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Peach, Mario, and the Thousand Year Door

Summary:

Princess Peach had planned for this treasure hunt to be a simple outing, a way for both her and Mario to enjoy themselves without the threat of Bowser hanging over their heads. But of course, nothing could be that simple for them. Now, she and Mario were pitted in a race against the notorious X-Nauts to find all the mythical yet elusive Crystal Stars.
However, armed with only a magical map to guide them on their journey, the two still need to find the answers to a lot of questions along the way. What do these X-Nauts want with Peach and the Crystal Stars? Just what is the legendary treasure that lay behind the Thousand-Year Door?
And, perhaps the most dire and pressing question of all:
How did they feel about each other, really?
(AKA a Paper Mario TTYD retelling but Peach gets in on the treasure hunt as well)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: A Princess's Greetings (and a Rogue's Welcome)

Chapter Text

Rogueport could never be called a peaceful and orderly city. In this seedy town, its people could not go more than a day or two without facing some kind of ruckus. The town was built on its conflicts just as much as its commerce—whether it was the gang war between the well-established Pianta syndicate on the west side and Ishnail's up-and-coming street gang on the east, the underground dwellers in the city's sewers that tried to stir up trouble, or even just whenever the Excess Express stopped by, you could guarantee that at any time of any day, there'd be a massive scuffle somewhere in town.

But even a town as ever-turbulent as Rogueport maintained a status quo. And the townsfolk were keenly aware that it was being disturbed. The shadowy band of masked interlopers that had made themselves known throughout the town—the "X-Nauts", they called themselves—were getting in everybody's business, and putting everybody on edge. Not many people wanted to admit it, but you could feel it in the air—a great storm was brewing, one millennium in the making. And it was uncertain whether the town could go back to the way things were once it passed. As a result, any new oddities were now guaranteed to become the talk of the town within minutes at the latest.

One such oddity was a young woman spotted at the docks, sitting atop a barrel. Her pink dress sparkled like the ocean as the Sun shone down upon it. Running a hand through her blond hair, she was looking intently at her cell phone, her lips pursed. Naturally, word spread like wildfire among the sailors and skippers, all wondering who this mysterious woman is.

"You reckon she's from Poshley Heights?" a Bob-omb asked his Toad crewman while he was unloading cargo off of their ship.

" 'Course she is! You ever seen a gal from here as dressed up as her?"

"Mm, I'd doubt it. You know how those Poshley types look. This girl looks...different."

"Wow, that's really descriptive of you, Bobert. I totally now understand what you mean!"

"Quit bein' a smart-arse, Toady!" Bobert shot back, jumping up and down with indignant hops. "You know what I mean! The way she carries herself, that's more than what money can do for you. It's like she's...regal...or somethin', you know?"

Toady looked up at him after stacking another box of cargo onto the pier, knocking the wind out of himself in the process. "What, like a princess?" he asked, after recovering his breath.

"That's it exactly!" Bobert's eyes lit up as he replied. He waddled over to the edge of the pier and stood on his tiptoes to get a closer look at her. While Toady went back to unloading boxes, he looked at her with a newfound reverence. "Say, you really think she's a princess, mate?"

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?" replied Toady with a snort, hauling up another box into his arms. "Maybe if she hears your sob story, she'll give you a royal pardon for your tax evasion schemes."

"Hah!" Bobert laughed. "More like a royal hang-draw-and-then-quarterin'!" The Bob-omb then stopped his hearty chuckle when noticing that his partner was looking at him funny. "What's the matter with you?" he asked.

Toady readjusted his sailor's hat. "You can't be drawn and quartered, Bobert. You don't have arms."

Bobert's eyes narrowed into a glare. "What's that supposed to mean!?" he said angrily. When he didn't get a response, he hopped on top of the cargo that the Toad was unloading. "Hey, mate, look at me when I'm talkin' to you! You got a thing against us Bob-ombs or somethin' because we don't have arms!?" he accused, hopping up and down furiously.

Toady took a step back and huffed. His first instinct was to deny the accusation of prejudice, but his frustration got the better of him. "Well, maybe I do when they're not helping me unload the cargo!" he shot back, fists clenched.

Bobert growled, stamping his foot on the boxes. "And how'd you expect me to do that without any arms, you wee little mushroom head!?"

Toady threw up his hands into the air in frustration. "I don't know! Just...kick it or something!" Toady then led by example, driving his foot into the boxes with a firm kick that sent the Bob-omb tumbling down back onto the deck of the ship. "I swear, that's the thing with you Bob-ombs!" he yelled, crossing his arms. "I've never met a single one of you with a fuse that's bigger than a dried mushroom!"

