Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

July 30th, 2022

An alarm went off, resulting in one man jumping up out of bed, and the other groaning into his pillow. James always gets up early, even though it was Saturday. Now, to call his husband a psychopath might be a bit much, but, James was a psychopath, at least when it came to his ridiculous schedule.

Regulus just had to marry him.

“Reggie…wake up…” James smiled, leaning down to kiss his husband.

“Go away…” Regulus groaned, rolling over. He hates early mornings.

James laughed and jumped on top of the younger man. “Wake up!”

“James!” Regulus gasped, opening his tired eyes.I hate you, I really mean it this time, you are the absolute worst!”

James peppered his cheeks in kisses and straddled Regulus’ waist. “You always say that, but then you say you love me.”

“Not this time.” Regulus shook his head fiercely. “Never again.”

James hummed and got up, making his way out of their room. “We’ll see about that! Love you!”

“Love you.” Regulus mumbled, curling back up in bed.

“I heard that!”

Regulus groaned and pulled the covers over his head. Psychopath.

After half an hour, Regulus was woken up to small feet waddling up to his side of the bed. He weakly smiled, thinking about his son standing quietly, waiting for him to wake up.

“Papa?” A chubby finger poked his eyes, and Regulus flinched.

“Ow, Harry…” he mumbled, rubbing his eye.

“Daddy! Papa awake!” Harry screeched.

“Perfect timing, my love, I made pancakes!” James yelled from the kitchen.

Harry screamed and ran out of the room, clearly very excited for pancakes. Pulling himself out of bed, Regulud put sweatpants on and went to the kitchen.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” James kissed him, making his way to the table. “Love the hair.” He smirked.

Rolling his eyes, the younger man did his best to smooth down his usually tamed curls. “Your hair is no better.” Regulus smiled, helping Harry into his booster seat. “The same goes for you, Haz. You always have crazy hair!”

“Crazy crazy hair!” Harry giggled, wiggling in his seat.

“We are a crazy haired family, and don’t you forget it!” James smiled, blowing a raspberry on Harry’s cheek.

“Daddy!” Harry laughed.

“Never gets old.” James smiled.

Regulus smiled and started cutting up Harry’s pancakes. If you would have told 18 year old regulus that he would end up marrying James Potter, and then tell him he has a kid with James Potter, regulus would have laughed in your face.

Harry was perfect in Regulus’ eyes. He had James’ coloring, dark wild hair and tanned skin, while his eyes were a bright green, that gene coming from Lily, who gladly helped the couple start a family. Regulus’ favorite feature of Harry’s was his birthmark. It was a few shades lighter than his skin, and it ran from the top of his forehead down to his right eyebrow. Regulus thought it looked like lightning, small lines coming off of the main one, with smaller lines coming off of those.

Not to mention the boy’s attitude. Harry had so much love in his heart, he’s always willing to help others, and love giving hugs and making new friends. He’s so sweet, until he’s home with just his dads, and then he’s a sarcastic little know-it-all who rolls his eyes when Regulus or James play a made up game wrong.

“Reg?” James asked.

Regulus looked up, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Yes, James?”

“Is everything ready for tomorrow?”

“I would hope so…” Regulus smirked, glancing at Harry. “I mean, unless you changed something last minute.”

“Mm…not that I can think of, but Pads might have.”

“Pads!” Harry screamed, his mouth and hands sticky with syrup.

Regulus smiled, grabbing a napkin to wipe Harry’s face. “He better not have, I worked very hard.”

“Using magic is not considered working hard, love. Besides, I did all the shopping and running around!”

Regulus waved him off, “Oh, shut up. We shared the workload.”

“Yeah, daddy, shut up.” Harry repeated, rolling his eyes.

James glared at Regulus and shook his head. “Haz, we don’t say that, it’s very rude.”

“Papa said it.” Harry said. “Shut up!”

Regulus smiled and kept eating. “To be fair, he heard Sirius say it first.”

“You are corrupting our child.”

“Hm, yeah. A Slytherin in the making.”

“No, absolutely not. My son will not be a Slytherin. Disgusting.” James gagged. They had this conversation daily. Regulus actually hopes Harry is put in Gryffindor, but he likes to annoy James about it.

“Guess we’ll just have to wait.” Regulus winked, and continued to eat.

Once the three were finished, and the kitchen was cleaned, they got ready for the day. Grocery shopping was the first thing that needed to be done, then they were planning to stop by Remus and Sirius’ music shop to pick out a few more albums for the next day.

“Daddy, do my hair!” Harry smiled, running into the bathroom. He was dressed in overalls and a green shirt, picked out by Regulus.

“Oh, absolutely not.” Regulus sighed, lifting Harry onto the counter. “Daddy is no longer allowed to do your hair.”

“Boo! It was one time, Reg!” James protested, lazily running a comb through his hair.

“James, you dyed his hair pink.” Regulus said, grabbing two hair ties. “Haz, buns?”

“Buns!” Harry smiled.

James made a face and gave up on his hair. “He liked the pink. He asked for it.”

Regulus rolled his eyes and pulled the top half of Harry’s hair into two small buns. Most of the time it was to keep his hair out of his eyes, but once he saw Sirius pull his hair up into buns, it’s how he has his hair done every day. Regulus thinks it’s absolutely adorable, and if anyone says anything, he silently hexes them.

After everyone had finally finished getting ready - James unsuccessfully taming his hair - they set off to go to the store. Walking the streets in muggle London was always an adventure. In the wizarding world, everyone knew everyone, and everyone was friendly. The muggle world could care less about your wellbeing.

James and Regulus decided they would live and raise Harry in the muggle world, wanting to have experience with and without magic. Their idea was also set in stone when Sirius and Remus decided to live in London, and opened up a music shop. Not wanting to be far away from each other, the two couples moved.

Regulus loved living on the outside. Yes, he loved having magic, and dragons, and floating everything, but in the muggle world, no one cared about blood purity, or family lines. They just went around minding their own business. Here, Regulus wasn’t a family disappointment and blood traitor, he was just some guy happily existing with his family.

“Harry, if you keep running ahead, I’m going to have to carry you.” James said, grabbing Harry’s hand.

“I wanna see Pads!” Harry whined, pulling James forward. “Let go daddy!”

“Harry, we are on a busy sidewalk, you can’t - ow!” James yelped, letting go of Harry. “He bit me!”

“I wonder where he learned that.” Regulus sighed, thinking of Padfoot. “I’ll go get him.” He jogged ahead and scooped Harry up, causing the boy to scream.

“Papa, non! Posez-moi! Ne me porte pas!” He screamed.

“Oh, so now you speak French?” Regulus asked, throwing Harry over his shoulder.

“Je veux marcher! Posez-moi!”

“Is he screaming in French?” James asked, walking up next to Regulus. “I didn’t know he could do that.”

“Apparently he actually pays attention when I teach him.” Regulus shrugged, patting Harry’s bottom.

“Papa, arrête!” Harry whined, pounding his fists on his father’s back.

Regulus looked ahead and put Harry down. Grocery shopping will have to be second, since the record shop was just up ahead. Harry immediately perked up and started running, James and Regulus not worried anymore.

“Uncle Pads!” Harry yelled, running into the shop.

“Haz!” Sirius smiled, walking out from behind the counter. “Hey, kiddo, where’d you come from?” He asked, picking Harry up.

“Outside!” Harry giggled. “Daddy and papa are outside too!”

The bell on the door rang, and Sirius smiled. “I bet they’re taking forever because they’re so old!”

“We’re both younger than you, Padfoot.” James smiled, walking to the back. “Moony! Where art thou!”

“He’s upstairs, give him a minute, Prongs.” Sirius smiled.

“Where’s cousin Teddy?” Harry asked.

“He’s upstairs too.” Sirius said, flipping Harry upside down.

“Uncle Pads!” Harry laughed, waving his arms around.

“Haz!” Teddy smiled, running over.

“Bear! Hey, slow, you need to relax.” Remus sighed, coming down the stairs.

“I’m okay, dad!” Teddy smiled, holding Harry’s hands.

“Just, no more running, okay?”

Teddy nodded, and Sirius put Harry down. The two giggled and ran off back upstairs, heading to Teddy’s bedroom on the second floor. Remus sighed again and sat down In a stool behind the counter, and Sirius hopped up to sit on top of the counter.

“Another episode?” James asked, picking up a record.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t too bad.” Remus said, running his hands through his hair. “He gets it from you, you know.”

Sirius smiled and held back a laugh, while Regulus rolled his eyes and hid his own smile.

James smiled and shrugged. “As much as I would love to take credit for everything amazing about Teddy, he did not get his condition from me.”

“Besides, epilepsy doesn’t work like that.” Regulus said.

“Teddy doesn’t even have epilepsy, Moony.” Sirius smiled. “He just has changing fits.”

Remus rolled his eyes and flicked Sirius’ hand. “I know that, Pads, but it’s easier to explain when I say epilepsy. Nobody knows what changing fits are.”

James laughed and picked out another vinyl. “Love, what about this one?”

“What are you looking for?” Sirius asked.

Regulus walked over to James and shook his head at the album choice. “We need music for Harry’s party tomorrow.”

“Why don’t I - “

“Kid friendly music, Sirius.” Regulus cut him off. “I don’t trust you to bring music.”

Remus and James shared smiles, while Sirius looked devastated.

“I’ll do kid music, I swear! Please, Reggie! Let me dj!” Sirius begged, falling to his knees. “Please!”

James burst out laughing, resting his hands on his knees for support. “Oh, come on, Reg. Just let him do it.” He wheezed.

“I’ll do puppy eyes!” Sirius said.

“No, no you will not.” Regulus said, knowing puppy eyes meant Padfoot. “Fine, you can dj.”

“Yay! Thank you, Reggie!” Sirius smiled, hugged his brother.

“Gross, let go.” He grabbed, pushing Sirius away.

James kissed his cheek and smiled. “Be a good sport, love.”

“Whatever.” Regulus mumbled, smiling anyways.

— - —

After many promises from Teddy that he would see Harry the next day, and Regulus having to drag James away from Sirius, the family of three headed to the grocery store. They only needed a few things for the party; cups, ingredients to make frosting, and this muggle soda that Sirius insists on having.

Everything else was already bought, or could be made with magic. James was very eager to get everything started a week before, so he ran around London and Diagon Alley gathering up presents and party supplies. James wouldn’t tell Regulus what he had gotten for Harry, but he had a feeling it would be something dangerous.

As they walked through the store, Harry held tightly to Regulus’ hand, wanting to drag him to the toy section. James followed with the cart, grabbing the things they needed, while also grabbing things they didn’t need. He knew Regulus would scold him for it, but the items would go home with them anyways.

“Papa, look!” Harry giggled, pointing to a baby. “A baby, papa! Daddy, look at the baby!”

Regulus smiled as the mother turned to glance at them, and her baby gave Harry a gummy smile.

“She smiled at me!” Harry squealed, jumping up and down. “So cute, daddy, did you see?”

“I saw, Haz.” James smiled, sharing a look with Regulus.

They had talked about having another baby before, but as soon as they decide to make plans to start, life gets crazy and the idea goes away. Regulus personally thought Harry was enough, he loved having Harry to himself, and only needing to give his attention to one kid. James has always wanted a big family, but he agreed to go at a slow pace. If it were really up to him, they would have at least four kids by now. Regulus doesn’t know how they would have handled that.

Since Harry will be three tomorrow, maybe they could bring up that subject again. James already looks like he’s ready to have the conversation now, Regulus can see the gears turning behind his eyes.

“Darling, did you get everything we…needed.” Regulus picked up a box of chocolate. “This wasn’t on the list.” He grabbed marshmallows. “And this wasn’t either.”

“S’mores, Reggie. We’re having s’mores tonight.” James smiled. Oh, that James Potter smile.

“Fine, we can have s’mores.” He sighed, putting the treats back in the cart. It’s his smile, it’s laced with very powerful magic.

“Yes! Haz, we get s’mores!”

“Okay.” Harry replied, not paying attention. He was busy making faces at the baby.

Regulus smiled and scooped Harry up. “Say goodbye, bug. We’re going home.”

“Bye baby!” Harry waved, and the baby smiled again. “I like babies.”

“Yeah?” Regulus asked, resting Harry on his hip.

Harry nodded and laid his head on his father’s shoulder. “Mhm.”

Regulus smiled and shared another look with James. Apparently it was nap time, which was fine with both of them. As much as they loved their son, naptime was a good break from make believe and screaming.

“Can we get food first?” James asked as they checked out.

“We have food at home.” Regulus said, rubbing Harry’s back.

“You always say that, can’t we just stop to get something?”

“If it’s quick.”

“You’re the best.” James smiled, kissing his cheek. “Love you.”

Regulus smiled, “love you too, darling.”

— - —

After lunch, naps, playtime, dinner, and s’mores, the Black-Potter family was finally worn out. Harry had gotten marshmallows in his hair, and James thought spraying him off with the hose would work out. After Regilus yelled at both of them, and James dragged Harry inside to take a bath, everything was finally calm.

James landed on the couch next to Regulus, placing his head in his husband’s lap.

“Harry is finally asleep.”

Regulus looked down at him. “Well, if you didn’t remind him about his birthday at bedtime, he would have gone to sleep sooner.” He said, running his hand through James’ hair.

“I know, it was a dumb move. I just didn’t want him to think we forgot.”

Regulus smiled, watching James’ eyes flutter closed with every stroke. “You are such an amazing father, James, absolutely brilliant.” He bent down, placing a kiss on his forehead. “I love you.”

“Hmm…I love you too…” James mumbled, falling asleep.

“Let’s go to bed, darling. The couch isn’t the best place to sleep.” Regulus smiled, pushing James gently. “Come on, weirdo.”

“Yeah, yeah…” James yawned. “I’m coming…”

Regulus took his hand and guided them to their room, laying James down first. He switched off the lights and crawled into bed, curling up next to James.

“Goodnight.” He whispered.

“Goodnight.” James whispered back. “Reggie?”

“Hm?”

“I think you’re an amazing father too…and husband…”

Regulus tiredly smiled and wrapped an arm around James’ waist. “Go to sleep, darling.”

James hummed in response, and the couple quickly drifted off to sleep.

— - —

Regulus felt James hit him a few times before he could register what was going on.

“James…stop…” he mumbled, moving away. He could feel the sheets moving, and there were quiet grunts breaking the silence.

Oh. Oh no.

Regulus turned on his lamp and quickly got up. James was twisted in the sheets, his arms and legs jerking uncontrollably. Regulus went to the other side of the bed, gently turning James onto his side.

“You’re okay, James. It’s okay.” He said quietly, turning on his phone. “You’re okay.”

Tears rolled down James’ cheeks as his eyes rolled back. Regulus hates watching his seizures, he always feels so useless. All he can do is wait, while James struggles in pain.

Slowly, James’ body calmed down, and his breaths became even. He squeezed his eyes shut, and Regulus wiped away his tears with his thumbs.

“52 seconds.” Regulus whispered.

James slightly nodded, swallowing thickly.

“Do you need clean bottoms?”

James nodded again, crying now.

“Hey, hey it’s okay, darling. It’s okay, it happens sometimes. I don’t mind.” Regulus soothed, brushing James’ hair out of his eyes. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, I promise.”

They had to have this conversation often after a seizure. Sometimes it’s hard to control certain muscles when seizing, which can lead to drooling, throwing up, or wetting oneself. Regulus didn’t mind any of those things, as long as James is okay afterwards.

“I’ll help you get changed, and then we can go back to bed.” Regulus said, pulling the covers off of him.

“No…” James groaned, shaking his head. “Sleep…”

Regulus sighed and went to their dresser. “The sooner you change, the sooner you can…go to sleep…” he mumbled, hearing snores behind him. “Whatever.” He mumbled, walking back over.

After a few minutes of struggling, and fighting his sleeping husband, everything was clean and Regulus could finally sleep.

“Goodnight.” He whispered, giving James a light kiss. “I love you…”

Chapter Text

“Daddy! It’s my birthday!” Harry screamed as James sat down at the table. Regulus was finishing up breakfast, putting eggs and sausage patties on a plate.

“Happy birthday, Haz.” James smiled, ruffling his son's hair.

“I am three years old now!” Harry giggled, trying to figure out how to hold up three fingers, and cling to a fork, in the same hand.

Regulus smiled and placed a plate of food in front of his husband. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah, yeah, um, sorry for how I acted last night, I know you were just helping me.” James sighed, looking up. “Thank you, Reggie.”

“Of course, James.” Regulus kissed him and sat down to start eating. “So, the party starts at two, think we can get everything ready by then?”

James shrugged and waved his wand around. Party decorations appeared around the house, and Harry cheered. “Wow, daddy!”

“Show off.” Regulus smiled. “We still have to make a cake.”

“I know, I’ll do that after breakfast.” James smiled.

Regulus nodded and Harry giggled, clapping his hands. He looked up, watching a cup of orange juice float into the air.

“Harry!” James gasped. “Are you doing - Reg, are you - he, he’s doing that!” He laughed, and picked Harry up. “Haz! You have magic!”

“Magic!” Harry laughed, the orange juice spilling onto the table.

Regulus looked at the mess and shook his head. “I don’t even care. Harry has magic!”

James and Regulus peppered Harry’s cheeks in kisses, and the little boy giggled and squirmed until they finished. They never worried about his magic, with his genes coming from James and Lily, but actually seeing your child do magic is always reassuring. Regulus was a very stubborn child, showing signs at one year old, after Sirius doing magic at two, and he very much wanted to copy him. James showed signs at four, when he was playing with his family’s cat. They don’t talk about that day; James still cries.

And now here they were, with a three year old who has magic. Magic that can’t be used in London. Magic that he can’t control. Yeah, this will be fun.

Everyone finished breakfast and James cleaned up, wanting to start on the cake. Regulus took Harry to get ready, happily letting him pick out his outfit. The boy decided on a plain red shirt and a blue skirt (he said they were Spider-Man colors). Regulus pulled his hair up into two buns, using red and blue hair ties to match.

“Papa, I want the glitter.” Harry smiled, pointing to his cheeks.

Sirius had given Regulus face glitter as a joke gift last Christmas, and Harry loved it. He only got to wear it on special occasions though, and today was no exception.

“Sure, bug.” Regulus smiled, opening the small container. He dipped a finger into the silver glitter, then softly patted it onto Harry’s cheeks. “That okay?”

Harry looked in the mirror and squealed. “Pretty! Thank you, papa!” He hugged Regulus and gave him sloppy toddler kisses.

“You’re welcome, Haz.” He laughed, wiping spit off his cheeks. “Now, go show daddy, he’s going to love it!”

Harry giggled and ran off to find James, and Regulus took this time to get himself ready. As he got dressed and did his hair, he thought about his and James’ silent conversation from yesterday. Maybe another kid wouldn’t be so bad. Harry would be starting preschool in September, James is in a good place at work, and Regulus would have lots of free time - he stayed at home with Harry - so really, right now is the best and most reasonable time to try. Besides, James would be over the moon.

“What is that giant brain of yours thinking about?”

Regulus jumped, startled by his oddly quiet husband. “Ah, don’t, you don’t do that.”

“Sorry, love.” James smiled, kissing him. “Harry showed me his outfit, apparently the theme is Spider-Man and glitter? When was this decided?”

Regulus chuckled and shrugged. “I don’t know, it just happened.”

“Wish I got the memo.” James said, sitting on the bathroom counter. “So?”

“So…” Regulus put some product in his hair and scrunched his curls.

“Your brain? Thinking?”

“Ah.” Regulus nodded. “You really want to know?”

“Yes please.” James smiled, swinging his legs.

Regulus rolled his eyes and smiled. “I was thinking about babies.”

“Babies?” James asked, his legs stopping. “Like, live babies?”

Regulus turned to his husband and squinted. “What - what kind of question is that, James?”

“I - I don’t know. It just kind of came out.” James said. “But, yes, right?”

“Yes, yeah. Live babies, you weirdo.”

“And what about them?”

“Just, you know, having one.” Regulus shrugged.

James choked and covered his mouth.

“Why is that so surprising?” Regulus asked, leaning back against the counter.

“I don’t know.” James breathed, regaining composure. “Um, so, yeah. Another one? You - you want a baby?”

“It’s just a thought.”

“But a thought you’re wanting to act on, right?” James grabbed Regulus and turned him around so he was standing in between his legs. “Please say yes, please. I want another kid with you so badly, Reg.”

Regulus patted his cheeks and kissed him. “I think…maybe, just maybe, we should act on this thought.”

James lit up so brightly and wrapped his arms around his husband, kissing him repeatedly. “I love you, I love you, yes, please. Let’s have a baby, Regulus. I want another crazy haired, sassy, know-it-all baby with you.”

“Then let’s do it.” Regulus whispered, smiling into his husband’s kisses.

“I love you, I love you.” James mumbled, wiping his eyes.

“Darling you - are you crying?” Regulus laughed. “James, oh, you sweet thing.”

“I’m sorry! It just happened!” James laughed. “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

Regulus pulled him off of the counter, “come on, weirdo. Let’s go see what the birthday boy is up to.” He smiled.

“Yes, yeah.” James smiled, and they went back to the living room, stealing kisses as they walked.

— - —

Two o’clock rolled around, and once everyone arrived, the party was in full swing. Sirius, Remus, and Teddy showed up first, gracefully coming through the floo network. Lily and Mary came through the front door, followed by Marlene and Dorcas. Regulus had invited Pandora, knowing she had a little girl just younger than Harry. James invited the Weasley clan, and Regulus thanked the gods that the older kids were sick with the summer flu, and a little red haired boy came through the fireplace by himself.

Harry happily played with the other kids, wanting to show them his outfit, his hair, and then his bedroom. The four of them ran off to go play, Harry being the leader. Usually Teddy would be the leader, considering he’s the oldest, but he gladly gave up his position for the day to let Harry be the center of attention.

The adults sat themselves in the living room, Sirius switching from kid friendly music to something the adults could sing to. Regulus wasn’t very happy about it, but Sirius protested that since the little ones were upstairs, it was okay. Regulus just rolled his eyes at his brother and continued talking with Pandora.

James was talking with Remus, Marlene, and Mary, slowly migrating over to Lily and Dorcas. He was wanting to talk to Lily, and eventually the conversation shifted in between the six, and he was able to pull Lily aside.

“Hi.” James smiled.

“Um, hi.” Lily laughed, patting his arm. “Can I help you, love?”

“Yes, or, well, maybe. Hopefully?” James said, leaning against a wall. “Um, it’s kind of a huge request.”

Lily smiled and sipped her drink. “And what is the request?”

“Well, um, so like, you’re amazing, yeah? And I absolutely adore you, and well, Regulus and I were talking,” he rubbed his neck. “We are wanting to have another kid, and you gave us Harry, and we love you, and I know that’s like a huge thing to ask but, would you be up for being our surrogate again?”

Lily’s smile faltered and she sighed, looking down. “Oh, James, I’m sorry, I can’t.” She whispered. “We were waiting to tell everyone, but, we decided to start a family, and, well, I’m expecting.”

“Oh.” James said. “Oh! Oh Lily, that’s amazing! Congratulations!” He hugged her and smiled. “Lily, that’s absolutely wonderful!”

“Thank you, we’re pretty excited, we just found out.” She smiled. “But I am very sorry, if I would’ve known, or if you-“

James shook his head and kissed her cheek. “No, no you don’t get to be sorry, you’re having a baby, Lily. This is everything you’ve wanted, don’t apologize, please.”

“Okay.” She smiled. “I hope you two figure something out, you are wonderful parents.”

“We will, don’t worry about us.” James smiled. “And, I’ll keep your secret.”

Lily laughed and kissed his cheek. “You’re lovely, James Potter.”

“So are you, Lily Evans.” He smiled, leading them back to the group.

— - —

“Papa, I want to open presents now!” Harry said, running up to Regulus, with three kids following behind him.

“I think daddy is getting the cake ready, should we do that first?” Regulus asked.

“Ooh cake! Let’s do cake first, Harry!” Ron smiled, pulling Harry’s hand.

“I also want cake!” Teddy smiled.

“Ice cream!” Luna giggled, her blonde curls bouncing up and down.

“What do you think, Haz?” Regulus asked.

“Um…let’s do cake.” He nodded, “we gotta go to the table, guys. No food on the carpet!” He told them, leading the group to the kitchen.

“Such a boring child.” Dorcas smiled. “No food on the carpet? Really?”

“Hey, one, don’t call my child boring. Two, it’s a light colored carpet. Stains are very hard to get out.” Regulus said.

“Reggie, we have magic.” Sirius smiled. “Stains mean nothing to us.”

“Oh, whatever. No food in the living room, that’s the rule. I’m just glad he knows that.” He smiled, going to the kitchen. Dorcas and Sirius laughed behind him, and quickly told the others the very specific rule.

“Prongs always eats in the living room though.” Remus smiled, settling down on a stool at the counter.

“It was one time!” James said, lighting the candles. “And you promised not to tell, Moony!”

“It’s even better that it was buffalo wings.” Sirius said.

“Hey, hey no, this is not ‘spill the secrets’ time, we don’t need to have this conversation.” James said. “It’s ‘sing happy birthday to my son’ time, so, do your absolute best singing.”

The song sounded like cats and birds tragically dying.

Once everyone had had their filling of cake, the group migrated back to the living room, a very excited Harry grabbing his first present.

“Daddy, who’s it from?” Harry asked, already tearing the wrapping.

“That’s from Teddy and Moony.” James said.

“Teddy and Moony, thank you!” Harry sang, throwing the wrapping paper aside. The gift was a puzzle of Spider-Man, along with a few comic books. “Daddy looks! Spider-Man! Papa!”

“I see, Haz, very nice.” Regulus smiled. “How did you know about Spider-Man?”

“Kids talk, Reggie.” Remus smirked. “They talk and talk and talk.”

“Amen.” Pandora sighed, sipping her drink.

“You have the quietest kid here, Pans.” Dorcas said.

“That’s what she wants you to think.” She nodded, eyeing Luna. “She’s crazy…”

Regulus rolled his eyes and Harry opened the next present. “That’s from Lily and Mary.”

“Thank you!” Harry pulled out five books and a box of colored pencils.

“You’re welcome, love.” Lily smiled. “Mary made those books, they’re the newest to her brilliant collection. You can color them however you want, and there are fun stories to go along with the pictures.”

“Stop promoting my work.” Mary blushed, pushing Lily away.

“No, because you are extremely talented, and the Mary I know wouldn’t hide from the attention!” Lily laughed, kissing her.

“These are amazing, Mary, you really made these?” James asked, flipping through one of the books. “Reg, look at these…”

“Oh, stop it!” Mary laughed. “Okay, okay, Harry love, open your next gift.” She smiled, finishing off her drink.

Harry dragged a box wrapped in red and gold paper in front of him, sitting down on the floor. “This one is heavy.” He nodded, looking at the writing. “Mm…daddy! This one’s from you!”

“Oh! Oh yes, yes, oh this is what I’ve been waiting for!” James smiled, focusing all his attention on Harry.

“This can’t be good.” Remus mumbled.

Harry tore the wrapping off and carefully opened the box, pulling out colorful tissue paper. Harry screamed, bouncing up and down on his knees.

“James what did you do?” Regulus asked, glaring at his husband.

James just giggled and helped Harry pull out the kid sized broom. “Isn’t it beautiful, Harry?”

“No way.” Sirius laughed. “Oh, that’s brilliant! Reggie, you should see your face!”

“Can I ride it? Daddy, please, can I ride it?” Harry asked, holding it tightly.

“No. No, absolutely not.” Regulus said, violently shaking his head.

“Oh, let him ride it, Regulus, he’s seen James do it a million times, and we have five perfectly qualified riders in this room if something happens.” Pandora smiled.

James turned and looked at Regulus. “Please, love? Please?”

“Papa,” Harry stumbled over to him, broom in hand. “I’m three now, see, this many. I'm very brave now.” He nodded.

Regulus sighed and chuckled lightly. “You are very brave, ètoile.” He kissed his forehead. “Finish opening presents, and then we can go into the backyard and fly around, okay?”

“Okay!” Harry cheered, along with James and Sirius.

“Me too, dad?” Teddy asked, sitting in Remus’ lap.

“Mm…maybe.” Remus smiled, ruffling Teddys blue hair.

Harry quickly opened the rest of the presents, receiving some toys from Dorcas and Marlene, homemade jewelry from Luna and Pandora, Peter sent books from Spain (he was there for work), a sweater from Ron (Molly made Harry a sweater every year, even though it was July - he absolutely loves them), and from Sirius,

“Is that…a figurine of a motorcycle?” Regulus asked.

“No,” Sirius smiled, clearing his throat. “That is a real life motorcycle, shrunken down with a charm. When Harry turns 16, he can have the keys.” He smiled

“You didn’t.” Regulus said.

“Oh, but I did.” Sirius smiled.

Everyone laughed, and Regulus looked about ready to throttle his brother. James gently took the bike and placed it on the mantle, smiling wide. Only 13 more years, then it can be used.

“I swear, I didn’t know he was going to do this.” Remus said.

“Unbelievable. This family is full of lunatics.” Regulus deadpanned.

“Mama, the word lunatic has Luna in it.” Luna giggled, hanging onto Pandora’s dress.

“Very good, lovey, you are very smart.” Pandora smiled.

“Oh my goodness.” Dorcas laughed, sending the room into laughter again.

— - —

Two hours and only one injury later - Sirius got cocky and flipped over the front of his broom - the party ended and everyone went home. Harry was actually good on his broom, James made sure Regulus knew it was because James is the best flier in the world, and Harry has his genes, and Regulus just nodded along.

They were meant to go out to dinner with Effie and Monty, but Effie was just getting over a cold, and Monty unfortunately caught it. So, the family of three cleaned up their home, got into cozy pajamas, and settled down to watch a movie.

James insisted on making three types of popcorn, and Regulus was trying to tell him that they wouldn’t be able to eat that much, but halfway through the movie, two bowls were empty, and Harry was starting onthe third.

“He’s going to be so sick.” Regulus whispered to James, watching Harry shove caramel popcorn into his mouth. “It hurts to watch.”

“Kid’s got an appetite, that’s for sure.” James smiled. “Haz, let’s stop eating the popcorn, okay?”

Harry shook his head and moved the bowl away from his parents. “I’m not cleaning up when he pukes.” Regulus said.

“I cleaned it up last time!” James whispered.

“Too late, already said it. It’s on you.” He smiled, laying his head on James’ shoulder.

“Oh, hey, I talked to Lily today.”

“About what?” Regulus asked, playing with James’ wedding ring.

“About being our surrogate again.”

Regulus froze and looked up at James. “And?”

“And…she can’t do it.” He sighed. “She’s actually expecting a baby, her own, of course.”

“Hey, that’s amazing, good for her and Mary.” Regulus smiled. “I’m guessing no one else knows?”

“No, just us.” James smiled. “But, since that’s happening, what would you like to do?”

Regulus sighed and looked back down. “I don’t know, what do you think?”

“Well, I, I don’t know either.” James said, focusing his eyes on the movie. “Maybe it’s not the right time, again. Maybe Harry is meant to be our only kid.” He shrugged.

Regulus nodded and looked down at Harry, who was slowing down on the popcorn. Yeah, he was definitely going to be hurting after. That’s kids, though, and Hary is such a wonderful kid, he deserves a sibling, a little forever friend. Regulus took Sirius for granted growing up, not knowing how much he needed him until he was all Regulus had left. Harry doesn’t have that bond with someone.

How could he deprive his child of that? He wished for so long to be an only child, only to realize Siurs was the most important thing to him. James doesn’t have siblings, and he’s just fine, but Regulus knows that he wishes he had that permanent connection with someone, and he doesn’t want to keep that from his kid.

Regulus squeezed James’ hand, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I, I could, do it.” He whispered.

“Hm?” James mumbled, looking at Regulus.

“I could do it, James.” He whispered again.

James blinked and looked at the tv, looked at Harry, and stood up. “We’ll be right - right back, Haz. Keep watching the movie.” He pulled Regulus off the couch and led them to their bedroom, closing the door slightly. “Okay, what?”

Regulus shook his hand and walked around the room, fiddling with anything he could touch. “It, it’s a long shot, I mean, I’d have to go off my meds, and have to do some sort of injections or something, and get that - that part of me up and running again, but, I, I think I could do it?”

James sat down on the bed and stared at the floor. “Reggie, I, I can’t let you do that, you, you worked so hard, to get to where you are, and, I know what could happen, all the side effects, the depression, the anxiety, the body dysmorphia…that, seeing you suffer isn’t worth it, to me.” He said quietly. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking, I’m…suggesting. It’s a suggestion. A wild one, a crazy one, but,” Regulus wiped his eyes and kneeled down in front of James. “We could have a baby, James. Or at least, at least try, and, and I’m okay, if we do this together. I’ll be okay.” He whispered.

“I don’t want you to do it, Reg.” James whispered. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m right here, James.” Regulus smiled, wiping the tears off of James’ cheeks. “We can at least try, yeah? We can try, darling.”

James swallowed, Regulus watching his Adam's apple move up and down. “You really want to?”

“Yes. I do.” Regulus whispered, kissing James’ hands. “For us. For our family. For our lives.”

“Okay.” James nodded, kissing his forehead. “Okay.”

Chapter Text

August 20th

James bounded into the music shop, happily walking behind the counter. He could hear Remus talking to a customer, and the faint sounds of piano made James think Sirius was teaching lessons. He was content waiting, helping himself to Remus’ stash of chocolate under the counter.

“Hey, that’s mine, you twat.” Remus grumbled, flicking his ear.

“If I know where it is, then it’s not yours.” James smiled. “It’s ours.”

“Oh, shut up, you’re so annoying.” Remus groaned.

“You love me.” James smiled, kissing his cheek. “The moon’s got you all sorts of moody.”

“Oh please, I’ve already heard that spiel from Sirius. It’s been 13 years, this shouldn’t surprise you anymore.”

James shrugged and handed him a chocolate bar. “Eat up, Moony.”

“Thanks, Prongs.” Remus smiled. “So, how are you?”

“You saw me yesterday.” James smiled. “But I’m fine, work is a bore, muggles are so dreadful to be around, did you know that? They never have fun, it’s all business. I have to hex people to get any sort of excitement!”

