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iMessage chat between Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Featherington: 5:30 pm
Pen: Message when you’re done boarding 🤗
Colin: Flight has been delayed FOUR hours 🔪🔪🔪
Pen: BOOOOOOO
Colin: Fucking snowstorm from hell
Pen: Didn’t a wise woman once tell you not to plan flights in mid January? Who was she? Oh yes, c’est MOI
Colin: Mocking me in English AND French 😒 As I sit here and SUFFER
Pen: In a first class lounge you big baby
Colin: Alone. Forsaken!
Pen: You teething again, that’s why the tantrum?
Colin: Rude
Pen: True
Colin: You admit you were being rude?
Pen: No, true that you’re an infant
Pen: Enjoy the first class champagne and think of the peasants stuck in economy lounge
Pen: Packed like sardines, breathing in armpit sweat
Colin: That’s disgusting 🙂
Pen: Trying to humble you a bit
Colin: I’d rather you entertain me
Pen: I left my clown nose back at mum’s
Colin: Striptease video it is 😏
Pen: Not even if you put a condom over the phone screen
Colin: I’m not Ben! I am responsible and distinguished in my activities
Colin: I can show you the results of my last…screening
Pen: No thanks
Colin: PLEASE I AM BORED
Pen: I’m about to go to sleep!
Colin: at 5:30? 🤨
Pen: I’m having a baby
Colin: Mine?
Pen: Yes, it’s triplets congrats
Colin: With your curls and my eyes? 😍
Pen: What?
Colin: Please entertain me my darling Penelope
Pen: Don’t call me that
Colin: What? Penelope? That is your literal name that you were named at birth Penelope
Pen: Nevermind
Colin: Nevermind what darling? 😏
Pen: I hate you, go annoy Spain
Colin: I will stop being annoying if you play two truths and a lie with me
Pen: No
Colin: RUDE
Pen: You can’t handle power like that
Colin: Untrue
Colin: I can TOO handle power like that. It will immediately corrupt me but that’s because of my impeccable work ethic
Pen: You have seven people who are genetically obligated to tolerate you, please annoy them
Colin: Mean
Colin: I may be pretty but I have feelings, Pen
Pen: My fault for messaging you
Colin: It’s because a week with me isn’t enough for you. You know that
Pen: Do they charge you extra to bring that big head on board? 😊
Colin: Which head? 😏
Pen: Have a nice flight goodbye
Colin: Nooo come back I’ll behave!!!
Pen: Have never believed you less
Pen: Let’s just play the game so you stfu
Colin: I always wear you down, I don’t know why you resist
Pen: Already regretting my choices
Colin: I’ll start
Pen: Mhmm
Colin: Okay. My first kiss was absolutely dreadful, I plan to try skydiving in Madrid and Eloise is my favorite sister
Pen: Daphne’s your favorite
Colin: Mhmm
Pen: But that means your first kiss…
Colin: ……
Pen: What…your first kiss was dreadful?
Pen: You were mister popularity in secondary. Girls were poisoning each other to kiss you first
Colin: Yeah well…high expectations and all that. Your turn
Pen: What’re you hiding?
Colin: Your turn, Pen
Pen: Okay…
Pen: I’m 24 years old, I have slept with someone on a first date at least once, and denim blue is my favorite color
Colin: Denim blue is not your favourite color
Pen: …for two people who’ve known each other our whole lives, we suck at knowing each other
Colin: You’ve never slept with someone on the first date?
Pen: Is that surprising?
Colin: No, I guess…I don’t know
Colin: You seem fairly sexually liberated…
Pen: Sexual liberty doesn’t mean sleeping with people on the first date
Colin: I haven’t either so what would I know
Pen: No way in fuck
Colin: What is with your judgement of my personal life? First the condom and now being shocked I don’t sleep around?
Colin: Being a traveller doesn’t mean I’m screwing everything that walks
Pen: Woah. Why’re you snapping at me? It was a joke
Colin: Sorry
Colin: I just…just forget it, sorry. I’ll go
Colin: I’ve never seen the original Star Wars trilogy, I close my eyes at take-offs because they scare me, and I am thinking of moving back to England permanently
Pen: No way is your wanderlust satiated. You aren’t moving back to England
Colin: And if I were?
