Chapter Text
I was falling, and I could not remember why.
How long had it been by now? A minute, days, hours, a few seconds?
I was nowhere, stuck in an empty, lightless void. My body flickered in and out of existence: one moment it would be gone, leaving behind nothing but the idea of form, just to return in an agonising blink. I screamed but my throat — if it existed at all — could only produce static. White noise clawed at my eardrums, boring into my soul.
My mind was being rent apart. Grasping at the whirlpool of memories I tried to hold onto the sludge that had been made of me even as it slipped away through my fingers. Echoes and images bubbled up to the surface in bursts: there was the rotting carcass on an abandoned building, the stank of mouldy corridors, the feeling of torn yellowing wallpaper brushing on my arm, puffs of dust drawn into my lungs.
I was still falling.
There had been a door somewhere deep within that vacant office space, bathed in the alluring cyan glow of computer screens. I remembered pushing it open. I remembered the smell of rain, the sound of a car screeching to a halt. Server racks coming to life. I remembered the soft beeping of machinery and the cold, plastic surface of that strange headset as I put it on.
A flash of light. And then I fell.
The more of who I was slipped away, the blurrier the dredges that remained became; the fluttering memories came in sharp cuts of bright colours and sketches of familiar faces before dissolving entirely. And yet, even as I was being reduced to a contour of the person I used to be, to a mere ghost, one memory burned the brightest as it disintegrated.
There had been someone else. Someone whose absence hurt beyond compare. I couldn’t remember their name but I didn’t need to. They had been taken from me and I had been left with only the void carved in their wake.
I stopped falling.
Reality reasserted itself with a gasp of blinding light and I could move again. Disoriented, dazed and distraught I shut my eyes for a moment. The air around me was still and sterile. My body was weighty. Cumbersome. Sore.
With a deep breath my hands moved to the headset’s straps only to find skin. I froze. Dread crept through my body as my hands examined the place where the device should have been. Yet, my palms would only press against more of my skull. I pulled and yanked at nothing until, left without a choice, my gaze peeked through my trembling eyelids.
This was not the same building as before. Gone were the tattered remains of an office space and the cold light of vacillating neons. The grime had been swept away by obnoxiously the loud hues of blue, red and yellow of a circus tent. Instead of crumbling desks and decomposing cardboard boxes I was standing — alone — atop a stage. The digital space was packed to the brim with various oversized toys, blocks, stairs and other fitting items. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it; I was a virtual playground built on a madman’s understanding of physics .
Overwhelmed and still dizzy, I tried to spring myself free of the damn headset. Again, again and again the tip of my fingers scratched at my temples as I futilely tried to come up with an explanation for what had happened.
But I couldn’t. I was all too familiar with the technology to begin lying to myself, to pretend all of this was just a projection. I was seeing through nothing else but my own two eyes.
“This can’t be happening. This can’t be real,” the words washed out of my mouth as I keeled over, “think. Think. Think!”
My head was spinning, my legs wobbling under me as I pointlessly tried to keep myself from panicking, my mind coming under assault by a swarm of questions. How did I get here? Why had I even come here? Why couldn’t I remember any of it?
“Hello?” my words bounced across the empty tent in an uncertain tone. Did I really want anyone to answer? “Is anybody out here?”
Silence.
I warily strutted towards the stage’s edge. Sitting on the veneered wood, prepared to jump down on the checkerboard floor, I got a good glimpse of my body. Not knowing what I was looking at, I brought my eight fingers closer to my body. Eight, not ten. Small sharp claws at each tip. My skin was a deep pine green. I pinched and pulled at the soft, mat tissue — drawing a wince from my mouth as pain flared up along my forearm. My eyes moved downwards, scanning myself for other changes, heart pounding as I discovered how much of myself was different.
Three-toed feet hanging from squat digitigrade legs. Wide thighs tied to a plush, squishy body wrapped in a bright white and red outfit reminiscent of a circus performer. Brass bells were sown into the fabric so that every movement I made was accompanied by a soft, cheery jingle. I was so much smaller than I remembered. Or was I?