Bobert leaped up to his feet, the fuse on his head lighting up in anger. "Oh, now it's on, lad!" He planted his feet firmly onto the ground as he glared daggers at his crewmate. "This has been a long time comin'. I've had it with you an' that...squawky voice of yours!"

Toady's eyebrows shot up into his mushroom cap. "SQUAWKY!?" he squawked, before rolling up his sleeves. "That's it! We're settling this here and now!"

"I'm not gonna lose to some walkin', talkin' mushroom! Now C'MERE!"

Toady then tackled Bobert clean off the boat, sending them both into the sea. A crowd had gathered at the harbor while the two were arguing, having sensed that a fight was about to break out. As the Toad and Bob-omb emerged from the waters, kicking and clawing at each other, the crowd began to cheer them on, eager to see who would come out on top.

Princess Peach, who didn't hear a word of the whole argument, looked up from her phone after hearing the sudden noise. After seeing what all the commotion was about, she let out a deep sigh, turning her attention back to her cell phone. She'd already witnessed so many brawls during their short time here that it had become part of the background to her. Shifting her weight on the barrel, she impatiently refreshed her contacts list, waiting for any new calls or texts. Mario should be arriving at any moment now.

To say that she was looking forward to this would be an understatement. She'd been traveling the world, and this was their last stop before returning home. What better way to cap it all off than an exciting treasure hunt? She'd wanted to get started right away, but Toadsworth had already made it clear that he was firmly against her "gallivanting on her own in this backwards, quarrelsome town". Peach craned her neck to see the inn where her steward was staying, her nose wrinkling. She loved Toadsworth, but he could be so...stifling at times. Hopefully, with Mario by her side, they'd both be able to put his concerns to rest.

Peach refreshed her phone once more. As her Mailbox SP remained the same, she sighed, gazing wistfully at the sea. To tell you the truth, there was another reason why she was dragging Mario all this way out here. In the past few months, Bowser miraculously hadn't made any moves since his failed gambit with the Star Rod. During this period of peace, the princess found herself having many more opportunities to talk with the man, which didn't involve him saving her or her thanking him for saving her again. Their conversations had always been awkward and strained before, but over these past few months, she really felt like she was getting to know him better. Whenever she had the time, Peach would walk the castle halls with him, talking about their days. Mario would tell her stories about the human world, and Peach would listen to them enraptured like he was recounting a grand epic from a fantastical land. It was honestly really flattering to hear from Mario that he was just as blown away by her world as she was by his world. (She should really visit that world one of these days, once she worked up the nerve.)

In short, that was the main reason she wanted to invite Mario to take part in the treasure hunt with her. Because even if they didn't find anything, at least it would be fun to go on a little adventure with her friend. No Bowser to deal with, no rescue necessary, just the two of them enjoying an outing together.

Peach then blinked, her brow furrowing. Now that she thought about it, didn't that sound rather...romantic? Her face colored, and she quickly shook her head, immediately dispelling such thoughts. She hoped that she hadn't given Mario the wrong impression.

Just then, Peach spotted something on the horizon that jolted her from her thoughts. A ship was headed its way toward the harbor, speeding along as it cut through the sea like a knife. At the front deck of the ship, leaning on the railing, was the man himself, clad in blue overalls, white gloves, and a red hat with an "M" label on it.

Peach got up from the barrel, an excited smile lighting up her face. She waved a hand in greeting as the ship slowed to a stop at the pier, pocketing her cell phone with the other.

She was waiting for Mario to come down the stairs once they were extended out, but he instead jumped up from the deck and onto the pier. He landed gracefully onto the ground, bouncing up as he waved a hand back at her.

The stairs on the ship's port side then unfolded with a mechanical whirr, extending down onto the pier. "There we are!" a voice called out from behind the helm. The vessel's captain then stepped out—a youthful, polished Bob-omb with a yellow hue. "You are now free to exit the craft—oh, y-you're...already there," he said, blinking rapidly.

Mario just rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, adjusting his cap.

"Anyways, sir," the captain continued. "Apologies for the delay! We came across a patch of rough weather along the way."

Mario waved a hand to dismiss the captain's concerns. "It's fine," he said in his soft accent. "The princess is right here, so it's not like I missed much."

