Chapter Text
1. THE PRETTY ARROWS
"It may be difficult- " The Fire Lord says, ducking his head with all the calmness of the world as a flash of brown and silver flies just one or two inches away from his face.
" -oh, archer attempts, how original" Zuko continues in the same breath, glancing at the minister before giving the ornamented arrow his whole attention.
"This may be the prettier arrow someone has used to kill me. Look! It's an authentic Yuyan arrow!" Zuko exclaims, pointing at the silver mark of said archer group.
The minister doesn't seem to share his delight.
No, the only thing the minister seems to share is his heart condition skyrocketing.
"Please don't pass out just because I interrupted our conference," Zuko groans, going to his full height (but not before pocketing the pretty arrow, that one was going to his personal cabinet) as he focuses on the mouth widened political figure, "We'll go back right now, happy? As I was saying, Minister Huan, it may be difficult, and it surely will take time, but it's to our nation's best interests that we change the school curriculum for-”
Another arrow. Zuko dodges it with a swift jump, not giving the equally pretty arrow now stuck on the wall the attention it certainly deserves, since his minister was so sensitive about interrupting their meeting.
"- our next generation." Zuko finishes, eyeing the minister to analyze his reaction. Most people had shown a strong dislike at his decisions of not war-slaving their young ones from the cradle, but Zuko never found anyone so disgusted by it to the point of going pale.
"Speak out, minister ! You insult me by standing quietly when I previously allowed you to talk." Based on the minister's physical reaction, he'd certainly insult his idea - his order , because he is the Fire Lord and in some way he does whatever he wants -, but he should at least do it quickly so Zuko could finish the meeting with a polite end.
"The- the yu- The Yuyan just tried to-"
Zuko almost slaps his forehead at his own obliviousness. So the minister isn't all that displeased by his words, he's just a bit surprised by the assassination attempt!
"Oh, yeah, not the entire Yuyans, just some of them. Coronel Shinu inquired me if I wanted them hunted, but frankly? At least I'm getting different arrows everyday -"
''Everyday !?" Minister Huan shrieks, turning, if that's possible, even more pale.
"Correct. It started one or two weeks ago, I think? It may have been going on for longer, though. Someone has been poisoning my tea for a month, and I'm not sure if the Yuyan have or not training in poi-"
Another arrow, this one bright colored with a beautiful shade of oil-indulced blue fire, flies by, as if in an affronted reply to the dishonored accusations of using poison.
If someone asked later, Zuko will answer that Minister Huan passed out because of the burning arrow almost sparkling fire into his weirdly long sideburns-
-And not out of surprise at seeing his Fire Lord jumping away from the attack and slipping on the wet floor with a theatrical whine.
✨✨✨ Tra Bá Lá Lá Plim Plim ✨✨ ✨
2 . THE TEA MAKER
The tea maker has been one of the newest acquisitions of the staff, a mid aged scrawny man with a frightening resemblance to the looks of a certain cabbage’s seller, but who knew surprisingly well how to make tea and not, thankfully, cabbages' sales.
Yozee had a charming, close-minded but somehow easy going personality that was easy to get used to…And, while no one would ever make tea better than Uncle, Yozee’s tea had always been boiled to the exact point where even the most delicate leaves would impregnate the water with their pleasant flavor; that, added to the fact Uncle was out in some business with the White Lotus, was reason enough for Zuko to like the new teamaker.
What is the reason he knows something is wrong when bitterness surrounds his tongue instead of the usual delicate sweetness of camomile (the kitchen's are out of ginger and jasmine and all the more strong flavored ones), and Zuko forces his mouth to not spit it despite his instincts telling him to do just that.
“Yozee?” Zuko calls, puzzled, but the man has already exited the room, leaving him and his cup of bitter tea to their own devices.
He stares at the cup, and slowly moves it to the plant vase, reachable from his chair. Memories of hunger and painfully tight stomach and mouth so dry his tongue felt remarkably similar to ashes makes him give up with just a single drop falling to one of the bright green leaves.
Zuko bashfully decides to drink it up, because sometimes people make mistakes, even Uncle (though only one time, and he was sleepwalking) sometimes makes bad tea, and bitter tea isn't a good enough reason to throw away perfectly drinkable, thirsty-killing liquid.
