Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Stage five: Destruction

The subject loses all ability to function. Driven to the brink of mental deterioration, they will use whatever means available to remove themselves from their pack. Singular attempts may fail, but if not immediately treated, stage five will always result in the subject’s death.

Four months. 

Four months had passed since Leo was rescued from the hotel. Four months had passed since the fateful argument that had shattered his pack, permanently separating him from their world of love and affection. Four months had passed since he returned to work, carving out the monotonous routine he was sure was slowly killing him. Four months. He had been home for four months. 

He felt like he was dying.

Nothing had gotten better. Nothing had changed since his conversation with Dave. The fear in his mates’ eyes was still there. The anxiety permeating over the apartment remained strong, its potency only growing when he was around. The distance between them was palpable: Close, yet somehow exceedingly far. He was still an outcast. He was still a disappointment. He was still despised, only serving to make everyone’s life worse as long as he breathed. He was still a pathetic omega, incapable of the change his mates demanded of him.

He was a failure. A failure to his pack, and to himself. That would never change.

Meanwhile, he felt like he was rotting from the inside out. 

He hadn’t taken Dave’s advice. He hadn’t woken his mates up in the middle of the night, leaving them to care for Rachel while he snoozed away. He hadn’t handed her off to Rain on the nights he woke up with him, demanding time to rest while his mate did all the work. He hadn’t ignored Rachel’s screams, resolving to put his sleep first for a change. No, he had continued to get up, reading and rocking Rachel for hours on end, until she was unconscious and snoring in his drooping arms. He couldn’t do anything else. She was used to him being there at night, reading her to sleep. Without him, it would take forever to put her down. How could he subject her to that distress when he was right there?

The naps in his car weren’t enough anymore. They couldn’t keep up with exhaustion swamping Leo’s battered body, too intense to beat away with only a short visit. He had managed to spend more time in the makeshift nest at first, but…but then the sleep wasn’t enough, and his mates began asking questions he didn’t have answers to, and he didn’t have the energy to fight them away, to deal with what he knew would come after an adequate visit, but it wasn’t enough, he wasn’t sleeping enough, he was so tired and it wasn’t enough—

And yet, he was forced to endure, dragging through the day in a haze of exhaustion and dizziness. He was barely aware of what was going on around him. Even his mate’s actions became inconsequential, filtered out by the darkening lense settling over his eyes and ears. He didn’t care what they were up to anymore. He had stopped caring long ago, when all it did was drain his much-needed energy. Now his focus was on staying awake. It was all he could do to make it through the day without collapsing, falling asleep wherever his body happened to land. Everything was bone-numbing. Everything was a challenge, from the simplest chore to the most demanding conversation. Everything was misery, a pain he couldn’t escape no matter how hard he tried.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he could go on like this. 

…At least he still had Rachel. At least he still had his daughter, who demanded his presence like the milk she needed to live. It was tiring, but taking care of her was the only thing keeping him going. She was the only thing keeping him going. He’d be nothing without her, a withered skeleton that surely would have crumbled ages ago. She needed him. He needed her. 

One day at a time. He kept telling himself that, ignoring how dull the mantra seemed to get every time he used it. Just one more day. Get through one more day. Get through one more day. Just get through one more—

Work.

Another grueling day of work.

He wasn’t sure how he was going to get through it. He wasn’t sure how he had gotten through it, all the days prior. He was constantly interacting with people, taking the brunt of more unruly customer’s tempers, all while sitting back with a forced smile on his face. On top of that, he was responsible for sorting medication and taking care of the pharmacy, communicating with his coworkers on a regular basis. It was debilitating, especially when he had to do it almost every day. How he got through it, he wasn’t sure, but today…

He couldn’t sit in the parking lot forever. Not like he had been for the last ten minutes, watching the clock get closer and closer to his shift’s scheduled start. But the drive had already been draining enough, taking more of his focus than he cared to admit. It was a wonder he had gotten there safely in the first place. Now he had to go do his job for hours on end, using even more energy than he had already. How was he going to survive?

…He would have to do it again. Like he always did. Nothing to it. Just another part of his daily life. Everyone’s daily life. What was wrong with him?

Leo shook the question away, inching himself out of his idle car. Then he began to walk, slowly, shuffling from the parking lot, into the store, and finally, into the dreaded pharmacy.

“Leo! Hey! You look like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Eliza’s voice rang out through the pharmacy, piercing Leo’s ears before he could even enter the break room to put down his stuff. Once he did enter, he saw his manager waving happily, a giant, pleasant smile on her face. Fuck, if he could only have a little bit of her energy. 

“…I probably did. Rachel woke me up last night, again. It’s fine though. I’m good to go. Just a bit tired, is all.”

“Mm, I can tell,” Eliza nodded sympathetically, walking away from the break room table and up to Leo’s slumped body. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, her smile never faltering as she shuffled past Leo into the pharmacy. “You gotta get better sleep, man. I know raising kids is hard, but you’ve been looking like the walking dead recently!”

A humorless snort slipped past Leo’s lips, and he plodded into the break room, placing his stuff down before making his way to Eliza’s side. “…Yeah. I’ve been getting that a lot lately.”

With that, the pair began to open the pharmacy, joining their coworkers in sorting bins and opening the register. 

The first hour was uneventful. It always was. Nobody ever came to pick up medication so early, not unless they had a long appointment to make. Only a couple of customers crossed Leo’s path, none with any incident. Just a simple pickup, and they were gone, moving on with their lives without a second thought. He was thankful for that. He wasn’t sure how well he could handle hostility when he didn’t have the brainpower to think. If only the rest of the day could go so smoothly…

The second hour yielded more customers, although not to an unmanageable level. There were a couple lines here and there, but the pharmacists managed to keep them moving at a controlled level, never taking more than a few minutes on any one person. It was a lot for Leo’s fatigued brain, but he managed to get through the hour without any issues, switching off with his coworkers whenever he needed a break from talking. It worked. It was exhausting, but it worked. Leo thought he might actually get through the day, if everything remained as calm and organized as it was.

The third hour was when it started to get busy. At least, by the pharmacy’s standards. More and more people began to show up, asking for medication, asking for information, asking for help in the store the pharmacists couldn’t provide. Once it was apparent that they needed to change their system, Leo was placed on the register, forced to interact with every customer that came his way while his coworkers rushed to sort through medications. It would have been fine, if he had any time to breathe. But there were very few breaks in between customers, and Leo found himself spending them anxiously waiting for the moment he would have to get back to work, another person popping unwelcome into his view. 

By the fourth hour, he was barely standing.

Everything was exhausting. Talking. Standing. Using the register. Even short interactions felt like hours, a personal hell for his weakened mind. It didn’t help that the wave of customers was only growing larger, forming a constant line at the front of the pharmacy. Not a long line, but a constant one, nonetheless. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten a break, stuck doing nothing but watching the empty front of the pharmacy. God, what he would do to get that back. He didn’t know if he could survive the rest of his shift, if it remained this busy. How much longer was his shift? Four hours? Five? Surely he must be coming up on his lunch break, right?

It didn’t matter. He wasn’t at his lunch break. He was standing in front of the register, trying to fight the dizzying light-headedness he’d developed over the course of the day. And already, another customer was approaching him, a cheesy, fake smile plastered on their lips. 

“Hi, welcome. What can I help you with today?”

The customer was an older woman, one Leo recognized as a regular of their pharmacy. She had been picking her medication up from them ever since Leo had begun working there, if not longer. It was a lot of medication too: Although he didn’t know the details, Leo was aware that she had been dealing with some serious health issues for years, both physically and mentally. She was a sweet woman, but the pharmacy workers couldn’t help but worry for her every time she came in. The sight of her would have been a wonderful thing on a normal day, proof that she was still doing well enough to venture out on her own.

Still, Leo couldn’t help but feel a massive wave of dread well up in him at the sight of her, however affectionately they all thought of her. She was sweet, true, not a customer who would cause a terrible disturbance. But she had a lot of medications. It took forever for his coworkers to gather it all, and he was sure today wouldn’t be the exception. Which meant it was up to him to keep up conversation with the poor lady, who was certainly going to have to deal with his…inadequate conversation skills.

“Hey there dear,” she said, smiling softly at Leo’s crumpled face. He hoped she couldn’t read the despair surely written all over his features. “I’m here to pick up my medicine. Shirley Tanner? Should be under that name.”

Mustering up what little energy he had, Leo nodded his head and plastered on his best customer-service-smile, typing her name into the computer in front of him. It took him an embarrassingly long time to hit the right keys, the letters swimming in front of his vision. “…Alright. You have…five medications ready for pickup, which…which looks like all of them. We’ll have them ready for you shortly. Alex? Medication for Shirley Tanner?”

Leo turned his head as he spoke to his coworker, straining to see the dark shadow rustling in the bins behind him. The motion was enough to leave his head spinning, his hands unconsciously gripping the counter for dear life. When was his fucking lunch break? 

“On it,” Alex said, barely turning to nod at Leo before pulling out a pristine, white bin. He rustled around in it for a moment, gathering a couple different packets from within, and then he was turning to Leo, the medication dangling from his hand. “Here, this should be all of them. You said five, right?”

“Mm.” Leo hummed, turning towards his coworker. He was just out of reach, leaning leisurely against the massive cubby they stored their bins. “Just five. Thanks, I’ll take—“

Leo turned his body around, his voice dying painfully in his throat as he took a step forward. Something was wrong. The world was suddenly tilting out from beneath his feet, swaying violently back and forth under the soles of his shoes. And Alex. He could see Alex before him, medication dangling from his uplifted hand, but he was fuzzier, somehow. Less visible. Like static, flickering around his vision in indecipherable waves. He could only get a glimpse or two of his coworker’s dark hair and burly stature before they moved out of sync again, floating randomly about his swirling vision. What was going on?

He tried to take another step forward, but his inactive foot wouldn’t hold his weight, buckling unsteadily underneath his trembling knee. He just barely managed to catch himself with his other foot, smashing it down on the tiled floor with enough force to destabilize his still upright body. And yet…he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel the way his foot twisted awkwardly on the ground, nor could he feel the way his body pitched forward, his limb crumbling uselessly around him. All he knew was the confusion flowing through his numbed veins, and the weird blur covering his vision, making it impossible to see what was standing in front of him. 

Then he was tilting forward, rushing toward the darkness that was surging up to meet him. 

…Dreaming.

…He was dreaming. 

He couldn’t tell what the dream was about. Not really. It wasn’t like any dream he had ever had before. There were no people, no characters, no scenes to follow along with as he traversed his disturbed sleep. There were only dull, fuzzy colors, shifting in front of his eyes in cryptic patterns. It was hypnotizing, the way the shapes pulsed and changed in front of his eyes. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before, not in the waking world or otherwise. Was this…Was this what it was like on drugs? Was he hallucinating? But he couldn’t be, because he was dreaming, you couldn’t hallucinate while you were dreaming–

Then the noises started.

They were muffled at first, barely audible to Leo’s fuzzy ears. It was almost like he was hearing them from under a thick, sweeping wave, clogging his ears with salty liquid. He wasn’t sure he knew what he was hearing, if anything at all. Were they words? Random noises? Auditory hallucinations his mind had conjured up? He had never had those before, but then again, he had never had a dream like this either. There was a first time for everything, wasn’t there?

But then the wave above Leo’s ears thinned out, and the noises became clearer, just bordering on recognizable to his addled brain. Words. They were words. And they were too loud to be a hallucination. But where were they coming from? He was dreaming. He was asleep. Was someone trying to wake him up? Why would they do that? Didn’t they know how much sleep he needed, especially with how tired he had been? 

Suddenly, the dull colors in front of him burst into a glorious burst of light, shockingly bright to his sensitive eyes. He tried to close them in the face of such brilliance, but his eyelids wouldn’t move, stuck stubbornly to the space between his eyes and his skull. He couldn’t fight it, couldn’t stop its glow as it spread from the center of his vision to the outer edges, surrounding his sight with blinding levels of white. He just had to sit there and take it, paralyzed in the face of such torturous sight.

Wait…his eyelids. His eyelids were stuck apart. His eyelids were open. But that couldn’t be possible, because he was dreaming, it couldn’t be, he was asleep, he was dreaming–

Panic welled in Leo’s chest, so strong he felt it trembling in his chest. Before he could try to act on it though, a large blob appeared above him, mixes of black and brown bobbing impossibly close to his face.

“–eo? Hey, Leo? Holy shit, Eliza, call an ambulance, I think he hit his head–”

Slowly, as if in a haze, Alex’s face came into view, his big, brown eyes peering into Leo’s with fearful attention. There was still a little fuzz around the edges of his face, but they quickly disappeared, refusing to return even when his eyes widened with unfiltered surprise.

“Wait, wait, hold on, he’s back! Hey Leo, can you hear me? Do you know what’s going on? Can you…Can you move?”

Alex moved his head to the side, and Leo was once again hit with a bright burst of light, forcing his eyelids shut before he could even think about his coworker’s words. The colors were gone, replaced by familiar darkness. He really hadn’t been dreaming. He had been awake the whole time, somehow shut off from his senses for…for what felt like a while. But why? What had happened? He couldn’t remember anything…nothing besides the pharmacy. And…And the register. And Mrs. Tanner’s face, smiling sweetly at him before he turned around, reaching for something in Alex’s hand…

…Oh. Oh shit. Did he…Did he pass out?