The captain turned towards the princess in question, tilting his head.   "So that's who you were talking about..." he said to himself. She certainly looked every bit like a princess, but since he wasn't from the Mushroom Kingdom, he had no idea he was staring at Princess Peach herself. Besides, he couldn't even fathom why a princess would want to come to a place like this. "...but, sir. Are you sure you two wish to spend your vacation here? I know I've told you all the sordid rumors, sir—" he said, bowing respectfully at Mario before turning towards the princess, "—but I'm sure you've already seen what this town is like, miss." The captain shuddered, a chill running down his fuse. "I'd rather not step one foot in this place myself."

Peach bowed back at the captain with a formal curtsy. "I appreciate your concern, Sir Captain," she said formally, "but we have our own business here in this town. We intend to see it through regardless of the circumstances that may arise."

The Bob-omb had to take a moment to answer. He'd never been curtsied at before, so the gesture threw him off guard. "Alright. I'll take your word for it," he said at last with a tentative nod. "But don't say I didn't warn you both!" The captain then returned back to his seat at the helm. As the stairs retracted into the ship's hull, its engine roared to life, before speeding off into the distance once more.

Mario watched it leave, adjusting the brim of his hat so that it blocked the sunlight. "It sounds like you're quite invested in this treasure hunt," he said with a chuckle, looking up at her.

"Was it really that obvious?" Peach replied with a laugh. She looked down at Mario, before averting her gaze when they happened to lock eyes. "Anyway...did you bring the map?" she asked, folding her hands.

Mario nodded, digging into his pockets. He pulled out a tattered roll of paper, unfurling it in one smooth motion. At its full length, it was as wide as his own chest. His eyes squinted as he looked it over once more. "So, where do we start with this?" he asked. "I honestly can't recognize any of these places."

Peach hummed, grabbing onto one end of the map as she bent over to study it. As her fingers grazed the parchment, she felt a certain sensation, neither pleasant nor painful, course from them down her entire body. "Just as I thought," she said. "There's something more to this map. When I touch it, I can feel a certain...power...coming from within it," she explained.

Mario looked up at her in surprise. "What, like it's made of magic?" he asked. He studied the map more intently, his brow furrowing. He hadn't felt anything special from the map himself. He'd assumed it was just a regular thousand-year-old map. "So, are there any wizards in town that could help us?" he asked the princess jokingly.

"You'd be surprised," said Peach, thinking back to the strange blue-robed figure she'd seen at the east side of Rogueport. "But ignoring the map for a second..." She left the map in Mario's hands, taking a step back. "Are you caught up on the history surrounding this town?"

Mario held out a hand and made a so-so gesture. "More or less," he responded. "A prosperous city's underneath here, a huge calamity destroyed it, and the old city has some kind of legendary treasure inside."

Peach nodded. "That's good! Then we are on the same page," she replied, a smile growing on her face.

"I hope you have a better idea of where we should start, princess," Mario admitted. He took another hard look at the map, but it was no use. It was written in a text he couldn't understand, and he couldn't even recognize any of the landmarks on it. If he didn't know, he would've thought that this map was merely an ancient work of art.

The princess put a hand to her cheek, her lips pursed. "I'm not so sure where to start myself," she admitted as well. "I think our best course of option is to ask any locals around who are interested in seeking out the legendary treasure." But as she gazed at Rogueport's harbor, the crowd parting to help both the Toad and the Bob-omb up before they continued their brawl on land, she couldn't help but sigh. "Although, I don't even know if any townsfolk here would be willing to help us..."

"HEY! What do you want with me!?" a young woman's voice cried out. "Get lost, freaks!"

Both Peach's and Mario's heads snapped towards the source of the cry. A female goomba was running down the stairwell that led into Rogueport's town square, down into the harbor. Her blond ponytail bobbed against her archaeologist's helmet as she ran. She soon turned on her feet, backing herself away from her pursuers, glaring daggers at them.

As for her pursuers...they would've certainly turned heads even if they weren't chasing random people down. All three of them wore strange uniforms with giant X's swathed across their chests, pointy ears sticking out from under their hoods. Two of them were smaller and flanked the third one in the center, who was nearly twice their height. Unlike his cohorts, the bigger guy in the center had apparently traded in his white hood for a purple one, and a spiky, red cape was draped over his shoulders. This bigger guy took slow, sauntering steps towards the Goomba, leering down at her.

"Oh, you don't want to play dumb with us, you nosy bookworm!" he said, crossing his arms. "We've seen you walking around town, asking about the Crystal Stars. So if you wanna trade knowledge so badly..." He then pointed an accusing finger at her. "...Then you're gonna be a good little scholar and spill every last thing you know about the Crystal Stars, right now!"