If Zuko had given more attention to that one previously green leaf, he'd find ‘thirsty’ wasn't the only thing killable in that sentence.
And if Yozee looks a bit paler the next day, almost scared, almost surprised, almost about-to-be-sentenced at seeing the Fire Lord on his feet, Zuko doesn't give it much attention, because there's a bored Toph in the palace and that alone is a good reason for Zuko to turn pale.
Something is wrong with Yozee's tea, and the way Zuko realizes exactly what it's is, admittedly, a bit banal.
How does he discover it? He's quite busy, sipping on the even more bitter tea Yozee had just brought, who instead of getting away instantly has been as of lately remaining longer to see his reactions, (Zuko suspects the teamaker is testing new tea plants on him, since there's always different, foreign flavors on his tongue, but he has developed quite a like for these new bitter beverages, so the Fire Lord doesn't bother mentioning anything) when he decides to make another, unusual, request.
“Yozee, could you send a message for the kitchen to make some Wudu cake for later?” Zuko had asked for the simple, childish memory of eating them during tradicional festivals, but the mid aged man is taken by surprise, and Zuko is torn between waiting patiently for the cough to stop or going there and offering his tea.
Strangely enough, Yozee stops his cough instantly when Zuko offers the tea, declining it and quickly excusing himself out of the room; but not before Zuko notices the way he takes a long sniff at the top of the teapot with a heavy frown.
Zuko catches on the man's suspections quickly; if the teamaker considers the smell of his own tea upsetting just after hearing about Wudus Cake, then it certainly could only mean one thing:
Someone has been trying to poison the Fire Lord.
It took Zuko a shamefully long week to realize Yozee is the one trying to poison him; It takes Zuko half a day to ask for tea to be sent to his private chambers.
“Your tea, my Lord.” Yozee announces himself, all half edges carefully hidden by a healthy layer of graceful politeness.
“Thanks, Yozee,” he mumbles, taking one second longer to organize his reports and get Sokka’s scrabbles (Zuko has wasted way too much time trying to decipher that) out of main view before leering at the men, pointing at the chair in front of his desk “mind to join me for a quick chat?”
“As you wish, my Lord.” Yozee agrees good naturedly, sitting at the signed chair and waiting for Zuko to go on.
“Tea?” He swears he could hear the man gulp and his heart accelerating a bit. “No? Oh, that's a shame, it's very good tea.”
Zuko takes a sip, just to make a point, not breaking eye contact as the familiar bitterness rubs at all his taste buds. Aconite again, probably, he decides. At least Yozee used Strychnine seed’s powder instead of the cinnabar bits this time.
“You know, Yozee, I'm honored that you trusted me well enough to let me prove your… exquisite tea ingredients,” he starts, glancing at the slow-moving, thick liquid steaming in the cup, safely cradled in both his hands “and I have to say, since you got here I started to appreciate your unique bitter beverages”
The metal torch behind Yozee's head grew brighter, hotter, moving like a racing heart for the smallest of the seconds before returning to its colorfully warm, languid pace. Yozee may be a firebender, but the fires in the palace are Zuko's.
The man gulped. No fire stirred this time.
“I appreciate that Your Grace had taken such a liking to my family's traditions, my Lord” the servant concedes, not returning the Fire Lord's gaze.
“Family, huh? I guess that explains a bit” Zuko says, nodding leisurely “my mother, Fire Lady Ursa, was quite familiar with these tea traditions”
The man’s eyes are roaming, hastily like the ones of a wild animal's, around the room, on the window and the three visible torches.
Great, Zuko thinks, suppressing a smirk, time for the golden card.
“I have found the aconite tea to be my favorite ever since, though the white jade's tea with spurge sap is always a close second”
“My lord-
“What about you, Yozee, what was your favorite in making? Maybe the deadly nightshade? Or the Oleander?”
“I- I didn't -” Yozee tries, and this time Zuko allows him time to complete the phrase, wondering what would the man try to do.
One, two, three minutes passes before the man finally speaks.
“I- I don't have any way out of this, so before you sentence me, just…how…? I tried- I used some of the most dangerous leaves, saps, roots, fruits, and even metals! How-?” the man surrenders, looking at him with the eagerness of a person who's waiting for their final wish.