How did I look like before this? Certainly not, right? Then why couldn’t I remember? Why was it that all of my memories had been smudged over, almost as if they were drenched in oil? My eyes, my face, my body — nothing was left of them.
I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I managed to tip over, tumbling down face first on the cold, white and black tiles.
“Stupid, crummy legs.” My frustrated flailing and whining did eventually draw someone’s attention however. Standing upright I came face to face with a pair of wide green and blue eyes.
“MY OH MY, IT APPEARS A NEW MIND HAS WANDERED IN THE CIRCUS!” The figure addressing me was unsettling. It wore a ruby tailcoat over a white shirt, tight fitting black pants and shoes, white gloves and a bowtie. Its head — for lack of a better word — was made up of a set of oversized cartoonish dentures within which were nestled two eyes and a tongue. I instinctively recoiled away from whatever that thing was. “THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR MY DEAR! QUITE THE OPPOSITE IN FACT, FOR YOU HAVE EMBARKED ON A JOURNEY TO WONDER, STEPPED THROUGH A DOOR INTO A LAND OF ENDLESS AMAZEMENT AND BOUNDLESS ENTERTAINMENT! WELCOME TO THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS!” The entity tipped its top hat.
“Where—..who?” I mumbled.
“OH, WHERE ARE MY MANNERS? I AM CAINE, YOUR HOST AND RINGMASTER, PROVIDER OR WONDROUS CURIOS, CURATOR OF THE EXTRAORDINARY AND PURVEYOR OF THE FANTASTICAL!” He summoned a cane, and gestured at me, “AND YOU, MY MOSSY MISCHIEF MAKER, ARE OUR TROUPE’S BRAND NEW MEMBER!”
No words could form in my mouth and so I simply stared.
“SPEECHLESS ARE WE? I WOULD EXPECT NOTHING ELSE!”
Other figures had gathered behind the ringmaster, each one as strange as the next. Lined up, gazes stuck to me, were a jester dressed in red and blue, a one-eyed ragdoll with fiery crimson hair, a lavender rabbit, a pile of ribbons tied to a porcelain mask and an anthropomorphic mix-and-match toy.
“AH, WHAT SPECTACULAR TIMING, MY GALLIVATING GERBILS! AND YES, I AM INCLUDING YOU ZOOBLE!”
“Hey Caine, who’s the freak?” the bunny flashed me a deriding grin, “don’t tell me you already got a new sucker pulled in so soon already.”
“NOW NOW JAX, THAT’S NO WAY TO GREET—..” Caine spun back towards me, “AND WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU, MY DARING DAFFODIL?”
“My—..I,” I stammered, struggling to form a coherent sentence. Who were these…people? They had to be people. Was this a game? Did they know how I could get out?
“And they’re already gone,” Jax pointed out, “I give them a day, tops.”
The pile of spare parts scowled at the rabbit, “shut the [%$!#] up Jax.”
“What? I’m just pointing out the obvious, Zooble.” His unwavering smile widened until it covered half of his face. There was something so natural in the way he and the others carried themselves, the way their pupils moved, the way their faces emoted. “Can’t a guy joke around here or do you really hate fun that much?”
“NOW NOW, SAVE UP YOUR SQUABBLING FOR LATER MY TENACIOUS TRAMPS.” The ringmaster’s excited eyes pivoted towards me, “AS FOR YOU, HAVE YOU YOU SETTLED ON A NAME YET?”
“How about Jingles?” Jax quipped.
The ragdoll cast him daggers.
“OH I SO ADORE A GO-GETTER ATTITUDE! HOW DOES JINGLES SOUND?”
“No, wait—..” a heavy weight clamped down on my chest, “my name isn’t—..it’s..." My whole body stiffened. There was a hollow inside my mind where I had expected my name, my identity to be. “Why can’t I remember my name? Why can’t I remember?!”