The Goomba recoiled, as if she'd been struck. "Why should I have to tell anything to you creeps!?" she shot back. "I'm not gonna tell you guys a word. You've gotta be from some kind of evil organization with those getups!" she yelled, wrinkling her nose.

"...Dude, how did she know!?" one of the figures in white whispered loudly to the other.

"Don't lose your head! I think she's just bluffing!" the other figure whispered back.

The purple guy groaned, clearly trying with great effort to ignore his associates' inane questions. "You're making a grave mistake, picking a fight with the X-Nauts!"

"What are you even saying!? You're the ones who chased me through town in the first place!" she pointed out.

"We started it, eh?" he said, his voice lowering to a growl as he stomped towards her. Light gleamed off his goggles, seeing a hint of fear in the Goomba's defiant eyes and finding his chance to pounce. "Then I'll do you the honor of finishing it!"

Peach was so focused on the conversation that she didn't even notice that Mario was taking slow steps toward the pair. He then broke into a run, jumping in between the Goomba and the weird guys. "Is there a problem?" he asked, his voice dangerously calm as he stared the masked men down.

Peach reached out a hand, worry creasing her face. Despite the many brawls she'd observed already, she still couldn't tell whether a fight was just a petty street brawl or required somebody to step in before anyone got seriously hurt. She supposed Mario just had that hero's intuition of knowing when to step in.

The purple weirdo looked down at him, unimpressed. "How about you beat it, bub?" he said, shaking a fist at him as a threat. "This ain't any of your business, punk!"

Mario shrugged. "Wouldn't that be calling the kettle black?" he replied dryly. "Because I don't think you all are from this town, either." He put a hand to the brim of his cap, tilting his head slightly towards the Goomba behind him. "These people aren't the local mob, are they?"

The Goomba emphatically shook her head. "Nah, these guys are something else. I'm telling you, they gotta be part of some big, bad organization!" The Goomba stood on her tiptoes as she talked to Mario, as if she'd totally forgotten her peril. "I mean, who joins a group that calls themselves the 'X-Nauts' and chooses to dress up in those weird outfits? You guys aren't even intimidating anyone, you're just plain lame!"

"Hey, don't attack the vest! Wearing this is the best part of the job!"

"Really, dude? Honestly, our uniforms are kinda tacky..."

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!" The purple...'X-Naut'...shouted, stamping his feet on the ground like a petulant child. "That does it! We were just gonna rough you up a little and let you free after you answered our questions, but now I've had a change of heart!" He adjusted his goggles, recrossing his arms as he tried to appear as intimidating as he could. "I don't imagine this town would miss too dearly a sassy little lass and a...tubby fatso!" He turned his head towards the onlooking crowd as he said this, letting them know that his words were a threat to them as well. Most of the crowd members averted their gaze, suddenly finding their personal business at the port to be a lot more interesting than the fight that was about to go down.

"Where does he get off calling you a fatso, anyway?" the Goomba whispered in his ear.

Mario simply shrugged his shoulders. "I guess he's got a bigger problem with hypocrisy than we thought," he whispered back with a chuckle.

The X-Naut snapped his fingers, calling both his subordinates to attention. "Listen up, boys! We're takin' both of these chumps back to our Fortress!"

The subordinate X-Nauts snapped to attention, both of them crossing their arms to make the shape of an 'X' over their chests. "Roger, Lord Crump! We're on it!" said the one on the right.

The 'Lord Crump' in question laughed mockingly at Mario and the Goomba, leaning his chest back. "Buh huh huh! You both are gonna wish you just kept your mouths shut!" he taunted, his hands falling to his sides before balling them into fists. "Looks like I'll have to give you both a taste of the old CRUMP-A-BOMB!"

Lord Crump then took a step back before rushing at the pair with surprising speed, his arms wheeling around as he ran. He then jumped up in the air, launching himself towards them.

The Goomba yelped and dived away to the right. Mario, a moment after and not a moment too soon, leaped in the opposite direction, sidestepping the attack. He landed on the gracefully, spinning around on his foot.

Lord Crump, meanwhile landed on his bottom, nothing but the hard pavement breaking his fall. He cried out in pain as he skidded to a stop, clutching his rear.

But before he could even get up, Mario was already upon him. Leaping high into the air, Mario stomped on the X-Naut with the force of a falling anvil, striking him right in the gut.