Well, considering the whole treason-of-the-highest-caliber, he might as well be.
Zuko shrugs nonchalantly; he doesn't know, really. Maybe after so many attempts at making his own tea, plus the whole three years in banishment eating whatever, his body might just have decided to build some resistance against teenager recklessness.
“I have a very good defensive system”
Said defensive system must hate him with all its brainless capacity, Zuko muses, taking another sip of his poisonous tea and wondering how long it would take to get Yozee's loyalty.
Not everyone knows how to make tea so well, after all
✨✨✨ Tra Bá Lá Lá Plim Plim ✨✨ ✨
3. AT LEAST THE YUYANS....
At least the Yuyans were secretive, Zuko thinks, displeased, as the same ‘servant’ appears in the corner of his eyes again , sprawling dust around with that damned sword-clearly-hidden broom in a way that makes the Fire Lord itches to go there and teach him how to properly sweep the floor.
At least the Yuyans surprised him with unexpected attacks, Zuko muses, irritated, as another fake servant wildly gestures to the one behind him with public Fire Nation signals just exactly how they're going to execute their attempt.
At least the Yuyans were quick about it and didn't bother his actual staff, Zuko fumes, watching two other incognito-active guards trying to lead away one of his actual staff, Eisuni, a barrel chested, salt-and-pepper haired old woman with more scars than years in her back, who remained stone-still with her arms crossed until Zuko himself subtly allowed her to exit the room with a nod.
It seems he's not the only one aware of the dumbassess here.
And finally, at least the individual who had been trying to poison his tea for three months - Yozee, who Zuko even had a pleasant chat with regarding poison flavor and wudus cakes (declaring how bitter aconite tea was in comparison to cinnabar-sprinkled camomile in front of the treasonous tea maker was a memory he'd cherish for the rest of his life)-, had the decency of officially getting the job first instead of just going head on in infiltrate assassination.
But these people here? Zuko doesn't even know their names , and while it may have been the norm before, nowadays it's just impossible .
Zuko stops before he's too close to the two near the door, knowing from the Hand Signal Dumbass that they would stab him from both sides as soon as he passed through.
With a heavy sigh, he looks around, mimicking a dumb highly important political figure who just discovered there's actual people and not invisible staff in the room. Zuko pointedly glares at the one behind him before schooling his features into a calm, gentle manner.
“Give me that broom, before I burn your eyebrows with all the dust you sprawled around” Zuko states matter-of-factly, and the person must have been actually surprised, since they gave him the broom with little fuss.
Really, Zuko is bored, and sleep has been running from his sight for at least three days, and these peoples hadn't even bothered to learn how to sweep the floor, so just to mess with them, Zuko decides to do just that with insultingly slow sweeps, blatantly giving his back to the two armed pseudo guards near the door.
Just as predicted, the hiss of swords being drawn echoes from behind - really, at least please choose a knife, it's soundless - the moment he moves, and Zuko allows them to get two feet nearer before he squats, sweeping them out of their feet in a quick low arc with the rough wood of the broom.
The pseudo guards falls with a hard clank of armor against the floor, and both swords clatters along it. Zuko spins around, broom charged with momentum force flying from his hand to the forehead of the Signal Dumbass with a sickening crunch (Zuko isn't all that bothered. Believe it or not, assassination is a serious treason act - and he hadn't used much force anyway).
He knocks out for good the two pseudo-guards before they could get to their feet, and then he turns around to frown disapprovingly at the one who gave him the broom.
“This attempt was so shit I have half a mind to let you all go just to see if you learn how to properly assassinate someone” Zuko announces, before spinning a hard kick at the person's head.
✨✨✨ Tra Bá Lá Lá Plim Plim ✨✨✨
4. THE (COMMITTED) FANS
Zuko never felt so insulted on behalf of someone as much as he is feeling right now.
Or better, he never felt so insulted on behalf of an art technique as much as he is feeling right now.
You see, after three years of blue spiriting his way into frauding the documents for Wanyi's resources and freeing highly wanted prisoners, the ability of being stealthy became an personal art-
-and seeing someone so obviously butchering it is physically painful.