A deep shame washed over Leo as the realization hit him, knocking the last of his missing awareness into his body. He could feel his limbs again. And his body. And his head, which was throbbing much harder than it had been before. Every part of him felt like it was pressed against something hard, something cold, something far below where he should have been standing. The feeling only went away when he managed to shift his body, grunting with exertion after every move he made.

The pharmacy floor. He was lying on the pharmacy floor. That must have been where he had fallen, right after losing consciousness. Was that where he hit his head? Or had he banged it against the counter? It wasn’t too far away, considering how few steps he had taken…

…Fuck. Mrs. Tanner. He had forgotten about her. No doubt she had seen him fall to the ground after turning away. Had she gotten her medication yet? Maybe he could play his fainting spell off as a trip if he was quick enough…

Fueled by determination and embarrassment, Leo hoisted his body off the ground, stifling a moan as a sharp pain shot through his head. The dizziness was back, blurring the medication bins in front of him until they were almost as floaty as before. It brought a sick wave of nausea to the forefront of his stomach, burning the back of his throat as he tried to gasp for breath. Was he about to pass out again? Or throw up? No, no no no, he couldn’t do that, he would be making a mess in the sterile pharmacy, causing an inconvenience to his coworkers, making them more worried than they should be. Plus, he had customers! Customers who would get impatient if he left them waiting for too long. He had to get up, no matter how bad he felt. He had to get back to the register, had to get people their medication, had to do the job he was paid to do–

Small, strong hands landed on Leo’s back, holding his wobbly body steady in a sitting position. The overwhelming scent of citrus and roses flowed around his head, through his nostrils, strangely dizzying and yet grounding at the same time. Not Alex. He smelled like warm sand, fresh off a sunny beach. So who…Eliza? 

“Don’t move. You just fell pretty hard. I think you hit your head too. You ok?”

…Yeah, that was Eliza all right. Although her voice didn’t contain the cheer it usually held. It was…subdued. Serious. But she never got serious, not unless one of them screwed something up… “…I’m ok. My head hurts a bit but…I’m fine. What…what happened?”

“You passed out,” Eliza said, shuffling into view. She looked just as grave as her voice sounded, her mouth pressed into a firm line while her eyes scanned every inch of Leo’s face. “You turned to get meds from Alex and just…boom. You were out. It was only for a couple seconds, but it scared the crap out of us. Do you feel well enough for us to bring you to the break room? We gotta get you out of here, somewhere where you can rest while we figure out what to do.”

Leo looked at Eliza, then looked at his limbs, nodding hesitantly against the pain in his head. It didn’t look like there was any damage to his body, despite how sore he felt. Just the nausea, and the lightheaded smoke filling the gaps in his skull. He would be fine to move…if his feet would cooperate, that is. “...Yeah. I can…I can move. Hang on, just gotta–”

He tried to push himself to his feet, but he no sooner got an inch off the ground when Eliza pushed him back down, one hand remaining on his back while another pressed gently against his chest. 

“No, don’t try to get up on your own. We’ll help you. Alex? Can you get on his other side? We’re gonna carry him to the break room, ok?”

A protest immediately sprung to Leo’s lips, but before he could speak it, Alex appeared beside him again, barely visible as he grabbed Leo’s arm and strung it across his broad shoulders. Eliza did the same on his other side, and before Leo knew it, he was being hoisted into the air, his feet scrambling for purchase as his coworkers tried to upright his body. “Hey, guys, wait, I can…I can walk–”

“No you can’t.” Alex said, adjusting his hold on Leo’s arm. There was a tremor in his voice, one Leo had never heard from him before. The poor guy. He hoped he hadn’t fallen onto him, despite how close they had been. “And even if you can, it’s probably not a good idea to let you. You just passed out. You gotta rest a bit before you try to move too much. Now brace yourself, ok? We’re gonna start moving.”

The two gave Leo a moment to prepare himself, waiting for him to get his feet straight underneath him. Then they began moving forward, one step at a time, carrying Leo past the counter and through the pharmacy. It was unimaginably embarrassing, having to rely on his coworkers to drag him through his work place. Especially when he was overly conscious of the customers that must have been staring at him, watching him get removed from the scene they were sure to have witnessed. How many people had seen him fall? Mrs. Tanner was guaranteed, but how many others were behind her? How many people had walked up right as he fell? Fuck, was he gonna lose his job over this? Passing out had to be seen as unprofessional, right? How many people would complain about him? Would this get him fired? He knew he was tired, but he didn’t know it was bad enough to shut down his consciousness. Would he get in trouble for showing up so out of it? And after his incident at the hotel too…

Leo kept his gaze on the ground, and tried to ignore the eyes following him, poking into his skin with needle-like intensity.

After what felt like an excruciatingly long time, the three made it into the break room, Alex kicking the door shut behind him. A moment later, Leo was being lowered into a nearby chair, his two coworkers backing away once they were sure he wouldn’t fall out of it. 

“...Ok,” Eliza sighed, shuffling back into Leo’s view. She already had her phone in her hand, her finger hovering over it as she looked over at Alex. “Alex, can you take over the register for the rest of the day? I'll switch out with you once I’m done dealing with this, but for now, have Vanessa and Conner handle the meds while you talk with the customers.”

Alex hesitated for a moment, his worried gaze still on Leo’s slumped form. Leo wished he wouldn’t look at him like that. He didn’t need the pity, not when he was embarrassed enough. “...Are you sure? I mean, I’m happy to do it, but…would it be better if we have two people here, in case he passes out again?”

Eliza shook her head, not even looking at Alex while she tapped on his phone. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her cheeks hollowing out as she scanned the screen in front of her. “...No. I think I’ll be fine on my own. I don’t think he’ll be passing out again, but if he does, I can catch him. He’s not standing now, so if that happens, it should be less dangerous than his last fall.”

“...Ok,” Alex nodded slowly, shooting Leo one last glance. Then he was backing out of the break room, shooting Leo one last nod before disappearing behind the thick wooden door. “Hope you feel better man. Not sure what happened there, but…but I hope you get it sorted out. Get some rest, alright?”

Leo smiled, a dull, hollow feeling spreading through his chest. Rest. As if he was ever gonna get enough of that. Wasn’t that where this issue had stemmed from in the first place? “...Yeah. Thanks man, I will. Have a good one.”

Once Alex had backed out of the room and closed the door, Leo turned back to Eliza, who was no longer typing away on her phone. Instead, she was looking straight at his face, her eyes dark with a worry Leo had grown so used to seeing. Except now, it was warranted. He would be concerned too, if it had been anyone else. “...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize," Eliza said, shaking her head vigorously. To Leo’s relief, her face softened with the motion, a remnant of her old smile trying to creep across her tense face. “It’s not your fault. I should have known something was off. I didn’t want to mention it before, but you’ve been looking more than just a little tired. Do you need anything? I was gonna call an ambulance, but if you’re feeling a bit better, it might be more reasonable to send you home to get some rest.”

A small pang burst in Leo’s chest, sending another wave a pain through his aching skull. “…No. No ambulance. I’m fine. Just…Just give me a minute and I can go back to work. I’m feeling better now, so it’s fine.”

“What? Leo, you’re not going back to work,” Eliza said, shaking her head even more aggressively than before. After a moment, she began walking off to the side, making her way to the minifridge tucked away in the far corner of the room. “Even if you really are fine, even if it was a one-time thing, I have to send you home. Fainting is a big deal; you gotta go get some rest, if only to be safe. Here, drink some water. You still look out of it. Maybe this’ll help clear your head.”

Eliza turned around, kicking the fridge’s door shut behind her as she made her way back to where Leo was sitting. She had a large, plastic water bottle in her hand, one she handed to Leo as soon as she was in range. Then she pulled out her phone again, typing away with the same strained look on her face. 

“Do you have the number of someone who can pick you up? Your mates? Are any of them home? You said Ren is a stay-at-home dad for now, right?”

Another bout of panic shot through Leo’s veins, temporarily chasing away the pain in his head. No. No. His mates…he couldn’t call his mates. He couldn’t have his mates pick him up, not over this. He’d just be causing more issues, giving them more of a reason to hate him, burdening them with taking care of him after another mistake he had made. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to add another incident to their already overflowing plate. He could take care of himself. He had to. It was what he was supposed to do. “…No. Don’t call my mates. Please, let me work. Or let me drive myself home, if I have to leave. Just please don’t call my mates. I don’t wanna bother them with this.”

There was a desperation in Leo’s voice, so obvious even he could hear it, but Eliza wouldn’t bow to it, instead fixing Leo with a firm, unwavering glare. “No. Absolutely not. You can’t work, and you certainly can’t drive. You won’t be bothering them with this. They're your mates. It's their job to take care of you during times like this. You’d do the same for them, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, but—“

 Look, I have two options," she interrupted, turning her phone over so Leo could see its screen. She already had the number pad up, ready for whatever input she gave it. “I can call your mates, or I can call nine-one-one and have them send an ambulance. It’s your choice. Either way, someone’s taking you out of here, and it’s not gonna be you.”

Leo met Eliza’s gaze and swallowed, trying not to look away from her disturbingly solemn face. It wasn’t like her to be so serious. Even with all her responsibilities, Eliza rarely ever let her signature smile slip, preferring to run the pharmacy with laughter and understanding rather than an iron-clad fist. It was an easy going attitude every employee there had come to know and love, although none were brave enough to take advantage of it. Just how badly had he messed up, to make her forgo her light-hearted nature? 

Thankfully, Eliza must have seen the hesitation on his face, because her gaze softened once again, a comforting hand coming to rest on Leo’s shoulder. “…Hey. I’m not trying to make you more upset. I’m sure the fall’s freaked you out enough already. But I want you to take care of yourself, ok? I’m not upset with you. I just want you to be safe.”

Her voice was soothing, surprisingly convincing compared to the pity he had seen in Alex’s eyes, but he couldn’t allow himself to believe her words, no matter how sweet she was trying to sound. After all, he had passed out in the pharmacy, while interacting with customers, no less. He had concerned her, concerned his coworkers, and surely freaked out a couple of customers in the process. Why wouldn’t she be upset with him, after dealing so much damage? “...Thanks. I guess…I guess you’re right about it not being safe to drive home myself. If you have to…Ren should be home. And Micah. You can use my phone, if you want. They’re more likely to pick up if it’s not a random number calling.”

Eliza stayed silent for a moment, searching Leo’s face intently for a long, awkward moment. Then she straightened up and nodded, slipping her phone back into the pocket of her jeans. “...Ok. If you’re ok with me using your phone, then I can do that. Can you unlock it for me?”

Leo nodded carefully, already reaching for the phone sitting snugly in the pocket of his pants. Every inch of his body screamed at him to put it back, to hide it somewhere safe, to throw it across the room, if there was no other choice. He’d be making a mistake, letting his manager call his mates. Dragging them into another mess they shouldn’t have to deal with, all because of his inability to function. He couldn’t do that, not after the hotel, not after the fight, not after everything he’d put them through. It was better to let himself suffer through whatever was wrong with him, rather than involve the people he’d hurt so deeply.

But he couldn’t back down now, not after burdening his manager, after promising her he’d go home and get some rest. So he pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and handed it over, turning away and the device entered his manager’s hand.

“Thanks,” Eliza said, pulling the phone closer to her chest. Her manicured finger tapped loudly against the screen, pausing after only a moment of action. “I’m gonna try Micah first. I don’t want to freak your omega out unless I have to.” 

Before Leo could answer, another tap sounded from beside him, a familiar dial tone beginning to ring. Then, after three or so seconds, a voice piped up, slightly distorted by the phone’s static. 

“Leo? Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you at work?”

With nothing left to do, Leo let the dizzying thoughts in his mind take over, carrying him away from the tumultuous future he was soon to meet. 

...

The wait for his mates was excruciating.

Eliza was only on the phone for a moment or two before the conversation ended, her soft hand pressing the phone back into Leo’s trembling one. It felt like hours. He hadn’t heard what they had said, but by the grim look on his manager’s face, Leo was sure they were on their way, with enough panic to fuel their journey ten times over. Or annoyance. Or disappointment. He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter anyways. It was all the same to him, slightly different roads leading to the same bleak destination. He couldn’t do anything about it except wait, hunched over in his chair like a child who had just gotten scolded. 

At first, Eliza tried to talk to him. She told him Micah was on his way. She told him they all were. She told him they would be there in fifteen minutes or so, not accounting for the speeding they were sure to get away with. She told him how worried the alpha sounded, barely disguised panic lacing his words as he prepared to leave the apartment. She told him how lucky he must be, to have mates as caring as his own. They had dropped everything to come get him, without a second’s hesitation. He had nothing to worry about once he was with them. He’d be well taken care of, she was sure of it. 

Leo didn’t respond. He already knew where his mates were, how fast they would get there. He knew them too well to forget. All he could muster up was a small “thank you”, and then his voice died away, waiting patiently for Eliza’s own to do the same.

Eventually, it did. Once he had finished recounting her conversation with Micah, she took a moment to check on the pharmacy, and then pulled up a chair beside Leo, sitting silently beside him. Watching him. Waiting for him to keel over, just like he had earlier. He couldn’t blame her. He could only imagine how sick he looked to her, slouched over in the dim light of the room.