Lord Crump grunted as he was knocked backward into the ground. Getting back on his feet with surprising agility, he glared at his opponent scornfully. Who did this chump think he was, coming out of nowhere and trying to screw up his plans? He pulled out a radio from his utility belt, bringing it to his mouth. "Men! We've got a situation at the docks!" he muttered in a barking tone. "We've got two persons of interest we're trying to take with us, but they're trying to put up a fight. Try to go easy on the Goomba girl, we need her for questioning. But as for Mr. Tubby here..." Lord Crump sneered behind his mask. "...you're free to end his game, right here and now!"

Meanwhile, one of the other two X-Nauts had set their sights on the Goomba girl. They approached her with small, tentative steps, holding his hands out as if they were dealing with a wild beast. "Look, lady, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," they began. "And...you know what, honestly, I don't think I'm ready to do this the hard way, so can we please just do this the easy way?" they rushed through his plea, clasping his gloved hands together.

The Goomba girl didn't move a muscle. She wasn't really sure how to respond to that.

The third X-Naut was much bolder than their counterpart. They waddled towards Mario as fast as they could, swinging their little arms madly over their head.

Mario held his ground, only digging into his pockets. Pulling out his trusty hammer, he gave the X-Naut a firm whack across the chest, sending them flying.

While all this was happening, the second X-Naut, lost in their hesitation, suddenly made up their mind. "What am I even so scared about anyway? You're just a Goomba!" they taunted in a rather timid voice, averting their gaze behind their goggles.

The Goomba, who'd been eyeing her wannabe captor warily, now stood stock-still, her mouth hanging open. "What's that supposed to mean!?" she sputtered, so offended by the insult that her fear completely melted away.

The second X-Naut, having finished psyching themselves up, rushed towards her, fists ready to swing. But unfortunately for them, the X-Naut who'd been hit by Mario's hammer collided right into them. The third X-Naut dropped to their knees with a gasp of pain, blindsided by the sudden blow.

The Goomba saw her chance and she took it. She took off in a running leap towards the X-Naut, jumping into the air like the mustache guy had done and bonking them clean on the head with her hard hat.

The X-Naut fell onto the ground, only able to get out a groan before they collapsed alongside their comrade.

As she got up, the Goomba girl walked over to the fallen X-Nauts with slow, confident steps. She put a boot atop the chest of the one she'd headbonked. "Next time, think twice before you write me off as 'just a Goomba'," she said coldly. She gave the X-Naut one last kick before turning away with a huff.

Princess Peach let out a relieved sigh. Her hands, which had been clasped around her brooch, fell to her sides. She had to admit that she worried for a second that things could've gone south, but it was clear that her worries were unfounded. This was Mario these thugs were dealing with, after all.

However, just then, Peach noticed a flash of movement in front of her. She looked up and saw a small group of X-Nauts huddled atop the wall. They were gathered in a circle, all peering down at Mario like owls watching their prey, waiting to pounce.

"Mario, look out!" Peach cried out, rushing towards him. Just as the group of X-Nauts leaped from the wall, Peach reached him, unfurling her pink parasol with a press of a button and holding it up in the air. She braced herself as the X-Nauts landed on her parasol, just barely keeping it upright. Each X-Naut bounced off of it, and all of them painfully landed onto the ground.

Mario turned away from Lord Crump, looking up at her in surprise. He stared at her, utterly lost as to what happened, before eyeing the sprawling forms of the X-Nauts and making the connection. "Nice save, princess!" he complimented, steadying his hat with one hand.

His eyes met hers for an instant, and she had to look away. "Oh...thank you," Peach said at last, running a hand through her hair. She had a nervous habit of fiddling with her crown, but since she'd packed that away so she could enjoy her vacation without attracting as much attention, she was only touching the top of her head.

Meanwhile, Lord Crump cursed, slamming the wall with his fist. "How many friends does that girl even have!?" he cried out in frustration, glaring daggers at the Goomba in question. "Or are you just jumping to play 'hero' as well?" Lord Crump turned his glare onto Peach, before suddenly going entirely still. He blinked once, twice behind his goggles, making sure that what he saw wasn't a trick of the light. "It's you!" he shouted, pointing a finger towards her. "Wasn't Beldam supposed to have taken you in by now!?"

Peach blinked, lowering her parasol. "I'm sorry?" was all she could ask, completely taken aback by the question.

Lord Crump, meanwhile, didn't look like he was doing so well. He'd turned pale beneath his mask, a hand on his face as he began to pace back and forth. "Gah! It's always something with these fools," he raved under his breath. Turning towards the two, he pulled out his radio once more. "ALL UNITS!" he shouted into the mouthpiece, not bothering for secrecy. "Princess Peach is walking free in the docks as well! Capturing her is our first priority! GET YOUR BUMS HERE AND DO YOUR JOBS FOR ONCE!" he hollered, nearly throttling the radio as he did so.