“THAT IS ALL PART OF YOUR TRANSITION TO THE DIGITAL REALM! IF JINGLES ISN’T UP TO YOUR LIKING HOWEVER, YOU MAY CHOOSE ANY OTHER, PROVIDED THAT—..” Caine’s oblivious, over-the-top voice jittered and stuttered, shifting into a high-pitch droning. His avatar glitched for a moment before returning to normal, “-SO LONG AS IT DOES NOT IMPEDE THE AFOREMENTIONED TERMS AND CONDITIONS. HOW DOES ZOOBLE SOUND?”
“I’m right here, Caine,” Zooble groaned.
The doll cleared her throat. “How about Belle?”
Good God, no.
“Way to think for yourself, Raggy,” Jax jeered.
“Keebo,” I blurted, the pseudonym coming to mind almost naturally, “Keebo is—..fine.” I slowly stood up, “how do I get out then? How do I leave?”
“That’s the neat thing: you don’t.”
“How—..”
The jester pushed past the lilac bunny. “Don’t freak out or anything but…he’s right, you can’t.” She inhaled deeply and looked at the others, “you’re going to be fine.”
“No—..no, no, no!” my hands flew to my temples as I fell back down to the floor, “this isn’t happening!”
“BUT IT IS!” Caine jubilantly said, “NOW HOW ABOUT WE GIVE YOU THE GRAND TOUR—..”
“Uhm, Caine,” the jester interjected, “why don’t we give her a tour of the grounds? It gives you time to really make today’s adventure the best it could be for Keebo!” She made a face at the incredulous ringmaster, “you know, so she’ll be really impressed and have a great first day?”
“WHY, POMNI, MY MISCHIEVOUS MISCREANT, THAT IS A TERRIBLE—..,” he stuttered again, “TERRIFIC IDEA! I’LL LET YOU HANDLE THE FORMALITIES THEN. I AM SO GIDDY I COULD—..” Caine’s head and then his entire body violently vibrated as it detonated, leaving behind a pile of confetti and a stunned silence.
“Is-is he—..” I was petrified.
Pomni shook her head, “no, he just does that sometimes.” She extended a gloved hand towards me. “It’s not easy but it will get better.”
“You’re real. This is real. How is this real?” grabbing her hand as I mumbled, I continued to apprehensively stare at the others, “you’re Pomni, right?”
“Yeah. And,” she pointed at the ragdoll, the pile of ribbons and the chess piece, “that’s Ragatha, Gangle and Kinger. I’m pretty sure you can tell who’s Jax and Zooble.”
“Sup’,” Zooble said.
Gangle timidly waved at me. Kinger kept on staring, his pupils firmly fixed on me.
Ragatha awkwardly shuffled towards Pomni’s side, “Keebo’s a nice name. Why’d you pick it?”
I shrugged.
“Ah, well, uhm—..” she rubbed her forearm, “how about we get going on with the tour before Caine returns? We can start with the tent—..”
“Nah,” Jax scoffed, “That sounds lame. I’ll see you all later.” He strutted away — whistling a light, hearty tune.
We watched him disappear behind a large green cube before setting off. As I waddled in Pomni and Ragatha’s wake, I pressed the mismatched group for answers. I asked how long they had been here for, how they got here, and if they had tried escaping. The answers they provided only caused me more grief. Some had been there for years. Some for months. Like me their prior identities had been stripped from them, and they were forced to participate in whatever activities Caine — which I came to learn was an artificial intelligence — had set his mind to on a particular day. I was told about the adult filter, about how our avatars functioned. The more they spoke, the less I listened. It was all too much.
By the time we had reached the hallway leading to our sleeping quarters I felt as if I was wading through a thick fog. My gaze fell down to my hands again. I clenched my fingers, digging the pinprick-like claws into my skin.
A chill ran up along my spine as the question I had been avoiding finally bubbled to the surface: was I even myself anymore?