The quiet was almost worse than the low murmurings the phone conversation had produced. It was uncomfortable. Oppressive. Heavy enough to suck the breath from Leo’s lungs, yet subtle in its persecution, leaving enough room for Leo to drown in his thoughts. Thoughts of home. Thoughts of his mates. Thoughts of the anger he was sure to have sparked, soon to come crashing down on him. Thoughts of the weight in his chest, only growing heavier with every breath he took. Thoughts of the veil still dampening his senses, still lingering after his fainting spell. Thoughts of his daughter. Would she be there? Probably. They would never leave her alone, not even for a second. It was a shame. He had tried so hard to be a good dad, a person she could rely on to meet her every need. How would she feel, seeing her dad so weak? So disoriented? So pathetic? How could she ever trust him again, after seeing him like that?

…His mates were right. He wasn’t a good father. He could never be a good father, not with how dazed he had become. He couldn’t be trusted like this. He couldn’t be trusted not to neglect her, not to hurt her, not to ignore her basic needs. They’d never let Rachel around him now. The one job he still had, and he had failed. He had failed as an omega, as a mate, and now, as a father. He was a failure. And failures didn’t deserve their packs. Especially if they couldn’t be bothered to fix their mistakes. His mates had to know that. They had to. This had to be the final straw, the last mistake in a long line of unforgivable actions. Eliza was wrong. He wasn’t in good hands. He didn’t deserve to be in good hands. He was at the mercy of men who had had enough of him, who were sure to remove him from their pack once they were sure he wouldn’t pass out again. It’s what he deserved. He had a role, and he couldn’t fulfill it. This was his punishment. Something he should have faced long ago. 

…He was sorry. Why couldn’t that ever be enough? He was sorry, he was sorry, he was sorry–

“Leo? Leo, where are you? Where—”

The sudden, booming voice startled Leo out of his thoughts, and before he could think better of it, he snapped his head to the side, wincing as the ache in his skull returned at full force. The voice was familiar, although the palpable panic had warped it into something unusual. But…But had it really been fifteen minutes? It felt so quick, so hastily wasted…

Before he could try to call out, another familiar voice spoke up, more composed than the last. “Sir? Hey, are you guys Leo’s mates? Did he call you?” 

“No, no, his manager did. Where is he?! Is he ok?! Did he pass out again?”

“He’s safe, don’t worry.” Alex reassured, his shadow dancing behind the break room door’s window. Leo could only imagine how intimidating his mate must look to his poor coworker, who had already dealt with so much that day. “He’s resting in the break room right now. Eliza’s with him. Here, you see that brown door to the side? Knock on that. She’ll let you right in.”

There was a grunt of acknowledgement, nothing more than a small thank you audible from the pharmacy counter. Then someone was banging on the break room’s second door, the one that led to the rest of the store. The one they were supposed to enter through, when their shifts were just beginning. 

“Leo?! Leo, it’s us. It’s Micah and Rain. Are you ok?! Can someone–Can someone let us in?! Please, we need to be with our mate, we need to check on him, we need–”

Quick as a flash, Eliza was out of her chair and opening the door, moving faster than Leo’s blurry vision was capable of tracking. “Good, you're here. He’s sitting over by the table–”

The person on the other side didn’t seem to hear her. As soon as the door was open, Micah came barreling in, barely missing Eliza’s body as he made his way towards Leo. Behind him was Rain, who wasted no time in rushing to Leo’s side.

“There you are,” Micah gasped, kneeling in front of Leo’s seat. He looked utterly dishevelled, his wide, fear-filled eyes sticking out of his pale face as he placed his hands on Leo’s cheeks and scanned his body frantically. There were stray strands of ginger hair floating around his head too, presumably loosened from his ponytail in the mad dash to get to the pharmacy. It was shocking; the man in front of him was a far cry from the composed alpha he knew and loved, only resembling his loved one in bits and pieces. “What happened? Your manager said you fainted in the pharmacy. And hit your head! Are you ok? Do you still feel dizzy? Does anything hurt? What’s going on? Baby, if you felt sick earlier, you should have told us, we would have let you stay home, we would have called out for you, we would’ve…we would’ve taken care of you! Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Leo tried to meet his alpha’s eyes, but quickly turned away, the pain inside too much for his aching heart to bear. Instead, he focused his gaze on the floor below, studying the tile with as much interest as he could muster. It was all a show, he had to remember that. They were just pretending. They had to. Eliza was there, watching their every move. They had no other choice. “...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to drive myself home, but…I’m sorry you had to come pick me up.”

“Oh, baby, don’t apologize!" Rain said, his voice tickling the shell of Leo’s left ear. He looked just as disheveled as Micah, dark circles punctuating his hollow, tear-filled eyes. Leo couldn’t look at him for more than a second before turning his gaze back to the tile, the dust more comforting than the sight of his mates. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure you didn’t mean to pass out. But what happened? How did…How did this all start?”

Keeping his gaze on the floor, Leo opened his mouth to answer, uneasiness snaking from the pit of his stomach to his burning throat. Something wasn’t right. What… “…Why are you here? I mean, I thought you were at work. Did they…Did they call you?”

Rain shifted beside Leo, his hand trembling slightly as it landed on Leo’s shoulder. “No, they didn’t. I only had a couple scheduled clients today, and since we don’t do walk-ins…I got to go home early. I walked in right as your manager called Micah. Leo, what’s going on?” 

“…I don’t…” Leo started, wetting his lips awkwardly while he searched for the words. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t think. Everything felt wrong. Unsteady. Like the world was tilting out under his feet, pushing him forward, out, away from his chair, away from any satisfying answer— “I…I was fine. I thought I was fine. I wasn’t…I wasn’t dizzy when I left for work. I didn’t feel sick. I just…I don’t know, I was tired, and I passed out. I didn’t know it was gonna happen until it happened. But…I’m fine now. A little dizzy still, but fine.”

Micah let out a breath, his hands shaking violently on Leo’s cold, sallow cheeks. To Leo’s dismay, the alpha was steadily putting pressure on his face, turning it until he was forced to look into his mate’s widened eyes. They hadn’t changed much since he’d last seen them; if anything, they shone with an added despair, wide and unblinking in the face of his explanation. “…God. I should have known something was gonna happen. You’ve looked…you’ve been so out of it recently. I knew something was wrong, I knew it was getting worse, but god, I should have done something, I should have made you rest, this shouldn’t…I shouldn’t have let this happen…”

Confusion flooded through Leo’s body, and he frowned as softly as he could manage, trying to ignore the way his body throbbed at every movement. Why…Why did Micah feel bad? He hadn’t been the one to pass out. He hadn’t been the one to make Leo pass out. It wasn’t his fault. Was he just saying it was, to look better in front of Eliza? But why? It didn’t make sense. “You…Why would it be your fault? You couldn’t have known. I just didn’t get enough sleep last night, that’s all. Not…Not your fault.”

From beside Leo, Rain shook his head, kneeling until his face was just barely visible in the omega’s peripheral vision. “...No. No, it’s not just that. It’s not just the sleep. Not from one night, at least. This has been building up for a while. I don’t…I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s gone too far. It’s hurting you. You need to go home. You need to rest. And after that, we need to figure out why you’ve been so out of it for so long, before it gets any worse. Come on, do you think you can stand? We gotta get you back to the apartment as soon as possible.”

“...I…I think?” Leo shuffled his feet, trying to get a feel for the floor beneath him before he tried to stand again. It didn’t seem to be moving anymore, the incline he had felt before suddenly flat beneath his shoes. That was good. Maybe that meant he wasn’t as dizzy as he was before, even if his vision was still swimming uncomfortably. Or were those tears? Either way, he was perfectly capable of walking by himself, no help needed. Like any normal person. Not the biggest accomplishment he’d ever achieved, but he’d take it for now. “Yeah, I can…I can stand. But I don’t understand: I’m just tired. Besides that, I’m fine. I’ve been fine. Why…Why are you acting like I’m dying, or something? Maybe…Maybe I need to sleep more, but I’m fine. I’m ok. It was just…just an accident. I’m ok.”

Rain and Micah looked at Leo incredulously, their eyes impossibly wide in the artificial fluorescent light. Then they looked at each other, their gazes flashing with something Leo couldn’t possibly hope to catch. It was irritating. Why couldn't they just say how they felt? He wasn’t stupid: He knew they didn’t believe a word he said, true or not. But why try to hide it, instead of telling him about it directly?

“What? Why are you looking at each other like that? What’s wrong with what I said?”

He waited for a moment, eyes fixed sternly on the two men sitting in front of him, silently begging for them to tell him the truth he couldn’t see. Instead, they only shared another look and sighed quietly to themselves, their knees popping as they slowly stood up and backed away, giving Leo enough room to stand. Then, as if in sync, they both extended a hand, waiting patiently for Leo to join them on his unsteady feet. 

“...Come on,” Rain whispered, his hand trembling slightly in the air. He was looking down at Leo with a painfully familiar expression, pity etched into every wrinkle and divot that called his tense face home. “Let’s go home. We’ll talk about it more there, ok? This isn’t the time or place. And…you need rest. Real rest. Not just sitting in a pharmacy chair while you take a breather. We can carry you if you need, but if you’d rather walk…”

Leo shook his head, quickly regretting his action as stabbing pain shot through his sensitive skull. He supposed he couldn’t blame his mates for asking such a question. He had already fainted once that day, after all. But still, he didn’t want to be carried. He didn’t need to be carried. He was a grown man, perfectly capable of putting one foot in front of the other. Why couldn’t his mates see that? "...No, I can walk. Just give me a second.”

Before his mates could reply, he found the strength to raise his arms and grab onto their hands, hoisting himself off of the chair and into their sturdy, waiting arms. It was harder to find his balance than he thought: As soon as he was on his feet, the world began to move again, wobbling unsteadily underneath his scrambling feet. It was only when his mates shoved their shoulders into his own that he was able to stabilize himself, held still by their warm, unwavering bodies. 

“You’re ok,” Micah murmured beside him, slipping a large hand into Leo’s dangling one. Rain did the same on his other side, planting a quick kiss on his forehead to match. “We’ve got you. We aren’t gonna let you fall again, I promise. You’re safe with us. Are you ready to head out?”

Swallowing down a wail of embarrassment, Leo turned his gaze to the floor and nodded, lifting one unsteady leg off the ground. His mates did the same, and soon they were off, the three of them murmuring their goodbyes as they grabbed Leo’s stuff and made their way towards the gaping pharmacy door. 

It was slow going at first. None of them were used to walking so awkwardly, supporting an extra person’s weight with every step they took. Leo wasn’t used to being supported either; his feet weren’t adapted to being carried as they walked, forced forward by the footsteps of others. Especially when they were already tripping over themselves, making it nearly impossible to move without the support of his surrounding mates. He should have been thankful for that, but all he could feel was complete and total despair, exacerbated by the embarrassment still heating up his frigid skin. It was mortifying, being carried out of a store by his own mates. He was sure he’d see customers gawking at him, if his gaze was on anything other than the floor. Maybe some of them had been present for his first incident of the day, recognizing him as the pharmacist who had passed out after simply turning around. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Eventually, they were able to fall into a semi-steady rhythm, their steps syncing up as well as they could while dragging extra weight. Shelf after shelf passed them by, their bottom contents the only things visible to Leo’s watery eyes. Sometimes people’s shoes were visible, sometimes there was nothing but the gaps between shelves as they traversed the store’s active floor. It didn’t matter much to Leo. They would just keep moving on, never stopping until familiar sliding doors parted around them, cold tile floor making way for sunbathed pavement. 

All the while, his mates whispered reassurances in his ear, never minding the silence they were inevitably greeted with.

“You’re doing so well. We’re almost there, ok?”

“Just a little more. We’re out of the store now. You doing alright?”

“You’ve done such a good job, my love. You’re walking a lot better than I thought you would. You’re gonna be ok, I promise.”

“Here, the car’s just a couple feet away. Just a couple more steps and you can rest again.”

The last statement came from Rain, his voice soft and overly cheerful as his words floated clearly through the air. By the time he had finished speaking it, they had reached the car, the front tires visible to Leo’s downturned eyes. He only had to walk a couple more feet, and then he was being ushered into the car’s air conditioned interior, a door being held open by one of his mates. 

“Here, baby, sit in the middle, ok? Ren’s gonna sit on your right. I’m gonna drive, and…and Rain’s gonna take your keys and drive your car home. Is that ok with you?”

He wanted to protest, to tell his mate that he didn’t need to be flanked by someone else at all times, but he knew it would be futile, considering how worried they were pretending to be. So Leo ducked into the car, shuffled into the middle seat, and struggled with his seat belt, taking an embarrassingly long time to strap it over his chest. It didn’t help that Rachel’s car seat was snug against his right; its bulk was nearly enough to cover Leo’s buckle completely, making each attempt to find it as difficult as digging for buried treasure.

“Ba!”

Leo snapped his head to the side, looking over at the car seat beside him. There, strapped snugly inside, was Rachel, her hands waving wildly outside of the carrier for all to see. Her head was turned, two dark eyes staring gleefully over the seat, directly where Leo was sitting. Underneath, a wide, toothless smile had spread across her face, drool gathering at one corner of her mouth.

“Ba!”

“…Yeah, baby. Ba.” Leo said, his own lips fighting to mimic his pup’s expression. He should have known. Of course Rachel would be there. Her fathers wouldn’t leave her home alone, so the only option was to bring her along. Still, a part of him hadn’t expected to see her until he got back to the apartment, if he was permitted to see her at all. It was…nice. To have her so close after such a stressful day. He wasn’t nearly coherent enough to be a functioning dad, but he could at least enjoy her presence, if only for the car ride. “Did you enjoy riding in the car? You don’t get to do that often, do you? And to a new place too!”