“You shouldn’t be doing that, James, if someone sees…”

“Yeah yeah, I know, Regulus tells me all the time.” James waved him off. “But besides that, I’m fine, Reggie’s fine, Harry’s absolutely ecstatic about school, even though he still has two weeks before he starts,” James smiled. “He’s been driving Reg crazy at home, thank goodness I’m gone most of the day. I don’t think I have the patience to play the same game every single day.”

“Game?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, yeah, Harry has Reg playing school every day. Like,” he cleared his throat, “so Reg is the teacher, Harry is the student. Reg spends all breakfast making homework sheets, and then they go to the living room, and go to school.” He shrugged, tapping his fingers on the counter.

“That sounds…”

“Horrible? Yeah, I know.” James smiled. “I don’t know how Reggie does it, he’s absolutely amazing with Harry.”

“and you’re absolutely in love.” Remus snorted.

“Well I would bloody hope so! He’s my husband!” James laughed.

“You’re husband that’s waiting at home for you, but you came here after work instead.” Remus smiled.

“I had to see you before our party tonight.” James smiled, getting up. “We should try out a new place tonight. I was aparating around, and there was this forest in Ireland, I think…” James swallowed and looked down. “I think, it, it would, um…”

Remus got up and held onto James, slowly bringing him down onto the floor. “Hey, Prongs, hey…” he sighed, supporting James’ head in his lap. “Okay, you’re okay.” He nodded, checking his phone. He pulled up Regulus’ contact and pressed call, waiting for the other to answer.

“Remus? What’s up?”

“Hey, I just wanted you to know James is with me, he’s having a seizure, and he’s okay, I got him, just…” Remus tensed under James’ shaking. “I think it’s a bad one.”

“Okay, do I need to come and get him? Has he stopped?”

Remus looked down and used his sleeve to wipe James’ mouth. “He’s stopping now, hey James,” he soothed. “Um, I’ll take him upstairs and send him through the floo, so expect him soon.”

“Thank you, Remus. Have him take it slow, he’ll be tired but he’ll want to get up himself. Have Sirius help you if he’s weak.”

“Okay, I will. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” Remus hung up and ran his hands through the dark man’s hair. “Prongs, how are you feeling?”

James mumbled something incoherent and closed his eyes. “No, hey, we’re going to go upstairs, and get you home. Can you help me get you up?” James nodded slightly and pushed himself up, shakily standing to his feet. “Okay, good, let’s try the stairs, yeah?”

“Yeah…” James mumbled, holding onto Remus as they moved to the back of the shop. “Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. You’re okay.” Remus smiled. “I like being able to take care of you, after everything you’ve done for me.”

“Sap.” James mumbled, his lips quirking upward.

“For you, always.” Remus smiled, opening the door. Their apartment was located above the shop, it wasn’t huge, but it was perfect for Remus and Sirius. They had combined their styles around the home, Remus’ potted plants in the kitchen and on the windowsills, with Sirius’ album covers lining the walls, along with his art. It was cozy, and it was home.

“Is that you, Moons?” Sirius called from the living room, where their piano was located. Sirius taught piano lessons to kids, and he was just finishing up a lesson.

“Yeah, and Prongs!” Remus called back, guiding James to the living room.

“Prongsie! You…” Sirius turned around and his smile went away. “What’s wrong?”

“Seizure. He’s okay, I’m just sending him home.” Remus said, glancing at the child sitting at the piano.

“Oh. Oh!” Sirius nodded, turning to the little girl. “Alright, sweetheart, practice those two songs for next week, and your mum is waiting downstairs for you.” Sirius smiled, sending the girl off.

“I might throw up…” James mumbled, his head tipping forward.

“Pads, garbage can,” Remus said, sitting James on the couch.

“Uncle Prongs!” Teddy smiled, running up to James.

“Teddy, no, he’s not feeling well, no playing.” Remus sighed, holding Teddy back.

“Oh.” Teddy nodded, and patted James’ knee. “I hope you feel better, Prongs.”

“Thanks, Teddy…” James groaned, then threw up.

“Ew…” Teddy gagged.

“Bear, go pack, remember you’re spending the night with Harry.” Remus said, and Teddy went back to his room.

“It’s alright, James.” Sirius said, rubbing his back. “You’re okay.”

“I think I’ll go through with him, and make sure he can get to bed.” Remus nodded. “Hear that, Prongs? You’re going to bed when you get home.”

James shook his head, wiping his mouth. “No, no I can’t, the moon, that’s tonight. The moon.”

“You can miss one moon, James.” Remus smiled.

“No, no I don’t want to. I’m going, I’m going with you.” He mumbled, “I’m fine, promise. We have a couple hours, I’ll be fine by then.”

“Prongs,” Sirius sighed.

“I’ll be fine.” James said harshly. “I’m fine, I’m not a child.”

Remus and Sirius shared a look, flancing at James. He wasn’t going to give this up. “Okay,” Remus sighed. “Let’s just get you home for now, and we’ll see what Reg says.”

— - —

“No.”

James slumped in bed, folding his arms. “I can go, Regulus.”

“I said no.” He shrugged.

“Moony?” James asked, looking hopefully at his friend.

“He, he said no, Prongs. You’re not coming tonight.” Remus sighed. “We’ll be fine without you.”

“But I won’t be! I’ve never missed a moon, I need to go!” James whined.

“I wanna go!” Harry smiled, looking up from his coloring book. “I can be like Padfoot!”

“No, you can’t.” Regulus sighed, sitting on the bed.

“Reggie, my love, please,” James said, squeezing his hand. “I’m fine, I promise. I really promise.”

Regulus looked to Remus, who shrugged slightly and rubbed his hip. “Fine, you can go.”

“Oh thank you! Thank you!” James smiled. “Hear that Moony? I win!”

Remus rolled his eyes and ruffled James’ hair. “I’ll see you in a couple hours, James. Don’t overdo it.”

“And then Teddy comes and sleeps over!” Harry smiled.

“Yep, he’ll come over after dinner.” Regulus nodded.

Harry hummed, “I like Teddy.”

“Me too, but sometimes he’s a pain.” Remus smiled.

“That’s what papa says about me. I’m a pain in the ass.” Harry giggled.

“Oh, Merlin…” Regulus groaned.

Remus laughed and walked out of the room. “See you loonies later!”

“Bye uncle Moony!” Harry yelled.

“Bye, Moony.” James smiled, turning to his husband. “So, Harry’s a pain in the ass?”

“Drop it, I say things when I'm stressed and he’s a big faker.” Regulus said, glaring at Harry. “For someone who never listens to me, he sure catches everything I say.”

Harry smiled and pushed his hair out of his eyes. “I want pasta.”

“I ordered pizza.” Regulus shrugged.

“But, pasta…” Harry whined. “je veux des pâtes!”

Regulus groaned again and buried his face in the bedding. “We’re having pizza…” he mumbled. James rubbed his back, shushing Harry. He knew that being off his regular meds, and being on new ones was messing with him a bit, but he was still going, and James was proud of him. Even if their toddler was becoming more bossy and irritable.

“Did he nap today?” James asked, and Regulus shook his head. “Hm.” He nodded, kissing his head. “Alright, Haz, should we go put on a movie?” James asked, picking up his son.

“Non!” Harry cried, hitting James.

“Hey, hey, bug,” James sighed, walking downstairs. “Let’s calm down, and try to relax, because I don’t think Teddy wants to sleep over with someone who’s upset.”

“il fait…” Harry mumbled into James’ neck.

James chuckled and laid Harry on the couch, his body grateful for the less weight. “I’ll put on a movie,” he put a blanket over Harry. “It’s okay if you fall asleep, I’ll wake you up when the pizza comes.”

“No pizza.” Harry mumbled, focusing on the tv.

“Too bad.” James smiled, going back upstairs. “Okay, he’s fine now.” He sighed, laying back down.

“He’s been like that all day.” Regulus said, climbing into James’ lap. “He’s been a monster. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Kids go through phases, if he’s not napping, he’s probably trying to faze out of them.” He shrugged, wrapping his arms around his husband. “Teddy told him he doesn’t take naps, and you can’t take naps in school. Harry just wants to be like Teddy.”

“But I don’t want him to be like Teddy, I want him to take naps.” Regulus groaned, pressing his face into James’ chest. “I need naps…”

James smiled and played with his hair. “He’ll be in school in two weeks, you’ll survive.”

“I’m gonna die…” he mumbled.

“You’re fine, geez, you’re so dramatic.”

“It’s a family trait.” Regulus mumbled. “I was born to be dramatic.”

“Oh, I know. Sirius is worse than you.” James smiled.

Regulus looked up and smiled. “Can I tell him you said that?”

“No, because he will go full drama queen and then I’ll have to deal with it.” James said.

“I’m going to tell him.” Regulus smiled.

“Whatever.” James sighed. “Hey,” he kissed Regulus and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

— - —

Regulus turned on the night light in Harry’s room and stood at the door. “Are you boys okay?”

“Oui, papa.” Harry yawned, rubbing his eyes.

“I’m okay, Uncle Reggie.” Teddy smiled, his hair changing from blue to white.

Regulus smiled and blew a kiss to them. “Goodnight bug and bear, sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight.” They echoed back, and Regulus closed the door.

Walking back to the living room, Regulus checked the time, and his texts. James, Sirius, and Remus had left about an hour ago, and the sun was just setting then. Now, with the city enveloped in darkness, he assumed they were already out having their fun in the moon.

He had received a text from James after the had apparated, telling him he was feeling fine, he loves him, and to have a goodnight. Regulus sighed and turned out the tv, making his way to his room.

Regulus wasn’t worried about James.

Okay that’s a lie.

Regulus was very much worried about James. He hasn’t had that bad of a seizure in a while, and going out after? It just doesn’t seem safe. He said he was fine though, and it’s his body, his mind, so maybe James knows best in this situation.

It still makes Regulus a little sick though.

Plugging his phone in, he checked the time once more. Nine. He’s going to bed early, that’s a first. The kids do wear him out though, and the stress from James took a toll on his body. So, he’s actually grateful to be so sleepy, because sleeping means no worrying, and that means by the time he wakes up, James will be back home, in bed, safe.

At least, that’s what he thought.

Chapter Text

It was around midnight when Regulus awoke to the cracking sound of apparating in the living room. He wasn’t expecting anyone, especially at this hour…

A sharp cry broke him out of his thoughts.

James.

Running out to the living room, Regulus froze at the sight before him. James was shaking on the ground, whiny groans escaping his lips. His torso was soaked in blood, the source coming from his left thigh. Sirius was hunched over him, muttering healing spells with shaky hands.

“Sirius?” Regulus croaked. “What - what -“

“He didn’t mean to.” Sirius whispered, dropping his wand. “Regulus, I swear he - Moony - Remus, he didn’t mean to.”

The werewolf.

“What happened?” He asked, his eyes wandering to Sirius’ blood stained hands.

James let out a scream, and the brothers flinched in unison.

“Everything was fine, the moon - it was normal. We were fine.” Sirius kept his eyes on James. “He, he started seizing - as Prongs - and that’s never happened before, so we didn’t - we didn’t know he would change back.” He rambled, his hands still shaking over James’ body.

“Moony.” Regulus whispered.

“I tried to stop him, I tried so hard, but he’s always been stronger.” He mindlessly touched his side, and Regulus realized the blood covering him didn’t just belong to James.

Regulus swallowed hard and worked up the courage to approach James, crouching down next to him. His face was pale, tears and sweat mixing together on his skin. His eyes were wild, rapidly moving around, unable to focus on anything. He let out another scream, his back arching in pain.

“James, darling, it - it’s okay, we - we’re going to help you, just hold on, hold on, please.” He whispered, wiping blood off his brow. “Hold on, darling…”

“He can’t go to St. Mungos.” Sirius said, and Regulus looked up at him. “The ministry will find out, and then James, and - and Remus, they, he - he can’t go there.”

“Well we can’t take him to a fucking muggle hospital, can we?” Regulus snapped quickly.

“No, no we’ll take him to Hogwarts,” James screamed, and Sirius spoke faster. “Pomfrey will know what to do, she’s helped Remus all these years.”

Regulus nodded, bringing James’ body to his own. “Stay here. I will take him, tell - tell Harry I’m sorry,” he looked up the stairs and tears welled in his eyes. “Tell Harry I love him. And, and James, too.”

“I will.” Sirius whispered.

Regulus wiped his eyes, smearing blood across his cheek. He didn’t care. “There’s bandages, in my bathroom. Clean yourself up, change, change clothes.”

“I have to go back for Moony.”

“Right.” Regulus whispered, looking down at James. He whimpered, pushing and pulling against Regulus, like he wanted to get away and get closer at the same time.

“Reg, go.” Sirius said. “Go.”

“Okay.” He whispered, pulling out his wand. “Hold on, James.”

— - —

Hogsmeade was quiet. The only sound that could be heard was James’ pained whimpering. The main street was dimly lit, street lamps buzzing above them. Regulus quickly recovered, placing a levitation spell on to James to make their journey faster.

He walked quickly, James’ body hovering next to him, their hands connected tightly together. Regulus doesn’t know when he started crying, but her could feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks. James screamed again, and Regulus started jogging towards the castle.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” he cried, running to the giant doors. He pushed them open, and ran down the halls to the infirmary, James’ cries echoing off the walls.

“Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey!” Regulus yelled, laying James on the first bed he saw. There were a couple students in beds, waking up from their sleep.

The nurse ran in, still in her nightgown, her long hair in a braid down her back. “Is that you, Regulus Black?” She asked, holding her wand out. “My dear boy, what are you doing…here…” her eyes shifted to James as his body jerked in pain. “Oh my…”

“Please, please help him. Remus, he - he bit him.” Regulus whimpered.

“Go get Dumbledore.” She ordered, flasks of potions flying to her side.

“No, no I’m not leaving him.”

“Regulus Black, go get the headmaster. Now.” She said sternly, already performing healing spells on his husband. “Run.”

Regulus ran as fast as he possibly could.

— - —

The morning came slowly, dim August light coming through the high windows. James had only been asleep for an hour, after many potions were given, he was finally resting. They didn’t expect him to wake up for a day or two, everyone agreeing that he should sleep off the worst of the pain. Regulus had watched as James was cleaned and bandaged, his left leg propped up on pillows. Madam Pomfrey offered Regulus a bed to sleep in, but he refused to leave his husband’s side.

Dumbledore saw James for a few minutes after Regulus went to go get him, wanting to know the details of the incident. Regulus has told him in a daze of what Sirius had shared, making sure Remus didn’t seem at fault. It wasn’t his fault, even. They hadn’t know about changing during seizures, and James was defenseless. This was just a very unfortunate accident.

Regulus didn’t sleep, but he did find himself drifting in between reality and dreams. That was until muffled cries and small feet came closer to him, and a small body desperately climbed into his lap.

“Harry?” Regulus mumbled, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. “What…”

“I brought him.” Sirius said quietly, and Regulus turned around. “He’s been a wreck for hours, and Dumbledore asked to see me and Moony, so I brought him.”

Regulus nodded and held Harry tightly, making sure he was facing away from James. “Is Remus…”

“He’s with everyone now. I don’t know what will happen.”

“I told them it was an accident.”

“I know. They know.” Sirius walked to the other side of James and sat down. “How is he?”

“I…I don’t know.” Regulus whispered. “He’s going to be asleep for a bit, to fight off the worst of the injuries. He, he had a fever for the first little bit, but he’s doing better now.”

Sirius nodded and fixed a few strands of James’ hair.

“Papa…” Harry mumbled, burying his face in Regulus’ neck.

“I’m here, bug.” He sighed, rubbing his back. “Where’s Teddy?”

“He wouldn’t let go of Remus, that kid has a death grip,” Sirius shook his head. “So he’s probably exploring the wonders of Dumbledore’s office.” A small smile appeared on his lips, then it disappeared. “Reggie, I - I’m so sorry. I tried, I really -”

“Please stop.” Regulus whispered. “It’s already done. It’s happened. I know you did your best, so thank you,” he took a shaky breath, gripping Harry’s night shirt. “But apologies won’t fix this, So you can stop.”

“Okay.” Sirius wiped his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. “Are you mad at Remus?”

Regulus sighed and slowly shook his head. “No, no I’m not.”

“Okay.” Sirius said again. “Thanks.”

“It wasn’t his fault.” Regulus said, staring at James. “He can’t control the wolf. I don’t have a reason to be mad.”

Sirius hums, watching James’ chest rise and fall. “Remus is scared to see you. He thinks you hate him.”

“Well, he shouldn’t. He needs to man up and talk to me.” Regulus closed his eyes and sighed. “Sorry. That was rude.”

“It’s okay, you’re stressed. I understand.”

Regulus nodded and shifted Harry in his arms. This was all horrible. The had plans, fuck, they’re trying to have a baby, and now…none of this was supposed to happen, and yet, here they are. Harry didn’t even know what was happening, he just knew his daddy was in a strange place, with strange people. Oh, poor Harry…

They could figure this out. James can get through this. He’s James fucking Potter, he’s the bravest person Regulus knows. He can get through this.

— - —

“How is he?” Remus asked, holding Teddy tightly. “Is - is it bad?”

Regulus looked at Remus and gave a weak smile. “Hiya.” He whispered, glancing at their sleeping children. “James is fine, he’s been asleep for like, six hours, so, yeah…and he won’t be up for a day or two.”

Remus nodded. “It must have been pretty bad, then.”

“Rem, you know it wasn’t your fault, right?” Regulus asked. “You didn’t know.”

“I - I bit him, Regulus.” He whispered. “I bit him, it’s my fault.”

“It was the wolf’s fault. You don’t have control, and you know that.”

“But -“

“James went out when he knew he wasn’t doing well. If anything, it’s my fault. I told him he could go. I let him go.” Regulus’ breath hitched and he wiped his eyes. ”It's my fault.”

Remus sat down next to Regulus and grabbed his free hand. “You aren’t to blame either, Reg. Don’t blame yourself, okay?”

“Okay.” Regulus whispered. Harry shifted in his arms and woke up.

“Papa?” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, bug.” Regulus sighed. Harry looked around and took in his surroundings. His eyes were drawn to James, and he let out a small whimper.

“Daddy?” His lip quivered, and Regulus could see the meltdown coming.

“I’m going to take him out.” Regulus mumbled, Harry starting to cry. He got up and quickly walked out of the infirmary, immediately being met with the bustle of Hogwarts.

Regulus forgot he was in a school.

“Papa, it’s loud.” Harry cried.

“I know, I know…um, okay.” Regulus walked down the halls quickly, drawing attention to himself.

He hated school.

Looking around, he stopped in front of a wall, touching it softly. The wall shifted, and slowly a wooden door formed, and Regulus slipped inside the room.

The room looked like Harry’s bedroom, the only difference being a queen sized bed against the back wall. The scent of lavender filled the room, and Regulus calmed down a bit. A lamp stood in the corner, and a nightlight on the dresser covered the ceiling in constellations.

“Harry, look.” Regulus whispered, sitting on the bed.

Harry looked up and sniffed. “Home?”

“For now, yeah.” He sighed, setting Harry down. “Why don’t you go play with some toys?”

“Okay…” Harry mumbled, heading to the toy chest.

This will be okay for now.

Chapter Text

He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but Harry was looking at picture books, talking quietly to himself, and the bed was way too comfy, so, he fell asleep. Plus, he was content with the fact that Harry would be fine, considering he couldn’t get out of the come-and-go room.

He didn’t take a very good nap. His dreams were filled with crying and blood, James on the floor, but he wasn’t moving this time. Every time Regulus would try to go to him, a loud growl would come from the darkness. Eventually he reached James, but once he touched his husband, James disappeared, and Regulus was in the woods.

It was dark. The moon was out, but it didn’t give off any light. Why wasn’t it giving off light? 

The sun is gone.

His sun is gone.

Regulus cried out, he cried out for James, for Sirius, for anyone. He was alone. A whimper came from behind him. He turned around, and off in the distance, Harry was standing there, calling out for him. He could feel his pulse speeding up, and he started running, he was running through trees, there were so many trees, and he ran, but Harry wasn’t getting any closer. He called out, telling his son to stay there. He was close, he was moving now, and - Harry screamed, and a large wolf crept out from behind the trees.

No, Regulus thought, but his feet couldn’t move. The wolf looked directly at him, glowing brown eyes staring into his soul. His breath caught, he knew those eyes. He loved those eyes. James. That was his James, and this - this wolf, has taken him away. Harry screamed again, grabbing the wolf’s attention once more. The beast howled, and in a quick motion, Harry’s cries cut out, and he was gone.

His son is gone.

This is a nightmare, this was a terrible nightmare, I need to wake up, it’s time to wake up, I need to get out of here, this isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t -

“Reggie? Regulus, wake up-“

He woke up screaming, Sirius holding onto his shoulders. His eyes darted around the room, unable to focus on anything. He caught a glimpse of Harry, hiding behind the side of the bookshelf. His face was streaked with tears, just like his father’s.

“Hey, hey, Reggie, hey, calm down.” Sirius grabbed his face, forcing his little brother to look at him. “Regulus, it was just a dream, you’re okay.”

Regulus gasped for air, his gray eyes meeting Sirius’. They breathed together, their lungs becoming one. Sirius nodded, satisfied, and let go of his face. 

“Better?” Sirius whispered, using his thumb to wipe his brother’s tears away. Regulus took a shaky breath and nodded, sinking into his big brother’s arms. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No…” Regulus mumbled.

“Okay, you don’t have to.” Sirius said, rubbing his back. He looked up, giving a small smile to Harry. “It’s okay Haz, your papa just had a bad dream.”

“A nightmare?” Harry asked, scooting out from behind the bookshelf.

“Yeah, yeah. Exactly.” Sirius nodded. Harry got up and stumbled over to the two. 

“Papa?” Harry asked, poking his father’s arm. “Wanna kiss better?”

Regulus let out a watery laugh, pulling his face away from Sirius’ chest. “Sure, bug, thank you.”

Harry balanced on his tiptoes, placing a sloppy kiss on Regulus’ cheek. “Better, papa?”

“Better, étoile.” He weakly smiled, kissing Harry’s head. Harry was satisfied with this answer, and went back to his books.

Regulus watched him for a moment, before turning back to Sirius. “How’d you find us?”

“You’re my brother, and we went to this school together for six years. I know how you hide.” Sirius said.

“Yeah, but we didn’t talk for five of those years.” 

“I still knew, Reg.”

“Oh.” Regulus whispered.

Sirius smiled and ruffled his hair. “Don’t think about it too much, yeah? We’re together now, the past is the past.”

“Right.” Regulus said, fixing his hair. “Earlier, back in the infirmary, you disappeared. Where did you go?”

“Oh, yeah, I had to give my memories to Dumbledore. I guess he wanted to know exactly what happened last night.” He shrugged, rubbing his neck.

Regulus nodded and looked down. “Did it hurt?”

Sirius looked at his brother and smiled. “Nah, I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Sirius.” Regulus groaned. “Our trauma isn’t for entertainment.”

“But it’s my favorite form of entertainment! Why have trauma if you can’t joke about it.” He smiled.

“You’re an idiot.” Regulus rolled his eyes and watched Harry pull out paper and crayons. “Is Remus still here?”

“He left when I came to find you. Something about Teddy, and his body…oh, I forgot.” Sirius groaned. “I always forget how much the moon affects him, he’s probably in a lot of pain, and I didn’t even notice.”

“Hm.” Regulus nodded, resting his chin on his hand. “That’s going to be James next month…”

“And we’ll help him. It’s terrifying, but he’ll be okay. Moony and I will make sure he can get through it.” Sirius said. 

“He could die.” Regulus said. “He could die, Sirius…”

“He won’t. Don’t even think about it, Reggie.” Sirius said sternly. “You don’t say things like that.”

“I’m allowed to worry about him, he’s my husband. There are horrible things written about the transformations, and it could very well kill James.”

“Remus can help him, we can -“

“Remus will be changing too! He won’t be able to help James, and you don’t know anything! You have to be Padfoot, or you could die as well!” Regulus said loudly, standing up. “No one will be there for him, I - I can’t be there for him.”

“Reg -“

“No, shut up. Shut up.” Regulus breathed, closing his eyes. “Just, just shut up.”

Sirius closed his mouth, and Harry ran to his side. “Uncle Pads?” Harry asked, climbing into his lap.

“Stop talking…” Regulus mumbled, starting to pace the room. He has to be there for James, there has to be a way… “Okay. Okay!” Regulus gasped, turning around.

“Okay?” Sirius asked, holding onto Harry.

“I’m going to become an animagus.” Regulus nodded. “That’s the only way to make sure James survives. I can do it, I mean, you did it, so it can’t be hard, I’ll just find the ingredients, and do the process, and then I can be there…”

“Regulus, I don’t think -“

“It’s decided.” Regulus said sternly. “I’m going to be there. I have a month, just tell me how to do it, and I will.”

Sirius sighed, nodding his head. “I’ll help you.”

“Good. Thank you.” Regulus said, looking around.

“Hey, Reggie, are you ready to go back to James?”

Regulus froze, his thoughts being dragged back to his dream. James. Werewolf. Harry. Was he scared? Yes, but of what? James being a werewolf? Maybe. Something bad could go wrong, and then…no. No, he’ll still be James, just with a furry little problem. 

A problem that could kill him. That could kill Harry.

He’s still James.

“Reggie?”

Regulus nodded and walked to the door. “We can go.”

“Okay.” Sirius said, picking Harry up. He followed Regulus, walking out the door.

“Uncle Pads! My picture!” Harry screamed, pointing behind him.

“Right, right, sorry.” Sirius jogged back into the room, grabbed Harry’s picture, and went back out, seeing Regulus far ahead of him. “Your papa is so fast, Haz, it’s weird.” He mumbled, speed walking down the long halls.

— - —

When Regulus got to the infirmary, he noticed people were behind the curtains of James’ bed. He didn’t know others knew James was here, but Sirius could have called people, which is probably what happened. He peeked through the thin sheet, sighing in relief. Effie and Monty Potter were sitting on the left side of James’ bed, talking in hushed whispers. Regulus cleared his throat, and the two looked up.

“Oh, hello, dear. We didn’t see you! I’m sorry.” Effie said gently, standing up. “How are you?” She hugged him, and Regulus melted into her embrace.

“I could be better, if I’m being honest.” He mumbled.

“I know, dear. I’m worried too, but it’s James, he’s strong.” She nodded, saying it more for herself than him.

“He will be better in no time.” Monty said, patting James’ knee.

“Yes, if my son is anything, he’s stubborn. It’s going to take a lot more than a full moon to take him out.” Effie said, sitting back down. “He’ll be okay…”

Regulus sat down and watched the older couple. He can tell they’re worried. He wonders if they really mean what they said, or if they’re just trying to make the situation bearable. He knows that James won’t be better any time soon, but he couldn’t say that to his family. Someone here has to stay hopeful.

Sirius came up to the bed, slightly panting. “You walk too fast, and you left your son.” He wiped his forehead and put Harry down, the toddler quickly going to his grandma.

“Nana…” Harry mumbled, hugging Effie. 

“Hello, meri jaan.” Effie smiled, combing Harry’s hair with her fingers. “Is he still coming home with us, Regulus dear?”

“Huh?” Regulus hummed.

“Sirius told us Harry would be coming home with us, so you could stay with James.” 

Regulus looked at Sirius, who just gave him a small smile and shoulder shrug. “I thought it would be a little easier for you if Harry was somewhere safe.”

“Um…” Regulus looked at Harry, catching his son’s attention. “Haz, would you like to stay with Nana and grandpa?”

“I want papa.” Harry said, climbing off of Effie. “Non, non papa, I want you, I want you!” He cried, grasping at Regulus’ shirt. “Papa! Papa!”

“Okay, okay…” Regulus said quickly, picking Harry up. “You’re okay, bug, I’m here, you can stay with me.” Harry held to the neck of his shirt, burying his head in his neck. If he’s being honest, Regulus does want Harry to go with them, he doesn’t want Harry to be here when James wakes up, and he would like to break down and cry at some point, without a toddler watching him. He’s seen Regulus cry enough already.

“Harry, how about we play with Teddy, and we can have a sleepover?” Sirius asked.

“Non.” Harry mumbled. 

“We can have cake for dinner.” Sirius tried, getting a glare from Regulus.

Harry looked up, wiping his eyes with his chubby fists. “Ice cream?”

“Of course.” Sirius smiled. “And we can make a pillow fort to sleep in.”

Harry looked to Regulus, who gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Okay, Uncle Pads.” He mumbled.

“That’s my Haz.” Sirius smiled, taking Harry. “We’ll go now, Teddy will be so excited.” He nodded, turning to Effie and Monty. “Mum, dad, come over for dinner, okay? I’ll make something.”

“Of course, love.” Effie smiled. “We’ll meet you there.”

Sirius smiled, and turned to his brother. “You okay for now?”

“For now.” He whispered. Sirius nodded, and he and Harry left the infirmary. With Harry out of his sight, he could finally relax just a bit. “I’m sorry.”

Effie and Monty looked up at Regulus. “What for, dear?” She asked.

“James, I think.” He sat down, gently grabbing James’ hand. “I should have protected him better. I tried, I was always there, and the one time I wasn’t, this… this, happens.”

“Oh, Regulus,” Effie sighed, moving to the other side of the bed to hold him. “My dear, this isn’t your fault. I know how you help James, I know how good you are to him, this didn’t happen because of you.” She kissed his cheek, wiping a stray tear from his eye. “Don’t blame yourself, Regulus. Don’t ever blame yourself.”

“But, Mum,” Regulus choked on a sob, squeezing James hand. “I don’t know if I can do this, I, I feel like everything is ruined…”

“This is just a setback, nothing is ruined.” Effie said calmly. “Life will go back to normal after you two take the time to figure things out. I know you and James will get through this.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.” He cried. “Everything was perfect, we, we had plans, we had plans for right now because everything was so simple, and now they can’t happen.”

Effie shushed him, running her hands up and down his back. “It will all work out in the end, Regulus. Nothing stays the same forever, whether it’s the good, or the bad.”

It all should have stayed the same, though. He should have strapped James down to the bed, or taken his wand. He could have stopped this from happening, if James wasn’t so stubborn, and if Regulus wasn’t such a pushover, they could be at home right now, watching a movie, making dinner, and cuddling in bed. 

Except, that's not how this goes.

Regulus Black doesn’t get a happy life. It was destined from birth, something always has to ruin what he thought was perfect.

He's not unlucky.

He’s just himself.

Chapter Text

The next two days were excruciatingly slow, but Regulus passed through them in a blur. He went home once, after Pomfrey basically kicked him out and told him to get some proper rest, a change of clothes, and a shower. Sirius had come by the infirmary again, letting him know Harry was staying with his grandparents now, and he was doing okay. He had brought some food for him that Effie made, along with pictures Harry colored for both his dads. 

The bruising on James’ skin went down by the end of the second night, and that gave Regulus some hope. He was still paler than usual, with dark rings under his eyes, but he could recognize James nonetheless. Regulus on the other hand, couldn’t recognize himself. His hair was a mess of unbrushed curls, his eyes had gone dark with lack of sleep, and his body curled in on itself more than usual. He wanted to change the way he felt about it, but he couldn’t bring himself to move, or go home. He could only sit and wait.

The third day of James’ stay, he finally woke up. It was just before lunch, and Regulus was trying his best to read a book at the side of his husband’s bed, when he started stirring. Regulus quickly put his book down, not caring about losing his page.

“James? Darling, can you hear me?” He asked, rubbing James’ cheek.

James squinted, the light from the windows shining into his eyes. He took a deep breath, reaching up to touch Regulus’ arm. “It’s bright…” he murmured, his voice hoarse from disuse.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Regulus weakly smiled, kissing James. “Oh, James…”

His tears fell onto James’ cheeks, and he blinked until he could look at the younger man. “Reggie, why are you crying?” He mumbled, coughing a bit after.

“Oh, oh, water.” Regulus breathed, moving away just for a second to get a cup. “Here, let me help you, sit up a bit.”

James lifted his head up just enough to take a few sips of water. “Thank you, love.” He looked around, taking in his surroundings. “Are…are we in Hogwarts?”

“Yes, yeah, we had nowhere else to go.” Regulus nodded, wiping his eyes. “Do you remember what happened, at all?”

James looked at him, and Regulus noticed his eyes. They weren’t the chocolate brown color he fell in love with, not anymore. They have yellow in them now, giving his eyes an amber shade. Just like Remus’.

“A small amount, but, the important stuff, yes.” He whispered, looking down at his leg. “I really did get bitten, I guess.”

Regulus nodded, kissing James’ hand. “You’ll be okay, though. The ministry, they don’t know, and Remus, he’s not in trouble. Pomfrey, she patched you up well, you’ll heal soon enough, you’ll be okay.” Tears slipped from his eyes, and James raised a shaky hand to wipe them away.

“I’m so sorry, Regulus. I’m so sorry, I should have listened to you, this is all my fault.” He whispered. “Oh, Reggie, I’m sorry.”

Regulus wanted to say it was okay, that he forgives James. He doesn’t know if he believes either of those things, though. Their lives are changed now, and James didn’t listen to him. He can’t blame James though, he’s the one who has to live with the werewolf for the rest of his life. No, no one blames anyone.

“Please don’t apologize anymore, James.” Regulus whispered. “Please, let’s just focus on getting you better, yeah? Me, and Sirius, and Remus, we’re going to help you.”

“I don’t want to be a monster.” James cried. “I’m a monster…”

“No, no you aren’t, James.” Regulus said sternly. “Is Remus a monster?” James shook his head, wiping his eyes. “No, he’s not. And I don’t see a monster, or a werewolf. I see James Potter, my husband, Harry’s father, my best friend. There’s no monster here.”

James let out a wet laugh, closing his eyes. Regulus combed his hair back, placing kisses to his forehead. “I love you, I love you, Regulus.”

“I love you too, James.” Regulus smiled. He could put his own fears away for now. If Remus could live normally, so could James. He would never hurt his family, and the wolf only comes out during a full moon. They would be okay.