“I like your tail,” Gangle’s quiet voice dragged me back to reality, as it were.
I gawked at her, unsure if I had misheard. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Your—..uhm, your tail. It’s kind of cute.”
“My tail? I have a —..” I swiveled on my heels, trying to catch a glimpse of my backside. There definitely was something back there, something weighty enough to throw me off balance.
Pomni lunged at me, “hold on I let me hold it down for you!”
“I got it!” Kinger announced, clinging onto Zooble, “oh, no that’s just Zooble.”
“Kinger!”
Chaos ensued as I tripped, accidentally shattering Gangle’s porcelain mask and hurling Ragatha against a pile of oversized-dice. I pushed myself off the ground and finally caught sight of the damn thing: the long, heavy appendage had a trail of white-silver hair on its top-side, with multiple seams sewn into it. A single, large brass bell was tied to its tip. I breathlessly pressed my hands in it. It was soft like plush fabric, not quite flesh but not wholly cloth-like either. “Woah,” I gave it a light squish, “that’s...I can feel it.”
“You’re okay?” Pomni asked.
Her words slid right past my ears. “I have—..I have a tail.”
“Can you move it?” Ragatha asked.
“Hey, give her some space, she’s figuring this out,” Zooble folded their arms over their chest, “Keebo, you good?”
I shook my head, “no, no I really don’t think I am.”
“Hey,” they kneeled down, resting one of the mismatching arms on my shoulder, “I get it. I was pretty freaked out about my body when I got here too. We all were.”
The earlier question repeated itself over and over: was I even me anymore?
Was I even human?
“Do you want to see something funny?” they seized their shoulder and with a ‘pop’ detached their arm from its socket. My eyes went wide — mouth dropping agape — as they wiggled the detached limb in front of them. “See,” Zooble said, reattaching it, “we’re all a bit weird.”
Were any of us human anymore?
“How—..did you choose to be like this?” I asked.
“We didn’t.”
Ragatha gave me a warm, reassuring smile, “we just are. Caine claims he tailors them to each of our personalities but, well, he’s still getting the hang of it, clearly.”
“I wish I had been a butterfly,” Kinger disappointedly said.
I weakly pulled at my collar, “why can’t I take my clothes off?”
“Why, Keebo, because it’d be indecent.”
“They’re more or less part of you,” Pomni explained, “trust me, I’ve tried removing them. We get new clothes sometimes but—..”
“During the adventures,” I summarised, “right. Right.” There was a tightness in my lungs and a rising, dull pain in my head as my vision grew hazy. The sheer absurdity of the situation was unbearable. I wanted to laugh, to scream, to swear and cry all at once but the only thing which I was capable of doing was to sink back into myself. The corner of my eye twitched, “we need to leave. I need to leave.”
“You—..we’ve tried. We all want to. But there’s no way out, for now.”
“We should probably show her her room,” the ragdoll suggested.
Ice-cold panic had wormed itself through my veins. Every inch of my being was yelling at me to run, to hide, to disappear somewhere safe.
Run. Leave. Hide.
Run—..
“AH, THERE YOU ARE MY DELIGHTFUL DAREDEVILS!” The sudden return of the ringmaster was accompanied by a cacophony of trumpets, whistles and cymbals. My heart skipped a beat and for a moment I thought that I might die of fright. “NOW, I HOPE YOU’RE ALL READY FOR TODAY’S ADRENALINE-STOKING, SPINE TINGLING, BREAKNECK-PACED EVENT!” Caine readjusted his bowtie and snapped his fingers, conjuring a grinning, levitating soap globule, “TODAY’S ADVENTURE WILL SEE YOU PARTAKE IN THE AMAZING DIGITAL GRAND PRIX!” The artificial intelligence scanned our group, his teeth bending into a frown, “AND WHERE MIGHT JAX BE? BUBBLE, GO FETCH THIS TROUBLEMAKER.”