Rachel giggled happily, only growing louder when Leo placed a hand inside her seat and tickled her stomach lightly. She seemed to be pretty happy considering the circumstances, the seriousness of the moment completely lost on her. 

Something in front of Leo moved, but before he could register what it was, a door slammed. A second later, Ren was sliding into the seat beside him, closing the door softly in his wake. 

“…Hey baby,” he whispered, placing a comforting hand on Leo’s thigh. He looked just as afraid as the others had, his eyes wide and shiny with fearful, distraught tears. If Leo looked close enough, he could see the slight wobble of his mate’s chin, just barely visible under the stubble growing there. “How…How are you doing? God, you look so awful. Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself? Are you feeling sick? What’s going on?”

The omega appeared to be trying to keep his voice to a minimum, but Leo could tell it could rise at any moment, the anxiety too much for his sensitive mate to bear. Even the happy babbles of the pup beside him didn’t seem to be doing much, only adding a strange, unreal feel to the car’s tense atmosphere. He didn’t like it. It wasn’t normal, not for their pack. But then again, what about his behavior had been normal as of late? “…I’m fine. Not hurt. Not sick anymore either. I was just dizzy, and then I took a step, and then…I passed out. It was only for a second though. It wasn’t long. And…And I’m fine now, I promise. So you don’t have to worry, ok?” 

Ren looked blankly at Leo, his lips pressed into a thin, tight line as he looked the omega up and down. He didn’t move, didn’t blink, didn’t respond to the gurgles coming from the infant behind him. He didn’t even flinch when Micah climbed into the driver’s seat, slamming the door loudly beside him. He just sat there, wide, shiny eyes looking at Leo with emotions he couldn’t even begin to decipher. 

Then, slowly, as if approaching a wild animal, he leaned in, opened his arms, and wrapped them around Leo’s body, pushing the omega’s head into his shoulder before he had the chance to protest. 

“My omega,” he murmured, voice choking with unshed tears. Leo could feel small drops landing on his shoulder, wetting the already rumpled pharmacist uniform he was required to wear at work. “My poor, sweet omega. God, I’m so sorry baby, I’m so sorry. My omega, my sweet boy, my love, I’ve here, I’m here, I’m gonna take care of you, your omega’s here–” 

He continued on, incomprehensible words of reassurance and sincere-sounding apologies mixing together into a painful, tragic harmony. It made Leo’s heart hurt just to hear, sending bolts of sickening nausea through his stomach all over again. His fault. It was his fault his omega was so upset. It was his fault his omega was blaming himself, over something he couldn’t have possibly hoped to prevent. It was his fault everyone was so upset with him, his fault for letting the pack down, his fault, his fault, his fault his fault his fault–

A soft, soothing purr rumbled against Leo’s ear, vibrating through his chest until he thought he might burst from the sensation. It was…it was Ren. Ren was purring. And loudly. But not happily. No, Leo could never fool himself into believing the purrs coming from his mate were that of a content omega. They were too low for that, too tearful, too cracked. Accompanied by his desperate words and the sweet scent drifting through the car, suddenly unmistakable in its intensity…it painted a terrible picture, one Leo knew he had orchestrated through his own negligence. 

He could feel his heart breaking for the second time that day. 

Ren only remained pressed against his omega for another moment more, but it felt like hours to Leo, left to drown in the misery he had created between their trembling bodies. It was only made worse when he saw how tear-streaked Ren’s face looked, after only a couple minutes of crying. Had he had those marks before? Or had they all been made in that moment, stuck between the skin of Leo’s neck and shoulder? Did it matter? It was his fault, either way. How could he have done this to his precious omega? 

“I’m so sorry.” Ren sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of one hand. He wasn’t looking at Leo anymore, instead keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the ground below. The rumbling ground below, Leo realized. How…How long had they been driving? How long had it been since he looked out a window? “We should have done something sooner. We…I knew something was off, I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what, and now you’re hurt, you passed out, and I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, I’m such a bad mate, I’m so sorry—“

 Leo let his mate continue on, his words of guilt quickly turning into heartbroken wails. Every part of him wanted desperately to comfort his omega, to tell him it wasn’t his fault, to explain away the troubles weighing down Ren’s weary soul. But what could he say? His earlier explanation–his honest explanation–hadn’t soothed his other mates, and he doubted that would change for Ren. Not to mention, he wasn’t sure a simple ‘it’s not your fault’ would do the trick either, not where his overly anxious mate was concerned. So what was next? How could he spin the story, so it didn’t sound as bad as it surely looked? “Don’t…Don’t apologize! It’s not your fault. I’m the one who should have realized something was up. You weren’t even there, you couldn’t have done anything to stop it. I should’ve… I should have been the one to realize I needed a break. Don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t prevent.”

A small, thankful smile appeared on Ren’s face, but it disappeared as soon as it came, slipping further and further away with every determined shake of his head. “…No. I should’ve…I should’ve known. I should have kept you home. You’ve been so disoriented recently, to a point where it feels like you barely get through the day. I should have realized something like this would happen. You just aren’t healthy enough to deal with the stresses of work. But…but it’s gonna be ok, because we’re gonna fix it. We’re gonna go home, and you’re gonna rest, and we’re gonna talk about how to best help you, alright?”

Ren tried to smile again, this time keeping it on his face for a second or two longer than before. Leo hated how hopeful it looked. After all he’d done, his omega still had faith that they could work things out. That Leo could get better. Or was that just what he wanted Leo to think, another trick he was playing to lower his guard? 

He didn't know. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He was too tired to try. The passing terrain, the rumbling car, the overwhelming smell of burnt wood, sweet jasmine, and flowing gasoline…it was all making his vision swim again, reigniting the pounding pain in his head. It left no room for thoughts, for reasoning, for words of comfort Leo was desperate to find. Just misery, and the impending sense of doom looming over them all.

The arms around Leo’s waist pulled him in again, pressing his head uncomfortably against the soft, warm shoulder he’d nestled against only minutes before. He didn’t try to fight it. There was no point. He’d take the comfort while he could, until the moment his mates threw him out of their lives forever. If he could even call it comfort. It did nothing but feed the sickness growing in his body, his mind, his soul, until he felt it would fester into a blackened maw and swallow him whole. 

“My sweet omega. I’m here. I’m here. You’re ok. You’re gonna be ok. We’re gonna figure this out. You’re gonna be ok. We love you so much, we aren’t mad, you’re gonna be ok—“

Closing his eyes, Leo let the rumbles of Ren’s purring wash over him, determined to soak it in for the last time.

Leo wasn’t sure how he managed to get up to the apartment in one piece.

They took the elevator, he remembered that much. It had been a while since he had used it, preferring the stairs over the creepy, old, possibly haunted lift the apartment refused to replace. Besides, the stairs were better exercise. They were only on the third floor, after all. Better to be healthy than lazy, something Leo had been trying hard to work on. Until recently, that is.

Nobody tried to take the stairs this time. They probably all knew just as well as Leo did that he couldn’t make it up, not without tripping over his own feet and falling face-first onto one of the concrete blocks. The elevator was a safer bet; quicker too. Leo couldn’t remember getting out of the car, or stumbling across the parking lot like a drunk, but he was sure his mate’s had led him straight to the elevator, not bothering with the door concealing the apartment’s well-worn stairs. 

The ride up was a blur. Just a bumpy ride, creaky noises, and an old, musky smell Leo wouldn’t be able to get out of his nose for a long while. Micah and Ren flanked his sides, Rachel nestled comfortably in the crook of Ren’s shoulder.  It could have lasted an hour. It could have lasted ten seconds. He didn’t know. He didn’t think his sense of time was working well, especially in a dark, windowless area. Just another stupid side effect of whatever was wrong with him now. 

Then they were in the hallway, and then they were in the apartment, Ren closing the door shut behind him while Micah led Leo to the couch. He was glad to be off his feet: The journey up couldn’t have taken more than a couple minutes, but Leo’s body ached like it had been decades, begging for a respite that seemed to never come. Every movement caused a shooting pain, every step blurred his vision all over again, every second of standing sucked the breath straight from his lungs. He was glad to be sitting again, even if he’d be forced to leave soon after. 

A noise from the kitchen sounded out, breaking apart the silence as soon as Leo’s body hit the couch. Rain was home, and he was quickly approaching Leo, a granola bar held tightly in one hand.

“Here. Eat this. It’s not much, but it’ll give you some energy. Have you eaten anything today? You know, before you went to work?” 

Leo blinked unsteadily, then reached out his hand, taking the granola bar from Rain’s outstretched hand. He didn’t want to think about how much quicker Rain had gotten home. It would have been easy for him, without a sack of dead weight to carry around. How obnoxious must it have been for the others, to carry him around when he should have been able to do it himself? “…Yeah. I ate…I ate a banana. And a little of the cereal in the pantry. I didn’t go to work on an empty stomach. You worried it wasn’t enough?”

Rain shrugged his shoulders, watching intently as his mate struggled to unwrap the granola bar he’d taken moments before. Eventually, he reached out and did it himself, gently peeling away the wrapper before Leo had a chance to protest. “…Maybe. It’s a possibility. With how little you’ve been eating…add that with the exhaustion you’ve clearly been dealing with, and it makes for a pretty unfortunate combination. It could be something else, but…”

He shrugged his shoulders again, handing the unwrapped granola bar back to Leo without another word. And yet his eyes never left Leo’s face, not even as he slid into the seat next to Leo, pulling his mate’s head onto his bony, jutting shoulder. Leo guessed he was watching to make sure he didn’t choke on his food, or pass out while he was mid bite. A shame that choking down his food was all he could do. The rolling nausea in his stomach made it nearly impossible for him to even open his mouth, let alone bite, chew, and swallow anything nutritious. 

Still, he forced himself to do just that, taking a couple of small, manageable bites from the food in his hand. It tasted like sawdust in his mouth, coating his precious taste buds with sickening chalky morsels he’d had no choice but to grind up. It felt torturous going down, almost eliciting a coughing fit from him with every uncomfortable swallow. But he kept it down, and he continued to eat, and Rain continued to stare at him, minute after minute, and he kept chewing, and dear god why couldn’t he be done with the thing yet—

After what felt like years of chewing, Leo managed to finish the last bite of his food, swallowing down the vomit that threatened to rise from his stomach. Already he felt worse, the powdery residue left in his mouth only a precursor to the storm raging in the pit of his stomach. He wasn’t sure he could keep it down. One small, measly granola bar, and yet he didn’t think he would be able to digest it, not without throwing the majority of it up first. How pathetic could he get? He knew his stomach was getting smaller, but this? This was ridiculous.

Thankfully, Rain must have noticed the uncomfortable look on Leo’s face, because he immediately stood up again, rushing towards the kitchen with unprecedented speed. No more than a minute later, he came walking back to the couch, a tall glass of water gripped in one hand.

“Sorry. I forgot how thick those things can feel in your mouth. Should have gotten you some of this way sooner.”

As soon as he was close enough. he fell back into his seat and handed Leo the drink, watching him just as intently as he had before. Not that Leo was paying him much mind. He was too busy chugging as much of the water down as possible, letting the disgusting taste of chewed up grains and nuts wash away with every gulp. It wasn’t doing much to quell the sickness in his gut, but it was a start. Now he just had to hope he could keep down the granola bar and the water.

It only took him a minute or so to finish the water, Rain taking the empty glass from his hand before he could even ask. He felt a little better now. Anxious and sick to his stomach, but better. He could almost relax on Rain’s shoulder, if he wasn’t hyperaware of everything his mates were doing. Most of which was staring at him uneasily, as if he’d spring up to attack them at any moment. Not unusual, but after the day’s events….

It was coming soon. He could feel it in the air, just as easily as he felt the couch below him. It was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped, removing him from his pack forever. What would it be? Kicking him out? Divorce? A restraining order? All three? It was certainly possible. He just wished he knew what to expect…

Before he could ponder on his fate any longer, Micah crossed the room and sat down beside Leo, immediately swamping the omega in a giant, inescapable hug. When had he left? Leo couldn’t remember. All he knew was that he’d been there, and then he was across the room, helping Ren with an increasingly fussy Rachel. And staring him down. He could remember that well enough, no matter how fuzzy everything seemed. “...Hey baby. Feeling any better? Do you think the food’s helping at all? Is there…Is there anything I can do for you?”

There was a sickening desperation in his tone, intertwined with thick threads of worry and fear. Leo could smell it coming off of him, the stench of burnt firewood wafting into his twitching nose. It only served to make him feel more ill, his stomach twitching uncomfortably with every shaky breath he took. “...Fine. Tired, and out of it, but fine. Are you…Are you ok?”

A sad-sounding snort escaped Micah’s nose, and he pressed Leo closer to his body, pulling him away from Rain until he was nearly melting into Micah’s skin. It felt…hot. Much hotter than he was used to. Much hotter than he thought he could stand. The suffocating grip his mate had on him only made it worse, pressing him further into the heated abyss his mate called flesh. Was he trying to burn Leo? Or had he just gotten so upset that his body had reacted against his will, determined to hurt the man who had caused him so much pain? It sounded ridiculous, but… “Of course I’m ok. I’m just worried. Worried about what’s going on with you. Leo, what’s happening? Why are you so…so…god, I don’t even have the words. What’s going on?”