— - —

A few hours later, after Madam Pomfrey attended to James, and Dumbledore had spoken to him, James was doing much better. He was dosed up on pain potions, but Regulus could see that he was doing much better. Pomfrey thinks he could go home the next day, as long as he gets checkups every so often.

The idea of going home made James relax more, he was ready for his own home, his own bed, and he was ready to try and live normal now. He also missed Harry, his wild haired boy. Regulus told James he wouldn’t be coming back to Hogwarts, but he’ll be at home when they leave.

Sitting quietly, Regulus drinking tea, and James devouring his lunch, a loud bang came from the doors. 

“Prongs!” Sirius yelled, running towards the couple.

“Padfoot!” James yelled, bouncing in his bed.

Sirius laughed, Padfoot taking his place as he jumped onto James, repeatedly licking James’ face.

“Pads! Gross!” James laughed, pushing the big black dog away.

“Sirius, that’s disgusting.” Regulus groaned.

He changed back, Sirius sitting on James' chest. “I’m so glad you’re alive, mate. Reggie was a complete wreck.” 

“Hey!” Regulus stood up, pushing Sirius. “First, get off of him, he can’t breathe with your fat arse on his lungs. Second, you were just as emotional as me, so you don’t get to talk about being a wreck.” He hugged, sitting back down.

“Good to see you too, young brother.” Sirius smirked, sitting close to James. “Anyways, Prongs, you’re alive, great. We were so worried about you.”

“I was worried too, Pads.” James smiled, holding Sirius’ hand. “How’s Moony?”

Sirius sighed and rubbed his neck. “He’s better now he knows you’re awake. At first it was pretty bad, he wouldn’t stop blaming himself, but he eventually calmed down.”

James nodded, looking around. “Is he here?”

“No, he didn’t get much sleep last night, so he’s probably still in bed.” Sirius said. “He hasn’t slept much since the moon, since…you know.”

“Yeah.” James murmured, rubbing his eyes. “Look, I’m so -“ Regulus cleared his throat, giving James a look. “Right, my dear husband says I can’t apologize anymore, so, I guess I won’t.” 

“Sounds like him.” Sirius scoffed, smiling at Regulus. They both knew James shouldn’t apologize, so in their own way, Sirius thanked him, and Regulus nodded in return. 

“So, when did Pomprey say you could leave? Do I need to sneak you out of here? I can go get the cloak.” Sirius smiled, fizzing with energy.

“Calm down, Pads.” James smiled. “I can go home tomorrow morning.”

Sirius nodded, pretending to think hard. “Think we can get her to let you leave now?”

James laughed, and Regulus rolled his eyes. “He can leave tomorrow, Sirius.”

“We’ll see about that, Pomfrey loves me, I’ll just pop in for a chat, and see what I can do.” Sirius smiled, jumping up to go see the old nurse.

“Good luck!” James called, a grin plastered onto his face. Of course it’s Sirius who can make James smile like nothing in the world can harm him. They were soulmates, always meant to be together.

“And he wonders why he had detention every other day.” Regulus mumbled.

“Hm, yeah.” James smiled. Regulus rubbed his temples, letting out a low sigh. “You okay?”

“Just stressed, is all.” He shrugged. “The um, the meds are starting to give me headaches, but they’re better now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” James asked, rubbing his shoulder.

“Because it’s not a big deal. You have bigger problems right now, my headaches will go away.”

“This isn’t a pain contest, they’re both important.” James said. “And you’ve been on these meds for almost a month, you’ve been dealing with this for that long?”

“It’s only going to get worse, James, I shouldn't be complaining about it. If a headache can take me out, then going through a pregnancy would bloody kill me. It’s fine, drop it. We have worse things to worry about.” Regulus grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.

“Fine, whatever.” James mumbled, looking away.

The curtain around the bed shifted, and Sirius poked his head in. “Sorry…I was eavesdropping…” 

“At least you’re honest about it.” Regulus mumbled.

Sirius nodded, sitting back down. “So…we can unpack all that later, but Pomfrey said she can let you leave in an hour.”

James perked up at that, giving a small smile. “Thanks, Pads.”

“Anything for you, Prongs.” Sirius winked.

Regulus watched them, remembering how he felt when he first met James. He despised the dark haired boy for stealing his brother, and once Regulus got to school, he watched as they became inseparable, and Regulus grew further apart from his brother. It wasn’t until one horrific night before the end of his fifth year that the young Black brother ended up on the Potter’s doorstep, bloodied and bruised. 

That summer is when he fell in love with James Potter.

That summer is when he got his brother back.

“Merlin, I’m starving.” James sighed, breaking Regulus out of his thoughts. “My stomach is eating itself, I’m sure of it.”

“I’ll go get you something.” Regulus said, standing up. Did he say that too quickly? He definitely did.

“Oh, um, okay.” James nodded. “Anything will do, just, something…” he scrunched up his nose, looking around. “What is that?”

“What is what?” Sirius asked.

“That smell…it’s like…lavender.” 

“Lavender?” Regulus asked. 

James nodded, grabbing his wand. “There’s lavender, right…” he flicked his wand, and the invisibility cloak flew up in the air, revealing a giddy toddler. “Harry!” 

“Daddy!” Harry screamed, jumping onto the bed. “Daddy you’re awake!” He cried, burying his face in James’ chest.

“Oh, my sweet boy, oh, bug…” James mumbled, holding Harry tightly. He looked up, and Remus was standing at the front of his bed, Reddy standing at his leg. “Hey, Moony.” He smiled.

“Hey Prongs.” Remus whispered.

James rubbed his son’s back, slightly chuckling to himself.

“What’s so funny?” Sirius asked.

“Nothing, just, Moony has a lot to teach me now.” James smiled.

Remus smiled, his cheeks turning pink. “I guess I do, huh?” 

“Indeed, my old friend.” James smiled.

— - —

The two families were able to take the floo network in Dumbledore’s office back home, and everything finally felt somewhat normal again. James wasn’t able to walk on his leg, so he was leaning heavily on crutches whenever he wanted to go somewhere around the house. Harry thought the crutches were hilarious, and kept trying to hang on them and James moved around.

“Monkey! Daddy I’m a monkey!” Harry giggled, wrapping his legs around a crutch.

“Haz, leave daddy alone.” Regulus said, grabbing Harry. “He needs to rest, but I can’t tell why he’s not in bed.”

James smiled and hopped around the kitchen. “I don’t know, I’m not tired, for some reason I have energy, and I can smell everything.” He said. “Like, literally everything. And I can hear everything too. Your heart is beating very fast.”

“It’s because I’m worried about you, get up to bed.” Regulus groaned, a squirming toddler kicking his legs. “Haz, stop that.”

“I want down!” Harry whined.

“Are you going to leave daddy alone?”

“No!”

“Then you can’t get down.” He said, throwing Harry over his shoulder. The toddler screamed loudly, and James quickly made his way to the stairs.

“I’m gonna go rest.” He nodded. As much as he loved his son, he hated the tantrums.

“Yeah, okay.” Regulus sighed, holding his son tightly.

James gave a weak smile, then slowly made his way up the stairs and to his bedroom. He closed the door, and let his smile fall. It hurts so much… he took shaky breaths, then made his way to his bathroom. He hasn’t looked in a mirror since before the accident, and he was curious about his appearance now.

He leaned up against the counter, getting his face close to the mirror in front of him. His face seemed sharper, somehow. He didn’t know if it was his mind playing tricks or not, but he felt like his jaw became more defined, and his cheekbones a little higher. He noticed stubble across his jaw - he has never been able to grow facial hair - so that was definitely new.

Most noticeable though, his eyes. He’s always had dark brown eyes, almost black. His mum always said they were like drops of chocolate, and that’s why his eyes were so sweet to look at. Now, he looked though honey eyes, not quite yellow, not quite brown. He could get used to them, hopefully Regulus would like them, he was always fond of James’ eyes.

“You’re a werewolf, James.” He whispered to himself, glancing down at his bandaged leg. “A fucking werewolf.”

Chapter Text

September 13th

The Black-Potter household was absolute chaos. It couldn’t be any more chaotic than it was at this very moment. At least, that’s what James hoped.

“James, the stove is on fire!” Regulus yelled, grabbing flying objects in the ceiling.

“I know, I’m fixing it!” James yelled back, flicking his wand at the fire.

“Harry James, stop making - things - float !” Regulus yelled, freezing the objects.

Harry cackled, waving his hands at various books and pillows. “Magic!” Harry laughed, running around. He was only in a shirt and bottoms, his pants and socks waiting upstairs to be put on.

“ James !” 

“I’m trying!” 

“We have to leave in five minutes, Harry! Stop this at once!” Regulus groaned, chasing his toddler around.

“I don’t wanna do school!” Harry yelled, flinging pillows at his father.

“You will go to school, that is not up for debate!” Regulus said, lunging at the boy. Harry moved just in time, and Regulus face-planted into the carpet. “James!” 

James made sure there wouldn’t be a second fire before grabbing his son swiftly, holding him tight. His leg had healed rather nicely, he had a noticeable limp now, and it aches around the full moon, but all that was left were pink scars laced around his thigh.

“Daddy!” Harry pouted, going limp.

“Let’s go get dressed, and then we can get a donut on the way to school.” He smiled.

“Donut!” Harry smiled, perking up.

James looked at his husband, who was still on the floor. “Run upstairs, Haz, I’ll come help you in a minute.” He smiled.

“Okay!” Harry giggled, jumping up the stairs. At least bribing still worked.

James rubbed his face and stood over Regulus, his body aching too much to bend down. His first moon as a werewolf was next week, and it wasn’t being kind to him.

“Reg?”

“Go away…” he croaked, and James knew he was crying.

“Reggie, love, come on, get up.” James sighed, trying to bend down.

“No, I just want to lay here, please.” He cried, not willing to look up.

“Regulus, it’s just a bad morning, it’s normal.”

“It’s just so much.” His voice cracked, and the younger man cried harder.

Oh. This wasn’t about the morning.

“How, how can I fix this? How can I help you?” James asked. “Let me help you, please.” He fell slowly to his knees, his joints almost splitting in half. “Reggie?”

“Just let me lay here.” He cried, covering his face back up. “Take Harry…”

“Okay.” He nodded, rubbing Regulus’ back. It’s so simple, but if that’s what it takes, then James can do that. He can easily take Harry to school, and then they can go out for breakfast, or James can try cooking again, one of those would work.

He stood up, wincing at the popping in his body. How does Remus do this every month? Honestly, James wasn’t used to feeling so achy. Even after long Quidditch practices, he still has a spring in his step. Now, he barely has a step .

“Harry, let’s do your hair!” He called, making his way upstairs. Harry ran into the bathroom, climbing onto the counter. 

“Buns!” Harry smiled.

“Okay, buns.” James nodded, brushing through his sons hair. “Oh, Harry, your pants are on backwards.” He sighed.

“Oops.” Harry giggled. He picked out two bands, holding them up for James. “I want a sprinkle donut, daddy.”

James hummed, nodded at his request. He took a step back, looking at Harry’s hair. Regulus makes it look so easy. “It’ll have to do for today.” He sighed, putting Harry on the ground. “Let’s fix your pants.”

Harry nodded, using James shoulders for balance. “Daddy, why is papa angry?”

“He’s just tired, bug. Me and you, we’re a lot of work.” James sighed, buttoning Harry’s pants. “Sometimes papa just needs a break.”

“Does he not love us?” Harry asked, following James out to the hall.

“No, no Harry, it’s not like that, not at all.” James turned around, looking down at his son. “Papa loves us very much, but he’s doing something very important right now, and it takes a lot of his energy.”

“What’s he doing?” Harry asked, moving past James to head downstairs.

James sighed, catching a glimpse of Regulus, still laying on the floor. “He’s doing something I could never do, Haz. And he’s amazing for it.” He’s absolutely brilliant.

Harry rubbed his eyes, giving a slight nod. “Okay. Now donuts?”

“Yes, yeah, let’s go.” He nodded, watching Regulus. They got their shoes on, and Harry put on his backpack. “Bye, love. I’ll be back soon.”

“Bye papa!” Harry smiled, kissing Regulus’ hair.

“Bye…” He mumbled.

“I love you.” James opened the front door, and Harry bounced outside. “Reg?”

“I love you too.” 

I’ll take it.

— - —

James loved walking through London. Well, he liked it before The Bite - that’s what he called it, says it sounds way cooler - but now as a werewolf, everything was different. He could smell fifty different things at once, and he could hear all sorts of crazy noises. Having all of that going on in your all at the same time might sound dreadful, but James’ head was always buzzing with noise. This felt normal to him.

One thing he got used to very quickly was his appetite. He’s watched Moony all through school get seconds, even thirds, during all their meals, not understanding how he could eat so much. Well, James understands now. He’s constantly snacking, and the family never has leftovers anymore, he gladly eats whatever is put out on the table.

Honestly, he was amazed with himself. He didn’t think he could eat so much. And apparently neither did Regulus. Their first meal at home after getting back from the hospital had James eating everything, and Regulus watched in shock. Harry watched too, then tried to eat as much as James. 

Regulus then spent half the night with Harry in the bathroom. Harry never tried to eat so much again.

“Daddy?” Harry asked, looking up at James. He had chocolate frosting smeared across his face, a couple sprinkles mixed in.

“Oh, Haz, you’re all dirty.” James sighed, searching his pockets for a tissue. They were close to Harry’s school, and James didn’t think about a child walking with a donut. He never really does this part, Regulus is better at keeping Harry clean and neat.

“Let’s clean you up, and don’t touch your clothes, I can’t have chocolate on your shirt.” He groaned, picking Harry up to stand on a bench. It was easier than bending down, and James was limited in movements at the moment.

“I liked my donut.” Harry said and James wiped his hands. “Hm, daddy?”

“Yes?” 

“Can I show my teacher my magic?” He asked, rocking on his heels.

James quickly shook his head, dragging the tissue across Harry’s mouth. “No, Haz. No one can know, okay? These people, they aren’t like us. And magic is our secret.” He said quietly.

“Okay.” Harry whispered. They were going to have to figure something out for that, maybe homeschooling? Regulus would hate that though, he wants Harry to be with other kids. They can talk about it later.

“Good boy, bug.” James kissed his head and they continued to school. Harry perked up once he saw his teacher waiting outside for her class - Ms. Lowar, James thinks - and Harry turns to his father.

“Ms. Teacher is waiting, can I go play?” He asked.

“Yes you can, papa and I will pick you up in a few hours.” James smiled.

“Okay! Bye daddy! Loves you many!” Harry giggled and ran off to his teacher. 

‘Loves you many’ was a new thing he started saying, and James and Regulus thought it was absolutely adorable. Sure, it wasn’t grammatically correct, but he’s three, grammar doesn’t matter when you’re three.

James watched to make sure Harry was fine, his son happily chatting to his teacher. Let’s just hope he doesn’t do magic.

He turned around, heading back home. He needs food, and he wanted to take Regulus out to eat, but honestly, he can’t wait that long. He needs food now . So, he did what a sensible person would do: he went to a cafe, got almost everything on the menu, and carried it home.

“Fuck, I could have just apparated.” He groaned, realizing how much his body hurt from walking and carrying bags of food. He was only a block away at this point, so it really didn’t matter. He would just take something for pain when he gets home.

“Reggie, I’m home, and I have breakfast!” James said, kicking the door shut behind him. He noticed his husband wasn’t lying on the floor anymore, and he set everything down in the kitchen before roaming the house.

“Regulus, I don’t feel like playing hide and seek right now…” He went upstairs, looking into their bedroom. Sure enough, Regulus was curled up under the covers, looking very child-like in his position.

“Reggie, my love, are you awake?” He asked quietly, sitting on his side of the bed. Oh, that feels so good.

Regulus opened his eyes a bit, they were red and swollen from crying. “Hi.” He whispered.

“Hey…” James laid down, his face only a few inches away from Regulus’. “Want to talk?”

“No.” He mumbled, wiping his nose. “It’s n-not important.”

“Love, everything is important when it comes to you.” James sighed, kissing his nose.

The younger shook his head, closing his eyes again. 

“Regulus, why won’t you talk to me?” James asked. “It’s been weeks, and, and you won’t talk to me. We tell each other everything, but you’ve gone back into hiding. Is it because of me? Are you hurting because of me?” His voice cracked, and tears brimmed his eyes. “I’m trying to help you, who gives a fuck about my stupid furry problem, I can see you suffering, just let me help.”

Regulus hiccuped, tears sliding down his cheeks. “I don’t know what’s wrong, James.”

“Is it me?” James asked, his own tears landing on his pillow. 

Regulus swallowed, a quick nod forming. “Yes.”

“Is that all?”

“No.”

“Is it your meds?” James asked, wiping Regulus’ cheek. A new wave of tears hit, and Regulus curled up tighter.

“I don’t want to, to disappoint you, I’m trying, I’m really trying.” He cried. “It’s so hard, I don’t feel like myself, I’m not me, I’m just, I, I don’t know!”

“Oh, Reg…” James cried, wrapping his arms around his husband. “You can stop, love. You don’t have to do this, you can stop. I knew this would happen, I hate seeing you like this.”

Regulus cried, clutching James’ shirt. “I tried, I tried.”

“I know, I know.” James shushed, closing his eyes. “It’s okay, Reg. It’s okay.”

— - —

Regulus ended up falling asleep, mumbling something about not being hungry. So, James sat at the kitchen table, eating almost everything he bought. 

They could figure something else out, and maybe in the future, they can have another kid. It’s probably the best time anyways, considering everything that’s happened in the past few weeks. 

Can I pass the wolf onto children?

No, that shouldn’t happen, Remus had Teddy, and he’s fine. Well, sort of fine, but most of his quirks came from Tonks. So, he should be fine, plus, if they find a surrogate, it’ll be Regulus’ side, so James doesn’t need to worry about his lycanthropy. 

Regulus is fine, right?

“Yes?” James mumbled to himself.

James gathered up his garbage, put the leftovers in the fridge, and sat down on the couch. He can’t do much right now, his leg made it difficult to ride his broom, his body hurt too much to take a walk, Harry was gone, and Regulus was asleep. So, he’s alone. 

I don’t like being alone.

Get used to it, you monster.

James sat up, looking around. “Who said that?”

I did, James.

He winced, putting his plan to his forehead. Is that me? 

A new voice filled his mind, a deep, raspy, growling voice. James didn’t like it. 

“Get out.” He mumbled, rubbing his head.

Don’t run away from me, James. You have no control here.

“Leave!” James said, getting up from the couch. He hit his head, backing away from the voice.

You are a monster. You will forever be a monster, now. I am more powerful than you. I can never leave.

“I said leave!” James cried, backing into a wall, his eyes tightly shut. “Go away! I don’t want you!”

Now you will never be alone again.

James screamed, his head felt on fire, like something was trying to claw its way out of his head. His leg burned too, he could feel every tooth mark on his thigh. 

Something grabbed him, and he swung his arms out, pushing the force away from him. “Get away! Go away, get out, don’t hurt me!” He cried, sliding down the wall. “Don’t hurt me!”

“James?” 

He opened his eyes, tears blurring his vision. Regulus. Oh, no, he pushed Regulus.

“James, it’s just me.” He said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” James whispered. “I didn’t mean -“

“It’s okay.” His husband replied quickly. “I’m okay, what about you?”

James shook his head, wiping his eyes fiercely. “He was in my head.” He mumbled.

“Who?”

“I don’t know.”

Regulus just nodded, standing up from the floor. “We’ll figure it out.” 

James gave a weak hum, pushing himself off the ground. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Regulus said, putting on his shoes.

“Where, where are you going?” James asked, suddenly worried. “Don’t leave me, please.”

Regulus turned to his husband, heartbreak etched across his face. “James, I’m not leaving you, I just have to go pick up Harry.” He said quietly. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Oh.” He whispered, wiping his eyes again. “I’ll um, I’ll come with.” He grabbed his shoes, then followed Regulus out the door. They walked in silence, and James hated it. He didn’t want the voice to come back, he needed other things happening.

“So, Harry’s it for us?” He asked. Really? That’s what you chose?

“Um,” Regulus coughed, looking out to the street. “You really want to have this conversation now?”

“It, well, it’s important, I guess.” James rubbed his neck, cheeks turning red. “I mean, you’ve already made your decision, I just wanted to know like, future wise…”

The younger let out a deep sigh, dragging his hand across his face. “Harry’s it, for us. We can barely handle him right now, we can’t handle a baby. So, I say we don’t try.”

“Even if it’s not you?”

“Even if it’s not me. Our lives are a mess right now, James. If things were different -“

“If I was different.”

Regulus looked up at him, “what’s that mean?”

“I’m the reason everything is hard right now, Reg. You know, The Bite . That’s why we can’t control anything.” James said.

“That’s not the only reason.” Regulus said, turning back to the street.

“There’s another reason?”

“Well, yes, actually,” he let out a low whistle, “I’m trying to become an animagus.”

James stopped walking, watching his husband. “What the fuck, Reg?” 

“What?” Regulus turned around. “I’m sorry, is there a problem?”

“Yeah, actually, why are you trying to become an animagus? That’s so stupid!” James let out a short laugh.

“It’s not stupid, James. It’s so I can be there on the full moon.” 

“No, absolutely not, you can’t be there! I can’t let you be there.” 

“Why not? Sirius gets to be there! Peter gets to go, along with Remus! You got to go, I should be there, especially for your first time! I can help you!” Regulus said.

“I don’t want you there, I don’t want you to see me like that!” James laughed again, angrier this time. “You’re telling me, you’re putting our future on hold so you can watch me turn into a monster once a month?”

“Fuck this.” Regulus said angrily, continuing towards the school.

“No, no, hey, I’m talking to you!” James said, grabbing his arm. “Regulus, is that really the only reason you don’t want to have a baby?”

“Have you not been listening to me?” Regulus yelled. “I’m not having a baby because I don't like myself when I feel like the old me! You said you wanted to help me, James, and now you're mad at me? What happened to being a supportive husband? Huh?”

I don’t know. “I, I just,” James took a deep breath, pulling Regulus forward. The people around us need to stop listening. “Don’t become an animagus, please. I’m begging you. Do you have Mandrake in your mouth right now?”

“That’s none of your business.” Regulus grumbled. 

It is our business.

James winced, shaking his head. I told you to leave!

We can hurt him, we can taste his blood on the full moon, feel the magic he has.

“Stop it!” James said, hitting his head. 

Regulus took a step back, then quickly walked away. James rubbed his eyes, then followed. This isn’t going well, none of this is going well.

They arrived at Harry’s school, and James searched for the wild haired boy. Regulus stood away from James, and James tried to brush it off. We can talk when we get home.

James spotted Harry, standing by the playground. He was watching other kids play, hesitatingly stepping closer to the group of little kids. He smiled, asked if he could play, and…they ran away from him. They ran away from Harry. His Harry.

“Oh, no…” Regulus mumbled, and James turned to him. Regulus glanced at him, then bit his fingernail.

Harry watched them run off, then looked around. James waved his hand, giving his son a bright smile. I can fix this.

Harry stumbled over, the jacket tied around his waist coming undone. 

“Hello, Haz!” James smiled.

“Hi.” Harry said, looking down.

Regulus picked him up, kissing his cheeks. “How was school, bug?” 

Harry just nodded, laying his head on Regulus’ shoulder.

James swallowed, wishing he could change the last few minutes. Harry doesn’t deserve that, he doesn’t deserve to feel like that, he’s the most wonderful boy. Why did they run away from him?

“It’s okay, Haz.” James said, kissing his forehead. That seemed to break Harry, because the toddler broke down in tears, hiding his face away.

James could see Regulus tearing up too, and that’s how the Black-Potter family ended up walking home crying together.

Chapter Text

After arriving home, the day went slowly. Harry took his afternoon nap, and once he woke up, James and Regulus did their best to entertain him. The couple had come to a silent agreement to behave while Harry was around, even though they didn’t directly speak to each other. Harry didn’t seem to notice though, he was too busy building with blocks and coloring pictures.

Regulus had taken an early night around six, stating he wasn’t feeling well. James knew that meant he was just extremely tired, but he let it go. He and Harry had some Mac and Cheese, James making double the amount so he would have enough to eat. Harry had cheered up with dinner, giggling at the silly faces James made from across the table.

Harry’s first yawn on the night happened at eight, and James quickly followed with his own round of yawns. 

“Come on, bug, let’s get you ready for bed.” He said quietly, helping his toddler up the stairs.

“Tomorrow, can I play with Prongs?” Harry mumbled, tiredly walking to his room.

“Um, we’ll see.” James said. He hasn’t tried to change since the last full moon, and to be completely honest, he was a little scared about the idea. “Why don’t we see if uncle Pads and a uncle Moony and Teddy want to come over and play?”

“Play with Prongs?” Harry asked.

Yeah, he’s not letting this go. “Sure.”

“Hmm,” Harry yawned, and James helped his with his pajamas. 

“Okay, let’s brush your teeth, and go potty.” James took him to the bathroom, and Harry stepped onto his stool at the sink.

“Daddy, you do it.” He mumbled, holding out his toothbrush.

“Okay, Haz.” James said, and he brushed Harry’s teeth. After what felt like an hour, but was just a very slow five minutes, Harry was tucked into bed, quickly falling asleep.

“Night daddy…” he mumbled.

“Goodnight, Harry, I love you very much.” James smiled, kissing his forehead.

“Loves you…many…” and he’s out.

James smiled to himself and closed the door, taking a quiet breath. Regulus has to be asleep, yeah? He’s asleep.

He’s not fucking asleep.

James closed his bedroom door, making eyes contact with Regulus. They stared at each other, neither wanting to speak first. Just say something.

Regulus set something on his nightstand, and James followed his hand. Ew, what is that? It looks like a chewed up leaf.

Oh.

“Mandrake?” James asked, looking back at Regulus.

“I took it out.” He said, folding his arms.

James nodded, making his way to his side of the bed. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” Regulus said, turning to him.

“Oh. Yeah, right. Sorry.” James said quickly, pulling the covers over himself. He waited for Regulus, but he didn’t say anything. “So, why -“

“I did it for Harry.” He cut me off, the bastard.

“I see.” 

“Watching him at the school, when he was left alone, after those horrible kids ran away from him, I realized something.” Regulus started. “I remembered why I wanted to have a baby in the first place. So I wouldn’t deprive Harry of having a best friend. Which, Harry can have any friend he wants, but he didn’t have any today.” He looked down, wiping his eyes. “It broke my heart, James. He’s such a sweet boy, and he has no friends. He shouldn’t feel like he’s worthless, he’s only three.”

“I know.” James whispered.

“So, well, Harry needs someone else. Someone permanent. Someone who won’t run away, because I know how it feels to be left behind, and it fucking sucks.” He took a deep breath, trying to regain control. “We’re going to have a baby, James, for Harry. Not right now, but maybe next year, or when everything calms down a bit. I need to do this for our son.”

“Okay.” James nodded. “Okay.” He lunged forward and pulled Regulus close.

Regulus swallowed, and took a deep breath. “Let’s just focus on right now, though, okay? We have too much to worry about at this point in time.”

James nodded, “No, yeah, I agree.”

“Good, okay.” Regulus let out a breath, then pulled away. “I’m pretty tired, so um,”

“Of course, yeah, me too.” James nodded, laying down. They got comfortable and flicked the lights off. “Reg?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, James.”

— - —

“Come on, Teddy! Come on!” Harry laughed, running out the back door.

“I’m coming!” Teddy giggled, following Harry outside.

“Padfoot!” Harry screamed, being knocked down by a big black dog. “Padfoot, you silly puppy!”

“Get off my son, Sirius!” Regulus yelled, settling down on a chair on the porch.

Harry picked a good day to play outside, it’ll probably be the last clear day for the year. Remus sat down next to Regulus, he wasn’t moving too well with the moon coming up. James seemed fine, he was just excited to be outside with everyone. Maybe he could pull out his broom and fly around with Harry, the neighbors wouldn’t be able to see them, they always had an illusionment charm around the house.

“Maybe I should take him to a dog park.” Remus smirked, sipping his tea. 

“If it means he doesn’t tackle Harry to the ground every time he comes over, then I think that’s a great idea.” Regulus smiled.

“Daddy! We wanna play with Prongs!” Harry said, running up to James. “Daddy, come on!” He pulled James’ hand, and Teddy grabbed the other.

“We want Prongs!” They giggled, and James stood up.

“Okay, okay, just give me a minute, yeah?” James smiled, walking onto the lawn.

Sirius jumped up from the ground, grabbing Harry and Teddy to swing them around. “Let’s go, Prongs!” Sirius laughed.

James smiled, shaking his hands. Okay, Prongs. You got this . He closed his eyes, diving into his mind.

Blank.

That’s the first thing he noticed. The woods, where Prongs like to sleep, and prance around, it was empty.

“Prongs?” James called, walking around. “Prongs!”

He looked behind trees, behind bushes, and nothing appeared.

“Hello, James.” The voice.

James whipped around, looking for the voice.

“Stop, stop hiding. Come out where I can see you.” James said quietly, trying to keep his voice steady.

There were growls all around him, coming from every direction. Shivers were sent down his spine, and the sky grew dark above him.

“Don’t be afraid, James. We are one, now.” James froze. He’s behind him. “I can smell your fear, boy.”

James slowly turned around, coming face to face with a werewolf. He gasped, falling to the ground. The wolf towered over him, low growls escaping his mouth.

“What do you want?” James whispered. 

“I want you.” His mouth didn’t move, but the voice was loud and clear in his mind.

“You, you can’t have me.” He said, tears brimming his eyes. “Where’s Prongs?”

He laughed, running his tongue across his teeth. They were bloody.

“Well, a wolf has to eat, James. Don’t you know?”

“No.” James whispered. “No! No, you didn’t! You didn’t!” He screamed. “You bastard! You fucker! You, you didn’t!” 

“Oh, but I did.”

James screamed, unable to get off the ground. He kicked and punched the air, cursing and yelling and crying with all his energy.

He opened his eyes. 

Regulus, Sirius, and Remus we’re crouched down beside him, Teddy and Harry standing on the porch. 

“James, darling, you had a seizure, can you hear me?” Regulus asked, wiping stray tears from his cheeks.

His eyes darted around, unable to focus. The panic set in, his nightmare becoming a reality.

“Prongs.” He whispered.

“Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“He’s gone.” James mumbled, going into a fit again. “He’s gone! He’s gone, he’s fucking gone!” He screamed, his body jerking on the ground.

“What, what does he mean?” Sirius asked. 

“He’s gone! He’s gone!” James cried. “He’s gone…”

Regulus pulled out his wand, placing a sleeping spell on James. “Remus, get Teddy and Harry inside, please.” He said shakily.

Remus nodded and got up, guiding the two boys into the house. Regulus waited until James stopped moving, and he looked at Sirius.

“I think…”

“He can’t be a werewolf and a stag at the same time.” Sirius whispered. “That - that’s why Remus never became an animagus, because he can’t be both. Prongs is d-dead.”

Regulus nodded, starting to cry. “Oh, James…” he whispered, leaning over his husband. “I’m sorry…”

Prongs is gone. 

He’s not coming back.

— - —

James had to keep taking dreamless sleep potions for the rest of the week. Every time he closed his eyes, he was back in the woods, being stared down by a large grey wolf. He would wake up in fits, his seizures becoming more regular, and it was damaging his body. Four nights after losing Prongs, James was hysterical.

“I’m gonna kill him! I’m gonna fucking kill him!” James screamed, and Regulus tried to hold him down.

“James, please, stop.” Regulus groaned, gripping his arms. He didn’t want to use magic on James, the first time this happened it hurt him more. “James, it’s me, please just calm down.”

“Get away! Go away, I’ll kill you!” James yelled, punching Regulus in the cheek. He backed up, feeling blood in his mouth. 

“James, I - I’m sorry.” Regulus grabbed the potion, forcing it down James’ throat. “Just, rest, just rest…” he whispered, wiping the sweat off of James’ brow.

The room quieted, and James fell asleep again, and Regulus released the breath he was holding. He rested his head on James’ chest, tiredness taking over his body. Then, he heard small cries.

Harry.

Regulus slowly got up, making his way to his toddler’s bedroom. He opened the door, peeking into the room. Harry was curled up on his bed, clutching his stuffed owl. He was crying quietly, little hiccups escaping his lips. 

“Oh, Haz,” he sighed, scooping his son into his arms. “Tell me what’s wrong, étoile.”

“D-daddy…” Harry cried, one hand holding Regulus’ shirt, the other making its way to his mouth. “Daddy…” he stuck his thumb in his mouth.

Regulus sighed at the gesture, Harry hasn’t sucked his thumb in almost a year. “Haz, daddy’s okay. Just sick.” He mumbled, kissing Harry’s hair.

“No, no Prongs.” Harry hiccuped around his thumb.

“No, not anymore.” Regulus whispered, closing his eyes.

They sat on Harry’s bed together until the toddler fell asleep.

Now, it was the day of the full moon. James was surprisingly calm, and it scared Regulus a bit. He stayed in bed all morning, while Regulus took Harry to school, cleaned the house, and did everything possible to keep his mind busy. He couldn’t think about James.

James.

James.

James.

Are you ready?

Chapter Text

“I’m scared.” James whispered, hugging Regulus tightly. They were standing in the living room, waiting to apparate to a forest Remus had chosen. Sirius and Remus were standing at the door, patiently waiting for James. They didn’t know what would happen tonight, might as well give him all the time he can get with his husband.

“Me too.” Regulus whispered back. He didn’t feel like lying tonight.

“I’ll be back in the morning, after we, we finish.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

James pulled away just a bit, turning his head to kiss Regulus. His whole body was on fire, ready to burst into flames at any moment. Holding his husband was more important than feeling better, though.

Harry came into view, standing at the bottom of the stairs. His thumb was popped into his mouth, and James hated himself for it. You’re the reason he’s fallen into that bad habit again. You scare him with your fits.

James gave him a smile, and Regulus let him go. “Hey, bug. Come here.” James said quietly. Harry stumbled over, and Regulus picked him up, James unable to. “Hey, I love you, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Harry mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “You gonna be with the moon?”

James smiled, and lightly kissed his cheek. “Sure am, Haz. That’s how you can find me, I’ll be with the moon tonight.” 

“Okay, daddy.” Harry nodded, giving James a sloppy kiss. “Loves you many, daddy.”

