Chapter Text
When Subaru heard a loud crash, she jumped to her feet.
The clock showed 2:53. She stood up and walked down the stairs, rubbing her eyes to ward off even a little bit of the tiredness. First, she looked into the living room. There was no sign of Natsusawa. A dry taste filled her mouth. Where was he?
When she entered the kitchen, she found the boy crouched against the cabinet, a broken cup in front of him. Any lingering drowsiness vanished.
⎼ Natsusawa? Are you okay? ⎼ She stepped closer. The boy looked up at her, eyes glassy with confusion. Something was very wrong. The girl's pulse quickened. She crouched down beside him and held out her hand.
Her hand trembled, but she placed it on the boy's forehead. He was burning hot. Alarmingly so. She had to do something. She looked around frantically and felt him move closer, resting his forehead against her hand. Heat rose to her cheeks.
⎼ Subaru? ⎼ he muttered.
Her breath hitched for a moment. She slapped her cheeks. Now was not the time to ponder the half-conscious Natsusawa's words. She frowned and rose abruptly, hurrying upstairs for her purse. She didn't have time to search his apartment for medication. She would give him something for a fever from her makeup bag.
She returned a moment later, panting with exhaustion, and pressed the pill into his hand. She tried to speak calmly and clearly.
⎼ You need to take a pill. ⎼ He frowned, staring at her as if she weren't real. She hesitated, then pointed to her lips. After a second, he followed the gesture, placing it in his mouth without protest. Subaru handed him a glass of water, which he drained in one gulp. After taking the object from his hand, she carefully slipped an arm around his waist, keeping her touch light, deliberate, tentative, trying to lift him. He leaned into her. She stiffened, then forced herself to breathe by biting inside of her check, guiding him forward, step by step, toward the living room. Finally, she let go of him, and he collapsed onto the sheets, mumbling something. She let out a shaky breath. She felt a weak tug on her wrist.
Natsusawa held her hand and muttered something.
⎼ Su⎼ baru⎼ her stomach clenched. He'd used her name again. Her first name, not her last name. It wasn't an accident.
She sat down next to him.
⎼ Don’t leave, please ⎼ he muttered. Her mouth went very dry very quickly. She felt him pull her hand to his mouth. She froze. She didn't dare move. Not even a millimeter. He gently pressed his lips to her skin. She let him. A sudden heat spread from the brief touch, leaving her aware of every heartbeat.
When he fell asleep, he was still holding her hand. And Subaru was unable to take it away. She should have felt uncomfortable. Right? Natsusawa, despite being her friend, was also still a man.
She should have felt uncomfortable. She should have, but she hasn't. It terrified her. Tentatively, testing her limits, she moved her other hand to his forehead. She brushed back a few strands of hair.
Now the boy looked much more fragile. She had never seen him in such a state… She stared at his face for several minutes, mulling over all the conflicting emotions and reactions her body seemed to be generating.
She tugged the boy tightly with the blanket and touched his forehead again. He was still burning. She bit her lip and pulled her hand away. Natsusawa was asleep. But his body still seemed to cling to her touch. Some faint warmth still lingering on her fingers.
⎼ Probably because my hands are cold. ⎼ She smiled a little at the thought. She went to the bathroom, wet a small towel, and placed it on the boy's warm skin. In the meantime, she scooped the glass from the kitchen into a dustpan and wiped the now-cool liquid from the floor.
Pondering for a moment, she pulled a pack of antipyretics from her cosmetics bag and placed it on the counter. Next to it, she left a note on which she'd scribbled a picture of a cat wearing a hat and scarf. After a moment, she also added a drawing of a steaming mug.
She repeatedly changed the cold cloth several more times until an hour later when she sat down in the armchair and fell asleep.
…
She woke up as Natsusawa He shot out of bed. She heard a door slam. Probably the bathroom door… She rubbed her eyes and yawned. Then looked around, her memories becoming increasingly clear in her mind.
She looked at her hand. The one he had kissed last night. Unconsciously, she brought it to her lips, letting her eyelids flutter shut.
She should at least change. She got up and headed to the boy's room, where she'd left all her things last night. She closed the door and went to the neatly folded clothes. She looked around again, a faint red rising to her cheeks as she lifted the top of his shirt to her nose. It smelled like him. Safe. She let go of the material and crouched down, wrapping her legs securely in her arms. ⎼ What the hell am I even doing… ⎼ she whispered, a recording of Natsusawa mumbling her first name was playing in her head like a ringtone.
⎼ Ughhhh ⎼
…
Finally she came down the stairs dressed, and looked into the living room.
⎼ Natusawa? ⎼ He lay crosswise on the unfolded furniture, a grimace of pain evident on his face. Worry washed over Subaru. When her voice reached him, he jerked his head up but then quickly looked away.
⎼ Oh… ⎼
She approached and placed her hand on his forehead, just as she had last night. It seemed to be at a much more normal temperature than it had been, and she breathed a sigh of relief. However, he flinched from her touch, as if burned. She withdrew her hand, suppressing the uneasy feeling churning in her stomach. He looked at her with a pained expression.
She didn't want to cause him pain.
⎼ Did⎼ she swallowed.
⎼ Do you remember anything? How are you feeling?⎼
He looked at her and she seemed to shrink under the weight of his gaze.
⎼ You had a high fever, and I think you fainted in the kitchen. ⎼ she muttered. Natsusawa bowed deeply at once. She shivered.
⎼ Sorry! ⎼
What…?
⎼ If⎼ If I did something to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm so sorry! ⎼
What? WHAT?!
⎼ No! It’s not it Natsusawa. ⎼ she panicked. ⎼ I'm sorry. ⎼ She didn't know if it was her imagination or if his voice really broke. She sat stiffly next to him.
⎼ How are you feeling? ⎼ she choked out. Why was he apologizing to her?
⎼ better. ⎼ he stared at the floor.
⎼ I⎼ Fight or flight. What's going on? What should I tell him? That I want to see this side of him too? That he doesn't have to apologize for anything? That I want to be his support too? That I want to touch him again? Millions of thoughts were swirling inside Subaru again.
⎼ I⎼ she looked at her hand. She felt a stab of pain. Similar to when he pulled away from her so abruptly.
⎼ I⎼ Yesterday he clinged to her and today he was pulling away.
Why?
⎼ The storm is over. Thank you for your hospitality, and I can't thank you enough for letting me stay overnight. I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble if you felt unwell. ⎼
she said in one breath.
⎼ I should get going. See you at the university on Monday.⎼ She turned away quickly. She couldn't fight it.
She didn't have the courage to ask why.
So she ran away.
A few hours later, Natsusawa attached the note to the fridge with a small magnet.