“…Nothing’s going on,” Leo murmured, confusion welling up in his chest. He couldn’t see his alpha’s face from where he was positioned, he couldn’t even try, but he could hear the desperation in his mate’s voice, warped by a strange warble he wasn’t familiar with. Why was his mate so upset? He was angry. Leo knew he had to be angry. So why did he sound so…so…despaired? “I guess I’ve been pretty tired lately, but it’s just because Rachel’s been fussy at night. I only passed out cause of too many nights of low sleep, that’s all. I’m…I’m fine. Just gotta sleep a little more.”

From the corner of Leo’s lopsided view, he could see Ren approaching the couch, Rachel clutched tightly over one shoulder. He was shaking his head, staring at Leo with watery eyes as he sat down beside Rain. “…It’s not just exhaustion. And it’s not just today that has us worried either. It can’t be. There’s too many oddities to be that simple. You aren’t eating. You aren’t getting enough sleep. You’re isolating yourself, when you can. You just aren’t yourself, and you haven’t been for months. This weird, catatonic state you’re in…it’s not something that just appeared today, Leo. It’s been going on for a while. Do you not…Have you really never noticed it? How…disoriented you’ve been?”

Leo hesitated for a moment, trying desperately to find an answer that would satisfy his mate. Or at least make him a little less worried. After all, this had been going on for a while, hadn’t it? At least, his mate’s irrational fears had. It’s why they had confided in Dave so long ago, after all. And Rain had mentioned some of them to him too, although not in such a dire capacity. But he had told Rain, and he had told Dave. He was fine. Maybe a bit out of it, but fine. If anything was wrong, it was because of his stupid heat sickness, lingering after months of recovery. That was his own fault, the consequences of his actions. He could push through. He had to. He would be a coward if he didn’t. “…No. No, I’ve been…I’ve been fine. I don’t understand why this is such a big deal. It's just…it’s all residual. From my heat sickness. I’ll admit, maybe I should get more sleep, maybe eat a little more, but…but it’s not as serious as you’re making it out to be.”

There was a beat of silence, Leo’s words haunting the still apartment air until they were nothing but a memory, fading from even the keenest of ears. Nobody spoke, not even Rachel, whose babbles and coos were surprisingly absent from the tense atmosphere. It was…weird. Even after all the trouble he had caused, Leo still wasn’t used to the thick, impenetrable silence he had learned to draw from his mates. It wasn’t normal for them. It wasn’t natural. He shouldn’t have been able to hear their every breath, or the way their limbs creaked as they moved in disbelief. He wasn’t supposed to feel their bodies stiffening around him, their scents growing impossibly sharp in the stagnant air. They were supposed to be loud. They were supposed to be angry. They were supposed to react in any other way, something tangible, something Leo’s addled brain could understand. So why? Why were they so silent? Why were they always so silent?

“…That’s it. We’re going to a doctor.”

Micah’s voice was barely a whisper, just loud enough for Leo’s ears to pick up over the sound of his mate’s heartbeat. Still, they were powerful enough to send shivers down his spine, his body tensing involuntarily against the heat of his mate’s skin. He didn’t need to be a genius to know his other mates were doing the same, sitting tall and rigid out of his sight.

“…What? What do you mean?”

“Just what I said,” Micah murmured, kissing Leo softly on the head. His lips felt like sandpaper against his skin, rubbing a burning hole in his omega’s clammy forehead. “This has gone too far. We’ve let it go too far. We should have taken you to get checked as soon as we noticed something was off. We spent so much time deliberating and debating…but we didn’t do anything. We let it get worse than it should have. I won’t make that mistake this time. You’re sick, and everyone in our pack knows it…except you. You need to see a doctor. I don’t know what’s going on, none of us do, but…but that doesn’t mean we can’t take you to someone who will.”

From beside Leo, someone shuffled around, eliciting a small squawk of protest from their oblivious daughter. Ren. “...Micah, do you think right now is the best time to be talking about this? Maybe we should let him rest first, wait for him to be in a better state of mind–”

“No,” Micah softly interrupted, his lips rubbing a divot in Leo’s flesh as he slowly shook his head. Despite the firm conviction in his voice, Leo thought he could detect a hint of regret, peeking behind each word with practiced cautiousness. “We can’t put this off any longer. If we wait until later, then things might get worse. That’s what…That’s what happened with you. We can’t make that mistake again. He can rest while we make an appointment, and then after we get back, but we need to figure this out as soon as possible. Does that sound ok to you, Leo?”

Leo shook his head, weakly attempting to push away from his mate’s burning skin. It didn’t sound ok. It didn’t sound ok at all. He didn’t understand. His head was swimming, trying to make sense of the jumbled thoughts racing through his brain. Why…He was fine. He had to be. His mates were overreacting, seeing signals in his actions that weren’t really there. Why weren’t they listening to him? Why couldn’t they understand? “I…I don’t need a doctor. I’m ok. Nothing’s wrong with me. I told you, it’s just left over symptoms from my heat sickness. They’ll go away eventually. I don’t need to see anyone, and you don’t need to worry about me.”

“They’re not,” Ren whispered sullenly, his voice quiet but still audible. The conviction in his words was shockingly strong, shredding what little confidence Leo had in himself to pieces before he could process what was going on. “Maybe they would be, if this was a week or two after you came home. But it’s been months. And Charlie told us that even if symptoms had lingered for this long, they’d be getting better every day, not worse. This is something else, Leo. Something none of us have the expertise to place. Even Charlie can’t be sure without a proper check-up, although he has his theories.”

Charlie. Fuck. Leo had forgotten about his medically inclined mate, who was sure to know more than he ever could about his illness. Was that why he had been so nice to Leo recently? Because he thought something was wrong with him? Fuck, why couldn’t his mates just say what was on their minds, instead of tiptoeing around him like a fragile child? It was infuriating. “But…But what else would it be? Heat sickness is the only sickness I’ve had for a long time. It has to be from that! Maybe Charlie was wrong. Maybe he’d change his mind, if he knew about today. Can’t we wait until he gets home to talk about it?”

His mates went silent for a moment, their bodies still on the creaking couch. Leo almost could have believed that he’d convinced them, if it weren’t for the slight shake of Micah’s head above him, his stumbled jaw rubbing a line into his already messy hair. 

“I’m sorry baby, but we can’t. He’s working one of his twenty-four hour shifts right now. He won’t be back until six in the morning, maybe later. Come on, you know he’d want us to call for a doctor, even if he isn’t here with us. I don’t know if we’d be able to get an appointment on such short notice, but…can’t hurt to try, right?”

From across the couch, Ren murmured softly to himself, placing a comforting hand on Leo’s upturned back. “I agree. But are you sure we shouldn’t take him to a hospital instead? If what he’s got is serious…maybe it would be better to get it checked out right away, instead of waiting for a regular doctor’s appointment.”

“…Maybe,” Rain said, his own voice lowered to a whisper. Leo didn’t need to see him to know the expression plastered across his face, his eyebrows surely furrowed in deep consideration. “But how do we know what he has is serious? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely serious, but is it the type the hospital will be willing to check out? Normally they prioritize life-threatening conditions, or broken bones, or stuff like that. Will they take someone for just fatigue and fainting?”

Leo stifled a whine and shook his head, pushing away from Micah and Ren’s touch with all his might. This time, he managed to succeed, sliding away from his mates until he was off the couch and on the floor. “I don’t want to go. I don’t need to. This is stupid. I’m fine.”

“I know you don’t wanna go,” Rain cooed softly, caressing Leo’s hair with an affectionate hand. To his surprise, nobody tried to pick him up again, bringing him back onto the soft couch he’d practically fallen off of. They just let him sit there, his back against the sofa’s base, his body shaking something fierce in the face of his uncertain future. “But you’re not fine, and you need to see someone about it before it gets worse. Don’t worry, we’ll be with you the whole time. We won’t let anything bad happen, I promise. We'll do everything we can to help you get better, just like we did after the hotel. Alright?”

His voice was soft, warm with the condescension Leo had heard from his mates so many times before. He supposed it was meant to sound comforting, a lazy effort at convincing him to go along with their ridiculous plan. They should have known better. In the end, it just made his head ache more, the force of his pulse against his skull driving it down onto his upturned knees. Why couldn’t they just let them rest? That’s what they told him he’d get to do when he went home. Why was there suddenly more to do? Why was there always something more to do? “No. I don’t wanna go. I wanna lay down. Maybe sleep. That’s all I need. I don’t wanna go. I don’t…I don’t need the doctor, I don’t need to go, please, don’t make me go–”

A desperate whine crept into Leo’s voice, warping his words into a childish cry he didn’t know he was capable of producing. He couldn’t stop it, couldn’t stifle it, couldn’t keep it from infecting every word he spoke, no matter how pathetic he knew he sounded. All he could do was draw his knees closer to his chest and rest his burning head against them, letting the tears flooding his eyes blur the floor below him. 

“Don’t make me go. I don’t need to go. Let me stay here. Let me rest. Let me get better on my own. I’m ok. I’m ok. Don’t make me go, don’t make me, don’t make me–”

Another harsh cry escaped Leo’s lips, and he felt Rain’s hand hesitantly retract, his fingers shaking the last strands of hair they had touched before disappearing completely. Faintly, he was aware of his mate’s voices starting up again, floating just above the broken sound of his undying pleas.

“Maybe…Maybe this isn’t a good idea—“

“We don’t have any other choice. He has to go. I know you hate seeing him so freaked out, I do too, but this is too serious to ignore any longer.”

“I agree. We have to take him. He’s clearly not ok. I don’t want to make him more distressed, but it would be worse if we let this go on just to appease him.”

They were talking about him. He knew they were talking about him. What to do with him. How to deal with him. What the best plan was to get rid of their problem mate, who was throwing a fit on the floor like a spoiled child. After all, something was wrong with him. Maybe not what his mates were pointing out, but something, nonetheless. It had been abundantly clear to them for months now, if not years, and they’d had enough. They didn't care about his health, he knew they didn’t. They just wanted him gone. And now they were finally figuring out how to make it happen.

“...Ok. You guys are right. But I agree with Rain about the hospital. It’s not the right place, and it’ll be more stressful than a regular doctor’s office, if they even decide to take him. I think a regular check up is a good first step.”

“...Alright. We can start with that. Worst comes to worst, we can take him to the hospital after. I’m not sure if they’ll have a spot open for today, but if I call right now, they might be able to squeak him in.”

“Good plan. While you’re doing that, I’m gonna see if I can set up an appointment with a therapist. There’s no way I’ll get a slot for this week, but the sooner I call, the sooner it’ll happen.”

“Wait, a therapist? Do you think this is mental?”

“I don’t know what to think. His symptoms could easily be from something physical or something mental. Maybe both, if you factor in his eating. It…it was for me. It can’t hurt to cover all our bases, just in case the doctor can’t do anything.”

“Good idea. I’m not an expert, but his symptoms very easily could be from a severe form of depression, right? Even if it is a physical illness, getting him a therapist after everything that’s happened seems like a smart move.”

A therapist? Was that code for an asylum, or something? He’d already talked about therapy with Rain, and it was clear that it wasn’t something any of them were going to move forward with. None of them except Ren, who had gone willingly after Leo’s outburst. If they were talking about it now after so long…It couldn’t really be therapy. Not the conventional kind, anyways.

…They were gonna give him away. They were gonna force him into an asylum. They didn’t want him, they were gonna institutionalize him, they knew something was wrong with him, something in him was broken, they were gonna take him away, they were gonna take him away, he didn’t want to go, didn’t need to go, but they were gonna take him away–

“How are we gonna get him there? Do you think he can walk in, or do we need to carry him?”

“I don’t know. He was able to walk into the apartment with a little help. But if he gets any weaker, I can carry him. Lord knows he’s gotten lighter in the past couple months.”

“…Yeah. Will they let us in with him? I know he’s a grown man and he’s entitled to his privacy, but when he’s this weak…”

“They’ll let us in. The only problem is who should go with him. Should it be all three of us? I don’t know if they’ll let Rachel in with him since she’s so young, so if that happens…who should stay behind?”

“…I can. Leo’s scared, right? He doesn’t want to go. He’ll need both his omega and his alpha to calm him down. I want to be in there with him, but…if push comes to shove, then I’ll stay with her.”

“Rain, that’s ridiculous. He needs you just as much as he needs us. You’re his mate. Any comfort he gets from us, he gets from you.”

“…If you say so. But if not me, then who? Who’ll stay out with her? I know neither of you guys are chomping at the bit to leave Leo’s side. And Charlie’s not here. What’s the other choice? It has to be one of us, right?”

“I mean, if I need to I can—“

“I as well, you’re just as important as we are—“

They were arguing now. Arguing over who was gonna get to stay home, away from their bothersome omega. And why wouldn’t they? Sending him away would be a relief, but it would be no easy task. Not if he kept acting the way he did, curled up on the floor in a miserable ball. It was only natural they’d want to stay home while the others shipped him off to an asylum. They couldn’t wait for him to get there, could they? They couldn’t wait for him to be behind those locked doors, away from society, away from their family, away from their daughter. They needed to get rid of him, needed to keep him way, they were gonna abandon him, they were gonna abandon him—

“Look, let’s cross this bridge when we get to it, ok? There’s no use arguing about it right now when we have bigger fish to fry. We still have to see if we can even get an appointment today.”