“I love you too, Haz.” James turned to Regulus, giving him one last kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He whispered, holding back tears. “I’ll, we - we’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah. Yeah you will.” James nodded, then turned to Sirius and Remus. “Alright, let’s get this party started.”

“Sure thing, James.” Sirius gave him a weak smile, and linked their arms together.

With one last glance behind him, James saw his husband and son waving goodbye. Hopefully it won't be the last time.

— - —

The cave they settled into was cold. The ground was damp, it must have rained a few days ago. James shivered, but his skin was hot and achy. Sirius sat against a wall, a wool blanket over his shoulders. Remus paced slowly around the cave, already knowing what to expect. It hurt every time, but he still knew that he would just have to endure.

James, not so much.

He curled up on the ground, choking on air. “Remus, Remus, it hurts.” He sobbed. “Oh, fuck, fuck, Remus!”

“Just stay calm, James. It’ll hurt more if - if you’re stressed.” Remus breathed, glancing at him. “Just, calm, James. It only gets worse.”

“You can do this, James.” Sirius said, scooting over to his brother. “It’s okay.”

James screamed, the first wave of the change making its way through his body. “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!” He cried, pounding his head on the rough ground. 

“You won’t die, don’t say that.” Sirius whispered, wrapping his arms around James. “Please don’t say that, James.”

“I want to d-die!” He screamed, his throat already going raw. 

“James, stop. Stop it.” Sirius cried. “Stop it.”

“Sirius, it’s time, you need to change.” Remus gasped, his body falling to the floor.

“I can’t leave him like this, he’ll die!” 

“Sirius!” Remus growled, his bones started to pop and break. “Get away from him!”

“I’m sorry.” Sirius whispered, and Padfoot took his place.

James screamed and screamed, Remus eventually joining him. Padfoot paced between the two, trying to help both at the same time.

“James, don’t fight me anymore. We are one.”

“I don’t want to be you!” James cried, running away from the wolf. He ducked behind a tree, his body exploding.

“Come, James. Let’s go run in the moonlight.”

“I don’t want to! I don’t want to be like you! I want the old me, I want Prongs!” He cried.

The wolf circled around the tree, and James found himself trapped. “Let’s have some fun, shall we?” He snarled, the voice loud in his head.

A dark brown wolf jumped out of the cave, stumbling over itself, not quite used to its body yet. A black dog barked, already chasing a light brown wolf across the open area. The two wolves stared at each other, growling deep and loud. The dog barked, and they gave it their attention.

We’re all friends, it seemed to say. Friends.

The wolves sniffed around each other, then howled.

Pack.

— - —

The forest was clouded in mist, dewdrops hanging from leaves, sticking to specs of dirt. Mornings were always James’ favorite. From having to get up early to practice for quidditch, to waking up with a baby at early hours to take care of him, James found mornings to be peaceful and relaxing. Not to mention quite beautiful, when the time is right. 

The sun started shining in between the branches of the trees, rising slowly and the forest started waking up. The once empty cave was now filled with three men, two experiencing changes their bodies would never forget. Remus has been doing this since he was five, he knew how the mornings after the full moon took some time to heal from.

James could feel every bone snap, he could hear the blood in his veins, the shifting of his muscles, trying to get back into place. His body isn’t going to be normal for a few weeks, unfortunately by then, he’ll have to do this all over again. Then again, and again.

A loud gasp escaped his lips, and he shivered, his muscles flexing into a seizure. Cold hands touched his skin, and a low voice called out to him. 

“James, you’re okay, you did it, you’re okay…” Sirius whispered, wrapping around his torso. A blanket was placed over him, luckily charmed with a warming spell. 

After a minute, James calmed, and he focused on Sirius above him. “I’m alive?” He croaked, his voice nearly gone from screaming - and possibly howling - all night long.

“Yeah, of course.” Sirius smiled, kissing his head. “You’re James fucking Potter, nothing can take you down.” James gave a small smile, and felt tears hit his face. 

“Pads…”

“I was so scared I was going to lose you. I, I don’t know what I would do, James.” Sirius cried. “I’m supposed to protect you, you know, older brother and all that shit.”

James closed his eyes, pushing his head into Sirius’ chest. “You’re an idiot, Padfoot.”

Sirius let out a wet laugh, and wiped his eyes. “Yeah, yeah I love you too, Jamesie.”

Another cold hand reached out and touched him, and he opened his eyes back up. “Remus…”

“Hey, James.” Remus smiled. “You did good, mate. Real good.”

“Only because of you.” James yawned, curling up under his blanket.

“Let’s double check for injuries, and then we can go home.” Sirius said, shifting positions.

James sat up a little bit, only to wince in pain. “Fuck, my ribs…” he groaned.

“Yeah, that happens sometimes.” Remus said, and Sirius flicked his wand. There was a loud pop, and James breathed sharply.

“Um, yeah, better.” He sighed, rubbing his head. “Just, the nausea…”

“With seizures and the change, I think that might be the new normal for you.” Sirius said, running his back. James nodded, his stomach twisting until he couldn’t hold back any longer. He threw up, his shoulders shaking while his arms did their best to hold him up.

“It’s okay, Prongs.” Remus said, then quickly turned white. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t - I - sorry.”

Sirius flinched, not knowing how James would react. James’ body slowed, the contents of his stomach vanishing with a squish of a wand. “It’s fine.” He mumbled, now more tired than before. “Can, can we go home now?”

“Yeah, yeah let’s go.” Sirius nodded, holding onto James, and Remus held onto Sirius. 

I just want Regulus.

— - —

Regulus sat in the living room, waiting by the front door. He never went to bed, he was too stressed about James, and the nerves were too much to handle.

Harry and Teddy were still sleeping upstairs, which was good, considering it was only 6:30 in the morning. The bad side of that, Regulus had nothing to distract him from all the horrible thoughts going on in his head, and the sickening feeling that was taking over his body. Anything could’ve gone wrong last night, and he could wait, and wait, and wait.

And James could never walk through the front door.

He bit his fingernails, a nervous habit his mother scolded him for, but he couldn’t help it now. If she were here, she would have made his nails disappear. Wouldn’t be the first time.

His stomach twisted, and he looked to the door. If James wasn’t walking now, he wouldn’t be walking in a minute or two. He got up and quickly went to the bathroom, waiting to throw up.

But it never came.

Instead, he spotted a spot of blood on his pants, and his heart stopped. No, wait this is fine, to have a baby, you have to have a period. It’s normal. There’s stuff in the linen closet, you’re okay.

Regulus swallowed and shook his head. He looked in the mirror, and a tear fell down his cheek.

This isn’t a period.

“Oh, no…” he whispered, looking down. “No, no, no…no…”

The front door opened, and he could hear Sirius mumbling, Remus responding quietly. They’re home. James. Why isn’t James talking? James.

Regulus wiped his face, pulled his shirt down as far as it would go, and went to the living room. “James.” He whispered. His husband was sitting on the couch, his eyes fighting to stay open. He looked up at Regulus and weakly smiled, slowly laying down.

“Reg…” he mumbled, and Regulus quickly went over to James. “Hi…”

“Hi, hi, darling. Oh, hello…” Regulus whispered, kissing James’ face. He planted kisses on his cheeks, and his forehead, his nose, saving his lips for last. “Good morning, James.”

“Hm…good night…” he weakly smiled, closing his eyes. Regulus gave a slight smile, then kissed James again. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered, his stomach twisting again.

“Reggie?” Sirius asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You…okay?”

Regulus shook his head, keeping his eyes on James, their hands locked together. “N-not really.”

“You’re um, you’re bleeding,”

“I know.” Regulus mumbled, starting to cry. “Yeah, I know.”

Sirius pulled his brother up, looking over him. “Reg, I think you should-“

“I can’t leave him.” He cried. “I can’t leave him, I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“Regulus -“

“I can’t do it alone!” He cried. “It’s my fault, it’s my fault, oh, oh Sirius, what have I done!” He fell into Sirius’ arms, deep sobs taking over his body. “What have I d-done?”

“Regulus, oh, my Reggie, oh…” Sirius whispered, picking up his little brother. “I’ve got you, I’ll be with you.” He took Regulus upstairs, taking him into the bathroom attached to his room. “I’m calling Mum, she can help. Just, stay here.” He nodded, walking out. “I’ll be back!” He called, and Regulus could hear him leaving the room.

“Don’t leave me…” he cried, curling up on the floor. “James! James!” He cried. “James!”

— - —

James woke up, the sun shining bright through the front windows. He was still on the couch, but a blanket and pillow had been placed with him. Oh, good, home.

He rubbed his eyes and slowly sat up. Oh, yeah, definitely still hurting. “Hello?” He croaked, followed by a few coughs.

Sirius poked his head out of the kitchen, “hey, James, let me get you some water.” He smiled.

“And something for pain, please.” James coughed. “Something strong.”

“Sure thing.” Sirius said. James heard quiet giggles, Harry must be playing with Teddy upstairs.

“How long have I been asleep?” James asked as Sirius handed him some water and a potion. “What time is it?”

Sirius sat down next to James, leaning back against the couch. “It’s just after one, so you’ve been asleep for almost seven hours.” He nodded. “Hey, James, there’s something you should -“

“Mum?” James asked, looking up. Effie was coming down the stairs, an empty plate in her hand. 

“Hello, love,” she smiled, walking over. “You look better than I thought you would.” She sighed, kissing his head. “Did you sleep well?”

James rubbed his neck, very confused. “I’m, yeah, I’m fine…what are you doing here?”

“You just had your first full moon, I can’t come take care of you?” She asked, sending the plate off to the kitchen. 

“I just didn’t know…have you been taking care of me?” He asked, looking around. “Where’s Reggie at?”

Effie’s smile faded and she glanced up the stairs. “He’s asleep, love. He needs to rest.”

“Why?” James asked, his mind starting to race. “I, I didn’t, did I hurt him? Is he hurt?” 

“No, no, nothing like that.” Effie soothed, squeezing his hand. 

“Well…” Sirius mumbled, biting his lip.

“Sirius, that’s enough.” Effie said sternly.

“Sorry, mum…”

“What’s wrong with Reggie?” James stood up, his legs giving out as soon as they were straight. “Shit, ow, fuck me…” he groaned.

Effie sat him back down and fixed his hair. “It is not my story to tell, so I will let Regulus explain when he is ready. For now, you do not leave this couch until you are feeling better. Understood?”

James swallowed, his eyes focused on the stairs. “Okay.” His voice cracked, and he gripped the blanket between his hands. “Okay.”

Time went by slowly, and James tried his best at walking. His left leg was barely movable, the bite was much more sensitive now, almost like it gains life from the full moons. That could be possible. Sirius took Teddy home after a bit, Remus had left after they got back from their night, only wanting to sleep in his bed.

“Daddy!” Harry smiled, running down the stairs. “Daddy, you came back home!”

James’ heart broke, and he sat back on the couch to hold his toddler. “Yeah, of course I did, bug. Of course I did.” He mumbled into Harry’s dark waves. “I love you, Haz. I love you very much.”

Harry squirmed to get comfortable in his father’s arms, restring his head on James’ shoulder. “I loves you so so many, daddy.” He smiled, kissing his cheek. “And papa.”

“Yeah, me too.” James nodded.

“Gramma won’t let me see papa…he’s sick, daddy.” Harry sniffed, rubbing his eyes.

“He, he’s okay, Haz. Don’t worry.” He mumbled, gently rocking Harry.

“Mum?” James called, knowing Effie was round the house somewhere.

“Yes, love?” She asked once she walked into the living room. 

“Can you put Harry down for his nap? I’m going to see Reg.” 

“Of course.” She smiled gently, taking a sleeping Harry from him. “Just, be kind, with Regulus, okay? Be patient, and caring.” 

“Always, mum.” James nodded, standing up. “He’s my husband, I love him.” He gave her a small smile, then made his way upstairs.

It really can’t be that bad.

Right?

Chapter Text

James pushed open the door, looking into the room. The curtains were drawn, hiding the September sun outside the window. Regulus was just a lump in the sheets, if you didn’t know he was in bed, you would think they just left the covers in a messy pile.

He closed the door behind him, making his way to the bed. He sat down, resting against the headboard. “Reggie?” He whispered.

Regulus turned his face a little, and James looked over his face. Dark circles were under his eyes, almost black against his ghostly pale skin. 

“Reggie, what’s wrong?” He asked. “Mum and Sirius, they wouldn’t tell me, I, I don’t know what’s wrong, please tell me.” He said, pushing Regulus’ hair out of his eyes.

“It’s my fault.” Regulus hiccuped. “It’s my fault…”

“What is, love?” James asked. “Reggie, what, what’s wrong?” His hands shook as he tilted his chin up, meeting his husband’s gray eyes. 

“A baby.” Regulus gasped, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“A baby?” James whispered. “We - Reg, are we having a baby?” He asked, a slight smile on his face. “Love, don’t cry, this, this is great news!”

Regulus cried harder, shaking his head. “No, no baby. No b-baby, there’s no -“ he let out a small scream, punching his pillow.

“I, what? Reggie, stop - calm down, just - Regulus…” James backed up a bit, trying to gather his thoughts. “Reg, did you - did you lose a baby?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Regulus cried. “I didn’t know, I didn’t know…” 

James nodded, his own tears escaping his eyes. “It, it’s okay, it’s okay, Reg,” he pulled his husband into his lap, wrapping him up tightly in his arms. “It’s okay, um, do you know, like, how far along you were?” He mumbled.

“A, a couple weeks, at least?” Regulus gasped.

“Okay, well, it’s fine, we’ll be fine, we can just try again.” James nodded. “We’ll just try again.”

Regulus shook his head, and looked up at James. “No, no, absolutely not, James. No.” He cried. “Fuck, James, no, no…”

“Reg, we can try again.” 

“You didn’t have to go through it!” Regulus cried. “You weren’t even there for me, you weren’t there! It was terrifying, James! Fucking horrible!”

“I - I’m sorry, but it was a bad night, and well, you know, I was a werewolf and, and I didn’t know.” He struggled, searching his mind for something to say. “We didn’t know, Reg, I didn’t think you’d get pregnant so fast.”

Regulus screamed into his pillow, pushing James away.

“But, but we can try, right? I mean, there’s a reason why this happened, I’m sure if we just do it differently, then we can have a baby.” He nodded.

The lightbulbs burst in their lamps, and James froze. “Reg?”

“You’re not listening to me!” He screamed. “You’re not fucking listening! I’m not doing this again! I can’t! Just listen! ”

“Regulus,”

“No! No, stop asking! Just stop it, stop it, stop it!” He screamed, the windows shattering. James flinched, and he could hear Effie coming up the stairs, a crying Harry in the distance.

“I’m sorry.” James whispered.

Regulus took a deep breath, his face turning to stone. “Get out.” His voice cracked.

“Let - let me fix this, please?” James asked, reaching a hand out. Regulus slapped it away, his wand quickly pressing against James’ throat.

“Get. Out.”

James stood up quickly, and even with a pain potion running through his veins, his leg burned with the weight it was suddenly bearing. 

“Are you going to let him talk to us like that?” The wolf snarled, circling James.

“Not you again.” He groaned, sitting on the forest floor. “He has a point, I wasn’t listening.”

“He’s not listening to you, James.”

“He shouldn’t have to, it’s his body, his choice.” James shrugged, wiping his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

“I am the only person who will listen to you, James.”

“Regulus listens.” He hiccuped.

“Does he?” The wolf had a smirk in his voice, and James slightly shook his head. “Then make him listen.”

“H-how?”

“Yell. Scream. He treated you horribly, you can do it back.”

“I can’t -“

“Do it, James. Let him know how you really feel.”

His head pounded, fighting between the wolf and himself. Somehow, like the flip of a switch, James became angry. He was angry, and he wanted Regulus to hurt. 

“No.” James mumbled. “No, and, and you know what? This entire time, I have been there for you, I have gone at your pace - did you know that I’ve been wanting a big family for years now? Did you? No, no you didn’t, because every fucking time I brought it up, you freaked out at me!”

“James, get out -“

“No! No, our entire marriage, I have done it your way! I haven’t gotten a say in anything!” James yelled. “And, and guess what? I am angry about the miscarriage, and I shouldn’t be, but I am! But I’m willing to try again, why don’t you take my feelings into consideration? Why is it always about you!”

Regulus was quiet, staring at his husband in shock. “Get the fuck out of my house.” He whispered.

“No.” James snapped back, his body full of heat and rage.

“Get the fuck out of my house!” Regulus screamed. “ Get out! Get out, or so help me, I will fucking kill you James Potter! Get out!”

The bedroom door opened, and Effie appeared. “James, come with me.” She said quietly, reaching her hand out.

“Don’t touch me.” James shouted, staring Regulus down. “Fuck you, Regulus. You want me out? Fine, I’ll leave! Should I take Harry as well? Or are you going to try and kill him too?”

Regulus gasped, hot tears escaping his eyes. “I would never hurt Harry.”

“You said the same about me, but here we are.” James fumed, kicking the bed frame. “Fuck you, Reg.”

He shoved past Effie and went downstairs, finding Harry in the living room. “We’re going out, Haz.” He mumbled, putting on his shoes.

“Daddy no…” Harry cried, running behind the couch. “Non, non…”

James grabbed shoes for Harry, and jackets for both of them. “Harry, let’s go.”

“Non!” Harry cried.

“James, don’t you fucking take him!” Regulus yelled from the bedroom.

“He’s my son!” James yelled back, and quickly grabbed Harry. The toddler kicked and screamed, and James held him tightly. “We’re going to go play, that’s all, Haz. Calm down.” He mumbled, walking out the front door.

James walked down the street, heading to a park near their house. “Harry, calm down, please.” He groaned, struggling to hold onto his toddler.

“No, daddy, no!” Harry screamed , pushing James away.

James flinched, his head pounding harder. “Stop, stop screaming.”

“Papa! Papa!” 

Everything hurts.

James pulled out his wand, flicking it at Harry. Quickly, the toddler calmed, his eyes drooping closed, and his head fell forward. “I’m sorry, Harry, I’m sorry.” James whispered, fixing Harry’s position.

He continued to the park, and sat him and Harry under a tree. James wrapped his son up in his jacket, it was September, but the air had a slight chill to it, considering the late afternoon was creeping up on them.

James laid Harry on the ground, then rested his head against his knees. What am I doing? Why am I acting like this?

“This is your true self, James.”

“No, no it’s not. You don’t know me, I don’t act like this, ever.” James mumbled.

“The new you does.” Jaws could hear the wolf smiling. 

“Remus doesn’t act like this.”

“I assure you, he does. But he’s learned to ignore me.”

“Are you in his head too?” James asked.

“A version of me is, yes.”

“Weird…” James mumbled. “You make my head hurt.”

“I need space to roam, and your mind is very small right now. I have to make room for myself.”

“Hm, it sounds like you’re moving into my head.” James scoffed.

“Oh, I am. And I am never leaving.”

“Great.” James whispered, looking up to the sky. 

He focused on the clouds, watching the shift into shapes across the sky. The sun peaked out every now and then, making James squint to see it clearly. Once, Regulus called him his sun. It was their little joke, and Regulus was James’ star. James was always considered the golden boy, he was happy, and determined, and protective. Everyone wanted to be friends with James.

Then, he fell in love with a star. A star that shone bright in the sky, but never as bright as his brother. He hid a lot, always sneaking around in the crowds. But James saw him. He always saw him, and all the sudden, that’s all he could see. His star.

Regulus thought James was too bright for a very long time, he was an obnoxious teen, with an ego the size of the sun. Burning, and boiling, constantly sharing his happiness with everyone around him. He always shared his light, and never seemed to dim from it.

Now, James felt like he had no light left to give. He exploded, and in eight seconds it reached the earth, and his world went dark. He wasn’t the sun anymore, he wasn’t even the moon. He was gone.

He didn’t exist anymore.

James, the sun, is gone.

Chapter Text

Regulus curled up on the bathroom floor, and Sirius came back into view. “Reggie, hey, hey, mum is on her way, just, how can I help?” He asked, crouching down.

“Why is this happening?” Regulus whispered, holding tightly to Sirius’ shirt. “I didn’t know, Sirius, I didn’t know, and now…” 

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay.” Sirius shushed, kissing his head.

“It’s my fault…I did something wrong, something’s wrong with me.” Regulus cried. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you, Regulus, and don’t you ever say that. You are perfect.” 

“But why -“

“I don’t know, and neither do you. But I know it has nothing to do with you.” Sirius said sternly.

Regulus flinched, his stomach tying itself in knots. “It hurts…” he whined.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius whispered. There was a knock at the door, and Effie appeared in the doorway. “Mum,”

“Hello, loves,” She sadly smiled, “Sirius love, can you go get Regulus some clean pajamas and a heating pad? I can take it from here for now.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sirius nodded, getting up. “I’ll be back, Reggie, promise.” He nodded, then quickly left.

Effie closed the door behind him, holding out her hands to Regulus. “Come, dear, we need to sit you on the toilet.”

“N-no, no, no, mum,” he cried, backing away. “Don’t make me, mum, please.”

“Regulus, you have to, dear, it’s going to be quite messy, this is the easiest way.” She whispered.

“Make it stay.” He cried. “I want the baby, make it stay, please, I want it, I want the b-baby…”

Effie got on her knees and pulled Regulus into a hug. “I know how you feel, Regulus, I do, I promise, and I know it’s hard, and devastating, and painful, but we can’t change what’s happening now.” She sighed. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, I’m very sorry.”

Regulus buried his face into her shoulder, not wanting to let go. She smelled like vanilla and herbal tea, a calming scent that he grew to love. When he first showed up at the Potter’s house, she was the first to really take care of him. Sirius was scared, he wanted to be with Regulus, but didn’t know how. James was awkward, and Regulus now knows it was because he was developing a crush for the small disheveled boy that now lived with them.

Effie, she hugged him. She kissed his hair, and calmed his nightmares. She talked to him like he’s been her son all this time, she made sure he had everything he needed, and took him to all his appointments and got him the medications he needed to be his true self. Effie was a saint, and she was perfect. She taught him how to cook, and knit, even though he despised knitting. If Effie asked him to do something, he did it. 

She loved him, and he loved her.

Without noticing, Regulus was standing up, sitting down, Effie helping him get undressed. He went through the movements without knowing, his mind wandering and his body rejecting a life he would never know. He blinked, and he was in the bath, Effie washing his hair, and suddenly he was in bed with clean pajamas, a pad between his legs, and a heating pad resting in his stomach. 

Effie combed his hair back, his dark curls bouncing back into place every time. Regulus laid there, numb, dazing off into space, not knowing what to think of now. He doesn’t want to think about anything.

“Dear, would you like something to eat?” Effie asked quietly. 

He shook his head, unable to meet her eyes.

“Okay, we’ll try to eat something later, alright?” She asked. Effie never took No for an answer when her children were upset, she just changed the timing of the activity. “Try and get some rest, then. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.” She smiled, and Regulus let his eyes close without a second thought.

— - —

“James, don’t you fucking take him!” Regulus yelled from the bedroom.

“He’s my son!” James yelled and Regulus froze, taken aback. They’ve never fought over who’s Harry’s father, because they both were. But Regulus knew what James meant when he said this. Biologically, yes, Harry is James’. When they had Harry, James told Regulus they would never think of it like that, Harry was theirs, they were equals.

Not anymore.

Regulus shrunk back into his bed, hiding away in the sheets. Effie was still in the bedrooms, and Regulus could hear the quiet sounds of magic fixing the windows and lightbulbs he had shattered. 

“Are you wanting to talk about that?” Effie asked once she finished, and they heard the door slam shut. 

The house was quiet.

“He took him.” Regulus whispered.

“I’ll have Sirius go look for him, James won’t go far.” Effie said, and Regulus knew she was right. James might be erratic right now, but he would never go far from home.

“Am I in the wrong?” Regulus asked.

“Not…not fully.” Effie sighed, sitting down on the bed. “I think you were both hurting, and you didn’t have time to think about what you were saying to each other. James became a werewolf for the first time last night, and you experienced a miscarriage. You both had things going on, but didn’t talk about how they affected you.” 

Regulus wiped his nose, shifting onto his side to lay down. “Why did he get so angry at me? We’ve n-never fought like that before.”

“Like I said, you’re both struggling, and there was no communication.” Effie looked around and rubbed her face. “I also think James has some anger issues he’s not dealing with. I’m not positive on the side effects of being a werewolf, but maybe we can ask Remus.” She sighed.

“Yeah…” Regulus mumbled.

“And I have known you since you were fifteen, I know you also have some anger issues,”

“I do-“

“You do, Regulus. Don’t lie to me.” Effie cut in. “So, I am not taking sides, you and James need to figure this out. You can’t hide from it forever, for your mental health, for his, and for goodness sake, Harry can’t be going through this, and I know he was scared when you guys were fighting.”

“Shit, mum, I didn’t need to know that.” Regulus groaned, pulling his pillow to his face.

“But you did need to know, so it doesn’t happen again.”

Regulus mumbled something incoherent into his pillow and Effie stood up. “I’m going to call Sirius, have him find James, and then Remus is going to come over and we will figure out this werewolf situation.”

Regulus gave her a thumbs up and kept his face in his pillow. This was going to be a long evening.

— - —

Sirius walked into the park, immediately spotting James. He was laying under a tree, one arm wrapped around Harry, the other resting under his head. He sighed, then walked over to them.

“James?”

“Hm?” He mumbled, sitting up. “Huh? Where…oh. Yeah…” He yawned, “hey, Pads.”

“Hey, so, let’s go home, yeah?” Sirius asked.

“Can’t, Reg is…very angry.” He sighed.

“I mean, I didn’t hear the fight, but mum told me most of it. You need to apologize and make things right.”

“Wait, wait,” James huffed, “I need to apologize? Me? Regulus is the one who started it!”

“Um, I don’t think he did, James.”

“He did! He got angry at me! He yelled at me first! I was just trying to say how I felt and he got furious with me!” James yelled, his face growing red.

Sirius took a step back, putting his hands out. “James, chill. This, this anger? Where is it coming from? Why are you angry?” 

“I don’t know! I just am, and Regulus is a piece of shit, and I’m angry with him!”

“Hm, okay.” Sirius nodded, folding his arms. “Want my opinion, James? I think you’re being a shit right now, and Regulus deserves an apology. You might be my best friend, but he’s my brother. You didn’t see what he went through this morning, he was terrified.”

“And you saw what I went through last night! Do you not think I wasn’t terrified? I turned into a fucking monster, I think Regulus can handle a bad period.” James said, standing up.

“Wow. Wow.” Sirius nodded. He looked around, changed into Padfoot, ran around the park, and changed back. “I’m sorry, I just had to take a lap to get over that load of shit you just said. Can you not hear yourself, James? Or are you just an arrogant prick?”

James swallowed, looking down at his shoes. “I just -“

“No, no, James. Bloody hell, something is wrong with you, mate. This isn’t you, and until you can figure that out, stay the hell away from Regulus.” Sirius shook his head, picking up the still sleeping Harry. “Did you put a sleeping charm on your son?”

“Just for a bit, I - I was going to -“

“I can’t believe you, James.” He muttered, walking away. “Come on, fucker.”

James flinched, taking a step forward. “But, you said -“

“Yeah yeah, I know what I said, but mum wants you home. She says you and Reg need to talk, or some shite, which I don’t approve of, because you’re a downright bastard right now, but what do I know.” 

“Okay.” James mumbled, following slowly behind Sirius.

“This is your fault. I shouldn’t have listened to you.” James said, walking up to the wolf.

“I only encourage the anger. The rest of it was you.”

“That wasn’t me!” James yelled, hitting the wolf. “This is you! You’re out there, and I’m trapped in here! You are ruining everything!”

“That was you, James. The real you. The true you. Think of me as a truth serum. I bring out the emotions, and you let them spill out of you. These are all things you’re feeling, I just help you release them.”

“No, no, I don’t act like this.” James cried. “This isn’t me!”

This isn’t me.

Who am I?

— - —

The front door opened, and Sirius walked in with Harry. “Haz.” Regulus mumbled, holding his arms out. Effie asked him to stay sitting, his body still a little sore from this morning’s event.

“James put a sleeping charm on him, I reversed it, he should wake up in a few minutes.” Sirius said, placing Harry in Regulus’ arms.

Regulus just nodded, unable to say anything about James. He kissed Harry’s face all over, holding him close. “It’s okay, baby, I’m here.” Regulus whispered, rocking side to side.

“Is he coming?” Remus asked, helping Teddy collect some of his toys from the floor. 

“He’s coming, he’s just very slow.” Sirius mumbled, sitting next to Regulus. “Heads up, he said some shitty stuff, so, be prepared.”

“Sirius, language.” Remus scolded.

“It’s okay, Da, I’ve heard worse from Pads.” Teddy nodded.

Sirius shrugged and Remus rolled his eyes. “Okay, bear, go play upstairs until I come and get you.”

“Okay.” Teddy nodded, limping up the stairs.

“Episode?” Effie asked. 

“Yeah, but, we had to be here, so, you know.” Remus sighed, leaning back in his chair.

“Hi.” James mumbled, standing in the front doorway.

“Hey, James.” Remus nodded.

Regulus looked at James, then back down at Harry. James closed the front door, sitting in a chair across from Remus. “So?”

“So.” Remus said.

“What are we doing?” James asked.

“Hm, maybe apologizing?” Sirius asked, leaning back with his arms folded.

“And will Regulus be apologizing too?” James asked.

“He has nothing to apologize for!” Sirius shot back.

“Boys! Please!” Effie interjected, holding her hands up. “Sirius, keep quiet. James, don’t be so stubborn, and Regulus, speak up.” She said, crossing her legs. 

“I’m not apologizing until he does.” James said.

“I’m not apologizing.” Regulus mumbled.

“Great.” James nodded. “See? Conversation done, happy?” 

“Not really.” Sirius scoffed.

“It’s not my fault! Regulus doesn’t listen to me!” James said.

“You didn’t listen to me either!” Regulus said.

“I didn’t think I would have to, Mr. I Know Everything So I Don’t Have To Listen To My Husband.” 

“Fuck you, and to think you would be mature enough to talk about this.” Regulus said, shaking his head.

“Okay! Okay, new plan!” Remus said, sitting up. “Just, listen, for a second, okay? I just need a minute.”

“Fine.” James mumbled.

“Good. Now, James, are you angry?”

“Is that not bloody obvious?” Regulus asked.

“Okay, bad question…James, is there a wolf in your head?”

“I - yeah, yeah, there is.” James said, turning to Remus. “Yeah, he talks about you, says he’s in your head too.”

“He was.” Remus nodded. “And sometimes he appears, but I've blocked him out. With years of practice, I’ve hidden that part of me away. I know how you feel, being angry, fighting with this - this wolf. It’s aggravating.”

“It is, actually. It’s really hard.” James sighed. “My head always hurts, and, and it’s like, when I’m angry, I’m not me. It’s him. And, and he’s so powerful.”

“I know, but, you can get rid of him. You don’t have to have him in your mind.” Remus said.

“I didn’t think that was an option.” James whispered.

The group quieted, the only noise being Harry starting to wake up.

“I’m sorry,” Regulus finally said, “but is that supposed to mean something to me? Because I don’t care if it was a wolf, or the fucking pope, James was a prick, and I deserve an apology.”

“Well, so do I. You lost our child.” James said.

“I didn’t know!” Regulus yelled. “If anything, it’s your fault! I have been stressed and worried about you, and I buried myself in a hole and couldn’t get out, and that’s why I lost the baby! Because you had to go get bitten by a fucking werewolf, and then you pushed, and pushed for a baby!”

“It was your idea, Reg! You volunteered, you went off your meds! That is not my fault, you did that to yourself!” James yelled.

“I did, and I regret it, because now I have to deal with that loss, and that feeling that it was all my fault!” Regulus gasped, his arms wrapping tighter around Harry. 

James stopped for a moment, taking a second to really look at his husband. Oh, he really thinks it was his fault.

“I know what I said, I know I said it was your fault, but it’s mine, and I am so sorry, James.” Regulus whispered. “But I don’t want to try again, because I’m scared.”

“Fuck, Reg…” James sighed, rubbing his face. “Don’t, don’t apologize, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I did want a baby, but I can’t do it again.” Regulus took a deep breath, looking down at Harry. “I failed, James.”

“You didn’t. You didn’t, bloody hell, Regulus, I’m sorry.” James said, sitting next to him. “I’m messed up, aren’t I? And, and I messed up with you. Fuck, I messed up, Reg.”

“Yeah, yeah you did.” Regulus mumbled. “Badly.”

“Yeah.” James whispered. “I don’t know what to do, though. I don’t know how to fix this, I don’t know how to control this. I’m sorry. I can’t control this.”

“Then you better try, James. Because I can’t do this if you’re going to be like this.” Regulus said. “You have a lot to fix, and you better figure out how to fix it.”

“I can try.” James said. “I’ll try.”

“Okay.” Regulus nodded, and slowly stood up. “But until then , I don’t want you here. Once you can control yourself, you can come back, and we can fix us. But Harry doesn’t deserve this, and neither do I.”

“Reg, wait,”

“No. That’s my final decision.” Regulus said, walking away.

James sat there, watching Regulus head upstairs. 

“What just happened?” He asked, looking at the others.

“A bunch of fucking shit, that’s for sure.” Sirius said, biting his lip.

“Huh.” James said. “Okay.”

What the fuck?

Chapter Text

October 30

Regulus woke up to little feet kicking his hip. 

Not again…

He rolled over, looking at his toddler. “Harry…” he mumbled.

“Papa…” Harry whispered, kicking Regulus again.

“What are you doing in my bed?” He mumbled, pushing Harry’s feet away.

“I had an accident in my bed, papa.” Harry said, sticking his thumb in his mouth.

“Haz…” Regulus got up, grabbing Harry as well. “Go to the bathroom, and get ready for a bath, okay?” He asked, picking up his wand. He flicked it at his bathroom, and the tub turned on.

This has been their new normal. The past month has been awful, and not just for Regulus. Harry has fallen into bad habits again, and it really took a toll on Regulus. Wetting the bed, tantrums, thumb sucking, not to mention Harry’s magic is almost destructive.