“You got it boss!” his translucent assistant replied as he executed himself.
“Hard pass,” Zooble groaned.
“I think...it could be fun,” Gangle shyly noted, looking over to the mix-and-match toy.
“Fine, if she’s in, I guess I’m in too.”
“REALLY?” Caine darted closer to Zooble, “OH ZOOBLE YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE MY POOR HEART CRY.”
“Yes—..just, don’t make me regret this.”
Jax’s screams echoed throughout the circus. Not a moment later did Bubble return, letting the soap-soaked rabbit fall from his mouth. “AH AND THERE’S THE SASSY SCOUNDREL!”
“Oh come on!” Jax’s grin had been wiped away, leaving only behind an acrid frown, “was that really necessary?!”
“NO,” the ringmaster replied deadpan. “AND NOW, ONTO THE DAY’S EVENT!”
“Wait what are we doing—..”
Jax did not have the time to finish his sentence. A tear opened beneath our feet, dropping us into a bright, spiralling portal. I braced myself as best as I could. We tumbled over each other as we landed on the curb of a race track, the coarse asphalt welcoming us with open arms. The air was tainted with the venomous smell of diesel and the slick stench of burnt rubber whilst the sun’s uncompromising heat battered my skin. Slowly, carefully, I stood up, wincing at the sound of revved up engines and the choir of a cheering crowd. The sky above was a cheery blue.
“Where are we now?” I wondered, looking to Pomni and Ragatha for answers.
“Oh, uhm, still in the circus, just some other part of it,” the ragdoll spun around — looking at the spectator stands, “though I’ve never seen this part before.”
“THAT’S BECAUSE I JUST MADE IT UP,” Caine bellowed as his body unfolded itself in front of us, “IN ANY CASE, BEHOLD, THE STADIUM! NOW, OFF TO YOUR VEHICLES!”
Pomni raised her hand “So we just race, and the first one to complete a lap wins?”
“OH NO, NO, NO, THAT WOULD BE WAY TOO MUNDANE! BEST OF THREE LAPS, OR LAST MAN STANDING!”
“That is not how races work!” Zooble flipped their arms up, “besides, I don’t think all of us know how to drive.”
“I do — just not cars,” I said.
“You roll around in go-karts or what Jingles?” Jax snickered.
“Motorcycles, actually. Isn’t this dangerous?”
“OF COURSE IT IS BUT FRET NOT MY SPECTACULAR STUNT SPROUTS, I’M SURE YOU WILL DO GREAT!” the ringmaster spoke one last time before disappearing with a loud ‘pop’, abandoning us to our own devices.
“It’ll be okay. Caine won’t let us get seriously injured. Just, play along,” Pomni suggested, giving me an encouraging thumbs up.
I returned her a forced smile.
Just play along. Play along, for now, I told myself.
I wandered towards a line of vehicles, quickly finding where mine was parked. The motorbike waiting there was surprisingly normal as far as I could tell. Mirroring my outfit it was an obscene ruby red, with a mat white seat and a helmet resting atop it. Its shape was...off. Elongated. Narrower than expected. With a shudder, I knelled down to grab it.
What had I been turned into?
A sudden tug on my tail followed by the lilac rabbit’s vociferous groans snapped me out of my trance. I whirled around, finding Jax had tripped over me. The sorry sight of his long, lanky limbs splayed over the concrete — mud splattered over his pink overalls — drew a laugh out of me.
“Oh so this is funny to you, huh?” he grumbled. His mouth had been reduced to a small, spiteful grimace. His pupils had been reduced to two small dots. The bunny crossed the small distance separating us — looming over me and pushing my back against the motorcycle, “don’t try to get fresh with me, newbie.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just, I didn’t mean to—...”
“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to!” he said in a falsetto tone, “just try to be careful where you put that thing.”
I scowled, gripping the helmet tighter, “I said I was sorry, geez.”