“True. But maybe we should ask Leo who he wants with him. He’s the one that really matters here, isn’t he?”

“…Maybe we should give him some time to calm down a little before we ask him anything. Look at him. He’s shaking, poor baby.”

“I know. I feel so bad. If this were any other circumstance…”

“I know. But we have to. Even if he’s scared, even if he tries to fight us, we have to take him. He’ll only get more hurt if we don’t do anything about it. We’ve already seen how that goes.”

They were gonna hurt him. They were gonna fight him, gonna drag him, they were gonna hurt him, they were gonna take him away—

“I know. But I still don’t want him to freak out. Is there any way we can calm him down?”

“…I don’t know. I don't even know if he’s listening to us right now. Ren, do you know where his pup blankets are? Maybe that’ll help.”

“They’re…They’re still in the nest, I think. I can go grab them for you.”

“That would be appreciated. Jesus, look at how tense he looks. We gotta do something. Micah, do you think he’ll let us bring him to the nest? Maybe we should make him lay down until it’s time to go.”

“…Yeah, that’s a good idea. Fuck, this is killing me to see. Leo? Baby? Can you hear me?”

He could hear them alright. He could hear everything they were saying, everything they’d been planning behind his trembling back. They were gonna take him away. They were gonna drag him out. They were gonna hurt him. How, he didn’t know. But they were gonna do something, gonna scratch him, gonna pull him, gonna wrestle him to the ground until he let them carry him away. Anything to get him out of their lives. Anything to hurt him like he’d hurt them. They were gonna do whatever it took, gonna hurt him, gonna hurt him—

“Leo? Sweetheart? Are you there?”

—Gonna hurt him, gonna hurt him, gonna hurt him—

“Baby, I know you’re scared, and I know this is stressful. We promise we’ll be with you every step of the way, ok? We aren’t gonna let anything bad happen to you, I promise. We’ll help you get better. We’ll protect you. We love you, and we’ll do whatever we have to to make you feel better. You’ll see. We promise you’ll see.”

—Hurt him hurt him hurt him hurt him hurt him hurt him—

“…Leo? Leo—“

Something heavy landed on his shoulder. Something warm. Something clawed. Something was touching him, something was grabbing him, something was on him, gonna hurt him, gonna hurt him, it was gonna hurt him, not unless he did something, he had to do something—

Without hesitation, Leo turned around, raised his hand, and struck.

“Wha—fuck! Shit!”

The thing on Leo’s shoulder disappeared, yanking itself back as fast as it had arrived. Leo barely had time to see the blur of it pulling away before it was gone, vanishing from his sight before he could figure out what it had been. But it was gone. He could see that now. Whatever it was was gone. Now it was just him, his mates, and the thick apartment air, pressing down on him from every conceivable angle. 

“Micah? What happen…oh shit!”

It was Rain’s movement that caught his eye first. It was hard to miss, with how dramatically he had flinched. One moment, he was leaning towards their alpha, his face scrunched with palpable confusion as he looked at something near Micah’s chest. The next, he was leaning as far back as possible, turning his head with more speed than whatever had disappeared from Leo’s view. Shock was plastered across his face, his eyes wide and bulging from his pale, haggard face. A sick grimace adorned his face, almost comical in its dramatic obviousness. Had he seen the thing attacking Leo too?

Next was Ren. He was still next to Rain, despite his insistence on grabbing Leo’s precious blankets. He too looked surprised, although his face held a more tangible touch of horror. He wasn’t moving, wasn’t speaking, wasn’t even breathing. He was simply sitting there, clutching Rachel to his chest with a grip far more rigid than he usually used with the infant. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to notice: She was too busy looking over at her father, her own bewildered eyes focusing on something Leo couldn’t see. 

…Shock. That’s what they had in common. They all had some level of shock on their faces, plain as day to Leo’s swimming eyes. But what…

Leo followed their gazes and turned his head, finally coming face to face with what his mates were enamored by.

It was Micah. That’s who they were staring at. He was the only thing there, sitting so still at the end of the couch. Just as before. Only…something had changed. He also had a look of bewilderment on his face, pale and taunt with whatever disbelief was running through his head. But there was something different about him. Something his mates hadn’t seemed to express. Their eyes had been wide, dangling comically from their sockets while they stared in silence. Micah’s were squinted, staring down at something clutched close to his chest. And his mouth. It wasn’t open, wasn’t gaping, wasn’t pressed into a thin, displeased line. It was clenched, the muscles in his jaw popping painfully as his lips peeled back to reveal shiny, stark-white teeth. A grimace. But why? What had happened that Leo hadn’t seen? What had…

…The thing. The thing held against his chest. It was trembling, vibrating gently against Micah’s skin despite the grip he had on it. Leo could see it better now, when he really focused on it. It was…it was pink. Fleshy. And long. Long and pink and fleshy, with streaks of red running down the front in obvious strips. And they were only getting longer. The red was growing, spreading, dripping down the thing, covering more of its pinkish flesh with sluggish intensity. It was familiar. Even to Leo’s blurry gaze, it looked familiar. It had held him many times, caressed his skin with a gentleness he had always held dear, provided a comfort he could only wish to have now—

But that couldn’t be right. Because it attacked him. It attacked him. It had touched him, grabbed him, its talons digging into his skin, meaning to hurt him, meaning to pierce him—

Oh. Oh god.

Oh god.

Understanding hit Leo like a truck, so fast it felt it would split his aching head at the seams. He could feel it now. The sticky residue on his hands. The liquid running down his skin. The slight tingling in his claws, as if he had run them through something with enough force to rip. But..But he couldn’t have. He hadn’t meant to. He would never. He thought he was being attacked. He thought he was going to get hurt. He couldn’t have done it, and yet he knew if he looked down…just turned his gaze a little to the side…he would see, see the truth, see what he had done, done to his mate, his sweet, loving, unsuspecting mate—

Before he could stop himself, Leo raised his hand and brought it in front of his face, the tears blurring his eyes almost too much to bear. 

His claws were out. His claws were out, and they were smeared with red.

No. No. No no no no no no no no no–

Leo let his hand drop to the ground, all feeling suddenly draining from his body. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the alpha in front of him, the injured alpha in front of him, his body too blurred by unshed tears to see as clearly as before. He couldn’t see his face, couldn’t see his movements, couldn’t see his body outside of colorful, shimmering blobs. He couldn’t even see his mates, who were still motionless beside Micah, trying to process what they had just witnessed. All he could see was the red. He could see it well, spreading in front of his eyes until it was the only tangible thing in front of him. There was nothing left. Nothing but the red, and the static rushing through his ears, and the filthy, sickening coppery scent beginning to flood his stuffy nose. 

His mate. He scratched his mate. He injured his mate. His mate, who had just been trying to touch him. His mate, who had just been trying to help. His mate, who’s only crime was trying to comfort him, maybe bring him to the nest, trying to get him to rest, trying to make him better, and he scratched him, he hurt him, he hurt him–

“...Leo?”

Someone’s voice. He didn’t know whose. He could barely hear their words, the blood rushing through his ears blocking out most of the sound around him. All he knew is that they sounded hushed. They sounded…They sounded scared. 

“...Leo, what…what did you…”

They didn’t finish their sentence. They didn’t have to. They all knew what he had done. He knew what he had done. There was no need to question him, to act as if his actions were hidden from their view. There was no going back. What was done was done. Leo had hurt his mate, how badly he couldn't tell, and now they were stuck there, in the aftermath of what he had done. What he had done. He had hurt his mate. Him. The pathetic omega, who had been too scared to realize that his mates were just trying to help him fix whatever was dragging him down. What…What was wrong with him? How had he…How had he gotten to this point? How had…What was he...How could he have…What…What… 

A whimper escaped Leo’s lips, slipping through before he had time to suppress it. Then another. Then another. Then a sob, too loud, too despaired, too raw to swallow back down. Before he knew it, the tears he’d tried to bite back were rolling down his cheeks, burning rivers into his heated skin. 

“I didn’t…I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…I didn’t want…I wasn’t trying…I can’t…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it–”

Another sob choked his words, and he had to take a moment to breathe, nothing but a garbled noise leaving his cracking throat. He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to say. How could he possibly justify what he had just done? How could he fix what he had caused? How could he take it back? How could he take it back?

He knew they were looking at him. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t see them, their faces too blurred by the tears still flooding his eyes. He could still feel their gazes burning into him, begging him for an explanation, begging him for a reason, a reason he would strike at the man who loved him more than anything else. It was a shame he didn’t have an answer they would believe, let alone one that would reverse the unthinkable pain he had caused. There was nothing that could justify what he had done. Nothing. Not even the fear coursing through his veins, caused by a danger he had never been in.

“...Mm…Mm sorry…Mm sorry… I didn’t mean it…I’m so…I’m so…I didn’t…I’m so sorry!”

This time, it wasn’t a sob that left Leo’s mouth. It was a wail, so ear piercing it drowned out any other potential noise. The shame was fully enveloping him now, wrapping him in its chilly, disgusting embrace as he huddled on the floor like the pathetic filth he was. He had hurt his mate. He had hurt his mate. He still couldn’t believe it: How could he have done something so unfathomable? Hurting one of his mates…clawing one of his mates, badly enough to draw blood…it wasn’t right. It was evil. Nobody hurt their mates, their loved ones, not unless…not unless they were…God, what had he done? Who was he? How long had he been capable of such cruelty without realizing? What had he done?

From somewhere in front of Leo’s streaming eyes, Rachel began to cry. 

That was enough to break the spell over Leo’s pack, bringing them back to the reality he was sure they’d do anything to escape. All at once, their still bodies were animated with frantic movement, none of it understandable to Leo’s blurry eyes. Someone was leaning toward Micah, he thought, and someone else was standing up, rushing past Leo with more speed than he had the capacity to follow. Ren, probably. Rachel’s bawling was getting further with every moment that passed, faintly trailing somewhere behind him as his mate rushed her away. Away from the violence. Away from the father who had dared to lay claws on the love of his life. Away from him. Him.

What has he done?

In front of Leo, the unidentifiable blobs were moving again, coming together until they merged into one, succinct shape. If he tried hard enough, he could hear the panicked drone of their voices, high-pitched and wobbling underneath the sound of Leo’s own misery. 

“Fuck–I’m sorry–Micah, are you ok? Does it…does it hurt? Let me see, hang on, let me see–”

“It’s…It’s ok. I think. It stings, but it’s not too bad. I think it looks worse than it is. I don’t…Rain, I don’t understand. What happened?”

“I don’t…I don’t know. I think we freaked him out too much. Your touch…it scared him. Maybe. That’s not important right now. We need to get you help. We still have that first aid kit under the sink, right? Hang on, let me go grab it, I think we have some bandages in there–”

He was right. Ren was the one who had walked past him, hustling Rachel away at unmatched speed. Rain’s voice was warped dramatically by his panic, too high and shaky to be anywhere near normal, but he could still recognize it anywhere, despite its unpleasant changes.  

“Hang on, before you go can you…can you get me a shirt, or a swab of paper towels, or something? I wanna put some pressure on it. Maybe get enough blood up to see how deep he cut me. I don’t think I need to go to a hospital, but…”

“Yeah, yeah, of course! Let me–I’m sorry, I’m freaking out a little–here, use this! Use this while I get the kit.” 

“You sure? That’s your sweatshirt–”

“Yeah of course! You need pressure on it now, before the blood gets everywhere. I can get towels in a second but in the meantime–hold on, I’m taking too long, let me–”

The blobs diverged again, one moving off to the side and out of Leo’s sight. The other remained on the couch, trembling slightly as it shifted slightly in Leo’s watery view. The red was still there. It was still there, but it was quickly being covered by a sheet of black, so dark it swallowed up everything in its path. What was it Rain had said? A sweatshirt? That would certainly do the job. He hoped it would stop Micah’s bleeding. He didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t.

“...Leo? Baby?”

Micah’s voice was pained, his words whistling from between clenched teeth. Leo thought the alpha might be looking at him, but he couldn’t tell, not with how blurry his vision had become. He could only imagine the anger on his mate’s face, the betrayal, the agony. So why was he calling out for him? What could he possibly want with the man that had hurt him so badly, all because he wanted to provide his omega some comfort?

“Leo? Can you hear me?”

“...Mm.” Leo managed to squeak out, the noise barely distinguishable from his ongoing cries. His gaze had fallen to the floor, arms wrapped tightly around his knees as he studied the brown blob below. He didn’t dare try to look Micah in the eye, blurred vision or not. “I’m…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t, I didn’t, I’m sorry—”

“I know baby, I know,” Micah said, his voice sickeningly soft despite the tense pain in it. If there was any anger in his voice, Leo couldn’t pick it up. Just the tenderness, too confusing to ponder on for too long. “I know you would never hurt me on purpose. Did I scare you? Is that why…Is that why you lashed out? Did you think I was gonna hurt you?”

Leo hesitated for a moment, then nodded slowly, his tears plopping loudly on the wooden floor below. How did he know? Was it that obvious? Had his illness made his thoughts easy to read, plastered across his mannerisms until his mind was as guarded as an open book? “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—“

“I know you are,” Micah interrupted, the same gentleness lacing his words, despite the obvious pain he was in. Leo only had to listen to the air whistling through the alpha’s teeth to be reminded. “I know you didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean to scare you either. I’m sorry for that. I should have warned you. We were stressing you out too much, and we should have stopped to try and comfort you. I should have known something like that could have happened.”