He walked into the toddler’s room, pulling the sheets off of his bed. Maybe he’ll let me put him in pull-ups again.  

“Papa, the water is at the top!” Harry yelled.

“Get in, I’m coming!” Regulus shouted back, dropping the sheets by his bedroom door. He walked into his bathroom, and Harry immediately splashed him with water. “Harry, we don’t do that.” He sighed, trying to stay calm.

“I do it!” Harry laughed, throwing more water onto his father. “I do, I do!”

Regulus closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. Don’t freak out, stay calm, don’t freak out…

The doorbell rang.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, turning to Harry. “Stay in the bath. Please.” He ran downstairs, opening the front door.

“Hello, love.” Lily smiled, glancing over Regulus. “you look…”

“Like shit? Yeah, yeah I feel like it too.” He sighed. 

“Rough night?” She asked.

“Rough month.” He scoffed, letting her in.

“Well, I brought breakfast for you and Harry, is he up?” She asked, walking to the kitchen.

“Yeah he’s in-“

“Auntie Lily!” Harry yelled, running down the stairs, naked.

“The bath.” Regulus finished, his head dropping in his hands.

“Oh! Harry!” Lily let out a startled laugh as he hugged her legs. “You are all wet, sweetheart, why don’t I help you finish your bath, and then we can have french toast.” She turned to Regulus, tapping his shoulder. “Is that okay?”

“Yes, yeah, just, take him.” He mumbled, sitting down. “Just go.”

Lily only nodded, her smile faltering. “Come on Haz, let’s go upstairs.”

“Okay!” Harry giggled, running up the stairs.

“Reg, are you -“

“I’m fine, just, I just need a minute. Please.” He whispered, tears falling onto the table.

“Okay.” Lily sadly smiled, following Harry up the stairs.

Regulus took shaky breaths, blocking out the noises coming from upstairs. Things were easier with James here. He hates to admit it, but James made parenting so easy, and now, Regulus feels like he’s drowning. 

It doesn’t help that Regulus is still off his regular meds, because he despises James, but if they somehow work things out, and things could go back to normal, he would want to try again. He’s had a whole month to think about it, and he’s decided that a baby wouldn’t be so bad, as long as James can control himself.

He wiped his eyes, finally breathing normally. “Okay, this is fine, you're fine.” He whispered, checking his phone. He only had 45 minutes to feed Harry and get him to school, and that might seem like a long time, but with Harry being a terrible toddler, he needed more time.

“Daddy, auntie Lily did my hair, look!” Harry yelled running down the stairs. His hair was pulled into two French braids, with colorful bands on the ends. 

“I didn’t know his hair was long enough to do that.” Regulus said and Harry sat in his seat. “I guess it’s time to get a haircut.”

“No, daddy! No, I want my hair long, like Pads!” Harry whined, hitting the table.

“I think your hair is beautiful, Harry. I don’t think you need a haircut.” Lily smiled, setting a piece of french toast on everyone’s plate.

Regulus sighed and bit his lip. Ignore the situation, just ignore it. “Where’s Mary this morning?”

“At the shop, she wanted to set up a new display today so she went early.” Lily smiled, sitting down. Lily and Mary owned a little book shop, mostly starring Mary’s books she’s written, along with art pieces Lily makes every now and then.

“Oh, I’ll have to stop by and check it out.” Regulus said, taking a bite of his food. “Harry, eat your food, don’t play with it.”

Harry stuck his tongue out and smashed his hands in the syrup on his plate. “Sticky!” He screeched.

“Harry please,” Regulus murmured, a headache starting to form behind his eyes.

“No!” Harry yelled, wiping his hands on the table.

Regulus stood up, his chair falling backwards. Harry stilled, his lip jutting out slightly. 

“Please, Harry, please, just listen to me.” He whispered, starting to cry. “For Merlin’s sake, just stop acting like this, please, I can’t do this every fucking day.”

“That’s a - a bad word…” Harry cried, and they both watched each other lose it.

Lily sat back in her chair, unsure of what to do. Maybe this is what they need, to see that they are both having a rough time right now, and even though Harry doesn’t fully understand, maybe seeing that Regulus is upset too will calm his attitude.

“Okay, okay,” Lily shushed, kissing Harry’s head. “Regulus love, I think you both need a mental health day, and just take a break from everything.” She nodded, standing up. Her stomach poked out a little, and Regulus stared a tad too long, and Lily glanced down. “Reggie?”

“Sorry.” He whispered, wiping his eyes. “Yeah, yeah a mental health day sounds nice.”

“Okay, love.” She smiled, kissing his forehead. “Harry, let’s clean your hands, and then you two can go get in snuggly clothes and we can put on a movie.”

Harry and Regulus both nodded, following Lily’s orders.

Today is just not a good day.

But then again, there hasn’t been a good day since James left.

— - —

“James, I’m heading down to the shop, and Sirius left to take Teddy to school, will you be okay by yourself for a bit?” Remus asked, slipping his shoes on. “You can come with me, if you’d like, maybe get off of the couch? Shower? Just some suggestions.”

James groaned and turned to put his face in the couch cushion. He’s been staying with Remus and Sirius for a month now, and it was horrible for all of them. Sirius was still angry with James, so they didn’t talk much. Remus has been trying to help James, but with Teddy’s episodes and Sirius’ attitude, he was on edge as well. James, you couldn’t even tell what was going on with him anymore. He was angry, sad, happy, crying, every hour was a different mood, and no one could handle it.

“Mate, you will be getting off that couch today, and I won’t hesitate to hex you to make it happen.” Remus said, opening the front door. “I’m coming back up here in an hour. If you aren’t showered and dressed, ready to come to the shop, I will make you regret it.”

James groaned again, and the front door shut. 

“James, I’m hungry. Get me something to eat.”

“Go get it yourself.” Just mumbled, sitting on a pile of leaves.

“Why didn’t I think of that?” The wolf snarled, jumping towards James. “Get me food.”

“Ugh!” James whined, getting off the couch. The full moon was four days ago, a Friday night. James thought it was funny at the time, but now he doesn’t understand why. His body was still sore, and last night he had a seizure that felt like the end of the world. He didn’t bring it up though, Remus and Sirius had enough going on.

He made himself a bowl of cereal, leaving out the milk and box of cheerios, knowing he was going to need seconds, maybe thirds before the wolf was satisfied. He sat quietly, music from the shop could be heard from below him. They always had something playing, and Remus didn’t open up for another half hour, but James knew he liked to have something to hum to while he made sure everything was perfect for the new day.

After a surprising four bowls of cereal, James made his way to the bathroom. That’s when he heard the front door open, and keys being set down. “Hey, Sirius.” He called from the hallway.

Sirius looked up, a scowl on his face. He rolled his eyes, then went into the kitchen. “Good talk.” James mumbled, closing the bathroom door. He turned on the shower, making the water extra hot. He found that starting with a boiling shower, then finishing with a cold rinse off helped his muscles relax quite a bit, and he really enjoyed it. 

Once the bathroom was steamy, James got in, the hot water hitting his shoulders hard, and he sighed in content, letting the heat overtake his body. His mind wandered as he stood there, and something caught his attention. Halloween is tomorrow. James, Regulus, and Harry always did matching costumes for Halloween, it was their thing. A thing that James loved. A thing that James wouldn’t get to do this year.

He opened his eyes, his vision clouded by a light layer of steam. I really miss them. His family consumed his thoughts, he thought about how badly he treated Regulus, all of the fucked up things he said to him, about him, and how he wished he could take it back. He wished he could be at home right now, dropping Harry off at school, and then cuddling up with his husband, making stupid comments about a show they watched the night before.

He wished he could hold Harry, and read him bedtime stories. He wanted to try broom lessons again, and see if Harry would make a good chaser, or even a seeker. He thought about how Harry made the silliest jokes that made no sense at all, but caused the boy to break out into fits of giggles, and James laughed along with him because he loved seeing his son so happy.

He wished for all these things, things he might not be able to get back.

Then his head hit the floor.

He gasped, and water ran into his mouth, and he choked.

His body shook, he was in an awkward position, being cramped on the small shower floor.

Nobody knew he was here, and James was positive he would die.

— - —

Harry curled up next to Regulus on the couch, his chubby hands wrapping around Regulus’ sweatshirt pocket. Lily had put on a movie for them, and told Regulus to stay sitting down. She cleaned the kitchen, and washed Harry’s sheets, and was now working on making an early lunch. Regulus felt horrible about it, she shouldn’t be taking care of them, she’s got her own self to take care of.

He watched her in the kitchen, and Harry tried to get his attention again. “Pap.” He said, patting Regulus’ stomach. “Papa, watch the movie.”

Regulus looked down at him. His eyes were still puffy from crying, and his nose wouldn’t stop running. He thought he probably looked the same.

“Sorry, bug.” Regulus said, scooting forward. “I’m going to check on Lily, okay? I’ll be right back.” He nodded, getting up.

“You don’t need to check on me!” Lily said from the kitchen.

“Yes I do!” Regulus said, leaning against the counter.

“I’m fine, Reggie.” Lily sighed, turning to face him.

“Lily, I love you, I do, but you don’t have to do this.” He said quietly. “You don’t need to take care of us, we’ll be fine.”

“But you’re not fine, Reg.” She folded her arms. “You’re not fine, and you need some extra help. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Yes, but -“ his phone buzzed, once, twice, and then a call came in. “It’s Sirius.” He said, answering the phone. “Sirius?”

“Reg, James is in the hospital. Or, well, he will be, an ambulance just came and got him, I’m following behind.”

“He - what?” Regulus asked, glancing at Lily. “Sirius, what’s going on?”

“He had a seizure in - in the shower. The, the medics said he was drowning, his lungs were filled with water.” Regulus could tell he was crying. “It’s bad, Reggie, really bad.”

“Okay. Regulus whispered, panic starting to set in. “Okay, I’m coming, I’ll be there, just stay with him, okay? Please, please stay with him.”

“I will. I promise.” Sirius said, and Regulus hung up. 

He looked at Lily, unable to move. “What’s going on? She asked. “Reg?”

“I - I have to go. I have to go, ca. you watch Harry?” He asked, snapping out of it. “I need to go.”

“Yeah, um, sure.” She nodded. He ran to the living room, grabbed his shoes, and looked for his keys.

“Papa, don’t leave!” Harry cried, scrabbling off the couch to hug Regulus’ legs. “Papa, non! ne partez pas!”

“Harry, I have to go, let go please.” Regulus sighed, pushing Harry away. 

“Pap, non!” He cried.

“Je dois y aller, Harry. Daddy a besoin de moi.” He said, and Harry looked up at him. “I’ll be back, sweetheart, just stay here.” He whispered. He kissed his forehead and quickly left, running out to his car.

James, please be okay. 

I’m sorry.

— - —

The first James noticed when he woke up was the lights. The lights that really hurt his eyes, and he flinched back into the pillow behind his head. The second thing he noticed was the pillow behind his head.

Huh.

He lifted his hand up to rub his eyes, but he was attached to something. Something holding his hand - no, someone.

“James, darling, you’re okay.” Someone whispered.

He groaned, and it hurt to breathe. “Ow…” I whispered, his voice nearly gone.

“No, don’t talk, it’ll hurt more.” James turned his head, and started making out the person squeezing his hand. “Reg?”

“Hi, darling.” He said, kissing his hand. “Stay quiet, Jamie. You need to rest.”

Regulus only called him Jamie when something was really wrong. This must be pretty bad.

James took a deep breath, flinching a bit. “You had a seizure, darling, and you were in the shower. Sirius found you, and the medics said you inhaled a lot of water.” Regulus sighed. “They were able to get most of the water out, but they said the rest should go away after a few weeks.”

James blinked, then gave a nod. He looked out the window, and there wasn't any light out anymore. How long have I been here?

Regulus followed his eyes, and turned back to James. “It’s around seven, you’ve been out the entire day. Whatever drugs they gave you were really strong, but the procedure they did took a while as well.” He said, leaning closer. “I thought we should’ve taken you to St. Mungos, but I didn’t know how to get you out of here without everyone noticing.” He whispered, a small smile on his lips.

James nodded again, and turned away. I’m sorry, Regulus. I’m so sorry.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too.” Regulus whispered, and James froze. Can you hear me?

“I thought legilimency would be the easiest way to communicate, but I can stop if you want me to, but I promise I don’t use it like most.” He said, and James could feel him leaving his mind.

No, no stay. It will be easier, and I need to talk to you.

“Okay.” Regulus nodded.

Regulus, I’m sorry. I really am, and no, I don’t have everything under control, but I can’t keep living like this. It’s been so fucking awful. James blinked, unable to focus on his husband.

“I know, James. I know. It’s been hard for me too, and Harry,” he gave a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Jamie, he’s horrible. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t take care of him by myself anymore, I can’t do it, I need you back.” He wiped his eyes, letting out a small hiccup. “No, I want you back. We can try again, with us. We’ll figure this out, together.”

That’s all I want, Reg. That’s all I’ve wanted.

“Okay.” Regulus smiled, kissing James. “Okay, let’s try again.” He whispered.

James weakly smiled, reaching up his hand to push hair behind Regulus’ ear. I love you.

“I love you too.” Regulus smiled. “I love you so much, James.”

James closed his eyes and held Regulus close.

“How touching.” The wolf smiled.

“Hey, get out of here. I am done with you.” James said, his face turning to anger. “You aren’t welcome here anymore.”

“We’ll see about that.” The wolf ran off, disappearing into the thick trees.

Stay away.

Chapter Text

The next morning, James was able to leave the hospital. Sirius had gone over to St. Mungos to get some potions that would help James heal faster, which James and Regulus were very grateful for. As they made their way up the front steps, Regulus stopped them.

“What?” James asked, leaning against the door. His voice was hoarse, but he could finally talk again.

“Just, Harry is a mess, okay? He might listen to you, but he might also decide to ruin everything, and I’m a horrible dad, okay? I’ve been horrible to to him, and he’s just, he -“

“Reggie.” James kissed him, resting their foreheads together. “You aren’t a horrible dad, okay? You aren’t. Harry…he’s three. He’s a whole other story, but we will do this together.” He nodded. “And he might be better today, it’s Halloween, he’ll be focused on candy all day, it’ll be fine.”

Regulus let out a short laugh, nodding his head. “Sounds like a plan, then.” 

“Perfect.” James smiled, and opened the door. “Harry?” He coughed.

“Don’t yell, James.” Regulus sighed. 

“I barely whispered.” He mumbled, sitting on the couch.

Loud footsteps came down the stairs, and Harry screamed. “Daddy! Daddy, you’re home!” He cried, running into James’ arms. “My daddy…”

“Hey, Haz…” James whispered, hugging his son tightly. “Hello, bug.”

Lily appeared out of the kitchen, smiling at the family. “About time, Reg.”

“Sorry, Lily.” Regulus said, walking over to her. “You can leave, go home and get some rest. Thank you so much.”

Lily hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Anything for you guys.” She leaned in close, her hair smelling like vanilla and coconut. “And if you want to talk about the whole baby thing, I’m here. Don’t hesitate, Regulus. I would love to help you through it.” She whispered.

“What, um, what are you talking about?” He whispered, taking a step back.

“People in this family talk.” She said, glancing at Harry.

“Oh.”

“But seriously, I’m just a call away.” She kissed his cheek again and headed to the door. “Love you all, I will see you tonight!” She smiled, and left.

“Daddy, you’ll take me treat or tricking, right?” Harry mumbled.

“Of course, bug.” James smiled, closing his eyes.

Regulus sadly smiled, making his way upstairs. I’ll give them some time alone, it’s been a whole month.

A whole month? They didn’t see each other for a whole month? I kept them apart, what was I thinking? I made them stay away from each other, I ended up hurting both of them. Why am I only realizing this now? I’m terrible.

Regulus numbly walked to the bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. This is the time to fix everything. James will be okay, and so will Harry. They all have things to work on, but Regulus knows they will get through this whole mess.

Yeah, they’ll be okay.

He snapped out of his head, remembering why he was there. Lily was right. I might need her after all. Opening the cupboard door, he pulled out his meds, and dumped two pills into his hand. He filled a cup with water and popped the pills in his mouth, washing them down with water.

“Where those…” Regulus turned around, and James stood in the doorway. “Reggie, I thought -“

“ I thought you were with Haz.” Regulus said quickly. 

“I needed a pain potion…” James said, “bit, don’t avoid the subject, you said -“

“I know.” He said closing the cupboard. “I know.”

“Then why are you still taking them?” James whispered, stepping into the bathroom.

“Because.” Regulus whispered, looking down. “I’ve had time to think, and once we get everything under control, maybe…”

Before he could finish, James grabbed his face and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Regulus gasped into his mouth, then immediately melted in the sensation. Regulus found himself being led to their bed, James pushing him down, his head his the pillows. They never broke contact, which Regulus was grateful for, otherwise he would’ve had time to say no. 

He really didn’t want to say no.

James straddled his waist, holding Regulus down with a scary amount of strength.

“I want you.” He mumbled, pulling his shirt off. “I wasn’t you right now, let me have you.” 

Regulus nodded, pulling James down to him. “Have me.” He whispered, placing kisses on his husband’s chest. “ Fuck , James, take me.”

“Absolutely.” James murmured, unbuttoning his pants. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Reg, so beautiful.”

Regulus smiled and he ran his hands through James’ hair, staring into his amber eyes. “I love you.” He moaned, kissing James as hard as he could. “I fucking love you.”

“I love you more.” James whispered, his body covering Regulus fully. James was quick to undress himself, and he took the liberty of stripping Regulus’ clothes off as well, and Regulus was in heaven. James grabbed his hips, guiding himself in, before he stopped.

“What?” Regulus panted, opening his eyes. 

Condom, I need a condom.” He mumbled, getting up. “Just a second, baby.”

Regulus grabbed his arm, pulling James back to him. “Don’t worry about it. Just come back.”

James kissed him, his hand on the back of his husband’s neck. “I love you, but -“

“I want your baby, James.” He moaned, grasping at James’ backside. “ Give me a child, James. Right the fuck now.”

James nodded, kissing Regulus over and over again. “I will, I will, my love. Fuck Reg, I will do anything you ask me to.” He groaned.

“I love you.” Regulus whispered, holding their bodies together. “I love you.”

— - —

James quietly got out of bed, letting Regulus stay asleep. He smiled at his husband, and for the first time in a long time, Regulus looked calm. He put on clothes, just a pair of sweatpants and a large shirt. He limped out of the room, noting that he needed to find something for pain. 

He went downstairs, walking past the living room, then he stopped. He took a few steps backwards, hoping that what he saw wasn’t real.

“Harry…what uh, what happened?” He asked, looking around. The walls were covered in an array of colors, made from markers, crayons, and colored pencils. Is that jam? Oh no, it is.

“I made art.” Harry tiredly smiled, and James noticed his toddler was covered in marker and peanut butter. “Like Pads…”

“No…oh, Harry…” James whispered.

“Papa and you went away.” Harry yawned.

“Yeah, we did…” James murmured, and he realized this was his fault. “Okay, um, okay. Let’s clean this up before papa sees, otherwise I’m a dead man.”

“Use magic, daddy.” Harry said, rolling his eyes. “Magic is faster and betterer.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Harry.” James said, pulling out his wand. “And, it's just better, not betterer. ”

“Whatevers, daddy.” Harry groaned, jumping on the couch. 

James shook his head, he’ll deal with that after. He waved his wand, and the mess disappeared. “Okay, now you, you need new clothes.”

“No!” Harry yelled, jumping away from James. “I don’t wanna!”

“You look like a rainbow crime scene and you have peanut butter all over you, we’re cleaning you up.” James sighed, reaching for Harry again. 

“No!” Harry screamed, and a pillow flew into the back of James’ head.

“Huh?” James gasped, turning around. “Harry, you can’t do that, magic is not for hurting people.”

Harry laughed at him and threw another pillow at him, and James flinched. “Harry, if you don’t stop, then you don’t get to go trick-or-treating tonight. No candy, no costumes, nothing. You will be grounded.” He said sternly.

“What?” Harry asked, stopping in his tracks. “Daddy…” he whimpered, his bottom lip jutting out.

“Are you going to stop, and let me clean you up?” James asked. 

“No…” Harry hiccuped, pulling at his lip.

“Then you are grounded.” James said, folding his arms.

“No, daddy!” The toddler screamed, climbing off the couch. “No, no, no!” He ran upstairs, tripping a few times. “Papa! Papa!” He cried.

“Oh, great.” James mumbled, following his son.

He got to his bedroom, and Regulus was sitting up, rocking a sobbing Harry. “James?” 

“He started it!” James said, rubbing his leg. “I tried! I was nice , I gave him options , and he chose the wrong one!”

“Okay…” Regulus slowly nodded. “But why is he covered in marker and peanut butter?”

“The real question is, why are you hugging him while he’s covered in marker and peanut butter.” James pointed out.

“James.” Regulus glared. 

“Look, I gave him lunch, and then we kind of had…us time.” James said cautiously, and sat down on the end of the bed. 

“Daddy gr-grounded me!” Harry wailed, snot blowing out of his nose.

“James!” Regulus gasped.

“He wasn’t listening to me!” James groaned, rubbing his face. “He was using his magic in a bad way, and he wouldn’t stop.” 

Regulus sighed, looking down at Harry. “Is this true, Haz?”

Harry hiccuped, then let out a scream. “Yes!”

“Okay, okay, no screaming.” He sighed, pushing Harry’s hair out of his face. “Why don’t we fix this? Listen to daddy.”

“And apologize.” James nodded.

Harry whined, sticking his thumb in his mouth. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

“I can’t understand you, bug, take your thumb out of your mouth and try again.” James said gently.

Harry groaned and his thumb popped out of his mouth. “Sorry, daddy.” He mumbled.

“It’s okay, Haz, thank you for apologizing.” James smiled. “Now, can I please clean you up?” 

Harry nodded and climbed out of Regulus’ arms, and James picked him up. “Thank you.” James whispered to Regulus, pecking his cheek.

“You’re welcome, darling.” Regulus smiled, laying back down.

See, this is fine!

— - —

“Who’s ready to go take candy from muggles!” Sirius yelled, bursting through the Black-Potter’s front door. “Let’s get this party started, bitches!”

“Bitches!” Harry squealed, running up to Sirius.

“Sirius!” Regulus yelled. “I’m going to kill him, James, I will do it.” He mumbled, James holding Regulus back.

“Okay, okay.” James smiled, kissing his cheek. “Sirius, teach my son about how we don’t use that word, I’ll keep Reggie from hexing you.”

Sirius just nodded, he and James were on better terms after Regulus told him they are working on their relationship, but Sirius was very good at holding grudges, even when he didn’t want to be.

“Uncle Pads, where’s Teddy? I wanna show him my costume!” Harry squealed, looking out the front door. 

“Teddy isn’t coming, Haz.” Sirius sighed, kneeling down. “He’s sick, buddy.”

“What?” Harry asked, his voice cracking. “But, Teddy, he promised.” 

“I know, Haz, but he can’t leave the apartment right now.” 

“Is everything okay?” James asked, looking between the two.

“Teddy is sick, so Moony is staying with him tonight.” Sirius said. “Bear doesn’t have it under control, and you know, it takes a toll on him.”

“Yeah, I understand.” James sighed, picking Harry up. “We’ll go see Teddy tomorrow, okay bug? He needs to rest.”

“Okay…” Harry mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Daddy, where’s your costume?” 

“I'll put it on in a minute.” James smiled, kissing Harry’s cheek. “Papa is putting his costume on, wait until you see it.” He smiled.

“Is it like mine?” Harry asked, pointing to his Spider-Man costume.

“Yes, we all match, don’t worry.” James smiled. “Reggie, come on!”

“I’m coming, chill out!” Reggie yelled, coming downstairs. “So? Thoughts?” He asked, turning around.

“My papa is Spider-Man!” Harry squealed, bouncing in James’ arms. 

“Looking good, babe.” James smiled, kissing Regulus. “I am so attracted to you right now.” He whispered.

“Yeah?” Regulus smiled.

“Hell yeah.” James whispered.

“Hm, tell me more about it tonight?” Regulus hummed, patting his cheek. He took Harry and slapped James’ butt. “Go change, werewolf boy.”

“Hey! I am a man, thank you very much.” He laughed, heading upstairs.

“So…” Sirius started. “Things are better between you two?”

“Yes, and I already told you we are going to figure this all out.” Regulus nodded, sitting on the couch. “James and I will work it out, so you can stop acting all weird around him.”

“Yeah, Uncle Pads, you’re so weird.” Harry groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Harry,” Regulus warned, and Harry jumped off his lap.

“Pads, do my hair.” Harry said sternly.

“Harry!” Regulus said, pulling him back. “You be nice, Harry James, or we don’t go out.”

“Fine!” Harry shouted, pulling his arm away. “Pads, will you please do my hair?” He mumbled.

“Uh, sure. Yeah, yeah of course.” Sirius nodded, glancing at his brother. “Okay, what would you like?” 

“French braids.” Harry nodded, sitting on the ground.

“I’ll go get you hair ties.” Regulus said, going upstairs. “James, you better not be naked.” He said, opening the door. “But then, who am I to…complain…”

James was sitting on their bed, slightly shaking.

“James? Darling, what’s wrong?” He asked, walking over.

“It w-won’t stop.” James whispered, holding his hands up. “Like, my whole b-body.”

Regulus watched him spasm, and noticed something. “Do it again, James.” He said.

“I can’t control it, Reg!” He whispered, spasming again.

Regulus pulled his hands up and gasped. “James, you’re changing.”

“Huh?” 

“Watch your hands.” He said, “this isn’t good, your seizures are making you change.”

James stared at his hands, and with every shake his hands turned gray and his nails turned yellow and pointy. “Fuck.” He whispered.

“No, no this is okay. It’s okay.” Regulus nodded, grabbing the rest of the costume. “Just, put the gloves on, no one will see.”

“Reg, I can’t -“

“Yes you can, you can, we’ll make it work.” He nodded.

“Regulus.” James sighed. “I can’t go, I’m sorry.” He kissed his cheek, smiling sadly. “I’m already feeling like the wolf, I can’t go out around people.”

“But the full moon was last week! You shouldn’t be changing, so - so it’s okay! It’s okay, let’s just go, please.” Regulus said quickly, pulling James up.

“My love, I’m not risking it. If I have a full seizure, we don’t know what could happen.” He sighed.

“Please, Jamie.” Regulus whispered. “Please, Harry’s so excited, and so am I, and I don’t want to look stupid by myself in this ridiculous Spider-Man spandex shit, so please come.”

James sighed, watching his hands again. The spasms were slowing down, so maybe he’ll be fine. “Okay, I will go.” He nodded. “But if anything happens, then we’re coming back home.”

“Deal.” Regulus nodded, kissing his husband. Li love you, get dressed, I forgot Sirius is waiting for hair ties.” He smiled, running to the bathroom. “See you in a few!” He giggled, running downstairs.

“Yeah, see you in a few.” James said, rubbing his face. 

“Don’t do this to me, please. I just want a good evening with my family.” He sighed, walking up to the wolf.

“I don’t control this.” 

“But you do. You turn me on full moons, why now? Why are you hurting me? You had your time last week, I shouldn’t have to deal with you for a month.” James groaned. “Please, stop this. Please.”

“It’s your medical problems, James.”

“I can’t control it! I was born with epilepsy!” James yelled.

“Enjoy your night, James.”

“I can’t stand you.” He mumbled, walking away.

James put the red and black gloves on, grabbed his mask, and got up. “Okay, it's fine. I’m fine.” 

I’m fine.

— - —

“Trick or treat!” Harry smiled, holding out his candy bucket. 

“Look at you, Harry, are you Superman?” Mary giggled, dropping candy into his bucket. 

“No, Auntie Mary! I’m Spider-Man!” Harry whined. 

“Oh! Of course, silly me.” She laughed, kissing his head.

“Look at you, Harry! I love Spider-Man!” Lily smiled. 

“See, Auntie Mary, Spider-Man!” Harry smiled, running back to James. “And my daddy too! And papa!”

“Looking good, James.” Lily winked, and Mary whistled at them.

“Ladies.” James smiled, and Regulus rolled his eyes. 

“Um, is that your dog?” Lily asked, looking behind them. Regulus turned around, and Padfoot was chasing small children around.

“Padfoot! Stop it!” Regulus yelled. “Absolute lunatic he is, bloody hell, we can’t take him anywhere.” He sighed.

“Why is he Padfoot?” Mary asked.

“He said he didn’t have a costume since Moony and Teddy couldn’t come, so he’s Padfoot for tonight.” James shrugged, his shoulder twitching after. Stop it.

“Well that’s too bad, but, I hope you guys have lots of fun.” Lily smiled.

“We will!” Harry laughed, running after Padfoot.

“We’ll see you guys later.” Regulus waved, and they walked back to the sidewalk. “Still doing okay?”

“Just a little twitchy, but, I think I’ll be fine.” James nodded, holding Regulus’ hand.

“Harry! Don’t follow Padfoot, you’ll end up in a ditch!” Regulus yelled, pulling James forward a bit.

“He’s fine, sometimes I think you forget Sirius has full control over Pads, he’s never do anything to harm himself.” James smiled, watching Sirius and Harry run down the street.

“He’s my brother, reckless is his middle name.”

“That might be true,” James laughed. “But, I wouldn’t worry. Sirius is just fine.”

“But Harry isn’t.” Regulus said.

James sighed, squeezing his hand. “Why are you so worried?”

“I don’t know.” Regulus sighed. “The past few months have been shit, James, and I haven’t had control over anything. Nothing in my life had made sense.”

“I know how you feel.”

“In ways, you do.” He nodded, looking down. “When you got bit, I had no control. When you have horrible seizures, I have no control. When - when I lost the baby, I had no control.” He took a deep breath, glancing at James, then at the sidewal. “But when I had Harry for a whole month, by myself, I had absolutely no control over him. Lily and Mary were coming over every day, Pandora and Molly were taking him for playdates, and they said he was a complete angel for them. Then, he’d come home, and he was throwing fits, and breaking things with magic, and he wouldn’t do anything I asked.”

“Reg, I’m sorry.” James sighed. “I wish you would have told me. I could have helped.”

“That’s the thing though, I didn’t want your help. I wanted to do it by myself, because if I could do it by myself, I had control, and I could prove that I would be able to handle another child without you.” He said quietly, keeping his eyes on Harry.

“Why would you be doing it without me?” James asked.

“What if you die, James?” He asked, his sight going blurry. “You’ve come so close to dying lately, and I’ve been alone, trying to figure it all out. I panic at night, wondering if you’re still alive, because you weren’t sleeping next to me. I didn’t sleep on the full moon because I know how sadness and stress affect the change. I am constantly worrying that you will die, and I won’t be able to do anything about it.”

“Reggie…” James whisered, making them stop. “Love, I’m so sorry.” He hugged his husband, pulling him close. “I’m sorry you feel like this.”

“I just can’t lose you, James. I couldn’t live without you, and I hate myself every day for pushing you away from me. I need you to live, to breathe.” He cried. “I was stuck in the dark for my entire life, until you came along, and then all I knew was light, and sunshine.”

“I don’t know if I’m still the sunshine.” James whipsered. “I’m more like moonlight, now.”

“But you still light up my world, James. It’s still sunshine, it’s just shining in a different way.”

James quietly giggled, kissing Regulus’ hair. “Too bad Moony is already taken.”

“Shut up.” Regulus let out a wet laugh, wiping his eyes. “It’s a good thing, because you aren’t a Moony, you’re a James.”

“Not as cool, but I’ll take it.” James smiled.

“You’re so difficult.” Regulus smiled, pulling them to walk again.

“Hey,” James said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Hey.” Regulus smiled.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, James.”

Chapter Text

December 24

James screamed, feeling his bones snap back into place as the moon sunk behind the hills, and the sun slowly rose between the trees. This moon was better than the last, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. Right before he could come fully to his senses, his body started jolting, and he was trapped in a seizure.

“James, hey, it’s okay, oh, fuck, Remus! Remus!” Sirius backed away from James, unable to touch him.

“Shut up…too loud…” Remus groaned, curling up.

“Remus, James is stuck, he - he’s still half werewolf.” Sirius gasped, scooting towards 

Remus. 

“Huh?” Remus mumbled, sitting up. He looked over at James, quickly gaining enough strength to push Sirius behind him. “Fuck.” He whispered.

“Reg, he told me about this, James started having spasms around Halloween, he changes when he does.” Sirius whispered, and James let out a dog-like cry.

“This - this has happened before?” 

“Only in small amounts, they’re never this big.” Sirius whispered. “What do we do? What if he attacks us?”

“He won’t, I don’t think.” Remus whispered. “He’ll be too weak, and by the time he can attack, he’ll be human again.”

“How can you be so sure?” Sirius asked, holding tightly to Remus’ hand.

“I don’t know. I just am.” He said, looking back at Sirius. “Trust me, yeah?”

Sirius nodded, giving his husband a quick kiss on his lips. James whimpered, and his body laid still. Slowly but surely, the werewolf part of James went away, and he lay naked on the cold cave floor. 

He let out a cry, and Sirius scrambled to his feet to find a blanket for him. It was cold where they were, being December, but they barely noticed the cold while they were occupied with worrying about James.

“There you are, James, you’re fine, you’re okay.” Sirius mumbled, hugging him. “You’re going to be fine.”

Remus shivered and stumbled to get his clothes, painfully pulling his shirt and pants on, along with a jacket and a coat. “Sirius, get him dressed, we should head back.” His voice at full volume was hoarse, though it wasn’t surprising to them.

“Ow…” James cried, rolling slightly on his back. “Ow…”

“We need to get him home, Pads. Effie can help him better.” Remus threw James’ clothes at Sirius and with the help of magic James was dressed, and Sirius and Remus wrapped their arms around him.

“We’re going home, James.” Sirius brushed his hair out of his face and looked at Remus. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, closing his eyes.

“Okay.” Sirius whispered, and apparated them back to Effie and Monty’s country home.

Every year for Christmas, Effie and Monty Potter had their little family gather at their country home. It was always snowy, which everyone loved, especially Sirius and James, who became children when presented with snow forts and snowball fights. This year might be different though, but everyone was determined to still make it memorable.

