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Binky arrived at the Crosswire Mansion with a frown. Normally he liked Muffy’s parties, but this was one she was throwing on behalf of Mr. Ratburn. The school year was coming to an end, so after some units focusing on flavors of the world, historical trysts, and some other stuff he wasn’t paying attention to, Mr. Ratburn wanted to celebrate the last of the year. Muffy was happy to help, and now her mansion was bustling with activity. Binky passed a pair of food trucks as he stepped into the garden, where various tables were set up around the green space. At the center was a table with a START HERE/WELCOME!! banner with Mrs. Crosswire sitting behind it.
Binky approached and Millicent smiled, “Hi, Binky! Here’s your packet for today. You’ll get a passport stamp from each table, then we’ll have lunch once everyone is done. Look out though, there could be the opportunity to duel at any turn,” she winked.
Binky hated the sound of that. He was barely paying attention to that unit, but all he could remember were people lining up in the streets to watch the battle play out. It never ended well for at least one party, and the only one he could remember took out both duelers. He gulped—surely Mr. Ratburn wouldn’t plan anything too dangerous for a kids’ party…right?
The tables were simple enough. Various parents hosted tables focusing on things from their units—Buster’s mom had one about printing presses and gave him a stamp from the 1800s, Arthur’s dad had some sort of weird food thing that wasn’t very good but it earned him a stamp from…it was too blurry to make out, and Brain’s mom had ice cream that was being hand-cranked by each kid that passed by. Binky couldn’t help but notice she held him the longest after frowning over a weak George, who could barely turn the handle.
But he tried not to dwell on that as he kept his eye out for these dueling opportunities. There were so many people in the small garden that he knew they were happening, but he didn’t know what was going on and he couldn’t tell how they were carrying this out. Were they having mock sword fights? He knew there were no guns involved; he couldn’t hear any shots ringing out. He tried to remember other duels when a bell chimed and stopped everyone in their tracks. Binky took a breath and swallowed down his fear as he turned around to see Mr. Ratburn standing precariously on a ladder being held by a boisterous Ed Crosswire, who was waving to the crowd with such fervor that a nervous Nigel could barely hold on.
Mr. Ratburn’s megaphone squealed over the party, and everyone covered their ears with a grimace. Nigel blushed slightly as the squeal stopped. He cleared his throat and announced, “It’s time for lunch. Today we have Maria’s Mexicana, and she has hand-crafted burritos for each student. Pay attention to the stickers on your burritos! If yours matches another classmate, you’ll be forced to duel for your reputation. Winner gets ten points for the oral report of this unit, which will be due when we return to class Monday.”
The kids groaned as the adults began packing up their tables. Binky realized this was the grand finale—whatever happened at lunch would be the end of the event, so this duel was a make-or-break situation. He wondered what the loser would get as the kids filed in front of the food truck. Maria and her partners handed out bundles after the kids handed over their passports with their names and stamps.
Binky handed over his passport and received a thick burrito with a red sticker on the front. He studied it as he walked to the picnic tables the Crosswire’s had set up—the sticker reminded him of the wood stamps his mom used for her scrapbooking projects, and his featured a bull and Chinese characters. He wondered what they meant as his ears started filtering in the conversations around him.
“Cool, I got an alien! Anyone else get an alien?” Buster asked. Sue Ellen scoffed, “That’s not an alien, Buster, it’s just green,” she argued before explaining the figure to him. A dejected Buster frowned, “Still looks like an alien to me,” he muttered as he bit into his burrito with a grim expression.
Arthur eyed Francine’s, “What is that? It’s so red,” he said. Binky’s ears perked up as Francine shrugged, “I don’t know, it has these funny-looking letters beside it. I can’t read any of them.”
“Let me see,” Sue Ellen called, and Francine handed over the part of her wrapper with the sticker on it. Sue Ellen gasped, “I bet this is it. This is a bullfighter’s prayer, it’s just written in Japanese. Does anyone else have a bull as their sticker?!” Sue Ellen called out over the crowd.
Fern eyed hers, “No, but would it really be that easy? It’s Ratburn,” she said as Jenna giggled beside her. Fern turned and noticed Binky was redder than the sticker. Fern frowned, “Oh, I guess it is that easy.”
“Did someone find a match?” Mr. Ratburn called. Fern was quick to fire the first shot, “Check Binky’s, I think it’s him.”