A bright bolt of confusion shot through Leo’s body, and he shook his head, desperately trying to ignore the goosebumps lining his skin. He didn’t…He didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand. Micah was apologizing. Apologizing to him. But…that wasn’t possible. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense, because he was the one who had hurt his mates, he was the one who had acted irrationally, he was the one who had lost himself to fear— “…It’s not…not your fault. I’m the one…god, I hurt you, I hurt you, I’m so sorry, I hurt you—“

“Ok, ok.” Micah shuffled around, his body wavering violently in the haze of Leo’s obscured vision. Someone else was coming. He could hear their muffled footsteps, drawing closer with every second that passed. “It’s ok. You’re ok. And I’m ok. It’s not that deep, I promise. It looks worse than it is. Look, Rain’s here with the first aid kit, ready to patch me up. I’ll be good as new in just a few minutes, ok?”

The shape that must have been Rain appeared in front of Leo’s eyes, rejoining the blob Leo knew to be Micah’s trembling form. He had red with him too. But this time, there was no coppery smell, no pain, no slow-dripping rivulets to paint his pale skin scarlett. It wasn’t even a part of him, not like the red on Micah had been. It was just a box, one Leo had seen many times, albeit with less tearful eyes. 

A click sounded out. The blob in front of Leo moved, and so did the red, its lid raising high in the form of a vibrant square. “Here, I’ve got the first aid kit. Do you…Do you know how to patch yourself up? I mean, I can help, Charlie taught me how, but uh…I’m kinda forgetting…and I don’t know how deep the wound is, considering all that blood…”

Another whimper escaped Leo’s lips, and he placed his head on his knees again, screwing his wet eyes shut as tight as he could. His fault. All his fault. His mate was hurt, his mate was hurt bad, and it was all his fault. 

“…Here. Let me do it. I know how.”

 Ren’s voice was nothing more than a low murmur, coming from somewhere far behind Leo’s arched back. Still, it drifted above the rest of the apartment’s noise, loud enough to leave everyone silent where they were sitting. He was getting closer. Closer to the couch, Leo realized. When had he left Rachel’s nursery? He couldn’t hear crying anymore. Had it really taken so little time to put her to sleep? Or was he just blind to the time, too busy wallowing in his shame to notice how fast it was flying?

Footsteps sounded out, closing in on Leo’s body. Then they were next to him, sliding just out of his reach as Ren made his way to his injured mate.

“Are…Are you sure?” Rain's voice trembled slightly, unshed tears thickening his quivering vocal cords. Leo couldn’t see him anymore, but he could almost perfectly envision the hesitation on his face, devoid of the misty haze over his vision. “I can do it if you don’t want to, I know how disturbed you get at the sight of blood—”

“I’m sure. I don’t like seeing you guys hurt, but…but I think I can handle this. Charlie taught me how to bandage wounds like this a long time ago, and I’ve had to do it enough times to remember the steps. Just…hand me that, would you? I can take care of this. And you…you can take care of Leo, if you don’t mind. Bring him to the nest. Get him to rest for a bit. God knows he needs it more than…than whatever this is.”

There was a beat of silence, and Leo could only imagine what gesture Ren was doing to accompany his words, pointing to him like he was some sort of freak. Not that it wasn’t true: After what he’d just done…he was worse than a freak. Worse than a bad mate. Worse than anything he had considered himself to be before. He was sick. Demented. Evil. Abusive. He was a piece of trash attached to the apartment floor, deserving of nothing except being thrown to the curb like the filth he was. Which he was sure was going to happen, if his mates had any sense. Or they’d wait for Charlie to come home so he could kill Leo where he sat. Either way, he’d deserve it. 

“…Ok,” Rain finally said, hesitation leaking from every word. Something heavy shuffled in front of Leo, and then someone was moving, their feet scraping loudly against the hardwood floor. “…I’ll take him to the nest. What then?”

“Then…Then we can talk about all of this. I think…he needs some alone time. To rest. And we need time to talk about what to do next. There’s no point in stressing him out more when he could be getting some needed sleep.”

“Are…Are you sure? That we should leave him alone, I mean? After all that…maybe it’s better if we have eyes on him at all times.”

It was Micah who spoke, his voice almost pleading as he spoke to his mate. Leo couldn’t blame him: He’d caused enough trouble as is. It made sense they’d want to keep tabs on his every move. Although, he couldn’t understand why Micah would want to be around him for another second. Surely after what he’d done, he’d want Leo as far away as possible, right?

Ren seemed to agree with Leo’s assessment, because he hummed a soft disagreement, the couch creaking below him as he sat down. At least, Leo thought he was sitting down. He couldn’t be sure, without his vision. “No. He needs his rest. There’s nothing in the bedroom that can hurt him, and…and I doubt he has the energy to do anything crazy anyways. We’ll be just in the room over if he needs us, ok?”

Nobody spoke for a moment. Then, in perfect sync, Rain and Micah murmured in agreement, their voices low and dampened with defeat.

“…Fine. If it’s what’s best for him…”

“…Yeah. We can let him sleep. Leo? Can you hear me?”

Leo tensed for a moment, then nodded, wiping his tear-smeared face on his nearly soaked through jeans. He didn’t speak. He couldn’t. He wasn’t sure what ungodly noise would escape him next, if he tried.

“…Ok. I’m gonna come over now, alright? I’m gonna put my hand on you to help you up. Is that ok?”

Another pause. Then Leo nodded again, forcing his shoulders to slump beside him. He didn’t want to be touched. He didn’t want to be led away, doomed to rot in the nest while his mates figured out where to dump him. But what choice did he have? He’d already caused enough damage. It was better to get out of his mates’ way and accept his fate than to bother them more, especially when they were still reeling from the danger he clearly posed. Just another reason to get rid of him, before he tore the whole pack to shreds with his unpredictable mind.

“…Alright. I’m coming closer…gonna put my hand on your shoulder now—“

A light, ticklish weight landed on Leo’s shoulder, barely discernible from the clothes wrinkling over his slumped body. Still, it was impossible to miss, the slight pressure sending shivers down Leo’s quivering spine. He didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to get up. He just wanted Rain to leave, he didn’t want to get up, he just wanted them to leave him alone—

“Can you get up on your own? Or do you want some help?”

Slowly, as if breaking himself out of a thick, suffocating haze, Leo nodded his head and unfurled his legs, straightening his body inch by painful inch. He could feel his joints popping with the effort, his insides groaning with every movement as he finally placed his hands on the ground and pushed off, struggling to his unsteady feet. He would have fallen over if it weren’t for Rain’s sturdy hand, keeping him upright in the air until he could regain his bearings. 

“Careful now,” Rain murmured, his free arm gently wrapping around Leo’s waist. His face was less blurry than before, now that Leo had squeezed all his tears out, but his expression was still mostly indiscernible, hidden behind his hanging hair and the remaining liquid haunting Leo’s eyes. “Don’t want you to fall over again. You feeling steady now? Enough to make it to the nest, I mean?”

Instead of answering, Leo lifted one shaky foot forward, placing it down with delicate consideration. When nothing of note happened, he hesitantly nodded his head, already readying his other foot for a following reaction. “…Mm fine.”

“…Ok.” Rain remained rooted where he was for another second, looking down at Leo’s extended foot with poorly disguised anxiety. Then he looked towards his mates, looked towards Leo, and finally, looked towards the bedroom, his own weight shifting restlessly beside Leo’s wobbling body. “We can head off then. Ready?” 

Rain waited for a moment before stepping forward, watching Leo’s feet with morbid intensity. He didn’t take another step until Leo mimicked him, placing one foot down in front of the other with nothing more than a small tremble. Then they were off, slowly shuffling their way into the bedroom while their other mates watched with sad, hollow eyes. Neither of them were moving much, save for the slow removal of the sweatshirt on Micah’s arm, which was being pulled away by somebody’s invisible fingers. They just watched, their eyes moving with Rain and Leo until they were nearly behind the bedroom wall.

The last thing Leo saw before he disappeared behind the doorframe was the vibrant red of Micah’s injury, still leaking rivers of blood before it was cut off from view.

The journey to the nest didn’t take too long. Just a couple seconds, realistically. He and Rain moved in perfect sync, placing each foot down right when the other did the same. It would have been impressive, if Leo didn’t feel so sick. By the time they got to the nest, he was ready to collapse into its depths, burying himself in the blankets until he could no longer remember the anguish waiting for him outside. 

He barely remembered stopping at the foot of the bed. He barely remembered the way Rain helped him clamber in, placing one comforting hand on his back, the other on his upturned shoulder. He barely remembered the way Rain tucked him in, placing his two pup blankets in front of him before he could even ask. All he could remember was the relief of laying down and the warmth of the blankets surrounding him, creating a safe, sheltered cocoon he could hide from the world in. There was no more pressure on his joints, no more desperate huddling to protect himself, no more danger waiting just outside the blanket walls. Just the nest, and him, and his mate, safe in the isolated room they had locked themselves in.

Only…he knew that wasn’t true. He wasn’t out of danger’s reach yet. His mates were still outside, waiting for Rain to join them so they could discuss what to do with their dangerous mate. And soon enough, he would join them, leaving Leo on his own to deal with the knowledge of his actions. It was only a matter of time. He had a couple hours of peace and safety at most. And then…and then…

…Well, that’s what his mates were going to talk about, wasn’t it?

Once Leo was thoroughly wrapped up under the blankets, Rain's hands disappeared from the creases he’s been tucking in, giving Leo’s body a couple tiny, affectionate pats. He was still standing on the side of the bed, only his body visible to Leo’s lowered eyes. 

“Ok baby. You comfortable? Think you can nap for a bit while we…while we fix Micah up?”

Leo closed his eyes and nodded, letting out a small, sullen grunt in response. Rain was getting right to the point, it seemed. He couldn’t blame the poor beta. After seeing what he had done…there was no way he’d want to be around Leo for more than a minute or two, eager to rejoin his mates and figure out what to do. Being so close to a dangerous partner was no fun, he was sure, especially when he had dealt with enough violence in his youth from his good for nothing parents. It only made sense that—

…

…Oh god. Was he…was he like Rain’s parents now? Had he turned into the same monsters they were, abusing his mate with as much ease as they had their child? But he didn’t mean to, he didn’t want to, he was just scared, he didn’t mean to, he didn’t mean to—

“Hey,” Rain bent down, his voice rising in pitch just the slightest as he tried to meet Leo’s gaze. Leo couldn’t see his eyes anymore. They were blocked out by the tears that were crowding his vision, returning it to the blurry state had been a moment before. “Hey, it’s ok! It’s gonna be ok. We aren’t…we aren’t mad. Just worried. But we’re gonna help you, ok? We’re gonna help you get better, and then we can put all of this behind us.”

His words were comforting, much sweeter than Leo could ever deserve, but they did nothing to hide the truth Leo knew was hiding just under the surface. They weren’t going to help him. They weren’t going to put anything behind them, except for Leo. And why wouldn’t they? They were scared. He was scared. Leo could hear it in his voice, smell it in the way his already weak scent had disappeared completely. He was just like his parents, just like his parents, fuck, he needed to get away, get away from them before he hurt them anymore, he was just like them—

“Leo? Are you ok? I can stay if you want me too—“

“Mm mm.” Leo whined, burying his face in the pup blankets before him. Despite how upset he felt, he couldn’t deny how comforting they were, even with how dire the situation had become. They still smelled of his childhood home. The one place he wished he could be, far away from the people he had hurt most. “Go make sure Micah’s ok. He needs you more than I do. I’ll be fine. I’m just…gonna nap. Gonna rest. Like you said.”

Rain hesitated for a moment, keeping one hand firmly on the blanket covering Leo’s shrunken waist. He didn’t seem to be moving, even his breathing undetectable in the face of Leo’s disturbed sight. “…You sure? I can stay with you if you want. I don’t know, give you some company.”

The offer was sweet, much more than what Leo deserved after hurting his mate so badly. If the circumstances were different, he might have taken Rain up on his offer, cuddling up to him until the void came rushing up to meet him. “…No. I’m good. Go be with Micah. Tell him…Tell him I’m sorry.”

A small breath escaped Rain’s nose, out of annoyance or relief, Leo couldn’t tell. Either way, Rain’s hand disappeared, returning to his side like it had never been there at all. “…Alright. If you need anything, just shout for us. We’re just gonna be in the living room, ok?”

Leo nodded silently, digging his nose further into the pup blankets in front of his face. He didn’t want to see Rain leave. He didn’t want to see his mate back away in fear, desperate to escape his presence. He didn’t think he’d be able to bear it. But it was inevitable, so he kept his eyes on the small, colorful rags of fabric below him, waiting impatiently for his mate to step away from the nest and rejoin the men beyond the bedroom door. It was only a matter of time. Like everything else, it was only a matter of time.

Eventually, Rain did leave. He gave Leo’s waist one more small pat, sighed quietly, and then stepped away from the nest, his light footsteps padding rhythmically on the floor. Then he was gone, the door creaking shut behind him as he entered the living room once more.

Leo was alone. As he deserved to be.  

Still, he waited a couple minutes before attempting to move, listening intently to the muted voices floating behind the bedroom wall. Only once he was sure no one else was coming to check on him did he try to get up, slipping out from underneath the blankets and padding towards the bathroom with careful, silent movements. He was pretty sure Rain had forgotten about the blood on Leo’s hand when he was leading his mate away, but Leo sure hadn’t. He couldn’t. The guilt of what he’d done wouldn’t let him, lest he forget about the grave sin he had committed. 