When the three men entered the home through the back door, they were met with warm air and the scent of cinnamon, and a hint of orange. Nobody was awake yet, which they had expected, considering it was just barely past seven. The halls were decorated with garlands and fairy lights, red and gold bows hung on the banisters and around the fireplace. 

Let’s take him upstairs, we’ll put him in the extra guest room, I don’t want to wake Reggie.” Sirius whispered.

Remus nodded, and they hauled James up the stairs, receiving quiet whimpers from the half asleep man. They got to the end of the hall and opened the door, the queen sized bed welcoming James into the mattress, his head melting into the pillows and the sheets devouring his body.

“I’ll get mum, you can go to bed if you want.” Sirius said quietly, wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist. “You need rest, and I know you want to down a pain potion.”

“I really just want a smoke, actually.” Remus tiredly smiled. 

“We’ll share one later, then, but I want you in bed.” Sirius winked, kissing his jaw. “I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re insane, Pads.” Remus smiled, pressing their lips together. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Moons.” Sirius smiled, pushing him away. “To bed.”

“I know, I know.” Remus sighed, walking out of the room.

Sirius smiled, then remembered the task at hand. “Right, Mum. Okay.” He looked back at James, decided he was fine for a minute, then went to go get the older witch.

— - —

Regulus awoke to little giggles next to his ear. He rolled away, wishing his son would sleep for a longer amount of time, so that he could sleep longer. 

Well, we can’t have it all.

“Papa…” Harry giggled. “Papa, wake up…”

Regulus yawned, fiercely rubbing at his face. “Bonjour, Haz…”

“Bonjour, papa.” Harry smiled, kissing his cheek. “Grandpa prépare le petit déjeuner.” 

Regulus hummed, now very awake at the mention of food. “Ton français devient très bon, Harry.” He smiled, ruffling the toddler’s hair.

“I know, papa.” Harry smiled. “Can we go eat now?”

“Yes, we can.” He nodded, sitting up. It took a moment to register, but he noticed that James wasn’t in the room. James wasn’t next to him, Harry was. “Um, bug, have you seen daddy?”

“Nope.” Harry said, now occupied with his father’s phone.

“Okay.” Regulus nodded, getting up. He grabbed a jumper and slipped in on, his mind racing as he did so. Why isn’t James here? Did he come back? Is he dead, and no one has told me yet? Why isn’t he here?

He opened their door, and looked around the hall. To his right, he saw the last bedroom door cracked, and the faint sound of voices. Oh, fuck, oh he’s dead. He’s dead.

“Harry, go downstairs and eat.” Regulus turned back to Harry, guiding him out of the room. Harry hopped down the stairs, and Regulus made his way down the hall.

I told him he would die, I told him, he didn’t believe me. He just had to go and get himself killed, the fucking bastard, why would he do this to me? To Harry? Fuck him, I’ll make sure he goes to hell, that’s for sure.

He pushed open the door, and Effie looked towards him. “Oh, good morning, dear. Sleep well?” She asked.

James was sitting up slightly in bed, his eyes fighting to stay open. He gave Regulus a lopsided grin, his head slightly falling onto his right shoulder.

“Um, I guess?” Regulus said, stepping into the room. “What’s going on? Why didn’t James come back to our room?” He asked.

“James had a little incident after the full moon, we thought it would be safest for him to stay here to rest.” Effie nodded.

“What happened?” He asked, looking at James. “Is it something serious?”

“I, well, I don’t really remember.” James said, his voice quiet.

“Sirius will tell you when he wakes up, Regulus, but for now, let’s just be grateful that there are no injuries, and everyone came home safely.” She softly smiled, then stood up. “I’ll let you two spend some time together, I need to make sure Monty doesn’t burn the house down.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” James tiredly laughed, his eyes closing.

“Good thing we have magic.” Effie winked, closing the door behind her.

Regulus sighed, making his way over to the bed. “I thought you died.” He mumbled, climbing under the covers next to his husband.

“Why?” James whispered, loosely wrapping his arm across Regulus.

“Because I didn’t wake up next to you this morning.” He sighed. “Instead I woke up to our toddler wanting breakfast.”

“I’m sorry, Reg.” James sunk down into the bed, so he was parallel with his husband. “I guess Sirius and Remus thought it would be better if I was here.”

“Do…do you really not remember what happened?”

“Well, um - not really.” He sighed. “I remember hurting, and, and I was fighting in my head with the - the wolf, he was mad at me, and I don’t know why.” James closed his eyes, trying to go back to the forest.

“James?” Regulus whispered.

“He um, he’s gone, for now. I can’t find him.” 

“That’s good though, right? Maybe he’s gone for good, and will only come back on the full moons.” The younger man nodded, kissing James’ hand. “It, it could be a good thing.”

“I guess…” James mumbled. “Um, I’m tired, I think I’m going to go back to sleep.”

Regulus bit his lip, then sat up. “Yeah, yeah of course. I should probably go watch Harry, so mum and dad let him come back.” He gave a small laugh, and James nodded in return. “Do you need anything?”

“Just the potion on the nightstand.” James said. “It’s a dreamless sleep one, I think I’ll be needing it.”

“Oh.” Regulus grabbed the potion and held it up to James’ lips. “I’ll come check on you in a bit, yeah? Sleep well, darling.”

“Okay…” James mumbled, and after a few moments, he was out.

“Love you.” Regulus whispered, leaving the bedroom. Outside of the room, he could hear Harry and Teddy laughing, and Monty making jokes that had no sense to them. He made his way downstairs, heading towards the kitchen. Whatever Monty made was gone, and Effie had pancakes stacked up on the kitchen table.

“Oh, Regulus my boy, good morning!” Monty smiled, pouring Teddy some more orange juice.

“Morning, dad.” Regulus gave his best smile, pushing down his worry for now. “I’m guessing mum made these?”

“She said mine were burnt, but Teddy said they tasted just fine.” Monty said, sitting back down.

“They were gross.” Teddy said, sticking out his tongue.

“You said you liked them!” Monty gasped, and Harry broke out in giggles.

“My da says that I have to eat what’s on my plate, and you put them on my plate.” Teddy shrugged, sticking a forkful of Effie’s pancakes into his mouth.

“Maybe Remus could teach Harry that lesson.” Regulus said, sitting down next to his son. “Did you eat grandpa’s pancakes?”

“No, they tasted yucky!” Harry laughed. “I like grandma’s!”

“Monty shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen, and I don’t know why he even tried.” Effie smiled, setting the last batch of pancakes on the table. “Who wants eggs?”

“Me!” Harry and Teddy yelled, and Regulus scrunched up his nose.

“Dear, you love eggs.” Effie said, starting to crack the shells.

“They don’t sound good.” He grumbled, grabbing a couple pancakes. 

“I love eggs!” Harry giggled, picking up his pancake. 

“Harry, please use a fork, you’re making a mess.” Regulus sighed.

Harry shook his head, shoving his pancake into his mouth. Teddy watched, the good child he is, his fork cleanly putting food into his mouth. Why couldn’t Harry be like Teddy?

“So, Teddy, do you like being six?” Regulus asked, knowing his birthday was two weeks ago.

“Mm…it’s not very different from being five.” Teddy shrugged. “The only thing that changed was my bedtime. I go to bed at 8:36 instead of 8:35.”

“Huh.” Regulus said, wondering how Remus pulled that one off. 

There was the sound of a plate shattering and Harry started crying. “Papa…”

Regulus looked at him, his plate broken on the floor, syrup everywhere, and his pancake on the table. “Harry, what - what did you do?” He asked, struggling to stay calm.

“That’s alright my dear, don’t worry about it.” Effie smiled, and with the snap of her fingers, the plate mended itself and the syrup was cleaned up.

“See Harry? It’s okay.” Teddy nodded, patting his cousin’s arm.

Regulus stood up and grabbed Harry, turning back to Effie. “We’ll be right back.” He said, then headed to the bathroom. 

He closed the door behind them, and set Harry on the stool by the sink. “Wash up, and when we get back you will use a fork and eat like a proper young man.” He whispered angrily.

Wait.

Proper young man?

Oh, fuck.

I’m turning into my mother.

Fuck.

Regulus stopped, now afraid of himself, and he backed up to sit on the toilet. This isn’t good, oh, why am I acting like this?

“Papa?” Harry cried. “Papa?”

Regulus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. This will not happen, I promised I wouldn’t let Harry grow up like I did. 

“Yes, bug?” He asked quietly, finally looking up.

“Why are you - you angry?” He cried, wiping his nose on his arm.

“I don’t know.” He whispered. “But, I’m sorry, Harry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted that way, it was very rude of me.”

“And sc-scary.” Harry hiccuped.

“And scary. I’m sorry.” Regulus crouched down in front of Harry, holding onto his son’s sides. “Listen, Haz, I know I get angry sometimes.” Harry nodded. “And it’s not very kind of me.” He nodded again. “And I’m sorry, but, you get angry too sometimes.”

“Like, like when you and daddy built my castle wrong?” He asked, his lip jutting out.

“Yeah, like that.” Regulus sighed. “I think we need to work together to be nicer, yeah? And we need to listen.”

“Listen?” Hiccup.

“Yes, so when I say something like, you need to use a fork, you should use a fork.” Regulus nodded. “And when you tell me and daddy to stop building your castle wrong, we should listen, and stop.”

“Oh.” Harry mumbled. “Okay, papa.” He sniffled, wiping his nose again.

“Okay, let’s try it out today, and see how well it works.” Regulus smiled.

“We can try it out.” Harry nodded. “Papa?”

“Yes, Haz?”

“Can we pretend my fingers are my fork?”

Regulus laughed, and kissed his son’s head. “Oh, Harry. You are so silly!” He smiled, tickling his stomach.

“Papa!” Harry screeched. “Papa, stop!”

Regulus smiled and pulled away. “Did I listen to you okay?”

“Um…yeah.” Harry nodded, and Regulus could see the lightbulb go off in his head. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Haz.” He smiled. “So do you think you can use a fork?”

“Yes.” Harry nodded.

“Thank you, Harry.” Regulus smiled.

“You’re welcome, Papa.”

— - —

When James woke up for the third time that day, he was greeted with Harry kissing his cheeks. Every second had a kiss to go with it, and Harry hummed a Christmas carol in James’ ear.

“Hm…hey, bug…” He mumbled, opening his eyes. 

“Hello.” Harry sang, kissing James’ lips. “Papa said it's time for dinner.”

“Dinner? Really?” He mumbled, and his stomach rumbled.

“Your tummy makes silly noises.” Harry giggled, jumping onto his father. 

“Oh, Harry!” James groaned, gently pushing his son off of him. “Okay, let's try to not do that again, and how about we head down to dinner?” He asked, sitting up.

“Okay!” Harry smiled, running out of the room. 

James stood up, the pressure shooting pins and needles up his left leg. He groaned, leaning heavily on the wall to make his way out of the room. He could smell all sorts of meats, along with potatoes, salad, sweet potato pie, and Effie’s homemade rolls. 

His mouth was watering. Drool got on his shirt.

As fast as he could, he made his way to the dining room, and everyone was chattering and putting food on the table.

“Hey, you’re up.” Regulus smiled, sneaking his roll into his mouth. “About time.”

“I needed to rest.” James smiled, holding onto the back off a chair.

Regulus looked at his leg, and looked back at James. “How’s your leg?”

“Painful, but I’ll be okay.” James said, kissing his husband. “You taste like butter.”

“I’ve had like, four rolls.” Regulus smiled. “They’re very good.”

“That’s because I made them.” Effie smiled, setting the cut up ham on the table. 

“Fuck, that looks good.” James mumbled, mindlessly sitting into his chair. Regulus sat down next to him, grabbing another roll.

“I can see you, Regulus.” Effie warned. He gave her a smile and a wink, leaning back into his chair. 

“Papa, I wanna sit by Teddy.” Harry said, tugging on Regulus’ sweater. 

“Harry, I would like it if you sat by me instead, so I can help you cut up your food.” He said.

“Hm…” Harry mumbled, sitting down next to Regulus.

“Thank you, Haz.” He smiled, kissing his head.

“Okay, are we all here?” Effie asked, looking around. “Good, well I am so very glad that everyone could be here, and we could spend this holiday together once more.” She smiled.

“I mean, free food, so.” Sirius smiled, and everyone laughed.

“You have always been my most difficult child, Sirius.” Effie sighed, holding back a smile.

“I know we don’t come out much, but I am happy that we are able to, and that you welcome us into your home.” James smiled. “Even if that means Sirius comes too.”

“Hey, why are you guys bashing on me?” Sirius laughed, putting his hand up.

“Because it’s easy.” Regulus smirked.

“Boys, enough.” Effie smiled, sitting down. “Why don’t we go around the table and say something we’re thankful for from this year?” Regulus smiled and whispered something to Harry, and the toddler giggled.

“Wonderful idea, darling.” Monty smiled. “I am grateful for my blossoming garden that I grew this year.”

“Oh, Fleamont, you are horrible!” Effie gasped.

“You’re supposed to say Mum, dad.” James smiled.

“Oh, yeah, her too.” Monty winked, planting a kiss on Effie’s cheek.

Effie shook her head, a smile escaping her lips. “I am grateful that everyone in this family is healthy, and even though some things have changed,” she smiled at James, “we are still the same people, and I love all of you.” She smiled.

“And we love you!” Sirius laughed, raising his glass. “Oh, I’m next, yes! Okay, I am grateful for my piano students. They’re little rockstars.” He smiled.

“I’m grateful that our shop is doing well, and we are able to supply music to the world.” Remus smiled. “Teddy?”

“Um…” he tapped his chin, his hair turning bright blue. “I like my kindergarten class.” He smiled.

“That’s lovely, Teddy.” Effie smiled. “James?”

“Well, we all know this year has been pretty awful.” He sighed, sitting up. “But, I wouldn’t change a thing. I am grateful for all of you, for helping me, Reg, and Harry. You’re all amazing.” He smiled.

“We would do anything for you, James.” Remus smiled. 

“I know, and that’s why I love you guys.” He smiled, turning to Regulus. “Love?”

“For me…I am grateful for James. For being my sun, and supporting me, and I love him very much.” He smiled. “Also for not dying on the full moons. That’s always wonderful.”

“I do my best.” James smiled, kissing Regulus.

“Is it my turn?” Harry asked, bouncing in his seat.

“Yes, go ahead Harry.” Effie smiled. 

“Okay!” Harry giggled, turning to Regulus. “Papa, what was I supposed to say?” He asked, and Regulus whispered in his ear again. “Oh yeah!” He laughed, holding onto Regulus’ arm. “I’m grateful for my new baby!”

Everyone froze, and looked at Regulus. “Surprise?” He smiled, doing little jazz hands.

“We’re having a baby?” James asked, his voice shaky. “Reggie, oh, please don’t be joking.”

“I’m not joking, darling.” Regulus laughed, squeezing James’ hand. “I’m due at the beginning of August.”

“Holy shit.” James breathed, “holy fucking shit!” He said, shooting up out of his seat, then immediately regretting it. “Fuck, my leg.”

“My daddy has a potty mouth.” Harry giggled.

“This is so entertaining.” Sirius smiled, starting to put food on his plate.

“Very.” Remus agreed.

Regulus helped James sit back down, kissing his forehead. “I hope that was all excitement.” He smiled.

“Did it not seem like it? Fuck, did I ruin it, becuase I am like, over the moon, I’m fucking ecstatic!” James laughed, starting to cry. “Reg, we’re having a baby?”

“Well, mostly me, but you helped, so I guess so, yeah. We are.” Regulus smiled, and James buried his head in his neck. “I love you, James.”

“I love you too, I love you so much, so fucking much.” James cried, holding Regulus tightly. “I love you so much…”

“Can I eat now?” Harry asked. 

James and Regulus laughed, turning to their son. “Yes, Haz. Go ahead and eat.” Regulus smiled.

James wiped his eyes and kissed his husband again.

Nothing could ruin this. Everything is perfect now.

Chapter Text

“Santa knows we are at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, right?” Harry asked for the fifth time. “Right, papa?”

Regulus was given the special task of putting Harry to bed, on Christmas Eve, after he got hyped up on ice cream and pie. Lucky me.

“Yes, Harry, Santa knows we're here. Just like last year.” He smiled, trying to tuck his toddler in. Again.

“What if he forgets about us?” He asked, sitting up once more.

“Santa never forgets anyone, Harry.” Teddy said from his bed across the room. “He always comes.”

“But -“

“Harry love, I promise you, Santa will come, and you won't be forgotten.” Regulus said, laying his son back down. “But, he won’t come if you are still awake, so please go to sleep.”

“I’m going to sleep, Uncle Reggie.” Teddy smiled.

“Thank you, Teddy.” Regulus smiled. “How about you, Harry?”

Harry laid down, wrapping arms around his stuffed owl. “I will go to sleep.”

“Thank you, Harry.” Regulus smiled, standing up. “Okay, goodnight boys, I love you both.” He said, standing in the doorway.

“Loves you many, papa.” Harry yawned.

“Love you, Uncle Reggie.” Teddy smiled, his eyes falling closed.

Regulus closed the bedroom door and made his way back to his room. James was sitting up in bed, a book in his hand. Regulus smiled, closed his door, and climbed into bed.

“Are you actually reading that?”

“Fuck no.” James said, throwing the book to the floor. “I just needed to occupy myself until you came back.” He giggled, turning to face Regulus. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Regulus smiled.

“We’re having a baby.” James giggled. “A baby!”

“This is true.” Regulus laughed, kissing him. “Very good observation, James. You get a gold star.”

“That’s even better!” He laughed, running his thumbs along Regulus’ cheeks. “So? How are you feeling? When did you find out? Is it a boy or a girl?”

Regulus giggled, rolling his eyes. “I’m feeling fine, just hungry and bloated, mostly.” He said, laying down a bit. “I found out last week, I went to some weird muggle doctor, but she was nice, and I have to go see her every two months.” He nodded, kissing James’ hand. “And no, I don’t know the gender, and we won't find out for a while, so don’t ask, or I am never telling you.”

“Wow.” James smiled, laying down as well. “Lily said she got really bad morning sickness with Harry, have you had that problem yet?”

“No, and thank goodness, I hate throwing up.” Regulus said. 

“Good, that’s good.” James smiled, pulling Regulus closer to him. “You’re so wonderful.” 

“I’m doing my best.” Regulus smiled. “What about you? How are you feeling?”

“Me? Fuck, I’m on top of the world, Reg, I am living my best life right now.” James smiled. “Forget the werewolf stuff, I don’t care. This is the most amazing thing to ever happen.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Regulus smiled. “Actually, James, about the werewolf stuff…”

James groaned, turning to lay on his back. “Reg, let's not do this, I’m so happy right now…”

“I’m sorry, darling, but, we need to talk about it. Sirius told me what happened this morning, and it’s not good.” Regulus reached for James’ hand, but he pulled it away. “James?”

“Fine, what happened?” He mumbled, keeping his eyes on the ceiling.

“Your seizures are getting more dangerous, James. You got stuck between yourself and the wolf, and you didn’t hurt anyone, but you could have.” Regulus sighed. “It started with those spasms, just in your hands and feet, but it’s your whole body now, and it's worrying.”

“I can’t control it, Regulus. I have no control. There’s nothing I can do, you know that.”

“I know, I know. But, if you have a full seizure again, you could get stuck again, and, well, you might hurt someone.” He said quietly.

“I would never hurt someone.” James said quickly, the rise of anger in his voice. “I wouldn’t hurt anyone, ever.”

“James, I know, but -“

“And once again, I can’t control my seizures, if I could, I wouldn’t be having them at all. If I control being a werewolf, then I wouldn’t be one. So, if you have an idea, go ahead share it with the class, but know that everything you suggest is fucking useless.” He huffed, folding his arms.

Regulus sat up, taking a deep breath. “You’re angry, I know that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Okay, well, my first idea is to start getting wolfbane potions, to help the change go a little smoother, but I think we’ll have to make them. I can do that, and dad said he can help.”

“And your second?” James mumbled.

“We go see a neurologist. It’s a muggle doctor, that specializes in working on the brain and nerves. There’s all this new research out about surgeries and reworking the nerves that cause seizures, and well, it hasn’t fully stopped seizures, but it helps minimize seizure activity.” He said. “We could look into it more, see some specialists, and get an idea for the process.”

James let out a deep sigh, and closed his eyes. “Can we come back to this? I’m really tired, and, I think I’ll just sleep on it.” 

“Yeah, of course. That’s fine.” Regulus nodded, Laying back down. “Goodnight, James.”

“Night.” His husband mumbled. Regulus flicked the lights off, and curled up on his side of the bed. 

— - —

“You thought I was gone, did you?”

James looked around, stopping when he saw the shadows of the wolf. “Well I kind of hoped so.”

“I had to rest. That stunt you pulled today hurt me.” The wolf growled, slowly making its way towards James.

“What do you mean? You could have killed me!” James yelled. “You can’t keep attacking me during my seizures, it’s dangerous!”

“You can’t blame me for that, you had the seizure.”

“But you make them worse. You tried to stay alive longer, you tried to take over my body, and I almost died.” James growled. “No more shit like that again, I have a family, a life, and now I have a baby on the way, I can’t die!”

“A baby, you say?”

“Don’t even think about it!” James yelled. “Don’t fucking think about it for one second, you leave my family alone!”

“Oh James, I can’t hurt them.” You could hear the smile. “Only you can.”

“I wouldn’t hurt anyone. Ever.” James breathed heavily, walking quicker towards the wolf.

“You can never be so positive about pain. Or death.” The wolf howled, and ran of into the forest.

“Get back here! You get back here!” James screamed. “Face me, you fucking wolf! Fuck you!”

— - —

“Teddy, Teddy wake up!” Harry whispered excitedly, shaking his cousin awake. “Teddy, it’s Christmas!”

Teddy rubbed his eyes, his hair turning from bright blue to Christmas red. “Is it morning?” He mumbled.

“Um…” Harry ran over to the window, standing on his tiptoes to look outside. “We can pretend the sun is out!” He smiled, running back to Teddy. “Let’s pretend, okay? And let’s go downstairs to the tree, and see the presents!” 

“Didn’t your papa say to stay in here until someone comes to get us?” Teddy asked, sitting up.

“Um…yeah, but…we can just have a peak, I just want a peak.” Harry said, picking at his lip. “Please?”

Teddy yawned, then got up. “Okay, but, we need to be quiet. Like mice.”

“Like Uncle Wormy!” Harry giggled, opening the door. “Be quiet, Teddy.” He whispered, buzzing with excitement.

“I am!” Teddy whispered, and together they crept down the hallway, and headed to the stairs. “Remember, some steps are creaky, so follow me.” He whispered, carefully stepping down the stairs.

“Okay.” Harry whispered, following Teddy’s footsteps. Once they reached the bottom, they quickly ran towards the living room, and both of them gasped.

“Santa came! Santa came, Teddy!” Harry screeched, jumping up and down. 

“Harry, shh!” Teddy said, but he was already searching for his presents. 

Harry jumped around the tree, finding presents that started with an H. “I’m so excited!” He giggled.

“Okay, let’s go back upstairs.” Teddy said, pulling Harry’s arm. 

“Okay.” Harry nodded, and they ran upstairs.

— - —

Regulus, James, Sirius, and Remus stood outside the nursery door, listening to the mingled laughs of Harry and Teddy.

“Think they stayed in there all night?” Sirius asked.

“Absolutely not, Harry could barely sleep.” Regulus said, folding his arms.

“I told Teddy to stay in bed, so maybe he did?” Remus said.

“Nah, Harry’s a bad influence, they definitely went downstairs.” James nodded.

“Harry is not a bad influence, he’s only three. He’s curious.” Regulus shrugged.

“Harry’s going to be just like James, a true marauder.” Sirius smiled.

“Oh, here we go…” Remus rolled his eyes, and pushed open the door.

“Papa! Daddy! It’s Christmas!” Harry screamed, running out of the room, and Teddy followed.

“Hey, bug, slow down!” Regulus laughed, grabbing Harry. “I didn’t even get to say good morning to you, bug!” He kissed Harry’s cheeks and wrapped him up in his arms. 

“Papa!” Harry laughed, curling up.

“Happy Christmas, Harry.” James smiled, kissing Harry’s cheeks as well.

“Daddy! Papa, stop! I want to open presents!” Harry laughed, pushing James away.

“Okay, okay, let’s go downstairs then.” Regulus rested Harry on his hip, and everyone was greeted by Effie and Monty in the living room.

“Good morning, everyone, and Happy Christmas!” Effie smiled, giving everyone a hug. “Did you all sleep well?”

James shrugged, glancing at Regulus, who just gave Effie a smile and a nod. Yeah, we’re ignoring last night’s conversation.

“That’s wonderful!” She smiled. “Well, let’s open presents, and then breakfast is all ready in the dining room, so once we finish in here, we can go in there.” She nodded, sitting on the couch.

Teddy and Harry looked at each other, then ran to the tree. “Presents!” They shouted.

“Harry, let me know if you need help finding your name.” Regulus said, sitting on the floor against an armchair. James sat behind him, resting his legs on either side of his husband. Regulus smiled up at him, and James kissed his head, gently massaging his shoulders.

“Da, look! It’s a broom! Santa got me my own broom!” Teddy smiled, holding up the box. “Pads, you can teach me how to fly now!” Teddy laughed.

“That’s awesome, bear!” Sirius smiled. 

“No flying in the snow though, wait until it’s warmer.” Remus nodded, sipping his tea.

“Papa, daddy, I got new books! Look, this one has dinosaurs on it!” Harry giggled.

“Ooh, you love dinosaurs.” Regulus smiled.

“Yeah, I do!” He smiled, opening his next present.

The rest of the morning went by in a colorful blur, wrapping paper and bows and ribbons thrown around the room into one giant mess. Luckily for magic, once everyone migrated to the dining room, Monty flicked his wand, and the mess disappeared, only leaving behind stacks of various gifts.

As the family ate, Harry and Teddy chatted happily about the presents they got, and the adults were content in listening. Once everyone was stuffed, they ran upstairs to get changed to go play in the snow. Teddy and Harry were bundled up in layers of clothing, and Harry waddled around the house until James picked him up to make the trip outside easier. Sirius changed into Padfoot and ran right into the snow, jumping around, not bothered by the cold. Prongs usually joined him, but since…well, James decided this year he would help Harry build a snowman instead.

“Papa, come play with us!” Harry yelled, patting snow onto an already large snowball.

“I’m okay, Harry, you keep playing.” Regulus smiled, drinking his hot chocolate. 

Padfoot barked and ran around, quickly knocking down Harry’s snowman. “Padfoot!” Harry screamed falling into the snow. “Daddy!”

“Sirius, come on!” James groaned, and Remus shook his head.

“You can help me with my snowman, Harry!” Teddy suggested, running over to his cousin.

“No!” Harry wailed, flailing his arms and legs around.

Regulus got up from his chair and went over, picking up Harry. “That’s very kind of you, Teddy, thank you for asking.” He said over his son’s cries. “But I think it’s time for Harry’s nap, so maybe later he can come out and play again.”

“Oh, okay!” Teddy nodded, running back to Remus.

“I can take him, Reggie, if you want.” James offered, trying to rebuild the snowman.

“It’s okay, I got him.” Regulus nodded. “I think I’ll lay down with him, maybe get a quick nap in as well.” 

James nodded, watching Padfoot try to apologize to Remus through whines. “Just let me know if I can help.”

“I’ll come get you if we have any trouble, promise.” Regulus smiled, heading inside. “Alright baby, let’s calm down, yeah? We’re calming down, Harry.”

“He - he broke my snowman!” Harry cried as they made their way upstairs. 

“I know, that wasn’t very nice of Padfoot.” Regulus said, closing his bedroom door. “It was quite rude, actually.”

“Y-yeah.” Harry cried, and Regulus took off his many layers. “Mean Padfoot.”

Regulus kissed his red cheeks and wiped his tears away, wrapping him up in a warm blanket. “Would you like me to hold you, or should we lay down?”

“Hold.” Harry mumbled, his eyes already drooping closed. Regulus smiled and rested Harry in his lap, rocking softly from side to side. 

“When you wake up we can make another snowman, okay? And this time I’ll help you.”

“O-okay.” Harry hiccuped, his body relaxing.

“Okay, bug. It’s a plan.” He smiled, resting his cheek in Harry’s hair. “I love you, étoile.”

— - —

“Hey mum, do you need help with dinner?” James asked, walking into the kitchen. “I’m bored, and I need something to do.”

“Um…” Effie looked around the kitchen, pointing to a bowl of vegetables. “Why don’t you wash those, and cut them up? They’re going into the soup.” She smiled.

“Sure.” James smiled. He turned on the water and started washing the vegetables. 

“Where’s everyone else?” Effie asked, opening the fridge. 

“Well, Harry and Reg are still taking a nap, dad and Remus are reading in the living room, Padfoot is curled up by the fire, and last I checked, Teddy was half asleep on his puzzle.” He smiled.

“Sounds like everyone has had a busy day.” Effie went back to the stove, looking over her shoulder at James. 

“Yeah, something like that.” Jaes nodded, grabbing a knife from the drawer.

“And you?”

“What about me?” 

“Well, do you need to talk about anything? You’ve had some pretty big changes in the last couple of days, do you want to talk about it?” She asked.

James let out a sigh, putting his focus on the knife and carrots he was cutting up. “Reg wants me to see a muggle doctor about my seizures. He said that they can do this surgery to lessen the effects, and it might help with my furry little problem.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” Effie asked.

“I guess, but it could also make them worse. Plus, if I have a seizure around muggles, and I change, or even have a spasm, it could end badly. I don’t really want to risk it.” He shrugged.

“But?”

“But…” James put the knife down, turning to his mother. “The wolf told me I might hurt my family. He could be wrong, but, it scares me. I don’t want to hurt anyone, so the surgery might be my only choice, and I should do it, I should protect every one, but it all just sounds fake, right?” He asked. “Shouldn’t magic just fix me? Why does it have to be muggles, why can’t I go see a healer, and get cured of everything?”

“Trust me, we tried that, James.” Effie sighed. “The muggle world is safer for your epilepsy, that’s what I believe. The surgery is your best shot, and I think you should do it. Regulus did his research, he’s trying to help you.” She walked over to him and placed a hand on his cheek, and James closed his eyes. “You have always been such a special boy, James. And you might feel like everything is falling apart right now, but it’s not. Everyone here is going to help you, we are all here to help you. I know you feel like you have to help everyone instead, but it's time to let someone else have a turn.”

“I just hate feeling so helpless.” James whispered. “I feel useless.”

“You have always taken care of everyone else, James. You are such a caring person, and that’s my favorite thing about you. You are not useless, James. You are already doing so much, it’s now time for a break. Letting others help you will make you feel better, and maybe be a little selfish with it. I promise everyone else will be okay.” She smiled.

James nodded, wrapping his arms around Effie. “I love you, mum. I don’t know how I ended up with a mum as amazing as you.” 

“You got lucky.” She smirked. “I don’t know how I ended up with such a brave, caring, beautiful son like you. I am the one who is very lucky.”

James laughed, wiping his eyes. “Stop, I don’t want to cry, I do it too much already.”

“Okay, okay.” Effie laughed, kissing his cheek. “I love you, James.”

“Yeah, I love you too.” James smiled. “Now, let me finish these vegetables.”

“Oh! My soup!” Effie gasped, quickly heading back to the stove. 

James laughed, picking up the knife. 

This is okay.

Chapter Text

February 12

“Fuck, fuck…” James groaned from the bathroom floor. His hands shook uncontrollably, and the hair was growing thicker and darker, making its way up his arms, his nails growing long and yellow. “Shit, hm, fuck…” 

His senses became unbearable, he could hear regulus breathing from their bed, still peacefully asleep. He could hear Harry kicking the sheets of his body, the clock ticking downstairs, the heater turning on in the neighbor’s house. His brain was on overload, unable to focus on one singular thing. 

James closed his eyes, giving into he seizure. He couldn’t control it any longer, and it terrified him, but holding back damaged his body more. His doctor’s appointment was today, it took almost two months, but they were finally able to get him in. Regulus and Monty have been working on a more difficult version of the wolfsbane potion, but nothing has worked so far. Regulus refused to give up, but James thought it was a lost cause.

A whine escaped his lips, low and dog-like. That made James cringe, but t ere wasn’t much he could do about it.

“James, hey, oh, darling, its okay.” Regulus murmured, kneeling down next to his husband.

James whined again, wanting Regulus to go away. I don’t want to hurt you, run away! Run and take Harry, get away from me!

“It’s okay, Jamie, this was a bad one, but you’ll be okay.” Regulus whispered, and James couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t leaving. “We’ll wait until your legs stop shaking, and then we’’ move back to bed.”

James just whined once more, nothing was making sense to him now. Maybe the seizure finally fried my brain.

The sounds in his head still remained, but without the seizure, they had quieted down. James didn’t realize that he had been put into bed, his mind foggy and full of questions. He didn’t even realize that he fell asleep, the moon disappearing from the sky, and the sun replacing it, along with loud laughs from his toddler downstairs.

Slowly but surely, James made his way to the kitchen, his cane being held tightly in his left hand. He hated the cane, but Remus insisted it made walking easier, and he would never admit it, but it did help with the shakiness after seizures, and his leg after full moons. He would never say it out loud though.

“Good morning, daddy!” Harry smiled, grabbing handfuls of blueberries and shoving them in his purple stained mouth.

“Good morning.” James said, putting on his best smile. “I see papa pulled out the blueberries, and you ate them all.” James reached for the last one, just faster than Harry.

“They were for the waffles, but, I have another container in the fridge. Don’t tell him though.” Regulus whispered to James, a smile playing at his lips. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, um, so you didn’t leave last night, when I was in the bathroom.” James sighed, leaning against the counter. “Why?”

“Why would I have left you? I always help with your seizures.” Regulus said, opening a drawer to grab a spoon. 

“I could have hurt you, that’s why. What you did was dangerous, you could have died.”

Regulus put his spoon down and sighed, turning to James. “You were fine, James. Nothing would have happened.” 

“I was changing, Reg, if I was more conscious, you could have been hurt.” James said, his voice sharp.