Pen: I was gonna judge you for not seeing Star Wars
Colin: Pen…the IMPORTANT takeaway please
Pen: Shit sorry. So are you really?
Colin: I am
Pen: Wow
Colin: Would that be a bad thing…?
Pen: No but you haven’t mentioned it to anyone yet…
Pen: That’s huge!!
Colin: I’m mentioning it to you
Pen: Does Violet know?
Colin: You’re the first
Pen: I am?
Colin: Hardly the first time you’d be first
Pen: Meaning what
Colin: Do your turn
Pen: But what does that mean?
Colin: Do your turn first Pen
Pen: Okay…
Pen: I’ve never had champagne, my longest crush has been ongoing for ten years now, and Ryan Gosling is my celebrity dream
Colin: stupid Canadian bastard
Pen: Loll your irrational hatred of him is a little ridiculous, you know that right?
Colin: Okay, I’m guessing you’ve had champagne
Pen: Finally got one right congrats. Your turn
Colin: Wait…a crush that lasted ten years?
Pen: No qualifiers
Colin: That’s a long time Pen
Pen: I am aware a decade is very long, yes
Colin: Who is it?
Pen: No
Colin: Why not
Pen: You got pissy about the sex life question and about me ‘being first’ whatever that means
Pen: Not giving you qualifiers
Colin: I see
Colin: Okay. I haven’t slept with anyone since Marina cheated on me, I’m 100 years old and my last name is Bridgerton
Pen: You haven’t…
Pen: But that was two years ago…
Colin: Yeah it was
Pen: I don’t understand
Colin: No sex for two years, not that complex
Pen: Colin…
Colin: What, shocked Mr. Worldwide isn’t a giant fuckboy?
Pen: I didn’t say that! I’m just trying to understand
Colin: I can’t…I can’t do sex without feelings
Colin: And most men my age can and you already know Ben and Ant fucked their way thorugh secondary and uni
Colin: I just…it doesn't work for me. I tried one night stands and it very literally didn’t work for me. I realized if I don’t love the person…
Colin: They made it feel like a manufacturing defect or something so I fucked off and started travelling so no one would keep an eye on my personal life
Pen: Colin…that’s so much
Pen: I’m sorry I judged…
Colin: It’s okay. I just don’t want YOU of all people to think less of me
Pen: Why me of all people?
Colin: Penelope
Pen: Col…come on…
Colin: Take your turn
Pen: Okay. Okay
Pen: My last name is Featherington, my ten year long crush is you and I’m going to Paris next month with Eloise for the weekend
Colin: You can visit me in Spain if you’re coming to Paris
Pen: Col…
Colin: Oh…
Colin: That’s…the lie?
Pen: Yes
Colin: So…
Pen: Yeah
Colin: Oh
Pen: Listen, if you’re okay by yourself now I should go
Colin: No
Colin: My turn
Pen: We don’t have to continue
Colin: My turn, Penelope
Pen: Okay
Colin: My favourite football club is Tottenham, my favourite meal is shrimp fried rice and when I said you were first before as well, I meant the first girl I ever loved
Pen: You’re allergic to shrimp…
Colin: I am
Pen: You love Tottenham
Colin: I do
Pen: Oh
Colin: Yeah
Pen: You’re coming back to England
Colin: I am
Pen: When?
Colin: Two months to wrap up my final contract
Pen: Okay
Colin: You said your crush was ongoing
Pen: I did
Colin: Yeah
Pen: You haven’t been with anyone since Marina…
Colin: No
Pen: Because you can’t…if you don’t love them?
Colin: No
Pen: You used ‘loved’ in the past tense
Colin: Poor grammatical oversight. It’s very much not past tense
Pen: If you came back
Pen: And we were to date
Colin: Yes
Pen: Would you be able to…
Pen: With me?
Colin: Yes
Pen: You didn’t even think about it
Colin: I’ve been thinking about it
Pen: It?
Colin: It
Pen: With me?
Colin: With you
Pen: Colin
Colin: Penelope
Pen: You’re back in two months?
Colin: I am
Pen: You’ll come to mine straight from the airport
Colin: Oh yes?
Pen: Yes
Colin: And why might that be Miss Featherington?
Pen: That two year streak?
Colin: Yes…
Pen: We’re ending it