But now he was supposed to rest. Rest in the nest they all shared, the nest they’d return to, when their discussion was done. The last thing they needed was blood-smeared blankets, reminding them of the incident they would surely be desperate to forget.

Thankfully, nobody seemed interested in checking in on Leo’s state, and he managed to make it to the bathroom without any incidents, his legs keeping him up until he could support himself on the room’s marble counter. There, he reached for the sink’s knob and turned it as far as it would go, closing his eyes tight before sticking his bloodied hand under the warm torrent of water. By the time he opened them again, his hand was completely clean, the water rushing underneath it as clear as it had been before it had touched his cursed skin. Back to normal. As it should be. 

…So why could he still feel his mate’s blood trickling down his skin?

Doing his best to ignore the sensation, Leo shut off the faucet and shuffled out of the bathroom, making his way back to the little hole he’d left in the blankets Rain had swamped him with. He could hear his mates talking again, their voices muffled by the thick, insulated walls. Their words were indecipherable, but there was no mistaking their grave nature, no matter how desperately he tried to block it out with his blankets. Were they talking about him? Were they talking about Micah, about what to do with his injury? Probably both, if he had to guess. After all, he had been the one to inflict it. They couldn’t talk about one without the other, not after today. 

Today.

…Fuck, what had he done?

The question wouldn’t leave him alone. Wouldn’t dislodge from his mind, no matter how he tossed and turned in the nest. Which wasn’t a lot, based on his depleted energy. But still, it was distressing to his addled brain. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He was supposed to be resting. He was supposed to be resting, because soon he would be sent away, and he needed his energy for that, needed to gather all the strength he could to deal with the pain, the abandonment, the agony, he couldn’t think about it anymore, he couldn’t, it would kill him to think about and he wouldn’t—

…But how could he not? How could he forget what he had done only moments before, even in his endeavors to chance pointless sleep? There was no way around it, no way of sugarcoating his actions so his brain would settle enough to give him the rest he needed. He had attacked his mate. He had let fear overtake his mind, and he had attacked his mate, punishing him for simply trying to offer a comforting hand. He could never forget that, never excuse himself for the evil he’d inflicted on one of the men he loved most. He hurt his mate. Why couldn’t he see that? He hurt his mate!

Except…He could see it. He could see it clearly, replying in his mind no matter how hard he tried to block it from his memory. The fear. The voices. The touch. The panic. The strike. The silence that followed. The shock. The pain. The look of betrayal on Micah’s face, just visible enough to see past the blur of his tears. All of it was running through his mind like a mantra, over and over, stamping itself into every sense he had until he could almost believe he was relieving it. Skin tearing under his claws. The scent of copper. The sticky feeling of his mate’s blood, coating his hands. It was all there, the sensations were all there, right in front of him, he could feel it, he could still feel it–

…They had been right. They had been right all along. All the fear, all the anxiety, all the hesitation in the way they interacted with him. They were right. They knew he was dangerous. They knew. It all made sense now. That’s why they treated him like the fragile bomb he was, waiting for him to explode at any moment. That’s why they analyzed his every move, keeping track of every breath he took. That’s why they resented him so much, despite all his best efforts to return to normal. They knew. They all knew. Everyone except him. He didn’t know. He didn’t know, and he resented the fear, his confusion blinding him from the truth in front of him. But they were right. He was dangerous. They were right.

From somewhere across the apartment, Rachel began to cry again.

The sound sent a dagger through Leo’s heart, shredding what little of it remained into a bloody, weeping pulp in his chest. Rachel. His daughter. God, how it broke his heart to think about her sitting there, watching as one of her fathers lashed out at another. How much had she seen? Did she understand what had happened, or was it all a confusing blur to her? Either way, it had scared her. He had scared her. Her original cries still rang in his ears, syncing perfectly with the demanding wails echoing through the apartment now. Cries that had been spurred on by the sight of her father’s blood. Was she afraid of him now? Was she worried he was gonna come for her next? She had to know he would never hurt her, never, not his precious, innocent daughter. She was the light of his life, the one anchor he still had to his broken, damaged pack. He would never hurt her. Never. She had to know that, right? She had to! He would never. He would never. 

…

…He never would have hurt Micah either. He never would have hurt any of his mates. And yet…he had. He had been wrong about that. Who was to say he wasn’t wrong now?   

Tears were beginning to run freely down Leo’s cheeks, but he didn’t care enough to wipe them away. He had bigger issues to worry about, issues that were threatening to change his life as he knew it. Not only had he clawed at his mate, which was inexcusable in itself, but he had scared his family, exposing them to the violence they had known he was capable of all along. He had scared his infant daughter, the one person left who had still seen the good in him when everyone else had given up on him. He took their love, their kindness, their patience, and threw it in their faces, proving to them again and again that their kindhearted nature was lost on his wretched soul. And the worst part was, it wasn’t even the first time. The physical abuse was just the tip of the iceberg, the final strike in a long list of mistakes he had carelessly made. He had been a lost cause for a long, long time. It had just taken this long for them to do something about it. 

…He didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve to be near them. He didn’t deserve to call them his family, not after everything he had done to ruin their lives. He didn’t deserve to be called their mate. He didn’t deserve to be considered a father. He didn’t deserve to be considered one of their loved ones, despite the years they’d spent together. He didn’t deserve to be a part of their pack. 

He didn’t deserve to be alive. 

…

He didn’t deserve to be alive. 

The thought was a disturbing one, flashing across Leo’s mind before his subconscious had an opportunity to shut the idea down. It was a thought he’d been having more and more recently, mostly in the quiet hours of the night, right before he had let himself drift back into the void. Normally, it wouldn’t bother him. Normally, it would disappear with nothing but a small admonishment, lingering just out of sight until Leo’s walls were lowered once more. It was nothing new. He had been a suicidal teen once, one that had grown into a still deeply damaged adult.  He was used to contemplating the value of his life, especially in the past few months, when his presence had become nothing but detrimental for the pack. It was nothing he didn’t deserve. Anyone would have those thoughts, if they had caused as much damage as he had.

But that was before. Before the fainting. Before the strike. Before the fear, the pain, the betrayal. That was before he’d posed a threat to his family. That was before he posed a threat to his daughter. Before, she needed him. Before, he still had some value, if only as a loving, committed father. Before, he had a purpose to fulfill, even if he was useless to the rest of his pack. 

Now, that purpose was gone. His value was gone. He was a danger to everyone, including the little, precious life he had sworn to protect. He couldn’t be around them anymore. That’s what it came down to, in the end. He couldn’t be around them anymore. He was too dangerous. Too dangerous to his mates, and too dangerous to his pup. It wasn’t safe for him to stay with them. That’s what his mates were talking about, wasn’t it? What to do with him. Where to send him. How to keep him away from their family for the rest of their lives. It didn’t matter if they were sending him to an asylum or simply kicking him out. Maybe even getting a restraining order, if they found it necessary. He would be prevented from ever seeing them again, in one way or another.

…There was another way to get him out of their lives. One that wouldn’t require any effort on their part. He’d just need to be brave enough.  

Leo slowly sat up in the nest, setting his tear-filled eyes on the bookshelf to his left. 

He wanted to believe it was a bad idea. He wanted to believe that he was still loved, still needed, despite all his obvious flaws. He wanted to believe that there was another way, another way he could live, another way he could atone, another way he could bandage the wounds he had created without being abandoned. He wanted to believe it wasn’t the right decision.

But it was. He could see that now. The more he thought about it, the more clear it became. It was the right decision. The only decision. One he should have made a long, long time ago. After all, he couldn't have clawed Micah’s flesh if he had been dead. His pack wouldn’t have spent months living in fear if he had been dead. He never would have needed to run away to the hotel, worrying his mates and depleting their resources if he had been dead. He couldn’t have gotten into any of the arguments he’d started if he had been dead. He couldn’t have rejected Micah if he had been dead.

 He couldn’t have ruined his family’s lives, if he had been dead. 

And what about the asylum? Or just…living somewhere else? Those were other options, options his mates were exploring right now, just out of ear shot. But would they really fix anything? He thought not. After all, his mates would still have to drag him to the asylum. They would still have to pay for his stay, even if it just meant digging through Leo’s finances. They would still have to live their lives knowing that he was still out there, posing a danger to them as long as he had breath in his lungs. The same went for kicking him out, if they chose to go down that route. He’d still be out there. Maybe he’d be less of their responsibility, but he’d still be out there. Watching. Waiting. A danger to their pack, looming over the horizon as long as he wandered the earth.

Nothing would be fixed. The problem would just be shifted somewhere else, apt to return at any moment. But not if he was dead. That couldn’t happen if he was dead.

Leo swung his legs over the bed, and slowly stood up.

What about his mom? What about the rest of his family, outside of his current pack? What about his friends? Wouldn’t they miss him? Maybe his death would benefit the pack, but wouldn’t it be hurting everyone else he held dear if he died? They still loved him, in theory. He hadn’t dragged them down, not the way he had his pack. Wouldn’t he be making a mistake, by forgetting them? 

Except…that wasn’t true, was it?

Maybe he hadn’t hurt them in the same way as his pack. Maybe he hadn’t ruined their lives to the extent he had with his mates. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t negatively impacting them, if only on a lesser scale. Dave was a prime example. So was Briar. They had wasted valuable time worrying about him, checking in with him, only for him to continue spiraling as if their efforts meant nothing. And his mom. She had been worried too. The pack had been trying to hide what had been going on from her as much as possible, but he could tell she was picking up on more than she was letting on, based on their weekly phone conversations. He knew it was probably the same for his other friends and family. He was scaring them too. Taking up mental space much better used on more pressing matters. They wouldn’t miss that, when he was gone. They wouldn’t miss him. They would be better off without him around, and he was sure they knew it. 

There was nothing left to stop him. Nothing at all. Except…

Rachel. 

Leo placed one foot down in front of the other. Then he repeated the process.

He knew he had scared her. He knew. But did that really mean he had to leave her behind, to live the rest of her life without one of her beloved fathers? Wouldn’t that be cruel? She still loved him. She still wanted him, seeking his comfort before anyone else's. Maybe he had freaked her out, and he couldn’t begin to excuse that, but did that warrant abandoning her in the most permanent way? She had already freaked out once, when she had to spend a week away from him during his heat sickness. How would a lifetime affect her? Could he really do that to her, the one life that still gave his meaning? 

He knew what it was like to lose a father young. He knew what it was like to lose someone so dear, before he had a chance to get to know them better. He knew what it was like to grow up missing the parent he had never known. How could he put Rachel through that? How could he take something so sacred away from his daughter, on purpose, no less? He would be causing her so much pain, a lifetime of missing a father she had known for such little time. How could he do that to his precious daughter? How could he?

…But…he wasn’t right about that either, was he? 

One step. Another. Another. One more. The bookshelf in front of him. If he just looked to his left, on the bottom row…

Losing a father so young had affected him harshly, that much was true. But he hadn’t been as young as Rachel was. He had been nine. Young, but old enough to remember his father. Old enough to remember what he had lost. Rachel wasn’t even a fraction of that age. If his mates never told her about him…if they just lived their lives as if he had never existed…well, how would she know? How would she remember him? How would she know what to miss? She still had four dads left. More than enough to make up for whatever absence his death would cause. She wouldn’t need to remember him. Maybe the first few weeks would be hard, but…

She would forget him. He would fade from their lives like a bad dream, and she would forget him, living as if he had never existed. And really, wasn’t that for the better? Wasn’t it preferable, that she didn’t remember her failure of a dad? Wouldn’t that only serve to improve her life, in the long run? He thought so. The others would too, if they were asked. 

…There was one more thing. One more truth he had to confront. His dad would never have dreamed of hurting his family. He wasn’t dangerous. Leo…Leo was. 

Too dangerous to be left alive. 

Leo turned his gaze to the stack of blank paper sitting innocently on the bottom shelf, waiting patiently to be used. 

So that was it. That sealed the deal then. His mates didn’t need him. His family didn’t need him. His friends didn’t need him. His daughter didn’t need him. Nobody needed him. He was only hurting the people in his life by sticking around, selfishly taking up their time and their resources. Well, no more. He wouldn’t let himself get away with it anymore. He needed to do something about himself, before anything got any worse. This was the only way. He had to do it. For his pack. For his family. 

…For Rachel.

Behind him, the muffled sounds of his mate’s voices floated through the air, their words still foreign to Leo’s ears. His mates thought that he was napping. Good. That was good. That gave him time. Time to come up with a plan. Time to make sure this was what he really wanted. Time to figure out how to sneak away, before his mates could figure out what was going on. He would have to be careful; his mates would have their eyes tuned into his every move, ready to stop whatever idea he had in mind. But that was ok. He wasn’t as dumb as some might think him to be. He’d figure something out. He always did.

But most importantly, it gave him time to write. Which was good. He had a lot to get off his chest, whether his mates wanted to hear it or not. It was up to them whether they’d decide to read what he’d written, but at least he’d have it down, to soothe himself if nothing else. He just needed to get his thoughts in order, and then he’d be ready.

He just hoped he’d be able to express himself better than he had his during the past couple months.

Letting out a shaky exhale, Leo swallowed down the nausea in his stomach, grabbed the stack of paper, and stumbled his way back to the nest.