Zuko had just ran ended his meeting with Minister Huan, feeling very lucky about the outcome and how surprisingly welcome had been his changes in the curriculum, when he realized he was being followed.
The problem? He realized it way too quickly, and now Zuko is stuck with two obnoxiously bad assassins's so up their asses they think they're good.
So Zuko, as the responsible Fire Lord his Fire Nation (doesn't) wants and needs, decides to go hop around the moment one of his pursuers tries to jump over a window (one of the numerous windows created by their local earthbender) and exhibits in full display just how well they know about the art of acrobatics.
Well, they are attempting to kill him, so he does have a reasonable excuse, Zuko reasons to himself, giving a pointed look over his shoulder before climbing to the nearest roof with exactly three jumps.
Zuko isn't a sadist, not like his father was, but the groan of pure despair he hears behind his back makes him surprisingly gleeful.
“Please tell me we're quitting it” one of his pursuers, Alami, whines, panting as she finishes climbing up the shrine’s roof again.
Zuko's waiting, cross legged and enjoying his honeyed white jade’s tea, to see if they realize he's not in said shrine’s roof, but in the neighbor's one, just far away enough to not be on jump reach.
“No! We traveled too much to quit just because that usurper is jumpy like a rabaroo!” The other -Zun?- snaps, panting even more and looking just ready to kneel over and die where he stood.
What, yeah, Zuko will not feel offended by the usurper thing, he won't. He will feel offended because Rabaroos are the total opposite of stealthiness and he was just compared to one, like a reasonable adult would.
Zuko is pretty sure they'd surrender their pursue if he decided to climb the Caldera’s volcanic walls again-
-So, of course, he does exactly that, just out of spite for the Rabaroo comparison.
“Please let's quit it already, I'm dying inside and I'm pretty sure my leg is broken” Alami complains, her voice way too stable for someone who's allegedly dying inside.
Not to mention how she's standing on said broken leg.
“We are not quitting” the dumber one - Suto? - repeats, huffing like he just died inside and trying to keep a balanced pace with his seemingly broken leg. “Just because that rickety fire spawn is-”
“Seriously, Suigo, he's probably-, no, he’s definitely messing with us at this point, no one would creep around their own city for five hours!” Alami shoots back, annoyed at her dying partner.
Zuko whistles, long and loud, from the tree’s branch he's currently perched on, just above their heads.
“As much as I liked this tag game, I have to say, you two are horrible ” the Fire Lord singsongs, stretching his tired muscles and jumping to the ground with a graceful roll.
The dumber - Suigo - tries to stand, but gravity does its job and sends him and his broken leg to the ground.
The dumb one, Alami, just lets out a long-suffering groan and tiredly raises both her arms in defeat.
“You don't have any proof, we didn't attack you” she defends their situation, (Zuko hadn't even accused them yet) though everyone knows it's a poorly acted ruse.
They both have clearly visible daggers, for Agni's golden sake.
“I admire your audacity,” Zuko admits with a strange mixture of surprise and disappointment in his voice he's used to hear in Uncle's when he does something ‘reckless’ like breaking into a super secret base to free the Fire Nation’s biggest enemy “and your… tenacity”
That one he aims for the dying one.
“...but if you aren't following me to attack, then why?” Zuko asks, raising his one remaining eyebrow, honestly curious at their excuse.
“You're really not buying that, even an usurper wouldn't be so dumb” Suigo declares, bewildered and clearly giving up on the lie without even trying.
Zuko's pretty sure he's not the dumb one. At least not in this situation. And if anything, a usurper - what, no, he is not, he's literally Ozai’s first born - would have to be pretty smart. Or at least dumbly strong.
Nonetheless, he ignores Suigo, instead observing Alami, who may be the one trying to lie her way out of this situation, but really isn't giving much care about it anyway.
“Autograph.” it's the deadpanned answer.
“That's your answer?”
Alami shrugs, “Guess so.”
“You two followed me around the city.”
“We're fans.”
“For five hours.”
“We're committed fans.”
The five minutes of laughter from the Fire Lord may have been one of the reasons the two were given just a five years prison sentence, and if anyone noticed their highest lord chuckling to himself during the rest of the week, they chose to keep silent.