Peach took a step back from him, gripping her parasol more tightly with both hands. She exchanged a glance with Mario. Words didn't have to be said—neither of them had the slightest clue what these guys were or what their purpose was, but the situation was familiar all the same. For one reason or another, the X-Nauts wanted her in their clutches.

At that moment, an entire army of X-Nauts came storming in, making their way toward the fight through any path they could take. It took only an instant before the entire port was swarmed by them, enough to probably outnumber even the total amount of townsfolk in Rogueport.

"Oh no!"

"Mamma mia!"

"PUNISH THEM!" screamed Lord Crump, waving his arms wildly.

And the X-Nauts were upon them in a flash. Even if they weren't good fighters on their own—Peach didn't feel a single punch from them—their numbers more than made up for their individual weakness. Peach soon found herself smooshed against the wall, vainly trying to keep the horde at bay with her parasol.

Meanwhile, Mario was in front of her, whacking away X-Nauts on either side of the parasol. "I can't—clear a path!" he yelled over the din and confusion. "There's just. So. MANY!" he shouted, accompanying each word with a mighty swing. But it was no use—as many X-Nauts as he whacked away, more were rushing in every moment to take their place.

Peach watched Mario struggle while she was pinned against the wall, helpless to intervene. The parasol grew heavier and heavier in her hands with the weight of all these X-Nauts, and it was going to slip from her fingers any second now. She craned her neck as best as she could, desperately looking for a way out among the tangled mass of arms and legs—

"This way! Hurry!"

Peach jerked her head back, her eyes widening. She caught a glimpse of the Goomba to their left before she was lost in the storm of X-Nauts.

Mario, noticing the Goomba as well, held his hammer over his shoulder with a grunt, taking heavier swings with his hammer to better clear the way. As soon as there was a wide enough gap for the both of them, Mario put aside his hammer, tugging on  Peach's elbow. "Come on, before they notice!" he cried, motioning towards the gap.

Peach nodded, closing up her parasol. She followed him through the gap, holding her arms over her neck and head, But, strangely enough, she didn't feel anyone attack her. Rather, the X-Nauts were pushing past the both of them, making their way towards the middle.

As she made her way out of the crowd, she fell onto her knees, sucking in great lungfuls of fresh air. She blindly groped for Mario's hand and grabbed onto it, pulling herself up. "Thank you," she tried to say, but could only silently mouth the words, still trying to catch her breath.

"Are you alright?" asked Mario, concern scrunching up his face. "Are you hurt anywhere? Hey—how many fingers am I holding up?" he asked, dangling three gloved fingers in front of her face.

Peach stifled a laugh. "Yes, no, and three fingers," she replied, dusting off her dress. She rose to her full height, looking over her shoulder. The X-Nauts were still at it, whaling on each other, each of them making up a tiny piece of a giant ball of slapstick violence. "They...they certainly are..." she tried to describe the sight, gesturing a hand towards it. She was trying to find the right words, but ultimately gave up with an exhausted shrug.

Mario nodded solemnly. "They're certainly something, alright,I couldn't agree more, princess," he said, tipping his hat.

"I know, right? What a bunch of bozos!"

Both Mario and Peach looked up. The Goomba's cheerful voice came up from the stairs that led into the town square. The Goomba peered down at them, her ponytail and helmet both askew from the scuffle. "Let's just all sneak out of here. We can leave these guys to their devices," she suggested, side-eyeing the X-Nauts with distaste.

Mario nodded. "Sounds like a plan," he agreed, calling up to her. He hopped up the stairs after the Goomba, following her through the town gate.

Peach made her way up the stairs as well. When she reached the top, she could see that the X-Nauts hadn't stopped their fighting. If anything, they were only more fervently going at each other, each of them frantically searching for the people they were supposed to capture. She let out a sigh she hadn't known she'd been holding in. Ever since she'd gotten the map from that merchant, things had been getting stranger and stranger. She wasn't sure how much more she could take from this town.

As Peach made her way into the town square, she took one last glance over her shoulder. Her mind was a jumbled mess of questions right now, but one in particular stood out to her.

Just what had she gotten them both into?

 

Notes:

thanks you guys for reading!! all kudos are appreciated, and i especially wanna hear your comments if you guys have any!
take care everyone!!