Francine cackled, “Binky Barnes?! I get to duel him!? This is going to be great!” she laughed.
Binky solemnly stood up. He knew this was it, he was a goner. His eyes met Buster’s, who frowned but gave him a friendly thumbs-up. He knew same as Binky that this wouldn’t end well for either of them, but mostly him. If only Binky had paid better attention in class, he might know what to expect.
At the center of the picnic tables, a lane was drawn out with chalk. Francine stood in a box at one end, and Binky was pushed into a box at the other by Mr. Crosswire, who held Binky in place as Francine heckled him from down the lane. All eyes were on the two of them as Mr. Ratburn went into a nearby pop-up tent and returned with a milk crate with two large water guns inside. He handed one to Mr. Crosswire before moving to stand beside Francine, whose eyes lit up as she eyed the favorable weapon.
“Today we’ve had a mock sword fight with pull noodles, and we’ve had an aiming contest between rivals with rubber band slingshots. However, the most famous duels were done with pistols. We’re all a bit young and mortal to be doing such things, so we’re going to use water instead. In a moment, I’m going to hand over your weapons. You are to hold your position until I give the cue to fire otherwise you’ll be disqualified with an automatic loss, understood?” Mr. Ratburn called. Francine grinned and nodded as Binky gulped nervously and barely nodded his head.
A second later, the heavy gun was in his hand. The tip leaked slightly as Binky held the gun at his side. Francine gripped hers with both hands and hugged it towards her body. Her smirk told him that she was more than ready to blast him from his spot.
“When I say, you’ll both fire on each other. Whoever is the wettest after ten seconds is the loser,” Mr. Ratburn announced. Francine and Binky nodded to him again as he and Mr. Crosswire took safety far from the lane.
Silence fell over the crowd, and Binky’s heart pounded in his ears. He wanted this to be over with—he already knew that Francine was going to blow him out of the water with her weapon, and she was going to enjoy every moment of it.
Mr. Ratburn lifted a red bandana, and a second later, he made the call. Binky picked up his weapon and fired only to find it wouldn’t do anything. Francine cackled as she fired in his direction, her hits soaking through his shirt as she laughed and laughed. The crowd cheered as Binky squeezed and shook the gun, but no water came out.
In frustration, he tossed the gun to the ground. The pressure from the hit was too much for the worn plastic, and the gun exploded in a wall of water that soaked his pants, socks, and shoes. Binky kicked the thing and ran off behind the tent. He didn’t know where he was going, but he wanted away from his laughing classmates. He couldn’t face them after such humiliation, so he ran and ran, quickly finding himself back in the garden.
Mrs. Powers looked up from the ice cream crank, where she was scooping out cups for the party. She frowned, “You look a mess, young man. Here, have a towel. It might be a little sticky.”
Binky eyed the tiny hand towel and looked down to his soaked-through clothes. There was nothing that little bit of fabric could do for him, and he found himself laughing. Once he started laughing, he couldn’t stop, and he fell into Mrs. Powers’ chair with a squishing sound that shot water around him, and that made him laugh even more.
Suddenly Mr. Ratburn, Ed Crosswire, and Mr. Read appeared around the corner. Mr. Ratburn saw his laughing student and sighed with relief as Mr. Crosswire handed over a beach towel.
“I’m sorry the gun malfunctioned, Binky,” Mr. Ratburn said, adding, “I checked them myself last night, I guess yours got overfilled. Would you like another chance?”
“No, let Francine have the win, she wanted it more anyway,” Binky replied as he took off his over shirt. He eyed his shoes and took them off. He dumped a solid stream of water out of each one while giggling.
“I can give you a ride home in my van if you’d like,” Mr. Read offered. Binky thanked him and accepted the offer as Mrs. Powers began putting ice cream cups on a serving tray. Bailey appeared, and soon the group of them returned to the party. Francine couldn’t stop bragging over her win, but Binky found himself ignoring her. He still felt bad about how things played out, but he felt better that Mr. Ratburn and the other adults had his back. Plus getting that wet wasn’t so bad once he toweled off.
At the end of the party, Mr. Read packed up Binky and Arthur in his van, and they left the Crosswire mansion. The grounds were a mess after such an event, and there was still a giant puddle on the turf where Binky’s gun exploded. Seeing it made him laugh again as the Read’s eyed him sympathetically, but he didn’t care. Francine might’ve won, but Binky had won the long game, and that was more important to him.
~End