“Whatever. Watch your back on the circuit, Jingles.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He didn’t give me an answer as he headed towards his own vehicle. I chose to not pay it much attention, brushing it off a petty attempt at scaring me.
Putting my helmet on, I started up my bike and followed the others to the starting line. My fingers trailed over the top of the windscreen. Fidgeting with the throttle, I felt a nostalgic tinge. It had been so long since I had ridden one of these that I almost forgot where I was for a moment. My mind erred to hazy memories of autumn roads, lakeside drives and summer storms. The underside of my left leg flexed instinctively.
Caine soon returned, and all seven of us rolled up to the starting line. All of our vehicles were different; some of us were riding bikes, some cars, and Kinger drove a golf cart for some reason. The make, model, size and colour varied between each car and motorcycle — almost as if the ringmaster had crafted each of these with their respective drivers in mind.
“Last man standing, hey Pom-Pom,” Jax’s voice spoke somewhere to my right.
“Heh, well, I don’t think it will get to that,” Pomni replied.
“Ah, c’mon, where’s that feisty spirit?”
“I guess it’s just not here today.”
I could practically hear the bunny’s ears fall flat against his head. I tightened my helmet’s straps, fingers anxiously digging into the handles.
The ringmaster summoned a green flag.
Ragatha wished everyone good luck.
Jax made an unintelligible sarcastic comment.
“AND THEY’RE OFF!” Caine excitedly shouted as the crowd of mannequins erupted into a roar.
The tires of my bike screeched against the scorching asphalt. The world around me was a blur of pastel green and bright blue. I wasn’t sure how I was handling myself so well, especially given how wobbly my body already felt on its own, but I tossed the thought aside. I didn’t know if adrenaline was still a factor in this digital hellscape but it didn’t matter: this was exhilarating; from the air whistling against my helmet to the sheer sensation of speed I found myself chasing that high again.
We cleared the first two turns of the track. Zooble had pulled into the lead, followed closely by Pomni, Ragatha and then myself. My balance was thrown off and I struggled to cleanly circle around the upcoming third bend. The motorbike’s frame jerked, the smell of scalded rubber invading my nostrils, pebbles flying against my visor.
I refused to give up.
Pushing the shaking bike to its limits I yanked the throttle all the way back. Even as it sputtered fumes, it managed to pick up enough speed to outpace Ragatha.
Emerging from a tunnel, we exited back not onto the plain, well-kept asphalt track but into a desert bathed in moonlight. Oddly enough my motorcycle did not seem to care for it much. Racing under the starlit sky, I saw a hint of that smug rabbit’s lavender fur in my left mirror. I leaned forward and forced the bike’s engine to its full potential.
The landscape kept changing as we progressed: the red sands gave way to liminal geometric planes, to candy-themed villages and finally to forested hills.
By that point I had almost passed Pomni; the jester and I were practically neck and neck, her lead narrowing with every moment. Even then, she was undeniably the better driver, and there was simply no way I could press the already overheated motor even further.
She smirked at me through her mirror.
Why was I enjoying this so much?
We raced through the incoming hairpins, my bike so close to her car that I could almost reach and touch the spoiler. Eventually we came to a fork in the road and I opted to split from her, hoping that I would be able to overtake her.
I blinked as the sun hit my visor. When I opened my eyes again, the landscape was now desaturated and distorted. My head was throbbing, white noise rang in my ears. One breath later the world returned to what it was just a moment ago.
What just happened?
Before I could make head or tails of what I had just seen I spotted him again. That damn bunny. Somehow, Jax had managed to close the distance between the two of us. I looked over my shoulder, only to find him smugly grinning at me through his helmet’s visor, his car speeding up until it grazed my rear tire.
I noticed too late that the next bend was far closer than I anticipated. My bike’s front tire struck the guard rail, launching me from my seat and sending me flying into the underbrush. Branches and rocks slashed into my shirt and pants, the loud jingle of my tail’s bail growing into an untenable crescendo as I slid over a ledge and fell into the ravine below.