“James, calm down. I know what I was doing, I was careful, and we’re both fine, yeah? We’re fine, so, you don’t need to worry about it anymore. There’s no reason to.” 

“Regulus -“

“Can you grab the berries out of the fridge, please?” He asked, turning back around. “Harry, why don't you go wash your hands and face, and then you can help stir the batter.” He smiled at their son.

“Okay papa!” Harry giggled, climbing down from his stool. James watched, still placed against the counter. Regulus took a deep breath, and James rolled his eyes. 

“Fine, yeah, I’ll get the berries.” He mumbled, taking a few steps to the fridge. 

“What is your problem? We’ve been fine for so long now, why are you acting like this?” Regulus asked, folding his arms.

“Nothing.” James grumbled, dumping the berries into the batter. 

“Oh yeah, nothing, nothing is wrong, you’re just acting like this for fun.” Regulus let out a short laugh, shaking his head.

James groaned, cornering Regulus between the counters. “Listen, I don’t want you to come near me when I have seizures, okay? Every time it gets worse, and I change more and more into a werewolf.” He whispered angrily. “You risked your life, you risked our child’s life, and you could have destroyed Harry’s. You weren’t being careful, and I would never forgive myself if I hurt you.”

“Fine.” Regulus whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Please - please move, I have to finish making breakfast.” His voice cracked, and he closed his eyes tightly. “Please.”

James took a step back, and Regulus unwrapped his arms from around his waist, and James noticed his fingernails were chewed up. “Reg, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -“

“Yeah but you did.” Regulus whispered, wiping his eyes. “You say you're worried about hurting me, yet you keep doing it. Just not in the way you think.” He said, his face turning to stone. “Think about that, James. Otherwise things are going to get ruined.”

James nodded, and Harry ran back into the kitchen. "Papa, I’m ready to help!” He smiled, getting back up on his stool.

“Perfect, here’s the spoon, be so careful, Haz.” Regulus smiled, hiding his emotions away. “Stir nice and slow…”

James looked around the kitchen, decided he would be of no help, and went back upstairs. Guess I’ll just shower and get ready for my appointment…ugh, the appointment.

— - —

Regulus walked Harry up to the school, stopping to zip up his jacket. “Okay bug, what are you going to do today?” He asked, crouching down in front of the toddler.

“Um…make new friends.” He nodded, rocking in his heels. “Well, make a friend. And they can’t be pretend, because you want me to have real friends.” 

“That’s right.” Regulus smiled, kissing his forehead. “Think you can do that?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Harry said, hugging Regulus. “Bye bye papa. Bye bye baby.” Harry giggled, patting Regulus’ stomach. 

“Baby says bye bye Harry.” Regulus smiled. “Okay, go to class, have fun, learn how to read, or, something!” He laughed as Harry ran inside. Regulus went back to the car, getting into the driver’s seat. “Are you ready to go?” He asked James.

“I don’t really have a choice.” James mumbled, sinking down in his seat. 

Regulus shook his head and started driving. The ride was silent, James didn’t want any music playing, so Regulus had to listen to James sigh and mumble to himself for 30 minutes. Once they reached the doctor’s office, Regulus got them checked in and James slumped down in a seat.

“Can you not look like a child?” Regulus mumbled to him. “Act like an adult for Merlin’s sake, you aren’t five.”

“I don’t want to be here, and you make me angry.” James mumbled.

“Right, because this is all my fault. So sorry.” Regulus scoffed.

“Nothing is working, Regulus. Nothing we have tried is working. I don’t know why you keep looking for solutions, when there’s clearly not one!” James whispered.

“This could be a solution! We just haven’t tried it yet!” He whispered. “I have been working on that fucking potion for two months, and it’s hard, James, doing something like that is hard , but at least I’m trying! You’ve just given up!”

James glanced around the waiting room, there were only a couple people, but they were very much listening to their conversation. He leaned in close, his breath hot on Regulus’ cheek. “We will talk about this when we get home, but I am done talking about it now.” He mumbled angrily.

“Whatever.” Regulus said. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He mumbled, quickly getting up. I just need to get away from him, just for a minute. I just need a minute.

Regulus went into the bathroom, chose a stall, and closed it behind him. “Fuck.” He whispered, rubbing harshly at his eyes. He sat down on the floor, resting his head on his knees. “Fuck you, James.” He cried, biting on his thumb to keep quiet. 

This is not how it was supposed to be. I am doing everything I can for him, and he doesn’t give a shit. I am the only one who cares, I am the only one he takes his anger out on, and I’m doing the most for him. Why can’t he see that? Why does he have to be so awful all the time? The James I married never acted like this, why now? Why me?

Regulus shakily pulled out his wand from his back pocket, casting a silencing spell over the stall. Then, he screamed. He screamed until his throat felt bloody, until his heart felt raw, and his head hurt from forcing so much air out of his lungs. He cried and cried, until his eyes burned from the salty tears, and his cheek turned a bright blotchy red. 

He’s never thrown a fit. He’s never had to, because when he was young, it wasn’t allowed. Sirius always stopped him before he could even shed a tear. When he ran away from home, he was welcomed by the Potter’s, and didn’t have time to be sad. He only had time for games, love, and his true family.

Then James got bit. James got angry. James got mad at him for losing a baby he didn’t know he had. So he screamed. He screamed and cried, because James made him feel horrible. His James, his sun, he did that to Regulus. The one person who should have been comforting him, made him lose his mind. 

And James did it again. And again. And again. 

And now we’re here.

Why am I here?

Regulus wiped his eyes, shaky breaths escaping his lips. Why am I here? Why am I doing this to myself? I can leave. I can go.

Standing up, Regulus unfasten the silencing spell, unlocked the stall, and headed to the sink. He splashed his face with some water, trying to get rid of the puffiness. He fixed his hair, making it neat again, then turned to the door.

“Okay. Just, walk out there, and leave. It’s easy. Take steps, open the door, and -“

“Hey, Reg,” the door opened, and James was standing there. “They called my name, so, we gotta go.”

Right. That’s why I’m here.

“Okay.” Regulus nodded, and followed James out. A nurse led them down a hall and into an office, where they sat down in arm chairs. 

“The doctor will be with you in a moment.” She smiled, leaving the room.

The couple sat in silence, neither one wanting to talk. They probably should talk, but both men were too proud to talk first. Actually, both were just stubborn bitches.

“Hello,” the doctor walked in, sitting at the desk in front of them. “I am doctor Edwards, I am the head of the neurology department up at the hospital, and can I just say, your file is very interesting.” He nodded, opening a folder.

“It, it is?” James asked, suddenly nervous.

“James, I’m assuming?” He asked, and James nodded. “Yes, it is, and that’s mostly because there’s almost nothing in your medical records.”

“Oh.” James said, looking at Regulus. “What um, what is in there?”

“Well, you were diagnosed with epilepsy at three, correct?” James nodded. “Well, that is all we have on you, up until recently when you were admitted into the hospital in October due to…excessive seizure activity.”

“Huh.” James said quietly, and Regulus leaned back in his seat. This will be interesting.

“May I ask why?”

“Um, well…” James was sweating. He wanted to take off his sweater, and wipe his face off, he didn’t want to be in this room any longer. “So, you see, I don't live around here, and, well…well my seizures never get so bad that I have to go to the hospital, so, yeah.” He finished quickly.

Doctor Edwards nodded, leaning forward on his elbows. “But your seizures are bad now, yes? That’s why you’re here, to talk about the surgery.”

“I - I think, yeah.” James whispered.

“Why haven’t you tried medications in the past?”

“Um…” because he tried potions first. We’re wizards, it's a weird thing.

“Because I think you could benefit from medications, before you consider a life changing surgery.”

James looked at Regulus, pleading for him to help. Regulus thought he was about to cry. 

“Well, you see, doctor,” Regulus began. “Growing up, James’ family didn’t believe in meds. They were very, very against it, I don't even think James is vaccinated.” He shrugged. “But his seizures are getting worse, and worse, and we are worried about them now. We could try meds, but how effective are they? Are they preferred over the surgery by other patients with epilepsy?”

James sighed, thankful for his husband for saving him. 

“Well, we find that certain medications are more effective in children, and they work better when you start at a young age.” He said, leaning back now. “For James, I would put him on some very strong medications, try them out for two to three months, and if nothing changes, then we can look into the surgery.”

“Do you need to do tests on him? See how really bad they are, and get an idea of how they affect him?” Regulus asked.

“We can, yes.” He nodded. “We could schedule another appointment for the tests before he starts the medications, the one after three months, and then we would do a third one if he gets the surgery.” 

“How soon could we do the tests?” 

“Next week, at the latest. But, we would send him to the hospital, keep him there, and run the tests when he has seizures.”

“No.” James said. “No, um, sorry.”

“Why not?” Regulus asked. 

“I have plans, next week, with Sirius and Remus, remember?” He asked, glaring at Regulus.

“Right…” Regulus whispered. “Actually, doctor, let's skip the test, we’ll just try the medications.”

“Okay…” doctor Edwards nodded, pulling out a piece of paper. “I’ll send them to your pharmacy, and you can pick them up either today or tomorrow, and then just follow the instructions given to you.”

“Thank you.” Regulus said, giving his best smile.

“Thanks.” James nodded.

“You’re welcome, gentlemen.” He said, standing up. “You are free to leave, I have other patients to see, but you have a good day.” He left them room, and James deflated in his chair. 

“Fucking hell, Reg, that was terrifying.” He groaned.

“I did all the talking, you’re welcome, by the way.” Regulus said.

“Yes, thank you, thank you. Thank you.” James sighed, kissing Regulus’ hand. “I owe you big time, Reggie. I’m sorry for how I acted. Like, truly sorry. I promise I’ll work on it, from now on. Promise.”

Regulus sighed and turned to James. “It’s…fine, I guess I overreacted as well, so, sorry about that.”

“I think we just need to work on being on the same page.” James said.

“Definitely.” Regulus said, rubbing his face. “Should we get going?”

“Yeah, yeah.” James stood up, holding onto Regulus’ hand. “Hey,” he kissed him, and Regulus melted. “Thank you. I know you’re doing everything to help me, and I appreciate that. I wish I saw it before, but I see it now. You’re doing amazing Reggie. I don’t deserve you.”

Regulus stared up at James, breaking into tears.

“Hey, hey, did I say something wrong? Reg, I’m - I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -“

“No, no, you said it all right.” Regulus cried, resting his head on James’ chest. “Sorry, sorry, it’s these fucking hormones.” He cried. “Fuck, I can’t stop.”

“Oh, love…” James smiled, kissing his hair. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Regulus laughed, his voice cracking. “This isn’t funny either, stop laughing!” He cried.

“I’m sorry.” James laughed, hugging him. “It is kind of funny.”

“Stop it!” Regulus cried, weakly hitting his chest. “It’s not funny, I’ve been turned into an emotional incubator, by law you have to be nice to me.” 

“An emotional incubator ?” James laughed. “Oh, you poor thing…”

Regulus laughed, shaking his head. “You know what I mean, leave me alone.” 

“I do know what you mean, and have I told you lately how amazing you are? Absolutely brilliant, Regulus.” James smiled, resting his hands on Regulus’ hips. “You’re wonderful.”

“You want me to cry now!” Regulus sobbed, and James wiped his eyes.

“How about I make it up to you? What would you like for lunch?” James asked, walking them out the door.

Regulus perked up, rubbing his nose. “I really want a burger.” He nodded, looking up at James. “A burger, a chocolate shake, fries, and…well, what do you want?”

“Meat. I want meat.” James nodded, unlocking the car. “And onion rings.”

“Onion rings! Yes, I want those too. Please.” Regulus said, getting into the car. “Oh, I’m starving now. Drive fast, I don’t think I can wait.”

“Okay, okay.” James smiled. “Just, don’t die on me.” 

“Hm, I’ll try, but we’re starving.”

“You’re very dramatic.” James smiled.

“It’s my job to be.” Regulus shrugged, holding James’ hand. “And I am very good at my job.”

James smiled, and they drove in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. “Reg?”

“Yeah?”

“What are vaccinations?”

— - —

“Papa, I’m home!” Harry sang, running into the house. “Papa!”

“I’m right here, Haz!” Regulus waved from the couch.

Harry turned around, smiling at his father. “Oh! Hi papa!” He giggled, running over to Regulus.

“Hey, bug.” He smiled, and Harry climbed onto his lap. “Did you have fun at school?”

“Mm, yeah!” Harry nodded. “But, I didn’t make any friends. I was okay playing by myself.” 

“Oh. Well, maybe tomorrow.” Regulus nodded, and James handed him a paper. “What’s this?”

“Harry’s teacher came up to me after school, she said that Harry’s having a hard time reading and finding his way around the classroom. She wants us to get his eyes checked.” James said, sitting down next to Regulus.

“Harry, is it hard to see?” Regulus asked. “Are things a little fuzzy?”

“No.” Harry giggled, squinting his eyes. “I can see, papa! I’m okay!”

“I’ll schedule an appointment.” Regulus nodded, laying his head in James’ lap.

“Sounds good.” James nodded, running his hand through his husband’s hair. “Also, Harry has a party on Thursday, it’s a Valentine’s Day party.”

“Yeah! I get to make a box! And bring candy!” Harry said, bouncing on Regulus’ legs. 

“Oh, well that sounds very fun, Harry.” Regulus smiled.

“Do you get a party?” He asked, looking at his dads.

“Not really, but we get to go out to dinner.” James said. “And maybe we’ll…hang out, after.”

Regulus stifled a laugh, his cheeks turning red. “Yeah, yeah hang out. Like bros.”

“Really good bros.” James laughed.

Harry watched his parents, utterly confused. Adults are very confusing.

“What does my baby get to do?” He asked, putting his hands on Regulus’ stomach. “Can my baby come to my party?”

James laughed again, wiping his eyes. “No, no Haz, the baby stays in papa’s tummy, they can’t go to your party.”

“I can’t breathe!” Regulus laughed. “Oh, oh I can’t breathe!”

Harry tried to laugh, but didn’t understand what they were laughing about. Again, adults are confusing. He pushed his hair out of his face, then laid his head on his father’s stomach. “Hello, baby…hello…” he sang. Regulus’ stomach jumped, and Harry sat up. 

Regulus looked at Harry, both of their eyes wide.

“What?” James asked, his laughter dying. “I missed something, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing’s wrong.” Regulus smiled. “The baby kicked.”

“Really?” James asked, sitting up. “No way!”

“Here, give me your hand.” Regulus grabbed his hand, placing it low on his bump. “There! Oh, James, did you feel it?”

“Yeah! Holy shit! The baby moved!” He laughed. “Look at you go, little one!”

“Harry, do you want to feel?” Regulus asked, holding out his hand. Harry shook his head, backing away. 

“Papa, why does they move?” He asked. “It’s weird.”

“The baby needs to move, Harry. It’s okay.” Regulus smiled.

“I don’t wanna.” He mumbled.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to.” He nodded, sitting up. “How about we go play with legos instead?”

“Um…yeah.” Harry nodded, jumping off the couch. 

“James, you wanna join?” Regulus asked, looking behind him. James was smiling at him, quiet tears brimming his eyes. “Oh, darling…”

“That’s our baby.” He smiled, kissing his husband. “It’s like, real, you know? It’s real now.”

“Yeah, I know.” Regulus smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” James smiled.

“Legos!” Harry yelled, dumping the buckets onto the floor.

“Guess we’re playing right now .” Regulus laughed, sliding onto the floor. “Okay, remember we have to clean up after, so keep your messes small.” He said, scooting over to Harry.

James smiled, watching them for just a second. This is how it’s supposed to be. No fighting, not yelling, just happiness. This is happiness.

“Daddy!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He smiled, getting off the couch. 

Happiness.

Chapter Text

James kissed Regulus’ cheeks, sleepily pulling his body over his husband’s. “Good morning, Reggie.” He whispered, sucking on his neck.

“Hm…” Regulus moaned, shifting under James. “Jamie, oh…”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.” James whispered. “I’m going to spoil you rotten today. You deserve it.”

“Fuck, if you just kiss me like this, that’s all I need.” He mumbled, holding tightly to James’ hips.

“Yeah?” James mumbled, making his way down Regulus’ chest.

“Yeah…and food…” Regulus smiled, opening his eyes. “I love food.”

“I know, Reggie.” James quietly laughed. “I feel like it’s all you talk about now.”

“That’s your doing, you know. This is your baby.” 

“Whatever.” James smiled, kissing his lips. He leaned back on his knees, looking at his husband. “You’re fucking beautiful.”

Regulus blushed, rolling his eyes. “Whatever.”

“It’s true! You’re stunning!” James said.

“I’m fat, that’s what I am.” Regulus mumbled, crossing his arms over his stomach.

“Don’t you say that, that’s my husband you’re talking about!” James gasped, moving his arms away. “You are growing a child, a beautiful baby, and you are bloody gorgeous.” He said, kissing his stomach. “Like, I’m getting hard just looking at you, fuck Reg, you’re killing me.”

Regulus whined, pulling James down. “Fuck me.”

“Gladly.” James said, quickly taking his bottoms off. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.” He whispered, his breath hot on Regulus’ ear.

— - —

“Reg, are you trying to make heart shaped pancakes?” James asked, looking in the pan. “They look like a butchered anatomy project. Like actual hearts. The kind that beats and -“

“I get it.” Regulus said, holding his hand up. “You will make me puke, and I’ve made it this far without throwing up, so don’t you start.”

“Papa, I wanted hearts.” Harry said, looking heartbroken.

“Oh, well, Harry they are hearts, in a way…” he mumbled. “daddy is just mean.” Regulus said. “I promise they’re hearts.”

Harry nodded, satisfied, and continued sticking hearts onto his cardboard box. 

“So, Haz, are you excited for your party?” James asked, sitting next to the toddler. 

“Yeah.” Harry nodded. “I get to give candy to everyone.”

“Yep, to all your friends.” James smiled.

“They’re not my friends.” Harry said. “But, if they like my candy, maybe they will be my friends after.”

“Oh.” James nodded, and Regulus put the pancakes on a plate. 

“Harry, did you tell daddy about the special candy you have?” Regulus asked, winking at James.

“I have a special candy for a boy in my class.” Harry giggled, his face turning red. 

“Really?” James smiled, “my son has a crush! My three-year-old has a crush!” He laughed. “Get it, Harry James!”

Regulus laughed, pouring more batter into the pan. “Tell daddy what his name is, Haz.”

“Um…” Harry covered his face, giggling uncontrollably. 

“His name is Jace, he’s a cute little blondie who helped Harry pick up the toys during cleaning time.” Regulus smiled.

“Ooh, Harry!” James smiled, ruffling his son’s hair. “You are my son, through and through. We are players, and lovers, and you are magnificent!” 

“Daddy!” Harry laughed as James pulled him into his lap. “Daddy, no tickles, no tickles!”

“Okay, okay, no tickles.” James smiled, setting him down. “Go sit at the table, bug, and we can eat pancakes!”

“Okay!” Harry smiled, running to the table.

“Harry, watch -“ his forehead slammed into the side of the table, and he fell onto his bum.

“Wow, Harry! That was a good one!” James said quickly, clapping his hands. “Nice job!”

Harry rubbed his head, looked back at his dads, then got up and sat at the table. “Pancakes?” He asked.

“Here you go.” James smiled. 

“How did you…” Regulus started, looking at James.

“Dad always did that to me when they realized I needed glasses. I was very clumsy, and I bumped into many things.” James said, cutting up Harry’s pancakes. “So I figured, if it worked on me, it could work on Harry.”

“Awesome.” Regulus nodded. “I will be using that for everything, now.”

“You’re welcome.” James smiled.

“Okay, here are more pancakes…” Regulus dropped them onto a plate and sat down. 

James looked at him, and looked back at the stove. “Oh, are you wanting me to finish making them?” He asked.

“Yes please.” Regulus smiled, grabbing the syrup. “And thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” James laughed, and kissed his hair. “Heart pancakes coming right up!”

— - —

“So,” James started, leaning against the counter. “What are you and Pads doing for tonight?”

Remus looked up from the register, gesturing to the customer he was checking out. “James, I’m kind of working.” 

“I bet they want to know too.” James smiled, turning to the teenager. “Do you?”

“I am so sorry, ignore him.” Remus said quickly, handing the kid his bag. “Have a nice day!”

James watched the kid quickly leave the store, and when James turned back to Remus, he was glaring daggers. “Oh, come on, that was funny!” He laughed.

“Not really, no.” Remus said, walking out from behind the counter. “If you’re going to be here, then you can grab that box and start sorting records.”

“Boo, I’m pretty sure I do more work here than you, why am I not on the payroll yet?” James asked, picking up the box.

“Because you’re one, very rich, and two, family, so I don’t have to pay you. You are obligated to help me.” Remus said.

“We’re only family by marriage, and even then, not even blood! Sirius is adopted!” James said.

“Did our years at Hogwarts mean nothing to you James?” Remus gasped. “That hurts. That really, really hurts.”

“You’re turning into Pads, with all the dramatics.” James smirked.

“Oh, ew, disgusting, don’t say that again.” Remus gagged, and James laughed.

“So? Tonight?”

“I don’t know, James, Sirius planned everything, and so he’s the one you should be asking.” Remus shrugged.

“I can’t ask him, he’s doing piano lessons.” James sighed, picking up a record. “Hey Moony, where does this one go?”

“Uhhh…50s.” Remus pointed to a shelf. “Well, what are you and Reg doing? Does he even want to do something?”

“I’m glad you asked.” James smiled. “So, first on my list, wake him up with sex. Did that.”

“Oh, Merlin…”

“Second, leave him alone with food. He is at home right now, watching a movie in complete silence, with every single food he’s been craving for the past two weeks.” James smiled. “He cried when he saw a bag of chips, Moony. But, don’t tell him I told you that.”

“How romantic.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Third, and the finale, a non fancy dinner at some non fancy restaurant in Southwark.” He smiled. “Oh, and then when Harry goes to sleep, we’re going to ‘chill as bros’ as I said so confidently yesterday when Harry asked what we’re going to do.”

Remus laughed and shook his head. “I think I told Teddy the same thing, actually.”

“Oh, good, I felt really stupid but Reggie thought it was hilarious.” James smiled.

“So, why the non fancy dinner?”

“Reg doesn’t want to dress up, I guess.” He shrugged. “I think he’s self conscious, right now? This morning I told him he was beautiful, and he told me he was fat. Right in the middle of sex, too, wish was kind of a downer.”

“I’m ignoring that last comment,” Remus groaned, rubbing his face, “and his body is changing, maybe he just wants to go do something in clothes that he’s comfortable in.”

“Yeah, yeah that makes sense.” James nodded. “Yeah, but I’m okay with anything that he wants to do. If I can make him happy, that’s all I want.”

Remus smiled at him, then his phone buzzed. Then James’ phone buzzed. “Hey, it’s Lily!” James smiled. 

“What did she…” Remus opened the text, then laughed. “She had her baby!” 

“Oh, oh that’s so precious, oh, Remus, can you see her?” James giggled, sitting on the floor. “Oh, she’s beautiful!”

“Yes James, I can see the picture.” Remus smiled, sending a text back. “Daisy Millie Evans, with her blonde hair and red cheeks.”

“Do you think they got Millie from combining Mary and Lily?” James asked.

“I mean, it does work, so I think so.” Remus nodded. 

“Yeah.” James smiled, and another text came through. “Oh, Reggie…” he laughed.

“What’s going on?”

“He saw Lily’s text and now he’s sobbing and he needs me to come home.” James laughed, getting up. “Guess that’s my cue.”

“Well, have fun then.” Remus smiled, grabbing the box. “Thanks for putting away three records.”

“You’re welcome!” James smiled, leaving the shop. His phone buzzed again, this time a call. “Love, I’m on my way home right now.” He laughed.

“It’s not fast enough though!” Regulus cried. 

“Okay, okay,” James smiled, turning a corner into an alleyway. “I’m hanging up, I will be home in two seconds, okay?”

“Okay.” Regulus sniffled. James hung up, pulled out his wand, and apparated home. 

“See? What did tell you?” He winked, and Regulus put his arms out. James jumped onto the couch, and Regulus wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. “That picture was really cute, huh?”

“It was fucking adorable!” Regulus sobbed. “Fuck this, I hate crying, I hate that you did this to me!”

“Yeah, but, if you think about it, we get to have a cute baby soon.” James smiled. 

“I want one now!” Regulus whined. 

“Alright, okay, calm down.” James laughed, kissing his head. “Deep breaths, Reggie, deep breaths.” James rubbed his back, and Regulus’ sobs turned into hiccups. “Better?”

“Better…” Regulus mumbled, reaching his hand into a bag of popcorn. “Pretend I’m not doing this.” 

“Okay.” James smiled. “I love you.”

— - —

James bounced on his heels, waiting for Harry to come out of school. 

“James, you look like you took an edible, stop it.” Regulus mumbled, pushing his shoulders down.

“Sorry, sorry.” James smiled. “I’m just excited to hear about Harry’s party.”

“Yeah…” Regulus nodded. “Hey, you don’t think it was a bad idea to let him give that little boy a special treat, do you? Cause, well, it was a very…brave move.” He said, turning back to the doors. “He’s only three, he doesn’t understand crushes, and, and most people find it strange, for little boys to - to do things like that.”

“You were fine with it this morning?” James said. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing, it’s cute.” 

“I - I was just asking…” Regulus whispered, and Harry came out of the school.

With his teacher.

“Oh, shit…” Regulus mumbled, rubbing his face.

“Ms. Lowar, happy Valentine’s Day.” James smiled.

“Hello, gentlemen.” She smiled, letting go of Harry’s hand. Harry quickly hugged Regulus’ legs, his valentine's box falling to the ground.

“Is something the matter?” James asked.

“Well, today, Harry had a very fun time at our little party, or at least I hope so,” she sighed, “but he gave a treat to a little boy in our class, and then um, kissed him.”

“Oh.” Regulus and James said.

“He had a complete meltdown, this boy, and um, his parents are furious. They are…different.” She nodded, looking between the two. “They asked to speak with you, um, and I can schedule a meeting and everything, and get this whole situation straightened out, or - sorry. Not straightened, sorry,” her face turned red, and if James wasn’t worried, he would have laughed.

“Yeah, um, I guess just let us know when.” James sighed. 

“Did they say why they’re angry?” Regulus asked. “Is it just because Harry is a boy?”

“Well, um,” she nodded, rubbing her hands together. “I’m sorry about this, and I’ll try to take care of the majority of this problem, and, sorry again. Really.”

“It’s okay.” James said. “Okay, bug, let’s go home.” He picked up his box, and Regulus picked up Harry, and the went to the car.

When they got home, Harry curled up on the couch next to Regulus and fell asleep. James sat down in an armchair, sighing heavily. “You were right, I guess.”

“Unfortunately.” Regulus mumbled, running his hand through Harry’s hair. “I shouldn’t have told him to do it, I should have stopped him.”

“He’s three,”

“Yeah, and he was told not to be himself.” Regulus snapped. “If Harry was a girl, or if Jace was a girl, no one would have said anything. But because they’re both boys, it became a huge problem.”

“Reg,” James sighed, rubbing his jaw. “You’re probably right, yes. Okay, some people aren’t accepting, and that’s fine. They don’t have to be in our lives.”

“But?” Regulus mumbled.

“But, Harry shouldn’t have kissed him. He needs to learn boundaries, and I think that’s all he needs to learn from this experience.” James said. “We can’t control everyone, all we can do is teach.”

Regulus sighed, then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

James kissed Regulus' hand, and they sat for a few moments in silence. “Do you still want to go out tonight? Wormy said he’s still good to babysit.” 

“We’ll let Harry decide.” Regulus said. “If not, we can try again tomorrow, or another day.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” James nodded.

— - —

Regulus and James sat in the restaurant, quietly eating their food. Harry was fine after his nap, and Peter showed up with so many activities, Harry completely forgot about why he was sad in the first place. James tried to dress up, just some nice pants and a shirt, and Regulus wore a sweater over his favorite pair of pants that were being held on with a hair tie (idea from Lily, a real lifesaver).

“Why are you making that face?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow at James.

James blushed, taking a drink. “No reason.”

Regulus put his fork down, and smirked. “What, James? Why the face?”

“Stop.” James hissed, covering his cheeks. “Stop.”

“Are you -“ Regulus leaned to the side, looking down. “James Potter, are you hard right now?” He whispered, starting to laugh.

“Stop, Regulus, I’m begging you.” He whispered.

“I didn’t even do anything.” Regulus laughed.

“I was just thinking about tonight, and, and - fuck!” He whispered.

Regulus gasped, covering his mouth. “Holy shit, oh, James,” he laughed.

“This is the worst date ever…” James groaned, dropping his head down.

Regulus laughed, then slightly stood up. “There’s a single bathroom in the back, why don’t I…help you out?” He whispered, holding his hand out. “Then we can get dessert.”

“Fuck yes, please.” He whispered, getting up stiffly. “Lead the way.”

Regulus guided them through the restaurant, and locked the door behind them. He pulled out his wand, cast a silencing spell, and dropped his wand to the floor.

“I need you, oh, fuck, I need you.” James moaned, and Regulus pushed his thigh between James’ legs. “More, more…”

Regulus sucked at James’ neck, stretching his collar out to reach his collar bone. “You taste so good.” Regulus mumbled, pushing his hands up under his shirt.

James had Regulus up against the wall, his hands running up and down his sides. “Fuck, Reggie…” he groaned, tilting his head back. “You’re so soft, so, so soft…” he whined, pressing his palms into his stomach, feeling the baby kick. “Fucking beautiful.”

“Yeah?” Regulus mumbled against his neck. “I’m only going to get bigger, so you better love it.”

“I love it, I love it, every inch of you I love.” He moaned, and Regulus moved his leg up and down. “Oh, fuck, Reg, I’m - I’m -“

“Do it.” Regulus whispered, biting his neck. James gasped, spilling into his pants. Regulus smiled, standing up straighter to kiss his lips. “Better?” He smiled, tracing his fingers down James’ chest.

“Mhm.” James hummed, resting his forehead against Regulus’ shoulder. “Yeah…”

“I love it when you can’t speak after.” Regulus smiled, nipping at his ear.

“Wonderful…you…” James mumbled, lifting his head to suck at Regulus’ neck. “You want a go?”

“No, I’m good.” He smiled. “Save it for when we get home.”

“Fuck yes.” James sighed. “Yes, home. Let’s go home.”

“You promised me dessert.” Regulus pouted.

“This wasn’t it?” James asked, cleaning up his pants.

“Oh, it was definitely part of it.” Regulus said, grabbing his wand. “But they have really good chocolate cake here.”

“Aw, yes.” James nodded, then kissed Regulus again. “Let’s get you some, yeah? We can take it home, eat it in bed, have some fun…” 

“Sex and cake?” Regulus asked. “Fuck, James, you know me so well.” He giggled. “Yes, please, let’s go.”

“Okay, let’s get out of here.” James smiled, squeezing his hand. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, darling.” Regulus smiled.

— - —

James poked his head inside the house, seeing Peter on the couch. “Is Haz asleep?” He asked.

“I wish.” Peter said, “he’s doing a fashion show, he’s changing costumes right now.”

“Aw, I love his fashion shows.” Regulus smiled, sitting down next to Peter. “Oh um…here,” he reached into his pocket, pulling out some cash. “Is this enough?”

“You don’t have to pay me, I'm babysitting my nephew.” Peter laughed. 

“I still feel bad, you should’ve been out with someone.” Regulus said. “Take it, please.”

“Okay, I’ll take it, only because Harry is coming downstairs.” Peter smiled.

“Papa! Daddy!” Harry giggled, running over. “Uncle Wormy played with me the whole time, and we builded a maze, and Wormtail ran through it so fast, and, and now I’m having a fashion show.” Harry rambled, spinning around. “This is my Cinderella dress, see? See Wormy?”

“I see, Harry.” Peter smiled. “It’s on backwards though.”

Harry looked down, squinting at his dress. “Oh.”

“I’ll help you, bug.” James said, and helped him turn the dress around.

“Can he…”

“We’re getting it checked out next week.” Regulus nodded. 

“Okay, ready!” Harry giggled, running around.

“Very lovely, Haz.” Regulus smied, and James and Peter cheered.

“Next one!” Harry yelled.

“One more, Harry, then Uncle Wormy has to go home, and you have to go to bed.” Regulus said.

“Um…” Harry tapped his chin, then ran upstairs. A few minutes later he came back down in his pajamas. “To snuggle with uncle Wormy before he goes home.” He smiled, climbing onto Peter’s lap.

“I love him.” Peter whispered, hugging Harry. “Please have more. I want more like this.”

“Did we not tell you?” James asked. “Reggie’s expecting.”

“Yeah, we’re due in August.” Regulus said.

“No, no one told me!” Peter gasped. “Why am I always the last to know these things, congrats, guys, that’s so awesome.” He smiled.

“Thanks.” Regulus smiled.

“Yeah! I get a baby!” Harry giggled.

“And Harry is very excited about that.” James smiled.

“Oh I bet!” Peter smiled, squeezing Harry. “Alright Haz, I gotta go, it’s time for you to go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Harry sighed. “Bye bye Uncle Wormy.”

“Bye bye Haz.” Peter smiled, getting up. “I’ll see you guys later, have a good night.” 

“You too, Wormy, thanks again.” James smiled, and Peter left. “Okay, Haz, are you ready for -“

“You have chocolate cake?” Harry asked, opening the bag on the floor. “Can…can I have some?”

James and Regulus looked at each other, having a silent conversation.

“Papa?” Oh, he knows I won’t say no.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” Regulus smiled. “Let’s get some forks.” 

“Okay!” Harry giggled, running to the kitchen.

“Sorry.” James whispered. 

Regulus kissed him, “it’s okay.” He smiled. “Come on, let’s eat this cake and then see how quickly Harry can go to bed.”

“Oh, it’s going to take like an hour.” James smiled.

“Sleep potion?” Regulus suggested, heading to the kitchen.

“Maybe.” James laughed, following him.

“Thank you for not ruining today.” James said. “It means a lot to me, really.”

“I have to save my energy for the full moon, so it wasn’t a choice I wanted to make, it’s a choose I had to make.”

