firmly in a hug.
“Wake me up, every time you have a nightmare. I want to help, please let me help you,” I pleaded. He was silent for a moment before he whispered against my skin gratefully, a sense of hope and relief in the statement he gave me.
“Of course.”