Everything went black.
Then, just like that, I found myself sitting in some featureless room overlooking the beginning of the track. Caine was there, alongside Bubble, and I was quickly patched up with a snap of the ringmaster’s fingers, “AND THAT SHOULD DO IT. I’M SORRY KEEBO, BUT IT APPEARS YOU’VE BEEN ELIMINATED.”
My hands rushed to inspect every one of my limbs. Physically I was fine. “What just happened,” I mumbled, still shaking.
“YOU’VE HAD A TRAGIC ACCIDENT AND HAVE BEEN SENT TO THE LOSERS’ BLEACHERS. BUT WORRY NOT YOUR PERFORMANCE WAS FANTASTIC.”
“This is going in my funny fails compilation—...” Bubble did not get to finish his sentence as Caine promptly popped him.
The corner of my eyes twitched, “is he dead?”
“OH HIM? OH NO, OF COURSE NOT. TRUST ME I’VE TRIED.”
I vacantly eyed the ringmaster.
“AHEM—...AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I WAS RUDELY INTERRUPTED, YOU’VE BEEN BROUGHT HERE TO AWAIT THE END OF THE RACE. THERE’S ANGEL CAKE IN THE CORNER AND A SCREAMING BEAN BAG,” he leaned in close enough that I could hear him blink, “DON’T SIT ON IT.”
“Okay...thanks.”
“YOU’RE VERY WELCOME! OH, AND,” his expression softened, “HOW—..HOW DID YOU FIND YOUR FIRST DAY HERE? I’M REALLY HOPING YOU’RE ENJOYING YOURSELF..."
“Uhm, well—..” I hesitated. The race had been fun, that much was true, but it had just been an intermission, a break from the madness of this all-too-real nightmare.
‘Just play along,’ Pomni’s words came back to mind.
“I did, yeah,” I lied through my teeth.
“REALLY?” Caine’s voice peaked, his eyes bugling out from between his dentures, “OH ME OH MY! THIS IS—...I MEAN—...OH SHUCKS. I’M SO TERRIBLY EXCITED. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HOW YOU’LL REACT TO EVERYTHING ELSE I HAVE PLANNED.” He began to glitch, and then vanished in a crackle of white noise.
Left alone with my thoughts I sat down by the window. How long would this go on? How long could I even last? Was this all there was to this place?
Resting my head atop my knees, face buried in the glistering red fabric, I tried to cling to the idea that I would wake up, but there simply was nothing left to convince me that I wasn’t...this.
What was I?
Leaning against the glass pane I locked eyes with my reflection. Like everyone else, like everything else, I belonged in a kid’s show. My face was anything but human. Two big eyes stared back at me, one with a crossed.out pupil — not
Freak. Jingles. Just a cartoon character.too dissimilar from Ragatha’s own. A large snout, akin to a dinosaur plush toy, dominated my features, with a row of sharp teeth lining my mouth. I had two long pointed ears and a silver-white crest running along the top of my head and down my back. With a sigh, I reached for my ears, pulling at them for no other reason than boredom. They were fuzzy. Pleasant to the touch.
I sighed.
Minutes, an hour — perhaps hours — passed until I was retrieved by Caine. Landing back in the Circus, my feet carried me towards our sleeping quarters as I tried my best to maintain my composure whilst wishing the others good night.
Walking past all the bedrooms and the multitude of placards decorated with colourful portraits, some of which I recognised, I finally reached my own door. Caine’s rendition of my own face had been infused with an energy and whimsy that I didn’t have.
I couldn’t bring myself to open the door.
Instead, I turned back, and made my way towards the tent. Finding myself a sofa in a dark, quiet spot, I let my body crumple onto the pillows. The air was warm. My skin — my scales — meanwhile shivered as if they had been doused in cold water. Drawing my tail back towards myself I curled around it, sniffling into the brass bell.
I missed home. Missed the person I used to be.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I drifted into unconsciousness.