“Well…that’s terrifying.” James mumbled. “But, okay, do your worst. I had today, and I’m doing fine. You can’t bring me down anymore.”

“We’ll see about that, Icarus.” The wolf snarled, jumping away into the trees.

“Icarus?” James mumbled. “The boy who flew too close to the sun…” 

But what if I am the sun?

Chapter Text

“Okay, try…this one.” Regulus said, holding out a potion to James. They were in the basement of the Potter’s mansion (though Effie hated the word mansion, but that’s literally what it was), in Monty’s extreme potions room. Regulus and Monty, along with the help from Remus, have been working on a wolfsbane potion, but…it was challenging.

“Ew, that’s disgusting.” James gagged, setting the vial down. 

“The flavor doesn’t matter, James.” Regulus sighed. “Do you feel different?”

“Um…yeah no.” James said. “I thought we could only use these before I change?”

“Yes, well, this one was specifically for the changing during seizures. At least, that’s what it was supposed to be. You should have like, tingled, or something.” Regulus said, sitting down on a stool.

“Um…my dick got a little hard.” He shrugged. “But I think that’s from you.”

“Oh, fuck you guys.” Remus groaned, dropping his head onto the book he was reading. “I don’t need to hear about that, James…”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything! I don’t know how I did that!” Regulus said, throwing a pencil at James. “You’re disgusting.”

“You asked!”

“About the potion! I wanted to know about the potion!” He whined.

“Then no, I didn’t feel anything, the potion was a fail, once again.” James said, sitting on the counter. 

“Great. Awesome.” Regulus said, scribbling something out in his notebook. “Remus, scratch that batch, we’re moving on.”

“That was it.” Remus said.

“What?”

“That was it. That was the last thing on our list, we don’t have anything else to try.” He said, looking up from his book.

“That can’t be right.” Regulus got up, moving over to Remus. “We’ve seriously tried them all?” He flipped through books, looked through their notes, and then pushed the books off the table. “Fuck.”

“I mean, we can always try -“

“Whatever you say, just do it. Just, make it, okay?” Regulus asked, rubbing his hip. “Okay. Okay. I need a break.” He opened the door and went up the stairs, leaving James and Remus.

“He’s in a mood.” Remus mumbled, grabbing ingredients.

“He’s just stressed, I guess. I haven’t really talked to him about it because he’s moody as fuck, not to mention downright mean, whatever pregnancy does to your hormones, I want it to stay far away from me.” James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “And anything sets him off right now, yesterday, Harry dropped cereal on the floor and Regulus broke the front window.”

“Oh, shit.” 

“Yeah. It’s crazy.” James whistled, looking around. He tapped his pencil on his chin, the eraser hitting softly against his skin. “Hey, I have an idea.”

“What’s up?”

“Well, what if we just make the wolfsbane potion, then like, crush up some of my meds, put them in the potion, and we try that?” James asked.

“Huh.” Remus nodded, the gears in his head starting to turn. “Okay. Okay yeah, let’s try it. Do you have them with you?”

“They’re upstairs in my bag.” James smiled. “Make three different vials, and we can put one pill in each.” 

“Sounds good, I’ll start on them.” Remus smiled. “This might work, James.”

“Mixing muggle medicine and magic, what could go wrong?” He smiled, heading upstairs. “Reg, we’ve had an idea!” He said, running into the kitchen. “Hey, we think if we put my meds in a potion, it might work, and then…” 

“Yeah. Sounds good.” Regulus mumbled, looking out the window. “Good plan.”

“Yeah…” James said, sitting down next to him. “Reg?”

“I’m fine.” He mumbled. “Don’t ask, because I will say I’m fine, and then I won’t be, and I will cry, and then, and, and -“

James wrapped his arms around his husband, the younger crying into his shoulder. “Reggie, love, it’s okay. You don’t have to be okay.”

“But I do, I do.” He cried. “James, I’m fucking everything up, it, it’s just -“

“No, no you didn’t fuck anything up. Nothing is wrong, Reggie.” He sighed. “Can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

“Can - can it just be about the potion?” He cried.

“Not right now, unfortunately.” James rubbed his back, pressing soft kisses to his temple.

“I'm just, overwhelmed, I think.” He gasped, rubbing at his eyes. “Everything with the, the baby, and Harry, and you…fuck, even buying baby clothes is so fucking frustrating, and it shouldn’t be, but it’s just -“

“A lot? James asked, and Regulus nodded. “I’m sorry, Reg. I wish you would have told me, I could have helped.”

“But you can’t, that's the thing. You’re going to the doctor every other day, doing your tests, and when you’re not there, you’re at Sirius’, and when you’re not at Sirius’, you’re testing potions, and - and I hate it! Why aren’t you with me?”

“Regulus, I’m sorry.” James whispered. “I didn’t, well I wasn’t…” he took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. “Look, I know it seems like I’m not doing a lot, like I’m just wasting time away from you, but I’m not, I promise. I want answers, and I go do the tests to see if we can find a reason to do the surgery. I go to Sirius’ because he and I go into Diagon Alley to find old wizards and ask questions about my condition.”

“James -“

“ Anomalously , Reg. Don’t worry.” He sighed. “And the potions, well…you know.” He scooted closer to Regulus, holding his hand. “I’m just trying to find a solution, so you can stop worrying about me all the time.”

Regulus nodded, looking down. “I just, I like having control. I like knowing where you are, what you’re doing. I should be there for everything you do, because…my way is right.” He mumbled.

“ Your way is right?” James smirked, kissing his lips. “If you don't mind me saying, I prefer you not being around when I do those things. Even the potions, I think it’s time to let Remus finish them.”

“But the potions were my idea, I should finish them!” Regulus protested, sitting up straight.

“Love, I know. I know, but, the fumes and ingredients can be dangerous for…someone like you.”

“I’ve been fine .” Regulus mumbled, folding his arms. 

“Reg, I don’t need our daughter coming out with tentacles and purple skin, as much as Harry would love that.” 

“Those possibilities are only hypothetical.”

“Yeah, because other pregnant people are smart enough not to be making insanely complicated potions every day.” James smiled.

Regulus sighed, wiping his eyes one more time. “Fine, I will take a break.”

“Just a break?”

“I will stop until I have this baby.” He mumbled.

“Just the potions?” James asked, tapping Regulus’ cheek.

“And…the worrying. Or, I will try. I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” James smiled, kissing him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Regulus said, glancing at the basement stairs. “Isn’t Remus waiting for you?”

“Oh shit, yeah.” James nodded, grabbing his bag. “I’ll come check on you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Regulus smiled. “Go, James.”

“Okay.” He smiled, going back downstairs. He sat his bag down, pulling out his medication bottles.. “Okay, here are the pills…should I crush them up?”

Remus smiled, going back to chopping something up on the table.. “Yeah, go ahead and crush them.”

“Okay.” James nodded.

“So…” Remus said, after a few minutes. “It’s a girl?”

“Oh, yeah.” James said, looking up. “But we haven’t told anyone yet, we want it to be a surprise.” He nodded. “Well, we actually weren’t going to find out either, like we did with Harry, but the doctor accidentally told us, so, yeah.” He shrugged. “Regulus was actually furious about it, he just about screamed in her face.”

“Oh, geez.” Remus smiled, pulling out his phone real quick.

“Yeah, it was a whole thing, but he’s okay with it now, so, it worked out.”

“Well that’s super exciting, We need a little girl around.” He smiled. “I mean, we have Daisy now, but we barely see her since Lily and Mary moved to Manchester.”

“Yeah…it’s sad. I miss her cheeks.” James smiled.

“Oddly, I understand what you mean.” Remus smiled. “Also, I’ll keep your secret.”

“Thanks.” James smiled. “You can taunt Sirius with it though, only because I know it’ll drive him crazy not knowing the gender.”

“Oh for sure. I’ve already sent a text to him.” Remus smirked.

“You are cruel, Moony.” James smiled.

“Only to my husband.” He winked, and went back to his potions.

— - —

“Papa, look what Uncle Pads got me at the aquarium!” Harry held up a toy octopus, dangling it in front of Regulus’ face. “His name is Bubbles.” He giggled.

Regulus put his book down, nodding at his son. “That is very cute, Haz. Did you have fun today?”

“Yeah! I saw fishes, and sharks, and jellyfishes, and turtles…" Harry rambled, counting on his fingers. Regulus nodded, glancing up at Sirius. “And my favorite were the seahorses!”

“Really?” Regulus asked. “Why? Don’t they just…float?”

“No, papa.” Harry giggled, climbing onto his lap. “Did you know that the daddy seahorses have babies? Like you!”

“Oh.” Regulus nodded. “I did know that, it’s very interesting.”

“Yeah, so, papa, you’re a seahorse, because you’re having a baby!” Harry smiled, very pleased with himself.

“I guess I am…” he said, looking down. “Alright, go play with Teddy, Grandma and Grandpa went to go get food, they’ll be back soon.”

“Where’s daddy?”

“He’s in the basement with Uncle Moony, so you can’t go down there.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry nodded, running upstairs to the playroom. 

Sirius lay down next to his brother, placing his head in his lap. “Hey, little bro.” He smiled.

“What do you want?” Regulus sighed, opening his book again. He slouched down into the couch, trying to get comfortable.

“What, I can’t just hang out with you?” He asked.

“Nope.” Regulus said, popping the p. 

“Well, surprise, I’m here to hang out with you.” Sirius smiled.

“Lucky me…”

“I know.” Sirius smiled, moving his head around. “You need more lap space, my head is on your bony knees.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, is my child inconveniencing you?” Regulus asked. “Let me just ask them to move for you.”

“Much appreciated, thanks.” Sirius winked, tapping his brother’s stomach. “So, that thing really moves?”

“Don’t call them a thing , Sirius.” Regulus sighed, flipping a page in his book.

“Well then what should I call them? A boy? A girl? My nephew? My niece?”

“Ah, so that’s why you’re here.”

“Fine, you caught me.” Sirius sighed. “I want to know the gender.”

“Not happening…” Regulus sang, focusing on his book now.

“But Moony knows! Why does he get to know? I’m your brother!” Sirius whined.

“Remus doesn’t know, Sirius.”

“But James told him!”

Regulus closed his book, looking down at Sirius. “He what?”

“Yeah, he told Remus.”

“Fucking bitch…” Regulus pushed Sirius off of him, heading down to the basement. Sirius followed, hoping he wasn’t going to have to take anyone to the hospital.

“Hey, babe, is something wrong?” James asked, looking up from a notebook. “Oh, hey Pads.”

“Hey.” Sirius smiled, leaning against the wall.

“You told Remus?” 

“Shit…” James whispered. “Technically, I didn’t tell him. He overheard our conversation.” He said quickly, wincing at Regulus’ stare.

“It’s true, I figured it out by myself.” Remus nodded. 

“And yet I still don’t know.” Sirius whined.

“Fine. But no one else gets to know.” Regulus said, and James nodded. “Alright then, that’s all, sorry for yelling.”

“It’s okay.” James smiled, kissing his cheek. “Go upstairs now, I think these fumes are getting to your head.” He laughed.

“Oh, shut up, I’m fine, I don't know why you think I’m not.” Regulus said, looking around. “Can I help?” He asked, already looking through James’ messy notes.

“No, you can go upstairs and relax.” James said, pulling the book away from him. 

“All I’ve done for the past two hours is relax, I’m bored now.”

“We can get the boys and go fly in the back?” Sirius suggested.

“Reg can’t fly. Safety hazard.” James said. 

“I have never fallen off my broom, I can fly just fine, thank you.” Regulus huffed.

“Hey guys,” Remus said.

“I don't want you flying, maybe just…sitting.”

“I don’t want to sit, I want to fly. I can choose.”

“Guys…”

“Fine, but wait until I’m done here, then I can be there for -“

There was a loud explosion, knocking everyone to the ground, and Remus’ potion went everywhere. 

“Fuck, Remus!” James yelled, wiping a thick brown liquid off his face. “What was that?”

“I don't think one of the pills agreed with the potion.” Remus coughed, rubbing his head. “Holy shit…”

James crawled over to Regulus, helping him sit up. “Are you okay?” He asked, wiping his face off. “Reg?”

Regulus nodded, rubbing his neck. “You’re right,” he coughed, “that stuff tastes disgusting.”

“What?”

“The potion, it’s horrible.” He mumbled, his tongue sticking out slightly.

“Remus…” James  turned around, “what happens if someone ingests the potion that doesn’t have anything to do with the person, and it was a disaster potion?”

“Probably something bad, why?” He asked, Sirius helping him up.

James turned back to Regulus, panic setting in. “Did you really get some in your mouth?”

“Yeah, and I breathed in, swallowed it, it was nasty, I feel bad that I kept making you drink that stuff, sorry about that.”

“James, why?” Remus asked again. 

“Reglus swallowed it.” James said. “And a good amount too, I think.”

“Well, maybe nothing will happen, nothing happened with you with the other potions, so, he should be fine.” Remus said. “Maybe.”

“Maybe isn’t good enough.” James said, standing himself and Regulus up. “Can you go throw up for me?” He asked. 

“I hate throwing up…” Regulus mumbled.

“Please?”

“Fine.” He whispered, going upstairs.

“He’ll be okay?” James asked quickly.

“Let’s watch him tonight, and the baby, we’ll see if anything changes, and we’ll go from there.” Remus nodded, looking through his notes. “I kept track of everything I did with that potion, nothing seems too harmful…”

James nodded, rubbing his face. “I’ll take it.” He sighed, heading upstairs to find his husband. It’ll be fine. It’s fine. Nothing happened to me, nothing will happen to Reg. It’s fine.

It’s fine.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure you’re fine?” James, climbing into bed. “You don't feel any different?”

“I think I would know if I felt different.” Regulus yawned, laying down. Everyone decided to stay at the Potter’s Mansion, considering it was a Saturday night, and no one had anything to do the next day. They also wanted to keep an eye on everyone after the explosion, just in case anything strange happened.

“Okay, I’m trusting you on that…” James sighed, resting his head on Regulus’ stomach. He felt a kick on his cheek, and he smiled up at his husband. “She’s active tonight.”

“Tell me about it, she’s all squirmy, and she’s pushing on all my organs.” Regulus said. “It’s so weird, I can’t tell if I hate it or not.”

“I don’t know how you could ever hate our baby.” James said, kissing his stomach. “Hello, little one…hi…”

“She can’t hear you, James.”

“Yes she can, actually, vibrations and shit, she knows it’s my voice at least.” He smiled. “This way, she’ll love me more when she’s born, and she’ll have no idea who you are.”

“Right, because I’m not the one growing her, feeding her, keeping her healthy…nope, not me, I don’t matter.” Regulus nodded, folding his arms.

“Well, that’s not what I meant.” James said.

“I know, I’m just messing with you.” He said, ruffling James’ hair. “But, I am ready to sleep, are you?”

“Yeah.” James smiled, laying down. Regulus flicked off the lights, the room going dark. His shoulder twitched, then his arm. “Fuck…”

“What?” Regulus asked. “Are you spasming?”

“A little, yeah…” James mumbled, his arm hitting Regulus’ sighed. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, did you take your meds?”

“Yeah, they should kick in soon…” He sighed. “Try and get some sleep, yeah? It’ll stop soon.”

“Okay…” Regulus yawned. “Goodnight.” 

“Night, love.” James sighed, holding his arm against his chest.

— - —

Something wet touched Regulus’ cheek, and he moved away slightly. It touched his cheek again, and he groaned, hot air in his face. Then there was a thump, and the weight on the bed shifted. He rubbed his face, slightly opening his eyes, the room still dark. He groaned again, not wanting to be awake. Sitting up slightly, his eyes adjusted to the dark, and he saw something pacing the room.

“Padfoot?” He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes again. He squinted, focusing on the figure. “Sirius, what the fuck are you -“

Glowing amber eyes turned to him, the wolf growling slightly. Regulus gasped, covering his mouth. 

The werewolf. He’s a werewolf, James is…fuck.

The wolf jumped back onto the bed, and Regulus froze. It came up to him, sniffing his skin, the growls growing louder. Slowly, Regulus reached for his wand, his hand shaking with fear. The wolf caught the movement, snarling, and Regulus stopped. 

“James?” He whispered, his voice cracking. I need help, I need to get out of here, I need to get everyone out of here.

The wolf was huge, towering over Regulus, brown mangly fur hanging off its body, its eyes staring him down. Regulus never thought he would have to see it, but, here they were. The wolf hasn’t attacked him yet, so maybe he could get out?

He made the smallest movement, and the wolf put a giant paw on his shoulder, holding him down. Their faces were close now, and Regulus could see all of its teeth. A tear slipped from his eyes, and he took a deep breath.

“Remus!” He screamed. “Remus!”

The wolf barked, deep and loud, and Regulus kept screaming, angering the beast above him. The wolf jumped onto him, his teeth pulling at Regulus’ pajamas with its teeth, ripping the light fabric with a slight tug.

“Remus! Sirius!” He cried, trying to push the wolf away.

The door slammed open, Remus and Sirius freezing. “What the fuck.” Remus said, holding his wand out. 

“Reggie, babe, don’t touch it. Put your hands down.” Sirius said.

“Help, help.” Regulus whispered, the wolf still focused on him. 

“Don’t move, okay? Don’t move.” Sirius said, changing to Padfoot. The black dog barked, grabbing the wolf’s attention. 

I’m your friend, remember me?

Padfoot ran at the wolf, jumping onto it, pulling it down to the floor. Both howled, and the wolf attacked first, unable to understand why its friend was hurting him.

“Reggie, come on, quick.” Remus whispered, pulling the younger man out of bed. “Go get mum and dad, get to the nursery, lock the doors. Do not come out, no matter what you hear, okay?”

“James, he -“

“I know, I know, just don’t think about him right now, because that’s not James.” The canines yelped and pulled the sheets off the bed. “Reg, go.”

“What about you?” He cried.

“I’m already a werewolf, he can’t change me twice. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” He cried, running to the nursery. Effie and Monty were already then, holding the crying boys. 

“Papa!” Harry cried as Regulus slammed the door, locking it with all the spells he knew.

“I’m here, I’m here.” Regulus whispered, taking Harry from Effie. “Baby, hey, it’s okay.”

“Are you hurt, Regulus?” Effie asked, looking over him. 

“I, I don’t think so, no.” He breathed, sitting down. Harry scrambled to hold him tighter, and Regulus kissed his forehead.

You could hear Remus yelling, and Padfoot barking. Effie quietly raised her wand, silencing the noise outside. “That’s better.” She said quietly, smoothing down Teddy’s hair. 

“Is my da going to be okay?” Teddy asked, wiping his nose.

“He’ll be just fine, love, don’t worry.” Effie nodded.

“Daddy?” Harry mumbled.

“He’s…fine.” Regulus whispered. “Try and go back to sleep, bug.”

Harry whined, but closed his eyes anyway. 

I should try to sleep too, it’ll make the night end faster…

— - —

Everyone slept in the nursery that night, too afraid to leave the room. Remus and Sirius never tried to get into the room, which worried Regulus, but he trusted that they knew what they were doing. When the sun shone through the curtains, the family started to wake, Regulus being the first up. If anyone was going to check outside the room, it should be him. 

“Papa…don’t leave me…” Harry mumbled, latching onto his waist. 

“I have too, bug, I have to check on daddy.” He said, pulling Harry off of him. “I’ll be so fast, Harry. Go snuggle with grandma while I’m gone, okay?”

“Come here, Harry.” Effie tiredly smiled, and Harry reluctantly went to her.

Regulus nodded to her, pulled out his wand, and took down the spells at the door. He opened it quietly, poking his head out first. It was quiet. He continued out into the hall, pushing open the door to his bedroom. 

Remus, Sirius, and James, were all in the bed, holding each other with tight grips. Regulus let out a sigh, relieved that no one was dead, or brutally injured. He took a moment to look around the room, it was completely destroyed. The widows were broken, the walls had holes and claw marks, the curtains were torn, along with the paintings.

Thank fuck for magic.

Regulus started to quietly fix things, the only noises being the three men’s breathing, and the small noises of magic fixing up the room. He was almost finished when someone stirred, and he heard someone yawn. 

“Reg?”

He turned around, smiling slightly at Sirius. “You destroyed my room.”

“It needed a renovation.” He gave a lopsided smile, rubbing his face. “But I see you put it back to how it was.”

“Mum always liked how it was before, I’m not changing it, this is her house.”

“Fair enough.” Sirius nodded, sitting up. 

“So…” Regulus mumbled, sitting on the bed.

“It was rough, I can definitely tell you that.” He sighed. “I think we’ve only been asleep for like, four hours, but James changed back maybe five hours ago. Let’s just say, all of us cried.”

“I’m sorry.” Regulus said. “If, if I wasn’t a coward, I could have stopped him, I should have tried harder, instead of just screaming bloody murder.”

“You did what you had to do, because you couldn’t have done anything. You would have died.” Sirius said.

“I wouldn’t have hesitated to do something a year ago, I would have fought him, I would have handled it by myself. Be the fucking hero for once.”

“Why would you want to be the hero?” Sirius asked.

“Because you always are! You and Remus, and James, you guys are always the heroes! I haven’t done anything, you fucking Gryffindors always save the day, I want a chance to prove that I am capable of saving someone for once.” He said, pulling at his hair. “I am Regulus fucking Black, I was a Slytherin, I escaped the darkest house in the wizarding world, yet I can’t stop my husband from attacking me! I should be able to do that!”

“Yeah but you can’t, Regulus. You can’t, and if you try, you will fail. Like Icarus, and the sun. You think you can do it all, you think you can defy odds, but the sun, James , he will destroy you. He will bring you down, and you know that.” Sirius said fiercely. “Not to mention you are having a baby. You could have killed your baby if you handled James by yourself. Is that really what you want?”

“N-no.” Regulus whispered.

“Then don’t be Icarus. Don’t be stupid. Let Moony and I handle him, because you will burn.”

Regulus nodded, wiping his eyes. “Okay.” Why am I crying? I just tried to say how brave I used to be, how brave I still am, and I’m crying? Fuck this, fuck you, you baby. Fuck you.

James coughed, rubbing at his eyes. Regulu watched him, but he stayed laying down, his eyes remaining closed. 

“That’s what you meant.” James said, walking up to the wolf. “You didn’t mean that I am Icarus, and I knew it, I knew I was the sun.”

“Are you, though?” The wolf asked. “Maybe in Regulus’ life, you are the sun. But in my life, you are Icarus.”

“How?” James asked.

“You are fighting me, thinking you know best. You think you can stop this from happening, finding different solutions, but you won't win. I won't let you win.” The wolf snarled, following James. “You will burn, James. You already are.”

James kicked his foot into the ground, groaning loudly. “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you needing so much control? You have already taken my life! What more could you want!”

“There is nothing more I want, or need. I just like watching you slowly burn alive.”

“I will beat you.” James said angrily. “I can beat you.”

“Like I said before, you are Icarus.”

— - —

“Are you sure you are okay, James?” Effie asked, scanning his body with her wand. 

“As fine as I can be.” James mumbled. “I’m a monster, mum, I could have killed Regulus last night, I - I could have lost everything, and, and it feels like I did.”

“I’m sorry, love.” She sighed, sitting down. “I know this is hard, and scary, and what happened last night should have never happened, it’s just horrible.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” He whispered, rubbing his leg. “I wish I were dead.”

“James Potter, don’t you say that, ever.” Effie said sternly.

“But it’s true, mum! I am not helpful anymore! I can’t work anymore, I can’t take care of my family, I can’t control this fucking werewolf, it would just be easier if - if I wasn’t here!” He cried. “It’s all I’ve been able to think about, for months, my family would be better off if I was gone, I just - I can’t do this anymore, mum, I can’t, I’m so tired…”

“You stop this, James. You stop.” She whispered, hugging him tightly. He sunk down to the floor, his head burying into her lap. “You stop, no one would be better if you died, nothing would be better.”

“I can’t do it…” James sobbed. “I can’t do this, I just want to stop, I want to - to stop…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, James.” Effie cried, holding his head in her lap. “You are my baby, you are my son, I can’t lose you, James.”

“I’m so tired…”

“I know, I know…” she cried. “I wish I could take this pain away from you, but please, please don’t think about death, you don’t deserve that.”

“I just can’t stop.” He cried. “It won’t stop…”

“We will figure it out. It’ll get better, my love. It’ll get better.” Effie whispered, kissing his hair. “We can do this…”

Effie closed her eyes, tears falling into James’ hair. If she could, she would hold him forever, and take this all away from him. She would pick him up and rock him, while she hummed a lullaby and read him bedtime stories. Unfortunately, children have to grow up, but that doesn’t change how you can take care of them. After a few minutes, Effie slowly led him back to his room, and tucked him in bed, humming a familiar tune as she did so. James tiredly followed her steps, facing her as he laid down.

“Don’t, don’t leave me, mum, don’t go.” James cried. “Please, please.”

“I won’t, love, I’m right here.” She said, pulling a chair over to his bedside. “I’m right here, I’m not leaving you.”

“I don’t w-wanna die, mum, I’m s-sorry, I - I don’t, I don’t.” He cried, his body starting to twitch. “Mum, mum…”

“I’m right here, you’re okay, James, you’re okay, it’ll pass…” she whispered, running her hand through his hair. “I love you, Jamie, you’re okay, love…”

— - —

Regulus stood in the kitchen, trying to find something extra to eat. “What do you want?” He mumbled, looking down at his growing stomach. “We just had lunch though, why do you want more food?”

Remus walked into the kitchen, smiling at Regulus. “You good?”

“Fuck, don’t do that!” Regulus jumped, turning around.

“Sorry, just, you were talking to yourself.”

“No I wasn’t,” he pointed to his stomach. “She’s kicking and hungry, and I‘m annoyed and trying to find food.”

“Well…what do you want?” Remus asked.

“Probably cake, or, a giant sandwich.” He sighed. “Ooh, you like that? Cake?” He asked, rubbing his side.

“I am so thankful I can’t have kids.” Remus said, pouring himself more tea. “There’s the bakery down the street, I can take the boys down there and come back with something?”

Regulus nodded, kissing his cheek. “I love you. Yes, please, fuck Remus, if you weren’t married to my brother I would marry you so fast.”

“What about James?” Remus smirked.

“He and Sirius can have each other, he’s not buying me cake.” Regulus smiled.

“I can hear you!” Sirius yelled from the living room. “Shut up, Regulus, he’s my husband!”

“I love him, he’s buying me cake!” Regulus yelled.

“Buy your own cake, you're so lazy!” 

“Boys, stop yelling!” Monty yelled from his office.

“You try carrying a child, Sirius! I’d like to see you try to do anything!”

“Boys!”

“Sorry!” They both yelled, and Regulus went into the living room. “Harry, Teddy, get your shoes on, Moony’s taking you out.”

“Can daddy come?” Harry asked. “I can go get daddy, papa, and he can come!”

“Love bug, daddy can’t go anywhere right now.” Regulus said, holding his arm. “Let him rest.”

“But, he’s been up there all day, with grandma, I wanna be with daddy too.” He mumbled.

“Maybe later, Harry. I can’t go be with him either, so, we’ll just have to be with each other.” Regulus sighed.

“I don't wanna be with you.” Harry pouted, crossing his chubby arms. 

“And why not?” Regulus asked.

“Because you are always busy.” He mumbled.

“Yeah, with you.” 

“No, with my baby.” He whined, sitting on the floor. “My baby is always with you. I don't want to share my papa.”

Regulus sighed, crouching down. Yeah, that’s getting harder to do. “I don’t have a choice, Harry. The baby has to stay with me, I am keeping them safe.”

“I don’t wanna share my papa!” Harry screamed, kicking his legs. “I don’t want my baby!”

“Reg…do you want some help?” Sirius asked. 

“I can handle my son.” Regulus snapped, grabbing Harry. “Haz, stop this.”

“I want daddy! I want daddy!” He screamed. “Let me go! Laisse moi partir!”

“Harry, we talked about this behavior.” Regulus said, taking Harry to a different room. “You don’t get to act like this.”

“Papa non! Non!” Harry cried, hitting Regulus. “Papa!”

“What!” Regulus yelled, putting him down. “What could you possibly want from me?”

Harry wiped his nose, sitting on the floor. “Non.” He whimpered.

“Why are you so difficult!” Regulus groaned, pacing the floor. “I don’t know what to do with you sometimes, I play with you, I nap with you, I make you food, I send you out to play, I am doing everything, Harry, what isn’t good enough? Why is this not good enough?”

Harry hiccuped, sticking his thumb in his mouth.

“Of course you don’t fully understand what I’m saying, you’re three, but when I was three, I had two languages memorized, my entire family tree was ready to be recited on command, and I had manners like a king. What about you?” He asked, turning to his son.

Harry pouted, his chubby fingers messily wiping his tears.

“I don’t know what you want from me at this point. Am I around too much? Do I need to leave? Does James need to take care of you from now on? Because he can stay home, I can go get a job and be away all the time, if that will make you feel better.” Regulus rambled. “Maybe that will stop your fits, maybe I should just let James deal with them, and Merlin knows you won’t ever have a full on tantrum when he’s around. No no, just me. I get to deal with the explosions of toddler tantrums.”

Sirius peeked into the dining room, watching his brother lecture his toddler. “What the fuck…” he whispered.

“You know, you should really see how you act, Harry. Maybe I should do it too, I should just throw tantrums whenever I don’t get my way, then you can see how ridiculous you look.” Regulus nodded. “That sounds fun, doesn't it? Yeah? Yeah I think it does.”

“Non.” Harry mumbled.

“Oh, so now you want to say something? Go ahead, you have the floor, your majesty.” Regulus scoffed, bowing to Harry.

“Okay! I have seen enough.” Sirius said, stepping in. “Harry, go get shoes on, Moony is waiting for you.”

“Non!” Harry whined. 

“You get a treat if you go.”

Harry stopped, looked behind Sirius, then ran off to find his shoes.

“And you,” Sirius said, pointing at Regulus, “we’re going for a walk. We need to discuss…everything.”

“I don’t need to be lectured by my brother.” Regulus mumbled.

“I think you do, actually. Let go.” He nodded, walking out of the room. 

“Whatever.” Regulus mumbled, following after him.

The two brothers were silent leaving the house, and walked down the street, to the park, before Sirius spoke up. 

“Are you okay? Like, really okay?” He asked, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. “Whatever happened with Harry was really strange. It was like watching a mental breakdown.”

“Yeah I know.” Regulus sighed. “I don’t know, Sirius. I meant what I said this morning, feeling like I’m not brave, or worthy, or, myself.”

“And why does it feel like that?”

“I - I worked really hard to become who I am now. I had to deal with all the stupid transphobic kids at Hogwarts, but I pushed through, and here I am. Here I am, doing something I never thought I would have to, I don’t recognize myself In the mirror, I don’t like not fitting in my clothes,” he sighed, “I feel like I’m faking all these feelings about the baby, like when they move, or kick, or make me hungry, or even when James just lays there and talks to them. I’m meant to be happy about it, and sometimes I am, but there’s a part of me that wishes I could just…be myself again.”

Sirius sighed, nodding his head. “Why haven’t you said any of this before?”

“Because I want to be brave, because I want to believe that I can do this, and I agreed to try, I agreed to have a baby, and James, he’s so excited, I couldn’t bring him down because I feel - feel yucky .” He sighed, looking down. “I can’t even see my fucking feet, but it makes James happy, so.”

“It makes him happy that you can’t see your feet?” Sirius smirked.

“Fuck off, that’s not what I meant.” Regulus shoved him, and Sirius stumbled into the grass. “James is brave. James is worthy. I want to be brave like him, because I am always a step behind him. I am always a shadow to him, because everyone notices the sun, so - so maybe I did this to show that I can do something, to get people to notice me. I’m selfish, really.”

“Reg, none of that is true.” Sirius said, “Here, let’s sit down for a minute.”

He led them over to a bench, and sat facing his brother. “Don’t look at me like that.” Regulus mumbled.

“I will look at you however the fuck I want, thank you.”

“Whatever. Anyways, it is true, that’s how I feel. It might not be true to you, because you are the same way. Sirius Black, the black sheep of his family, but a king to all of Hogwarts and beyond, who escaped our home and survived, becoming the bravest person in the world.” Regulus sighed, folding his arms. “Then there’s Regulus Black, his little brother.”

Sirius watched his brother for a moment, then laid his head on his shoulder. “You forgot some important things about Regulus.” He said quietly, taking Regulus’ hand in his own. “Regulus Black, my little brother, who escaped our home at fifteen, fighting through the Cruciatus curse. He wasn’t scared to be who he was, and went to school the following year as himself. He’s a very brave person, and I look up to him every day, because he’s not afraid.”

Regulus hiccuped, wiping his nose. “Stop that, I don’t want to cry anymore, I hate myself for it, I’ve become too soft.”

“That’s another thing I love about you. You never showed emotion, you never cried, even when we were young. I like seeing you cry, because you’ve grown, you aren’t scared anymore, you care.” Sirius said. “You are brave, Regulus. You are so, so incredibly brave, and you are worthy of everything you have in this life.”

“Am - am I still Icarus, though?”

Sirius gave a quiet laugh, “yeah, unfortunately. And I don’t think you will stop being Icarus, you’re very stubborn.”

“I am, aren’t I?” Regulus laughed, wiping his eyes. “I guess that’s why I’m tough on Harry, he’s stubborn too.”

“He definitely is, yeah.” Sirius smiled. “I don’t think I can stop you from being so stubborn, and we definitely can’t stop Harry from being so stubborn, but, you could work on seeing things from his point of view, and finding the reasons why he gets so…angry.”

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I can try, but, my emotions are not very sane right now.”

“I know, but it never hurts to try.”

Regulus hummed, fiddling with one of Sirius’ rings. “How did you become so smart?”

“I’ve always been smart, fucker.”

“Nah, that’s not true.” Regulus smiled. “It must be Remus.”

“Shit, you’re right. It is Remus.” He said. “Ew.”

Regulus laughed, shushing himself off the bench. “Come on, Moony, I was promised cake.”

“Don’t call me that!” Sirius gasped, standing up. “I am insulted.” He said, wrapping an arm around Regulus’ shoulder. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh, I am.” Regulus smiled.